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Chapter 15





Buffy grinned as Spike cursed a blue streak as he tried unsuccessfully to start the fire. He had been trying for over fifteen minutes and she had held back her laughter when he let out a frustrated yelled and tossed his lighter when all it would do was shoot off small white sparks. She was surprised when he found it and the look he gave her when he finally spotted it in the dying light told her clearly to not say a word.



The thoughts of him actually planning this little campfire routine were short lived. His lack of preparation was her first clue. What idiot purposely gets lost in the woods and can't even start a fire? The fact that they barely had enough food left for any type of breakfast and the thin blankets he had brought along were the other hints that this was not a planned seduction.



The small sparks that lit up the darkened area and the constant "clicking" sound from Spike's lighter made Buffy's smile widen as she watched him. "You want me to find you some sticks, Sparky?" Buffy asked. "I'm sure you're attempts to light a fire with those will be about as good as that useless lighter."



Spike's growl was clearly heard and Buffy bit her tongue as he turned his head and glared at her. "It's just low on fuel," he told her, remembering now what he had forgotten to do earlier. "I'll get it in a minute."



"You said that half an hour ago," Buffy said.



Spike rolled his eyes before returning to his task. He couldn't believe he had forgotten to refill his lighter before leaving. That nagging feeling telling him he had forgotten something had bugged him all day. Now he knew why.



The day hadn't turned out like he had hoped. He spent most of it telling Buffy about himself and learned little about her. Now, stuck in the dark with a useless lighter and no way to find his way back to the cabin in the blanket of darkness that engulfed the forest, caused him to rethink the whole adventure.



The first flicker of a flame sparked to life and it startled him out of his reflections. He grinned before cupping his free hand over it and lowering it to the small pile of dry leaves and twigs he had gathered. He glanced over at Buffy briefly and watched her gaze off into the darkened forest before looking back at what he was doing. The small blaze worked quickly and adding a few more twigs proved helpful.



Buffy looked over as she saw the light out of the corner of her eyes. "Oh, fire pretty," she said before smiling when Spike looked at her. "And here I was beginning to doubt your manliness."



"Very funny, Summers," Spike grinned before he stood and took a few steps toward her. "Do you think you could get off that cute arse of yours and help me find some wood to keep this thing going?"



"What? And miss my chance to see a real man in action?" She laughed. "I think I'll keep my role as damsel in distress and sit right here. Beside, there's - things out there," she said gesturing toward the darkened forest.



Spike grinned at her as she once again looked around them. He could hear the signs of life just beyond the trees and knew it wasn't anything more than a few furry critters that were more scared of them then they were of it. "Fine," he sighed before turning and walking into the line of trees that surrounded the clearing.



Buffy sat on the picnic basket and stared at the spot where Spike had disappeared and listened to his booted feet stomp the twigs and dead leaves into nothing before the sound grew distant and then stopped. She sat up straight and squinted her eyes into the darkness and jumped when she heard a twig break behind her. She was frozen in fear at what might be behind her and stared wide-eyed at the spot she had last seen Spike.



Spike sighed heavily as he once again reached down and picked up stray limbs for the fire. He knew he couldn't really complain seeing how the whole day had been his idea. Gathering up his findings he walked carefully back to the clearing stopping only once to try and figure out where he was. As he stepped out of the woods, the look on Buffy's face froze him in his tracks. "What's wrong?"



Buffy looked up at him, her eyes still wide and her breaths panted out in harsh, sharp pants. She swallowed heavily before lifting her hand and pointing over her shoulder with her thumb.



Spike looked behind her, leaning his head to one side before he grinned and walked to the fire. "Relax, Buffy," he said before dropping the wood. "It's only a squirrel."



"You sure?" Buffy whispered.



Spike turned his head to look at her as he placed the limbs he had found onto the fire. "Might be a groundhog," he grinned. "Hard to tell in the dark."



Buffy finally turned her head and looked over her shoulder. Sure enough, there sat the small, brown creature that had almost given her a heart attack. She inhaled deeply before releasing it and quickly standing and making her way to Spike. When he looked up at her and grinned she rolled her eyes. "What? I'm cold."



"Sure, Summers," Spike said. "Anything you say."



Buffy snarled at him as he stood up and chuckled then walked back to where she had been sitting. She watched him grab the blankets and spread them out close to the fire. One laid out on top of the other. The small gesture didn't escape her. "Where are you gonna sleep?"



Spike turned his head before giving her a look from head to toe. "Where would you like me to sleep?"



Buffy smiled at him before crossing her arms over her chest. "I'm not sleeping with you."



"Yes, I've heard," Spike said. "Almost daily now as a matter of fact."



"You know what I mean, Spike," Buffy said, gesturing to the blankets.



