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Chapter 5




Buffy walked aimlessly through the kitchen, sighing heavily as she went to the refrigerator and grabbing a soda before shutting the door and turning to the counter. Joyce watched her and shook her head as she sat her coffee mug down and let out a small sigh herself.



"Buffy, come here and sit down," she told her, giving her daughter a tiny smile as Buffy looked up.



Buffy walked around the bar, sitting in the vacant seat next to her mother before staring at the soda bottle in her hand.



"I'm not sure what is wrong honey, but you've been moping around her for over a month now and you're starting to worry me. Now tell me what's bothering you," Joyce said, raising her hand and brushing Buffy's long hair away from her face.



Buffy looked up, the empty feeling in her chest threatening to cause the tears she wanted to shed to spill as she looked into her mother's caring face. Taking a deep breath, she willed the stinging in her eyes away before she started to speak. "Well, it's just that.I haven't heard from William since last month," she almost whispered.



Joyce sighed heavily, fearing that was what the problem was. She had watched Buffy practically stalk the mail carrier every day, and every day she came back inside looking more depressed than the day before.



"Oh Buffy, I told you not to get so emotionally involved in this," Joyce told her. "William isn't on vacation, he's at war. His time is spent fighting, not sitting around writing you letters."



"But he said he'd write to me," Buffy said, her voice small and almost inaudible.



Joyce wrapped her arm around Buffy's shoulder, giving her a tight squeeze before placing a kiss on her head. "Buffy, William is eighteen. He's a man who has more important things to do than fuel the adolescent dreams of a fifteen-year-old girl. I told you not to get too attached to the idea of him. He's too old for you sweetheart." She tried to be as gentle with Buffy's feelings as possible.



"It's not like that," Buffy said, half-lying. "He doesn't have anyone. No family, no friends. I'm the only person on the planet who cares what happens to him. He wouldn't just not write to me."



Joyce smiled sadly at her daughter, giving her another tight squeeze before letting her go and standing up. She knew it was hopeless to try to get Buffy to see things any differently and hated the thought of Buffy's heart getting broke in the process. She was too young to be so attached to a man she barely even knew, especially one that may not even get the chance to leave whatever hell he had been dropped in.



Buffy watched her mother leave the room before she stood and walked over to the back door and let herself out. She had talked to Willow for over an hour on why William hadn't written back and when her best friend had mentioned the one thing Buffy refused to think about, her heart sank. She just couldn't let herself think about that.



William's last letter said that he would probably ship out early and at first, Buffy assumed that was why he hadn't written back, but now, more than a month later, her worst fear was starting to haunt her every thought. How would she know? If something did happen to him, she'd never know.



Sighing heavily as she sat down on the back porch steps, Buffy let her head fall into her hands. The stinging of tears in her eyes made them itch and she scrubbed at them angrily as she refused for one second to believe that anything, other than not having the time to write, was what kept William from writing her. She would never believe anything other than that until she knew firsthand.



As his face broke through the haze in her mind, Buffy had to wonder what she would do if her worst fears were realized. How would she handle it? What did it mean that she missed someone she barely even knew and why did his last letter always bring a smile to her face? As thoughts of William ran rampant through her mind, Buffy sighed heavily while she looked up into the setting sun. A tiny smile curved her lips while she thought of him and, no matter what her mother said, Buffy knew William liked her. He had said as much in his last letter. With a growing smile, Buffy sniffed back her tears and stood from the porch, determined to wait patiently for her letter, for she knew in her heart, that he was okay and somewhere out there, he was thinking of her.






~*~*~*~*~*~*~





The air was thick with smoke and the smell of death was everywhere. Gunshots could be heard from every direction and William looked to his left as he heard his name called before he stood and ran.



The transport was waiting and it looked like a golden beacon calling to him amongst the death and destruction he had been fighting in for days and as he approached the chopper, he sighed in relief as he jumped aboard with the others.



Watching the ground get further away, William closed his eyes, letting the fear and anxiety leave him as they headed back to base. Never in his life did he expect what he found once they had made it to their destination. The things he had seen in the short period he had been out there were enough to make him want to just lie down and give up.



Opening his eyes as he felt the transport land, William filed out with the others and made his way to a makeshift medical tent to attend to the small cuts he had. Infection wasn't something one wanted to get in a place like this and he had seen what an unattended injury could do.



After getting his cuts cleaned and covered, he made his way to his bunk, a feeling of joy making his bones almost weak as he made his way inside and to the back of the tent where his bunk was. He could almost feel the blank void of nothingness calling to him as his sleep-deprived body began to wind down and even though the thought of it were almost euphoric, he knew sleep wasn't something that came easily.



