Chapter 15
It was a place she went almost daily at first, but as the weeks passed, Buffy found the pier to be full of painful memories that she was having a hard time getting past. William's death had left a hole in her heart she was sure no one would ever fill.
She was nineteen years old and had found a love that was pure and innocent before it had been stripped from her in an instant. She spent the past four years in heaven and now it felt as if her life had fallen into the darkest place imaginable. She missed him.
Her friends had been there for her during this rough period and as much as she appreciated their concern, she couldn't bear the thought of one more person saying how sorry they were. They didn't know. They couldn't. They had no idea how empty she felt.
She had let every new experience a young girl was supposed to have pass her by as she waited for William. The school dances all her friends had attended were without her. The many dates she had been asked out on had been refused with a smile and a thank you. She had saved herself for William and now, she'd never be able to experience those things with him.
The one brief kiss she had given William before he left had been the only one she had ever had. The simple pleasures of holding someone's hand had been left for a man who would never be there. She had done so without regret and now, she wondered how she would ever be able to give those things to someone else. Those tiny, insignificant things were William's and now he was gone.
~*~*~
"Let's go people. The bus is leaving whether you're on it or not," Buffy yelled, watching the crowd mill around as they slowly entered the parked buses in front of the diner. The long bus trip was something that had been planned for months and getting everyone there in time for the huge rally was a feat in itself.
Willow had been scurrying around for days checking off the list of things needed and of everyone going in triplicate, causing Buffy to spend many a time laughing until she thought she'd cry. The journey was organized to a "T" and Faith and Jason both had been ruthless in the planning. This wasn't a small venture, but a full out campaign to get as many people descending on Washington as possible.
Thousands were expected to be there, including several hundred from Sunnydale and the surrounding counties that had filed into town and were currently boarding four large buses.
"Buffy, can you watch the table?" Faith asked her almost breathless in her rush. "Kathy got sick."
"Yeah, I'm on it," Buffy told her before Faith rushed off and Buffy headed over to the table sitting in front of the diner and sat down. "Okay, who's next?"
~*~*~*~
"Hey, I've been looking everywhere for you," Willow smiled as she joined Buffy by the table.
"Oh, hey," Buffy smiled back. "Kathy got sick so I'm sign up girl now."
"Yeah. I saw her in the diner. Wasn't a pretty sight," Willow chuckled.
"I imagine not."
"So, how are you holding up?"
Buffy smiled, nodding her head without replying and knew before this day was over, she'd be in tears. So many ex-soldiers were walking around as they waited for the buses to leave and just the sight of them in uniform brought it all back.
It had taken weeks to get over the initial grief of William's death and just as things seemed to be going okay, the letter came. It had taken her by surprise and Buffy stared at it for hours before she could bring herself to open it. It was from William.
It was barely legible and looked as if it had been written while he was on the field. The paper was stained and the corners were wrinkled and dotted with dried water spots. Just seeing his name on it brought her to tears. It was short, only three sentences, but it was the letter she had been waiting on for four years. It was the letter saying he was coming home. He was coming home to her. But he never made it.
"So, won't be long now," Willow said, looking over at the crowd still loading their luggage and slowly getting on the buses as she saw Buffy drifting off in thought. She didn't have to ask what she was thinking, she knew.
"Nope. Soon you'll be enjoying the comforts of seventy-five people scrunched together in a small space with no shower. Fun," Buffy smiled weakly, trying once again to put her painful memories behind her.
"Wish you were going with us," Willow said softly as she gave her friend a tiny smile. "Even Xander said so."
Buffy finally looked over at Willow and smiled slightly. Buffy looked back down at the stack of papers in her hand before sighing lightly. "I'm sorry Will. I just don't think I can," she told her softly.
"It's been almost two months," Willow said softly.
"It could be two years and I wouldn't be ready to talk about it," Buffy said quietly. "I'm sorry Willow. I can't."
"I know," Willow told her sadly before wrapping one arm around her shoulder and giving her a light squeeze. "So, what are you going to do without all of us around here?" She asked, changing the subject quickly.
"Oh, I don't know. Sleep in? Enjoy some free time?" Buffy chuckled lightly. "I'm sure I'll find something to occupy me."
"Yeah. Like read that book professor Walker assigned and you never bothered to pick up?" Willow grinned.
Buffy laughed lightly then stood and looked out into the sea of faces around her before she looked back at Willow. "Will they ever stop gathering?" She asked, referring to the people still lining up to be checked in.
