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Chapter 20 - Explanations


The anger seemed to be rolling off of him in waves as Buffy looked into his golden eyes with a tremor of fear coursing through her. She had never seen that look in his eyes- crazy, chaotic, out of control. And it was disconcerting that it was directed at her.

“Answer me,” Spike growled, gripping her shoulders in his strong hands.

Something inside of her snapped at his tone of voice. Who the hell was he to play the protective role?

“None of your damn business!” she cried, shoving him away to send him flying into the bed and angrily spinning around. She wasn’t stupid enough to think that he would let it go; she knew that he was just distracted for the moment. Buffy tensed when she felt his hands grab her shoulders once again before she could reach the door.

“Where do you think you’re going?” he asked in a warning tone.

“Explain to me how that’s your business?” she retaliated, spinning around to face him. Her eyes widened slightly when Spike slowly advanced on her, backing her into the wall. His features melted into his human mask as he tilted his head to look at her with cold blue eyes.

“Everything you do is my business,” he said in a low voice that was too calm for her liking.

“What’s the problem?” she asked, narrowing her eyes as she mimicked his movements, tilting her head toward him. “You don’t want me, so no one else can have me either?”

Seeing a blur come toward her head, Buffy cowered, not wanting to be hit in the face when she was pressed against the wall with nowhere to go. Jumping when his fist connected with the wall, she winced as the plaster cracked and his hand disappeared for a moment. As he pulled his hand away, Buffy rolled her eyes when she saw the hole that remained. ‘There goes that cleaning deposit.’

“Now…you’re going to answer me or-”

“Or what?” Buffy shot back, setting her lips in a firm line as she watched him. “You’ll do that to me?” she asked, gesturing to the wall.

“Tell me who did this,” he said in a warning tone that allowed no argument.

“None of your damn business,” she replied in the same deadly tone.

She never saw it coming.

Buffy barely had time to gasp as Spike shifted into his demon guise before lunging at her throat, viciously tearing at her skin and covering the previous mark. Squeezing her eyes shut, her mouth opened in a silent scream as he took deep pulls from her blood. Gritting her teeth after a moment, she was vaguely aware of how dangerous this was for Spike, considering he was disrespecting something that was steeped in tradition, but the other part of her brain didn’t care. The part that felt violated as he wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her flush against him, grinding his erection against her as his other hand held her head firmly in place.

“Spike,” she whispered weakly.

Part of him wanted to turn her. The demon in him was calling for him to do just that. To show her and everyone else who she truly belonged to. But the man inside of him knew that Angel would kick his ass if he did that. He knew that Angel would probably do that anyway, once he discovered that Spike had the nerve to mark his daughter. But it wasn’t just the man in him that was holding him back. It wasn’t the lack of a soul or the fact that he could practically feel a soul burning through him whenever he was in contact with Buffy. It was the stronger part of himself that didn’t want her to lose the vibrant quality that caused her to breathe life into everything she touched.

And he was taking that away.

Realizing that her heartbeat was slowing down, Spike’s grip loosened on her as he extracted his teeth from her neck, licking the blood that pooled from the fresh mark, helping to stem the flow and close the wound. The claim was weak, almost non-existent, making it easier for him to bite her.

Pulling back to look into her eyes, Spike swallowed. Suddenly feeling as if he had just violated her when he saw her pain-filled expression, he watched as she weakly shoved his arms away from her body, breaking all contact with him.

She didn’t want to be touched.

Taking a few steps back to get some clarity on the situation, Spike’s brows knit together as he looked at Buffy, feeling everything that he had just done come crashing back to him. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, looking away so he didn’t have to see the tears in her eyes even as the taste of her blood lingered on his tongue.

“What? Violence wasn’t enough for our first time together?” she asked, trying to cover how hurt she was with anger, even though the tears began spilling down her cheeks. “Anytime you do anything remotely intimate, it has to be on your terms?”

“Now wait a damn minute-”

“No! You wait! I’m tired of being your little plaything that you want to use whenever you have some kind of itch to scratch,” she said, holding her hand to her neck as she tried to stem the blood flow. “This is my life now and I’ll do whatever I want. So get the hell out of my home!”

Stumbling over to the door, Buffy was about to jerk it open when she saw his hands slam against the flat surface on each side of her, restricting her in the small space. Spinning her around, Spike could see the sparks that were shooting in her eyes as she glared at him.

“I’m not leaving,” he said in a low voice, his face only inches away from hers as he looked directly into her eyes. “Now…you’re going to go sit down and explain to me who the hell had the nerve to take what’s mine.”

“Yours?” she asked in a falsely calm voice as she spoke in a deliberately neutral tone. “I’m not yours. I’ve never been yours!”

“Think whatever you want, baby,” he whispered, tilting his head and giving her a slow smirk as his lips got even closer to hers. Searching her eyes for a moment, he saw the lust that clouded them for a moment as his expression softened, bringing his mouth closer to hers without ever making contact. “You belong to me. Now tell me,” Spike said in a deceptively low voice, narrowing his eyes on Buffy.

“What do you want to hear about, Spike?” she whispered in a seductive voice, taking on an innocent look. “The way his teeth plunged into my neck? The way his body felt against mine? Or how about the nights of ecstasy that I’ve spent writhing in someone else’s bed?

Spike’s hold on her tightened until she was sure her bones would shatter under the pressure, but she held his gaze. For her part, she didn’t flinch under the brutal hold, but Buffy briefly wondered if he was restraining himself from snapping her neck, and judging from his murderous gaze, he was.

His chest rose and fell with involuntary oxygen as his jaw clenched, never letting his eyes leave hers.