Nothing came easy to him anymore. Food was rationed, as was water when out on the field, and the long days were punishing. Even his private thoughts were clouded with the sounds of screams and gunshots. Nothing would ever be as simple as it had been.



Throwing himself face first onto his bed, William let the semi-soft mattress mold around his body as he shut his eyes. Images of blood and death filled his mind and he squeezed his eyes shut, trying to rid himself of the images. Sighing heavily, he opened his eyes, turning himself on the bed before reaching into the trunk that lay beside his bed and grabbing the light pink envelopes he found there.



Just holding them made the weight of his life seem lighter and as he pulled the first letter from its envelope, a tiny smile covered his face. He had read them what seemed liked thousands of times and most of them he had memorized word for word. The letters from Buffy were the only things he had that brought him any kind of hope. The knowledge that she was out there, thinking of him, put a smile on his face every time he thought about it. He could picture her face, smiling in the sun as its rays glistened off her hair and if he closed his eyes, he even thought he could smell the vanilla fragrance she used.



There hadn't been a day since he had met her that she didn't come to mind, especially now. He needed desperately to hear from her, to know that she still cared and as her last letter lay open in his hand, he wondered why she hadn't written him back. Was it something he had said? Had he been wrong to think that maybe she liked him as much as he liked her? He had thought she did, or a least that was what he had gathered from her last letter. He knew that holding onto the hopes that she shared his feelings was foolish, but since receiving confirmation on it, he had delighted in it.



Even though she was younger than he was, there was no doubt in his mind that she was old enough for her feelings to be real. The extent of those feelings was the real question. What did she feel for him? Was it a schoolgirl crush or something else entirely? He hoped it was the latter because what he felt for her was quickly becoming something he wasn't able to let go of. He had always wondered if "love at first sight" was something real or just a romanticized notion, but the more he thought of her, the more he was inclined to believe it.



There was just something about her that made her so unforgettable. The way she smiled, the way she had looked at him and the way she had blushed under his gaze. Surely he wasn't so naive as to think he imagined it all. But perhaps he had.



He had written to her the minute he had gotten settled in this strange country and now, well over a month later, he waited. Waited for her letter. Why hadn't she written back?






~*~*~*~*~*~*~





Buffy walked slowly down the sidewalk toward her house and she sighed as she saw the mail carrier open the door to their mailbox and deposit the mail inside. She had given up on running to check the mail over two weeks ago after she had talked to her mother and most of the time, she just thumbed through what she found on the kitchen counter.



She had almost given up any hopes of hearing from William as almost two months had past. More tears than she cared to think about had been shed for someone who she thought she had meant something to other than a penpal.



Slowing her steps, Buffy reached the mailbox and opened the door before reaching inside and pulling the stack of bills and letters from inside. The once familiar feeling of excitement no longer accompanied the task of collecting the mail and as she climbed the few steps leading from the sidewalk to the walkway to her house, she carelessly glanced at the letters in her hands.



As she reached the porch, Buffy froze in her tracks and her heart rate increased as the very last letter came into view. She felt all the air leave her lungs and her eyes instantly clouded with tears. A smile started to form on her face and as she read the name William Bennett in the corner of the letter, an almost giddy giggle escaped her.



Dropping the rest of the mail onto the steps, Buffy sat down quickly and tore into the letter. Tears clouded her vision as she pulled the letter from the envelope and a tiny laugh escaped her as read the words.Hello pet.



Chapter 6



September 29, 1967





Hello pet,



I hope this letter finds you well. I wish I could say the same for myself. I am currently sitting right in the middle of hell with no way out. It’s so loud here. Even at night, there are sounds coming from every direction. I never thought it would be this bad. I guess all those horror stories they kept telling us were for a reason after all.



I’ve managed to keep my sanity so far, which is great considering most of the guys here are already about to crack and we’ve only just arrived. We’ve been here for a week now and I’m so homesick I can barely think straight. I always wanted to travel and see the world, but this wasn’t what I had in mind.



I did want to inform you of something. We had tons of paperwork to go over before we left and most of it left me wondering what to do. I hope you don’t mind, but I listed you as my “next of kin”. I didn’t have anyone else who would care if something happened to me over here and even though I don’t have much as far as possessions go, I wouldn’t want them discarded as trash.



I know the thoughts of something happening to me aren’t the things you really want to hear about, but I needed to list someone. Please don’t be upset about it. I can always change it if you’d rather not be listed.



