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Chapter 15 - Remembrances


Walking into her room, Buffy gritted her teeth as she looked around, surveying her surroundings. Biting her lip as she came to a decision, she dropped to the floor and reached under her bed, grabbing the large duffel bag from beneath it and tossing it on the mattress.

Trying to shut down the painful thoughts as she methodically walked around the room, gathering the belongings she wanted to take with her.

It was all too much. This town, her life…Spike. She just wanted to forget everything and actually get a chance to live for a change. A chance to walk around without having someone constantly checking up on her every hour.

Loading her clothes and other odds and ends into the bag, Buffy walked over to her dresser and dug around in a drawer until she found the simple white envelope. Double checking the contents, she breathed a heavy sigh as she looked at the neatly arranged bills. Her life savings.

Hesitating as she grabbed her bag, she felt her heart clench when she looked at the picture sitting on the dresser. It was taken the night that Spike was in a surprisingly good mood around the rest of the group. It had been a side of him that they had rarely seen, but it used to be his normal disposition when Buffy was around. Staring at the girl she used to be, she looked at the face that was giggling at the camera, blissfully content with the fact that Spike’s arms were wrapped securely around her waist and his chin was resting on her shoulder.

She didn’t want to take it. She didn’t want to have a remembrance of him.

She already had plenty of memories to remember him by.

Even if they weren’t of the good variety.

With a heavy sigh, she tucked the frame into her bag, securing it protectively between two of her shirts so it wouldn’t get broken before tossing the bag out the open window. Quickly climbing out, Buffy hesitated as she looked around the room. Knowing that she owed them some kind of explanation, she re-entered the house and grabbed a piece of paper and a pen before sitting down at her desk.

Wills & Tara,

I’m so sorry that it had to be this way, but I had to leave. I love you both and I hope you know that. I don’t want you to worry about me because I will be fine. Please believe me. I’ll call you...someday, but right now I just need to be on my own. I need to figure out who I am, and I can’t do that with everyone trying to tell me who I am. I know you’re probably thinking I’m too young, but I already know more about this world than most people do and I know I’m old enough to make it on my own. And please…don’t try to find me. Tell everyone that I’m sorry. I never wanted to hurt you and I never wanted to be a burden. Tell my father not to worry (even though we both know he will). And tell him I’ll be found when I want to be found. And tell Spike…tell Spike that I love him.

All my love,
Buffy

With a heavy sigh, Buffy folded the piece of paper once and placed it on the pillow before quietly slipping out of the house.

* * * * *

Spike couldn’t sleep. He had been at his crypt for hours, but Buffy’s voice was running continuously through his head and a nagging feeling was keeping him awake.

He felt as if he was losing something and he didn’t know what it was. The feeling wasn’t getting any better as the hours dragged on. In fact, he felt like he should be running out of the crypt, not caring whether the sun was shining.

Frowning when he heard the door open, he jumped out of bed, suddenly grateful that he hadn’t undressed when he’d arrived earlier.

Quickly scaling the ladder, Spike made it to the upper level and nearly knocked over Willow as she ran over to him.

“Whoa, Red. What’s wrong?”

“Buffy,” she said breathlessly, winded from her long run.

“What about Buffy?” he asked, suddenly becoming frantic with worry as the uneasy feeling hit him in the gut, full force.

“She’s gone,” Willow replied, still trying to catch her breath.

“Gone? Gone, as in…”

Wordlessly handing him the note, Spike skimmed over it, feeling his stomach tighten and a lump form in his throat as he finished reading.

And tell Spike…tell Spike that I love him.

“What do we know?” he asked, closing off his emotions as he began pacing through the crypt.

“That she came home at some point last night, apparently packed up some things, and stayed long enough to write a note.”

Spike felt as if his heart was going to explode with pain as her words from a few hours before came back to haunt him.

“I’m getting out of here- away from this Godforsaken town and most of all- away from you!”

“I didn’t think she meant now,” he whispered, looking at the dirt-covered floor in disbelief.

“What?” Willow asked in confusion.

“I thought she meant later,” he continued, not even remembering that the redhead was close to him. “For college or something. I didn’t…I didn’t think she meant she was going to leave now.”

“She told you?”

“We got into a fight,” he muttered, using all his strength to keep from falling over. “She said that she wanted to leave town. That she was going to get out of here. I just didn’t think she meant so soon.”

“Apparently she did,” Willow said softly.

Cracking his neck to try and ease some of the tension, Spike closed his eyes for a moment, trying to formulate some kind of plan.

“Try a spell,” he said after a moment, his eyes snapping open.

“A spell?” Willow replied, biting her lip.

“Locator spell, Red. You must’ve done them a million times.”

“Well…w-we would,” she said hesitantly, wringing her hands together nervously as she heard the mounting frustration in his voice. “B-but we kind of taught her how to counteract the spell…in case she was ever being followed. We thought…we thought it would be the best thing to keep her safe. We never imagined…”

“Bloody priceless,” he muttered, shaking his head.

“She said that she would be found when she wants to be,” Willow said softly. “I just can’t stand the thought of her out there all alone.”

“We’ll find her,” Spike said in a quiet tone.

Suddenly the feeling in his gut seemed to escalate. He wasn’t worried about Buffy surviving. Out of everyone he knew, she would be the one to endure whatever was thrown her way. Now came the bigger problem…telling Angel his daughter had disappeared.




Thanks so much to: Reciprocity, Kimber, Ariel Dawn, daisy, Kar, Cordykitten, spuffette, Rana, Cynthia, Brunettepet, starhawk, stace, ebontier, phantomwriter, Jessica, Caitie, pj, gypsy_jin, willowmouse, shelly, samica, jessiesaly, Jade2099, dreamgirl4eva, Freyja, BuffyandSpikeForever, sandradee, Amanda, Laine, Mali, Caatje, blondiebear, BuffyRat & Carrosparro for reviewing!





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