Spike looked down at the blankets and grinned before looking back up at her. "Well, that fire will only keep us so warm," he told her. "And I for one don't fancy sleeping in the dirt."



"And that has exactly what to do with me?"



Spike rolled his eyes before placing his hands on his hips. "We lay on one and cover up with the other."



Buffy studied his face in the low light from the fire. It was hard to tell exactly what he was thinking without being able to clearly see his eyes. "We both have jackets," she said. "We each get one to lay on - separately."



Spike sighed before rolling his eyes. "Fine," he said. "Have it your way, princess."



Buffy watched him pull the top blanket up and walk around to the other side of the fire before laying it out. His movements were jerky and she could tell he had thought the entire evening out already.



"Now," Spike said as he straightened. "I hope that wind breaker you're sporting keeps you snug and warm."



Buffy looked at the heavy black leather duster he grabbed before leaving the cabin and it didn't take her but a second to know who would be freezing their ass off tonight. She sighed before walking around the fire and sitting down on the blanket and wrapping her arms around her knees. "Now what?"



Spike grinned as he sat down and tossed a few more limbs on the fire. "Well I'm sure my suggestion for campfire activates will be vetoed before I even finish the sentence, so I guess it's your call."



"You never give up, do you?" She laughed.



"Not when it's something I want."



Buffy was glad the light was low enough that he couldn't see the blush that covered her face. He was staring right at her and even though she couldn't see his eyes clearly she was sure they held his desire for her within them. Spike had to have the most intense eyes she had ever seen. They held every emotion he felt and left her feeling naked with just a glance.



She had to admit the idea that he wanted her thrilled her. Why wouldn't it? Any woman would be flattered. Spike was sex personified. Beautiful, walking sin. She questioned her resistance to his advances almost hourly now but it only took the gentle reminder of Angel and the betrayal and the total devastation he left her life in to keep her firm to her beliefs - no man was worth the pain.



"You're thinking about him again."



Buffy looked up as Spike spoke and stared at him for a few seconds before looking away. "Thinking about who?"



"Your ex," Spike said.



"What makes you think that?" Buffy said.



"I can tell by the look on your face," Spike told her. "You get these little frown lines and you look like someone just kicked your puppy."



Buffy wrapped her arms tighter around her legs and sighed before resting her chin on her knees. "It's not something easy to forget."



"Why?"



She looked up at him and for once there wasn't anything showing on his face but curiosity. "Because it's not," she said. "What he did isn't something I'll ever forget."



"And what exactly did he do?" He asked. "I mean, yeah he was married and lied about it but you act like he burned down your village and massacred your people."



"Graphic much?" Buffy asked with a tiny smile. "And it's a whole lot of things."



"Like?"



Buffy sighed and stared at the fire for a few minutes before she spoke. "He asked me to marry him."



"Oh," Spike said quietly. "Guess that one did kind of hurt then."



"Oh you have no idea," Buffy laughed sadly. "Do you know how humiliating it is to plan a wedding to a man that's already married? He even helped me. The bastard got just as involved in the planning as I did."



Spike sat quietly. He could see the pain written across her face and even if he did have something comforting to say he doubted it would help. "How did you find out?"



"His wife invited me to their anniversary dinner," Buffy said. "Angel had bought her a painting from the gallery and she loved it. She started visiting the gallery quite often, little did I know that the woman I was coming to know as a friend was actually my boyfriend's wife."



"Damn," Spike said. "It must have been a shock for her as well."



Buffy laughed before shaking her head. "Actually she knew all about his affairs. Just didn't care one way or the other unless it cut into her spending account. Which in my case, it did."



"She knew about you?"



Buffy didn't answer him, just inhaled deeply before sitting up straight and giving him a tiny smile. "I'm tired," she said softly. "Think I'll try to get some sleep."



That was answer enough for Spike. She didn't have to say the words out loud. Buffy wasn't only played by Angel, but by his wife as well. No wonder she was so gun shy. Dru's affair had hurt, but it wasn't like the other party flaunted it in his face. He could imagine what that must have felt like.



He knew he didn't have the whole story but from what little she told him he could see why she was so reluctant to get involved with anyone again. But she couldn't completely isolate herself, now could she?



You did. Spike clenched his jaw as that little inner voice whispered in his ear. He had completely shut himself down emotionally when it came to women. Sure he'd shag them silly but that was about it. No warm fuzzies or hours of cuddling. Just fuck `em and leave `em. Easier that way.



But that wasn't any different from what Buffy was doing, really. The only difference was she refused to let anyone in at all. He watched her as she lay there and wondered if she would be different. Would his heart be safe with her? Would she treat him like a thing instead of a man? Would she love him?


Spike sighed before shaking his head and lying down. He crossed his arms behind his head and stared at the stars as thoughts of Buffy and what it would be like to actually have someone in his life that cared about him clouded his mind. He smiled in spite of himself. The long-lived fantasy of having someone to love who loved him back played like an old movie reel.