Anyway, on a lighter note, I did manage to meet a few of the guys here. Most are just as scared as I am, although no one will admit it. Only a few of the guys are actually family men with the majority of them being as young as I am. The only difference, they all seem to have a family where as I only have you. I’m not complaining though. I think meeting you was the best thing that ever happened to me. I can still picture your face if I think about you hard enough and the cross you gave me hasn’t left my neck since I stepped on the bus in Sunnydale.



Your letters are the only things in this place that bring me any peace. I’ve read them what seems like a hundred times each and I’m eagerly awaiting the next. It’s terribly lonely here and even though I’m surrounded by hundreds of soldiers on any given day, the only person I want to see is thousands of miles away. How is it possible to miss someone you barely know?



Always thinking of you,

William





Buffy wiped the tears from her eyes as she clutched the letter close to her heart. She was barely even able to read his words from the constant tears that welled up in her eyes and fell quickly down her face. Agonizing weeks of thinking the worst had just been reduced to thankful tears and a blossoming of devotion to this man.



Standing quickly, Buffy rushed into the house and ran up the stairs. She quickly found her stationary and pulled out the crisp sheets of paper before picking up her pen. The words seemed to flow onto the page and with a smile on her face, she answered William’s letter knowing that if anything “did” happen to him, they would contact her first.



Smiling as she looked up and saw the pictures of her friends staring at her from the photos scattered along her wall in front of her desk, Buffy’s smile widened as she stood and pulled one from its place. Staring at the photo, Buffy sat back down and continued writing William’s letter.





~*~*~*~*~*~*~






William was in a daze. His entire life seemed to be going downhill and nothing seemed to be going right for him. The one person he had seemed to connect with and had given him someone to talk to had been taken out by a stray bullet that would have meant his own death if his new friend hadn’t stood up in that fraction of a second before.



William could still see the look on his face as he fell forward and his friend’s words echoed in his head every time William thought of him. The smile he had given him and the words of encouragement to go after everything he ever wanted haunted him. How could anyone survive in this place and not go crazy?



Christmas had come and gone and even though there was no time for celebrating, a few of the guys in his bunk had managed to bring the holiday spirit into the makeshift home. Christmas cards from loved ones had been proudly displayed and William envied them.



He hadn’t heard from Buffy since he arrived and he knew now that he had been too forward with her and on many nights he had to force himself not to grab her letters. He knew he was holding on to something that just wasn’t there. How could he have been so wrong? Why had he made a fool of himself by saying those things to her?



It was apparent to him now, three months after arriving in this god-forsaken place, that Buffy didn’t feel the same for him. But what about her last letter? His mind taunted him. She had said she cared, didn’t she?



William stretched out on his cot, looking at the drab green ceiling of the tent as the clamor of his bunkmates went on around him. With much practice, he had finally managed to block them out. If he could only block out the sights and sounds around him, his life would be almost bearable.



“Hey, blondie, you listening to me?”



William looked up as his cot was kicked and he really wished it weren’t illegal to kill one of your own. Angel Conner had to be the biggest twit in the whole outfit. He was tall, thick headed and a complete pain in the ass. “What do you want?” William asked annoyed.



Angel looked down at William, smiling as he sat up and glared at him. He loved picking on the boy. There was just something about him that screamed “easy target” and he didn’t let any chance pass him by. “Oh, not much, Spike,” Angel laughed reaching down and ruffling William’s hair until the short blonde locks stood up on their end.



William wished with everything in him that he was strong enough to put Angel in his place. He had been spouting out that little nickname for two months now and some of the others had even adopted it. It wasn’t so much as the name that irked him as the man who came up with it. He disliked Angel with a passion and there wasn’t a day that went by that the two hadn’t shared a few unfriendly words.



The smile on Angel’s face made William roll his eyes before he decided to just ignore him. That was what John had told him to do and most of the time it worked. Today didn’t look to be one of those days. Lying back down, William rolled to his side and stared at the tent wall as the noise around him continued. He closed his eyes, hoping sleep would soon take him over.



“Oh William, I was so scared something had happened,” Angel spouted out dramatically as the snickers soon followed. “It took close to two months for your letter to reach me.”



William turned his head quickly, glaring at Angel as he continued before he finally saw it. The light pink envelope in one hand and Buffy’s letter in the other.



Angel was shocked at the speed with which William rose from the bed and lunged for him but as the gathering of men around them grew, Angel was able to block William’s approach.



“Give it!” William shouted angrily at Angel as the crowd started cheering.



“Oh, I don’t think so, boy,” Angel laughed. “Quite a beauty you got here. Think I might just write her myself,” he said as he held up the picture Buffy had included with the letter.



