Chapter 15 – Recovering


Pulling himself together after several long minutes, Spike shakily got to his feet and straightened up the room, needing to keep his mind occupied as he did everything in his power to not think about the enticing blonde in the shower.

‘Shower,’ Spike thought, suddenly realizing how long the water had been running.

Walking toward the door, he timidly knocked on it, listening closely for anything resembling an invitation to enter. His brows knit together as he knocked again, a little louder for her benefit.

“Buffy?” he called softly, pressing a hand to the door as he waited for her answer. Knocking again, Spike swallowed the lump in his throat as he continued to listen. “Buffy, open the door, pet.”

Trying the knob, he breathed a sigh of relief when it turned without resistance. Opening the door, a cloud of steam enveloped him, causing his eyes to narrow as he tried to focus in the foggy room. Walking over to the shower, he felt panic fill him when he noticed the air turn cooler. “Buffy?”

Pulling back the shower curtain, Spike thought his heart was going to stop as he saw her small form huddled at the back of the shower, shivering under the now icy spray. Quickly turning off the water, he felt his heart tighten in his chest as he took a moment to survey the damage. Seeing the long deep scratches and welts that were raised on her arms and legs, Spike felt the air leave his lungs in terror.

Grabbing a towel off the nearby rack, he stepped into the shower, crouching in front of the young woman.

“Talk to me, luv,” he whispered, drying her skin, careful not to irritate her healing wounds as he pulled her up into his arms. “What happened?”

“Don’t look at me,” she mumbled almost incoherently, her teeth chattering as Spike tried to warm her up.

“Buffy-”

“I don’t want you to see me,” she said in a whisper, trying to pull away from him. Easily restrained by Spike’s strong arms, Buffy felt the tears start all over again. “Please, Spike, don’t look at me,” she sobbed, feeling relieved and terrified when he pulled her into his arms.

“What happened, sweetheart?”

“Don’t,” she sobbed, pushing against his chest and sobbing when he held her close.

Pulling away slightly to gently cup her face in his hands, Spike stared at her with a mixture of concern and anxiety. “Don’t what?”

“I don’t deserve you,” she whispered, her teeth chattering as her body tried to reclaim some warmth. “I don’t deserve to have you as a friend or savior or…or anything else.”

Taking a deep breath, Spike quickly grabbed the burgundy robe off the back of the door and slipped it around her shoulders, running his hands up and down her covered arms to create some form of friction, trying to get her warm.

“You don’t deserve what he did to you,” he finally whispered, picking her up and walking back into the bedroom. Carefully putting her down on the soft mattress, Spike stripped himself of his shirt and lay down next to her, pulling her closer to him and wrapping the comforter around their bodies, hoping to use his body heat to get her warm as she shivered against him.

“You don’t know what I deserve,” she finally murmured softly.

“Yes, I do,” he whispered, pulling her closer to him and kissing the top of her head. “You deserve to be happy. You deserve to have someone who loves you and doesn’t threaten and take advantage of you at every turn. You deserve someone who is the exact opposite of him.”

“What’s wrong with me, Spike?” Buffy asked in a choked whisper as fresh tears started to fall.

“Nothing,” he said softly. “There is nothing wrong with you. You haven’t done anything wrong.”

“Then why am I being punished?” she asked in a barely audible voice.

Spike felt tears sting his eyes as he swallowed the lump in his throat. “Just bad luck, pet…but it’s over now. He’s not going to hurt you again.”

“Why do you even care?” she asked miserably, turning her watery eyes to look at him.

“Because I love you, Buffy,” Spike whispered.

He wasn’t prepared for the look of terror that crossed her face.

“No,” she whispered, shaking her head as she tried to get away from him, doing everything she could to sit up. “No!”

“Buffy! What’s wrong?” Spike asked, holding her around her waist and trying to get her to look at him.

“Don’t…no…don’t love me.”

“Why?” he asked gently, running his hands through her hair, trying to soothe her with his touch.

“Love hurts too much…I don’t want to hurt anymore,” she whispered as tears spilled down her cheeks. She clung to Spike’s arms, her eyes filled with fear. “Please don’t love me, Spike. I don’t want to hurt anymore. I don’t want you to hurt me. Please don’t hurt me,” she sobbed in desperation.

Understanding crossed Spike’s face as he realized the abuse must have started after Parker told her he loved her.

“Buffy,” he whispered, making sure she was looking in his eyes that were suddenly filling with tears. “I will never hurt you. Never. Love doesn’t equal pain, and if it takes me the rest of my life, I’m going to make you realize that. You deserve to be loved. I love you,” he said softly, pulling her into his strong embrace. “I love you so much and I won’t let anyone hurt you again.”

“I don’t deserve you,” she said tearfully. “I don’t…please let me go.”

“No,” he said softly with a forceful tone, causing Buffy’s eyes to snap back to his. “I’m not letting you go. I’m never letting you go,” he finished in a whisper, tucking a lock of damp hair behind her ear.

Her senses were assaulted by Parker’s voice saying those same words, but instead of the expected reaction of her muscles tensing, she found herself relaxing into his embrace, letting him hold her more securely to his body.

“I love you,” he whispered, feeling the tears that dripped onto his chest as he tightened his hold. “I can’t let you go…not now…not when we’re so close.”

Sniffling slightly, Buffy raised her eyes to his, offering him a soft smile of gratitude. “I want to say it,” she said softly. “I want to, but…I don’t know if it would mean anything. I don’t know if I’m capable of that.”

“You are,” he said with a gentle smile. “You just need to remember.”




Thanks so much to: PK, spuffette, Maddie Mae, Brunettepet, Seraiza, pj, Erin, Caatje, Franchesca, stace, beverly, Amanda, Reciprocity, Crystal Pegasus, daisy, Caitie, Spikes Sweety, lindsay, blondiebear, BuffyRat, Willowmouse, BuffyandSpikeForever & Sevvy_O for reviewing!





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