"Yeah, eventually," Willow smiled. "At least they're not lined up around the building like they were two hours ago."
"Ugh. Why did I ever volunteer for this?" Buffy asked.
"Because you had nothing better to do on a Saturday morning?"
"Oh, now that's where you're wrong," Buffy told her, sighing again as a new line of people started toward her.
"Yeah. I guess you could be in there helping the new cook," Willow grinned.
Buffy looked up, grinning madly as she checked the next person off the list before looking over her shoulder into the diner. The sight of ex-Principal Snyder in there slinging hash was a sight to behold. Whatever possessed her mother to hire him was beyond her, but she had to admit, it was sort of gratifying knowing he wasn't the one barking out orders anymore, it was her mother.
With a growing smile, Buffy shook her head and said goodbye to Willow as she stood and went back over to help Faith before going back to her small job. The honking of horns was a sound she was getting use to as Sunnydale residents tried to pass through town amid the horde of people milling about. The bus station's regular buses were only making the situation harder as the street simply wasn't big enough to accommodate them all.
Sighing in relief as she saw Kathy returning, Buffy smiled brightly as she stood and handed the sign-in sheets back to Kathy before leaving quickly. She needed a few minutes alone to compose herself before heading back over to the buses. She knew if she had to look up into another face of a man in uniform, she'd break. It took everything in her to not let it get the best of her and putting on a brave front in front of her friends was becoming harder by the minute.
She rounded the corner of the diner and sighed heavily as she leaned up against the building and closed her eyes. She saw his face immediately and she smiled in spite of her situation. She would always love him. Of that, there was no doubt.
~*~*~*~
Willow made her way through the crowd that exited the bus station. She held back a biting remark as one of the stations employees started ranting about all the people crowding into the street. It had been like that all day. Another bus would pull up, unload and then one of the bus station employees would be out shortly after complaining.
She rolled her eyes at the latest incident and pushed herself through the crowd before a face stopped her dead in her tracks. He was standing by the building looking around like he was lost and the longer she looked at him, the faster her heart beat in her chest. It can't be, she thought to herself before her rational mind kicked in and told her that it wasn't. As he started walking slowly with the crowd her only thought was of Buffy. She had to find her and fast before she saw him and made the same mistake.
~*~*~*~
She was nearly frantic by the time she saw her and Willow ignored the curses directed at her as she barreled her way through the crowd toward Buffy. The more she thought about it, the more worried she became. What would Buffy do? What would she say? How would they ever get her to calm down when the reality of it hit her?
When Buffy turned and saw Willow running toward her with a terrified look on her face, she panicked and ran. She wasn't sure what was wrong, but her mother was the first person she thought of. She couldn't lose her too.
"Buffy!" Willow yelled, almost growling as she pushed someone who refused to move out of her way before she finally had a clearing. She could already tell by the look on Buffy's face that she knew something was wrong. This was going to go from bad to worse in a split second and there wasn't anything she could do about it.
"Willow, what's wrong?" Buffy asked breathless when she finally caught up to her. "Is it mom?"
"No," Willow gasped. "No. Your mother is fine."
"Then what?" Buffy practically screamed as Willow leaned over and put her hands on her knees and tried to catch her breath.
"It's just," Willow wheezed as she straightened. "We need to get out of here for a while."
"What?" Buffy asked, confused. "Why?"
"Just trust me, okay?" Willow asked before grabbing Buffy's arm and started dragging her away.
"Willow, what's wrong?" Buffy asked again while trying to jerk her arm out of her friend's grasp.
Willow didn't know what to say and knew there wasn't anything she could do before she got Buffy out of there. As they rounded the corner of the busses and headed toward the diner, Willow looked back as Buffy stopped them in the middle of the street and wouldn't budge. When Willow looked at her, she let out a long sigh when she saw what Buffy was looking at.
Buffy knew she had to be dreaming, but there he was, just standing there staring at her. Her heart rate increased until she felt light-headed and her breathing became erratic as she stared wide-eyed at him. It couldn't be. It wasn't possible, was it?
Finally realizing Willow had let go of her, Buffy took a small step toward him and her heart skipped a beat when he smiled at her. Her eyes filled with tears instantly and as he stepped off the sidewalk in front of the diner and walked into the street and faced her, the flood of emotions she had been holding in check all day burst before she whispered, "William."