William clenched his jaw as he saw Angel hold up the picture of Buffy, turning it so he could see her before he snatched it away. He knew in that moment that Angel would pay for ever taunting him and for reading Buffy’s letter.



“So tell me, Spike,” Angel grinned. “Just how in the world did you manage to get such a pretty little thing to write to you? I mean, sure you’re okay looking I guess, but come on. Surely this girl must have better things to do than spend her time worrying over you.”



“Give me the letter, Angel,” William spat out through clenched teeth.



“Or what?” Angel asked, “You gonna glare at me to death?”



“You stupid wanker…”



Angel laughed harder, watching as William advanced on him again before two of the guys grabbed him and stopped his pursuit. He had to give the guy credit. For such a mousy little guy, he had spunk.



“I’ll tell you what,” Angel said smiling. “How about I write your little girlfriend here and let her know what a real man is and I’ll give you the address to Paul’s sister.”



“Hey,” Paul shouted, looking at Angel with wide eyes.



“Piss off Paul. I’ve seen your sister. Damn girl would be happy if a man looked at her, let alone wrote her,” Angel laughed. “So, what do you say, William? Deal?”



Angel couldn’t help but laugh as William’s face turned the brightest shade of red he had ever seen. He wondered if the boy could indeed hurt him if the others were to let him go and shaking the thoughts from his head, he winked at William before he turned around.



“Going somewhere?” Thomas asked as Angel turned to face him.



“Yeah, to dream about gorgeous blondes. What of it?” Angel sneered.



Before Angel could even get the grin to cover his whole face, Thomas had snatched the letter and Buffy’s picture from his hand.



“I think this belongs to William,” Thomas said, never taking his eyes off of Angel as he held them in his out-stretched hand. “Come and get it William.”



William struggled in the hold he was in before the guys holding him finally let him go. No one dared mess with Thomas. He was six-foot-four and a wall of muscle. He rarely spoke to anyone and when he did, people listened.



Taking a few steps forward, William took Buffy’s letter from Thomas and gave the man a smile before he turned back to his bunk. He could hear the whispered comments as he passed the others but his mind was on one thing. The smiling goddess before him.



William couldn’t help but smile as he held Buffy’s picture and lay back down on his cot. He stared at her image and was happier than he had been in what seemed like forever. Receiving a letter from her was enough to make him ecstatic, but to actually see her had his heart tripping in his chest.



She was every bit as beautiful as he remembered. She was on the beach, smiling that hundred-watt smile he remembered and the sun made her hair shine like spun gold. He sighed heavily, taking in her image before he smiled and opened up the slightly crumpled letter.





November 18, 1967





Hello William,



I was so scared something had happened. It took close to two months for you letter to reach me. I was going crazy waiting to hear from you. I had almost given up when your letter finally arrived.



I’m sorry things are so terrible there and I pray every night that you return soon. Just watching the news scares me now, knowing that you’re there amongst all that fighting. There isn’t an hour that goes by that I don’t wonder what you’re doing or if you’re safe. I can’t seem to do much else. You’re in my every thought and that scares me as well.



I’m glad you listed me as “family”. Although I hope I never receive word of something happening to you, the last two months just proved how desperate I need to know. I need to know you’re safe and that you’re well.



I’m going to assume that it will take this letter just as long to reach you as yours did to reach me, so with that thought in mind, I want to wish you a Merry Christmas. I know it won’t be the same over there and for that I’m truly sorry. I don’t really have anything Christmasy to send, so I hope this will do. It’s a picture of me taken down at the beach, just below the pier. I know it’s not much, but sometimes, I have a hard time picturing your face and thought you may be having the same problem. I’d hate to think you were an ocean away conjuring up the face of a girl and not getting it right. It’s hard to tell what you could come up with.



I know things are worse than you imagined but hopefully it won’t last long. I pray every night for the end of the war and for your safe return. You asked me how was it possible to miss someone you barely knew. I’ve been trying to figure that one out for two months now. Every time I think of you, my heart aches. I miss you William. Please come home soon.



Missing you,



Buffy





William closed his eyes, trying to hold back the tears that had welled up in them as he repeated Buffy’s last line over and over again in his head. Three months of thinking she didn’t care came crashing down around him and was replaced with the knowledge that she did. The small feelings of adoration he felt for her grew in that moment, being replaced with the one thing he had always longed for. He knew before he left this place Buffy would be etched into his heart so deeply he would never be able to remove her. He was falling in love with a girl who was slowly stealing his heart and he couldn’t wait to see her again.





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