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Chapter 14 – Pick up the Pieces


Feeling tremors racing through his body, Spike moaned in his sleep, unconsciously seeking out the source of pleasure and comfort. Slowly becoming more aware of his surroundings as he opened his eyes, he found himself gasping for air.

“Fucking hell,” he rasped, unsure of what was happening to him, his hand immediately coming up to briefly cover his face as his hips arched off the bed.

‘Wait,’ Spike thought, his eyes darting around the room. ‘Bed…room…oh God-’

“Buffy,” he whispered, trying to retain some semblance of control, even as the sound of his voice made her more bold with her movements. Almost terrified of looking downward, Spike gasped for air when he saw her positioned above him, her lips moving up and down over his solid shaft, creating a suction that he thought he could possibly die from.

‘Oh God, what do I do?’ he thought frantically, his eyes rolling back as he gritted his teeth, fighting every urge in his body to pump into her mouth and say to hell with the consequences. ‘If I ask her to stop, she’ll think I don’t like her, and if I don’t, she’ll think she has to do this because it’s what I want.’

Feeling her long hair trailing over his stomach as she moved, Spike’s hands automatically reached lower to gently twine through the soft golden curls, trying to be strong enough to stop her as she added more pressure with her hand, smiling against him when she felt Spike’s body trembling beneath her.

Pushing her hair away from her face, Spike realized that was the last thing he should have done. Seeing her mouth sliding down his cock before using her tongue on the way up caused his eyes to roll shut as another wave of pleasure shot through him. His body was shaking with the effort to stay moderately calm, but Spike knew he was fighting a losing battle.

He had never felt so weak and defenseless in his life. “Buffy,” he whispered, feeling a brief pause in her ministrations before she went back to what she was doing.

“Mmm?”

“Oh God,” Spike breathed out as the humming sensation spread through him. His hips arching of their own accord, his hands briefly tightened in her hair, his body eagerly seeking out the release that his mind was so desperately warring against. “Buffy, I’m gonna-”

He cut himself off, nearly groaning in pain and pleasure, he clenched his teeth to try and ward off his orgasm. Groaning when Buffy ignored him and let her lips slide even further down, driving him deeper into her mouth, causing another minor, uncontrollable thrust from Spike.

He was so close.

“Buffy…yeah, baby…I-I’m gonna come, pet…I’m…now…”

Practically exploding in pleasure, Spike gasped for breath as he pulsed into her welcoming mouth, shaking as he slowly came back down to reality and noticing her swallowing every bit of salty fluid.

Feeling remorse practically pour out of him, Spike took a steadying breath as Buffy crawled up his body and rested her head against his chest, wrapping one arm securely around his stomach and playing with the smooth muscles of his chest. Spike sighed, wrapping his arm around her body and holding her close.

“Was that okay?” she whispered, never looking at him. The insecurity was practically rolling off of her.

Closing his eyes to stop the tears that were burning to make themselves known, Spike nodded before taking a deep breath and kissing the top of her head. “Amazing, luv…you’re amazing.”

Feeling her relax against him, Spike held her tight, wishing he knew the right words to say. Wishing he could get around the lump in his throat long enough to say some soothing words to her.

“I’m going to get a shower,” she whispered, sitting up and kissing his cheek.

Spike gave her a gentle smile, feeling his heart clench as she slid out of bed and crossed the room before shutting the door to the bathroom. Safely alone with his thoughts, he finally let the tears spill over, covering his face with a shuddering breath as his shoulders shook with the force of his silent sobs.

‘There’s no telling how much damage you just caused because you’re too weak, you wanker,’ he thought miserably.

* * * * *

Closing the door of the bathroom behind her, Buffy leaned against it for a moment, staring at herself in the mirror in front of her. Seeing the fresh bruises and cuts, she gently probed the skin around her eyes as she stared at a woman she no longer recognized.

Slowly taking off Spike’s shirt and inspecting the damage to the rest of her body, Buffy felt her chin quivering as she looked at herself with disgust and revulsion, realizing that Parker’s body was the last thing that hers recognized. She began shaking with the realization, feeling filthy and used.

“No one will ever want you.”

The sound of Parker’s voice fluttered into her subconscious.

“No one will ever love you the way I love you.”

Wiping away the tears that fell from her eyes, Buffy sniffled as she continued to look at herself, unable to tear her gaze away from the hideous figure in the mirror. She couldn’t even see herself anymore. She couldn’t see the woman she really was- she only saw the woman that Parker had successfully turned her into.

No longer the cheerful, happy-go-lucky cheerleader of her high school days, now Buffy felt as if she’d aged fifty years in the last twelve months, and if her view of herself told her anything, she had.

Feeling the tears slipping down her cheeks, Buffy turned the faucet of the shower on, climbing in and uncaring that the temperature went from icy cold to scalding hot in the period of a few seconds. Curling up in the bottom of the tub, she finally let the tears fall free that she had been trying to hold onto since Spike had come back last night.

Hoping that the water would help burn and cleanse her of her feelings, Buffy let her body shake with sobs, covering her mouth so Spike wouldn’t hear her.

‘Of course Spike doesn’t want you,’ she thought in a voice that oddly sounded like Parker’s. Muffling her tears as she looked at herself, Buffy frantically clawed at her arms and legs, needing some form of release from the horrible thoughts that were swirling around inside of her. ‘Who could possibly want you the way you are now?’





Thanks so much to: spufette, blondiebear, TammyAsh666, Maddie Mae, daisy, Seraiza, missy, Charlene, gypsy_jin, Brunettepet, Caitie, Jessisaly, willowmouse, BuffyandSpikeForever, LINDSAY, stace, pj, Spikes Sweety, BuffyRat, Amanda, Jenn, phantomwriter & Nikilicious for reviewing!





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