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Chapter 2 – Judgments


“What do you blokes know about Parker Abrams?” Spike asked later that night as he sat with his friends in the frat house’s living room.

Angel O’Shea tore his eyes away from the TV, watching his friend carefully. “Not exactly the brightest guy of the bunch. Why do you want to know?”

“I ran into him today,” Spike said. “He doesn’t exactly give the best vibe.”

“He’s never been real interested in talking to anyone,” Angel said. “Unless it’s women whose legs he can get between.”

“Ever heard of him being violent?” Spike broached the subject, taking a swallow of his beer.

This got the attention of the other men in the room. Riley Finn, Charles Gunn, and Angel all watched him carefully as Spike stared at the television.

“Violent?” Riley asked. “He’s gotten into a few fights, but I don’t know much about him.”

“Is there a particular reason you’re bringing this up?” Gunn asked.

Spike took a deep breath, silently editing some of the story before speaking. “Alright, I’ll be straight with you. A girl I know stopped me after class today and asked me to watch out for a friend of hers.”

“Why you?” Angel asked.

“Didn’t really get into that, she’s just worried about her friend,” Spike said with a shrug.

“I’m taking a wild guess that this friend is seeing Abrams,” Riley said.

Spike nodded, feeling his stomach clench at the idea that she was out with him right now, possibly in pain.

“Buffy Summers.”

Spike’s eyes snapped over to Angel as he said the name of the object of his thoughts. “How’d you-”

“She knows Faith,” Angel replied, mentioning his girlfriend.

Spike took a deep breath. “You didn’t hear it from me,” he said quietly. “And please don’t tell anyone. I think it’s only her roommate that knows anything, and I don’t want her mad at me for spreading it around.”

“Isn’t that the girl Spike has a thing for?” Gunn asked, looking around the room.

Glances were exchanged, but no one spoke up.

“And you’re telling me that this chick is in trouble, but you haven’t gone over to his place with guns blazing?” Gunn asked Spike.

“Believe me, the thought crossed my mind,” Spike replied. “But I don’t think she even knows if she wants to get out of the relationship, and if I do something to the wanker…what if he takes it out on her?”

* * * * *

Buffy quietly let herself into the dorm room, hoping that she wouldn’t wake up her sleeping friend. Quietly closing the door behind her, she slowly made her way across the room.

“Buffy?”

“It’s me, Wills,” she whispered, opening one of her drawers. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“I was awake,” Willow replied, sitting up and switching on the lamp next to her bed. The room flooded with a soft light, and Willow studied the other girl.

Walking around the room, Buffy could feel Willow’s eyes on her with every step she took, but she refused to meet her gaze. She finished collecting her pajamas and toothbrush and crossed the room again.

“What?” she finally asked in a soft voice.

“You’re limping.”

Closing her eyes with one hand on the doorknob and the other gripping the clothes to her body, Buff was too scared to turn around and face her friend. Too scared that she would see the unspoken judgment glittering in Willow’s eyes. She knew that it had never been there before- all she had ever seen was support- but she knew that Willow wouldn’t be able to keep it up for long.

“I tripped,” Buffy murmured, wrenching open the door and quickly closing it behind her, crossing the hall to the bathroom.

Willow closed her eyes, feeling the pain for her best friend seep through her. She still remembered that first night that Buffy walked in after a fight with Parker. The bruise next to her eye, the cut on her lip, and the way she’d cradled her injured arm against her body, trying not to move her shoulder. That night was ingrained in Willow’s memory as one of the most horrifying things she had ever witnessed, and she had only witnessed the damage and the aftermath.

Buffy had lied.

She’d told Willow that she’d fallen down some stairs, and Willow let Buffy think that she had believed her. But she had been silent long enough. The situation, which never should have started to begin with, had now escalated to the point that Willow feared that her friend wouldn’t come back one night. That’s why she sought out Spike. He had an edge to him that made many people avoid him, but he also had compassion in his eyes, and that’s what Buffy needed right now…among other things.

* * * * *

Staring at herself in the bathroom mirror, Buffy looked at her reflection that cast so many things back at her. When she looked in the mirror, she didn’t see the woman she used to be. She saw the woman she was now- the fear on her face, the lifelessness in her eyes.

When Buffy went on a date with Parker the year before, she made the foolish mistake of sleeping with him, wanting him to like her. Her mistake was made even worse when he tried to blow her off the next morning, but she became more attached, clinging to him until a relationship was formed. Not a day went by that she didn’t wish she could go back and change her life.

She felt devoid of emotion.

The only sensation she knew was pain.

When Parker began beating her, Buffy immediately walked away, determined to never be in ‘that’ relationship. He had run after her, apologizing and saying what she now knew as clichés: ‘it will never happen again’; ‘I don’t know what got into me’; ‘I never meant to take it that far’.

And Buffy had taken him back. People could pass judgments about these situations anytime they wanted to. They could constantly say that ‘if they were in her position…’

It didn’t matter…they weren’t.

No one ever knows how they will react in that situation until they are pushed into it.

Tearing her gaze away from her reflection, Buffy didn’t want to think about Parker or herself. She felt deadened. She was hard and she wanted to stay that way. That was the only way she could survive. She couldn’t leave Parker- it was too far past the point of no return.

Buffy hadn’t felt a spark in her life since the abuse escalated six months ago. A spark that had been rekindled with a simple conversation with a man who she’d never spoken to before today.





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