Chapter 16
The more Willow stared at him, the more she realized it was him and not just some guy who resembled him like she initially thought. She didn’t know how he was there after what Collins had said but she felt a week’s worth of anxiety leave her as she looked back at Buffy. Her friend’s face was streaked with tears and she could see the same confusion on her face as she herself was feeling. With a teary smile, Willow turned and left the two alone as she headed for the diner to find Joyce.
~*~*~
Four years of waiting and planning what he’d say to her hadn’t been enough as William stared at Buffy. She looked much like she did in the last photo he’d received of her and he still couldn’t believe that it was really her. Her hair was long and just as blonde as he remembered it being and he found himself smiling as the sun made it look as if it were glowing. She hadn’t made a move since the initial step she had made when she saw him and as William took his first step toward her she lifted her hand and covered her mouth.
Buffy closed her eyes, crying into her hand and praying this wasn’t some dream her grief stricken mind was playing on her. She had daydreamed endlessly about the day she would see him again and she knew it had to be the stress over losing him that was causing this hallucination. He was dead. Collins had told her so.
When she felt a hand press softly to her cheek, her small tears increased and she cried in earnest. She tried to open her eyes but fear kept them closed. She couldn’t open them to only find him gone. When she felt his arms go around her, she went weak-kneed.
William held her close as she cried and he closed his eyes as he felt them sting while he tired to hold his own tears back. He buried his face in her hair, taking in her scent and the tears he had been fighting finally fell.
Buffy’s face was buried in his chest and she could feel the buttons from his uniform pressing into her cheek. She could feel him under her hands and hear his heart beating and smell his cologne. Someone was really there.
William lifted his head and smiled as he looked down at Buffy. Her hands were fisted around the lapels of his jacket and when she lifted her head slightly, he leaned in and placed a small kiss on her forehead. “Are you not even going to look up at me?” He asked her softly as he smiled.
“I’m scared you won’t be there if I do,” Buffy whispered back to him. “You’re not supposed to be here.”
William leaned his head to the side slightly, looking down at her and she let out another small sob before he placed his hand under her chin and raised her head. “Open your eyes Buffy. Look at me.”
Buffy swallowed hard, sniffing back another choked sob before she finally opened her eyes. Bright, blue eyes she had tried desperately to remember looked back at her and her vision blurred as new tears filled her eyes before she blinked repeatedly to clear them away.
She studied his face, drinking him in before she lifted her hand to his face. She smiled as she felt his warm skin under her fingertips and sighed heavily as the last bit of denial in his really being there left.
“How are you here?” Buffy asked quietly as she looked at him. “They told me you...”
“Told you what?” William asked when she got quiet.
“I called when I didn’t hear from you and they told me that you,” Buffy closed her eyes as she struggled to say it out loud. She hadn’t since she had spoken with Collins and even though he was standing right in front of her, she still found it hard.
“What did they say Buffy?”
Buffy felt her eyes stinging once again as she looked at him and the grief she had felt when told he was dead came back in an instant. “They told me that William Bennett was killed,” she whispered out.
William stared at her for a long minute before realization dawned on him. He clenched his jaw at his frustration thinking of what she must have been through before he pulled her closer to him. “There were two of us,” he told her softly. “He’s the one who got my Christmas package, remember? He didn’t make it.”
Buffy didn’t try to hold back her tears as they fell and even though she felt bad for the man who had lost his life, she couldn’t help but be grateful it was him and not her William.
“Didn’t you get my letter?”
Buffy opened her eyes back up when he spoke and looked at him as he looked down at her. She could see the concern for her feelings on his face and she smiled as she looked at him. “I did, but it was after… I thought…I thought you wrote it before.”
“I sent it after Thomas...” William smiled sadly as he thought of his friend and cleared his throat before he continued. “When the troop found me and we made it back to the rest of the unit. That’s when they told me. That’s when I was finally able to send it to you. I didn’t have time for anything lengthy. I thought just knowing I was coming home would be enough. I’m sorry for what you’ve been through.”
Buffy smiled as she looked up at him and let out a small sigh before raising her hand to his face. “You were hurt,” she stated as she saw the healing cut over his eye and she lifted her hand to it.
“It’ll heal,” William told her, smiling as she stared at him.
“What happened?”
William smiled, taking a deep breath before closing his eyes. The day Thomas died came flashing back in his mind and with much effort he pushed it away. “Doesn’t matter,” he told her as he opened his eyes back up. “Luckily for me the rest of my troop showed up when they did.”