He turned his head and looked back over at her. He could see himself waking up with her every morning. A golden goddess with sun-kissed skin and a smile that brightened any day. The smile that accompanied the thought was short lived though as he remembered who and where he had come from. If anything, Buffy was out of his league. What could he possibly offer her? A burned-out musician with a shaky career? Not exactly something a girl like Buffy looked for in a life partner.



Spike sighed heavily before turning his attention back to the stars. The "what ifs" of his love life were just as useless to think about now as they always have been. After years of avoiding every woman who even remotely acted interested in anything other than sex, one comes along that makes him finally question his decision to avoid them. Lucky for you she isn't interested.





~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~



Buffy shuddered as she huddled under the small, thin jacket she wore and wearily opened her eyes. The light from the fire had died to practically nothing. She could barely make out Spike's form on the other side of the fire and she wondered why she had resisted sharing a blanket with him. He didn't look the least bit uncomfortable.



Her bones ached from the cold night air and she was sure her nose wasn't even attached to her face anymore. Forcing herself to move, she put an arm under her and slowly lifted her body to a sitting position and stared into the darkness. The forest was calm and peaceful with little to no movement except for the gentle swish of wind that rumpled the tree limbs. The clearing was almost completely black and she looked around before wrapping her arms tighter around herself.



The sound of Spike moving brought her attention back to him and she watched as he sat up and pulled his coat off his shoulders before standing and walking around the fire. When he reached her side and wrapped his coat around her she found herself speechless. He put a few more logs on the fire, stirring the dying embers until a small blaze was once again licking the cold air around them before he walked back to his blanket and laid back down.



Spike knew he'd more than likely be dead by morning from hypothermia but no one could ever accuse him of not looking after his lady - even if she fought him tooth and nail on it.˜ He had been watching her sleep for hours. He could see her body shudder in the cold night air and more than once he had attempted to take her the coat. The vision of her screaming like a banshee and accusing him of just trying to get close to her had stopped him before he was even sitting up completely.



When he saw her finally sit up he knew she wouldn't be able to sleep in the current conditions. Not that he could either but her comfort was more important. It was his fault they were here anyway.



Buffy knew it was the cold affecting her brain as she stood and gathered up the heavy leather coat and blanket and walked around the fire. Spike was on his back with his arms crossed over his chest and as she stepped on the foot of his blanket, his eyes opened. He never said a word as she tossed the coat back over him followed by the blanket before she bent to her knees and looked at him. "Just for tonight."



Spike barely heard her softly spoken words before he nodded his head at her and watched her crawl under the blanket with him. He shifted to his side, trying to get close enough to her so the warmth of the coat could protect them both and her hand grazed his arm. It was like ice. "You're frozen," he said as he grabbed her hands in his and tried to warm them.



"Why else would I put myself in this position?"



Spike grinned as she looked up at him and smiled. "So, you're just - using me then? Miss Summers, I'm shocked."



Buffy giggled before burying further into the blanket. "Yeah well, I've been used by the best of them. Only fair I return the favor to someone else."



Spike grinned as she wiggled under the blankets and made herself comfortable. "Well, I'm outraged," he said. "You make me feel so - cheap."



Buffy laughed and unconsciously moved closer to him. "Well, I can compensate you for your trouble," she said.



"Oh really?" Spike grinned. "And how exactly do you plan on doing that?"



Buffy hid her smile. How he could change the tone of his voice and make the simplest statement sound dirty was beyond her. "I can cook for you," she said. "Well, that is if we ever get back to the cabin."



Spike laughed before moving the arm under him and lying his head on it. "I think I'll pass on fruit rings in milk or that cardboard-flavored chicken you tried to kill me with the other day. I'll do the cooking from now on if you don't mind."



"Oh well," Buffy sighed, dramatically. "If you insist."



Spike smiled when he saw the grin covering her face. "Did I just volunteer to cook for you?" He asked her.



"I believe you did," Buffy told him. "And I'm going to hold you to it."



"Evil, that's what you are, Summers."



Buffy continued to smile as the warmth from the coat and blanket slowly began to warm her body. The tingling in her fingers was disappearing quickly and she brought both arms up in front of her and cradled them close to her body. "Only when I want to be," she said softly.



Spike watched her as her breathing evened out as she fell asleep. He lifted his hand, moving a stray strand of hair from her face. Even in sleep she looked like an angel. He smiled as he watched her and let himself believe, if only for tonight, that she was his. He had to admit that it felt pretty nice. Maybe he needed to rethink this whole "women are evil and should be avoided" campaign he had lived with so long. Maybe Buffy was different. Maybe she was worth the pain. Maybe she was what he had been searching for all along.



Only question now was, was she ready to let go of her past and see what is right in front of her?





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