Buffy smiled and could see the pain in his eyes so she dropped the subject. She had no idea what he had seen and hearing the details of soldier’s accounts at Faith’s rally was enough to last her a lifetime. Having William dredge it all up again was something she would wait for him to do, if he ever felt like talking about it.
When the blaring of a car horn startled her, Buffy turned her head to look behind her and realized they were standing in the middle of the street before she turned and looked back at William. Just seeing him standing before her caused a huge smile to cover her face before she grabbed his hand. “Come on,” she said as she turned and led him out of the road. “There’s somewhere I want to go.”
Willow smiled as she watched them walk away and looked to her left as Xander stopped beside her. “I guess we don’t have to worry too much about leaving her alone now.”
“I know,” Xander grinned. “I was inside the diner when he first came in,” he said as he watched the pair walk down the sidewalk hand in hand. “Think they’ll be okay?”
“Yeah,” Willow smiled. “I think they’ll be just fine now.”
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
William smiled as the pier came into view and his grip on Buffy’s hand tightened as she led them down the wooden platform extending over the beach. The sound of the waves crashing along the shore was like music to his ears and the noonday sun was sitting high in the bluest sky he had seen in years. When they stopped in the same spot they had spent a day talking in the first time they met, Buffy turned to him and smiled.
“I’ve spent a lot of time here since you left,” she said quietly as she looked at him. “Whenever I missed you, this is where I’d come.”
William smiled at her before taking a step closer to her and lifted his hand, pushing her hair away from her face as the wind from the ocean blew it in her face. “I’ve dreamt about this pier,” he told her. “Of you, standing here. I think this is where I feel in love with you. I didn’t know it at the time, but I do now.”
Buffy smiled brightly, feeling her eyes tear up and knowing this is where it started for her as well. That’s why she always came back. Why she always waited for him here.
“I have something for you,” William grinned as he reached up around his neck. Buffy watched him, smiling as he stared at her and her eyes widened slightly as he pulled the gold chair from around his neck. “There hasn’t been a day since you gave this to me that I haven’t looked at it and thought of you,” William smiled as he held up the cross necklace Buffy had given him right before he left. Her smile widened as he leaned forward and hooked the clasp around her neck and she looked down at it as the warmed metal fell against her skin.
“Thank you.”
“For what?” Buffy asked when she looked back up at him.
“For giving me something to hang on to,” William told her.
Buffy smiled brightly at him and lifted her hand to finger the small cross that lay against her chest. “You’re welcome,” she said before lowering her hand back to his.
She wasn’t sure how long they stood there just staring at each and exchanging small touches as the confirmation that the other was really there caused smiles to bloom across each of their faces while fingers brushed over hands. She felt her heart flutter in her chest when he finally raised his hand and ran his fingers lightly across her cheek. She sighed lightly as she looked up at him before the need to tell him what she had waited to say became too great. “I love you,” she finally whispered and the smile that crossed his face was what she had been waiting on for four years.
“Say it again,” William told her as he stared at her and took a step closer to her.
“I love you.” Buffy smiled up at him before he leaned forward and laid his forehead to hers as his hand found its way into her hair. She closed her eyes, just enjoying the feel of being so close to him, before she felt him kiss her cheek. Small kisses were peppered across her face and a soft “I love you” followed each one. When she felt the light sweep of his lips on hers, Buffy felt a tremor run throughout her body before she opened her eyes. He was looking at her and she felt like she was could cry at any minute.
“I love you Buffy Summers. Always.”
As her first tear fell, Buffy closed her eyes as he leaned in again. A soft puff of air passed over her face before she felt his lips connect with hers and she thought she saw stars. Barely there pressure was felt against her lips and when she tilted her head up toward him, Buffy let out a small breath as she kissed him back.
The kiss four years ago was desperate and hurried and even though it had excited her afterwards, what she felt now was mind numbing. Her whole body tingled and she thought her heart would burst clean out of her chest. When she felt his tongue trace her lip, she opened her mouth and a soft moan escaped her throat as William deepened the kiss.
It was the kiss Buffy had been waiting on. The one she had dreamed about. The kiss that said “I love you…forever.” When she lifted her arms and wrapped them around his neck, she knew she’d spend the rest of her life as happy as she was this very minute. She finally had within her grasp what she had longed for. Her soldier had come home.
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