Feeling a tremor of fear race along her spine, she felt her scream of surprise swallowed by Spike’s lips as he angrily crushed his mouth to hers. Battling her into submission, he slowly pulled away, seeing anger cloud her green eyes.

“You better be joking,” he whispered, watching as she clenched her jaw.

“And if I’m not?” she asked quietly, not letting him know how much the kiss was affecting her.

“Who did this, Buffy?” Spike murmured, trying to make his expression soften as he ran a finger along the swollen flesh of her neck, the blood flow slowly trickling as the wound healed itself.

“You,” she hissed, narrowing her eyes. “It wasn’t even five minutes ago, or did you forget that little detail?”

“Who claimed you?” he asked through gritted teeth, trying to control his temper and not lose his patience.

Sighing in acceptance, Buffy tore her eyes away from his, her entire body sagging.

“Look, I…I was stupid when I first came here,” she whispered, pulling away from him and walking back to sit down on the bed, curling her knees up to her chest in an effort to protect herself. “I wanted to…I wanted to get back at you…I wanted to hurt you.”

“What did you do?” he asked, trying to keep the anger out of his tone.

“I started…there was this place that people go to, so that they can…get a rush.”

“You went to a nest?” he growled.

“Something like that.”

“Then what?”

Nervously letting her feet fall to the floor, Buffy took a deep breath as she stared at her hands, trying to figure out what to say next.

“The first time, it…it was nothing. I hadn’t been here that long and I just…I just wanted to do something to take my mind off you.”

“And then?”

“It got more intense,” she whispered. “I went to the same guy…vampire,” she corrected. “Each time. I felt like I was guaranteed not to die if I went to him.”

“Still listening,” Spike said in a deceptively low voice.

“And then he…got attached.”

“And claimed you,” Spike filled in, nodding before standing up and cracking his neck, trying to keep the anger from rolling out of him. He wanted nothing more than to scream at her. To yell at her and ask how stupid could she possibly be. But then the rational side of his brain kicked in, reminding him that he drove her to this. He pushed her away, made her run to this city, and it was probably his fault that she craved the darker aspect of her nature now. If it wasn’t for him, she would still be happily tucked away in her home in Sunnydale. She wouldn’t have the memory of her innocence being ripped away at the hands of a monster.

“And after that?” he asked, unable to turn around and face her as he tried to control his emotions.

“I ran away,” she whispered. “I didn’t want to belong to him or anyone and I sure as hell didn’t want to mate with him…I just wanted to feel better.”

“Claims don’t work that way, pet,” he whispered.

“I know,” she said softly. “But I didn’t return it, so it’s not strong. He…he tries to use it, but I don’t go to him. And he doesn’t know how to find me.”

“Then you two haven’t…?”

“What? No! God, no, Spike. The only person I’ve ever been with is…”

Finally turning around to face her, he frowned when she looked away, unable to meet his gaze. “Is me?” he finished for her, seeing her nod her head in agreement and breathing a sigh of relief.

Letting a soft smile play on his lips, Buffy glanced at him before rolling her eyes. “Don’t act so smug about it. It’s just not my style to go jumping into the bed of some random guy.”

“Didn’t say a word,” he murmured.

Briefly clenching her jaw, she narrowed her eyes. “Let’s keep it that way.”

Walking toward her, he frowned when she shied away from him, turning her head and giving him a perfect view of what he’d done to her moments earlier.

“I’m sorry I did it like that, luv. Never wanted to…just lost control, is all.”

“Happens a lot with you, doesn’t it?” she asked angrily, obviously referring to their first time together as she whipped around to face him. Seeing the shame on his face, she sighed. “Look…I’m sorry. That was as much me, as it was you. I knew what I was doing…I was the one who should have thought about what I was getting into and I shouldn’t throw it in your face like that.”

Slowly nodding, Spike averted her gaze as he looked at the mark on her neck.

“S-so what happens now?” she asked, wringing her hands together, suddenly nervous under his unwavering gaze.

Continuing to stare at the mark for a moment, letting anger fill him at the thought that some other vampire touched what was his, Spike’s eyes narrowed. “Now, I go out and find him.”

“And then what?” she asked, looking at him with a worried expression

“I kill him.”

“It’s not like it’s going to be that easy, Spike. Isn’t claiming the ‘be all, end all’ of vampire relationships?”

“Usually.”

“And you…you bit me,” she whispered, looking at the floor as the feeling of betrayal washed over her again.

“I did. And I’d do it again.”

“Not very comforting.”

“Sorry, pet. Didn’t mean it that way.”

“What I mean is…isn’t there something complicated that happens now? I mean, if you had…cared enough to claim me, then…”

“I do care,” he whispered, closing the distance between them and taking her chin in his hand. “It just wasn’t the right time for us, Goldilocks. I didn’t just want to possess you, I wanted to mate with you and that…it wasn’t the right time,” he reiterated.

“You wanted to mate with me?” she asked in shock.

Spike’s eyes widened when he realized what he just said, knowing that it was too soon for that. “Hypothetically…um…if I was to claim someone, I would want it to be about more than just the physical.”

“I see,” she muttered, taking a deep breath as her heart plummeted once again. “But didn’t you just break some kind of vampire constitution by biting me?”

“Yeah. Guess so. But he broke it first.”

“What do you mean?” she asked in confusion.

“Not important,” he replied. “As soon as he’s dead- problem solved.”

“Then what’s the point of claiming?” Buffy asked, pacing around the apartment. “If you can just ‘challenge’ it, then there’s really no purpose.”

“There’s a purpose, sweetheart,” he said softly. “A deeper, more intense connection. Feeling what the other feels. Added protection. Of course, that’s if the claim is reciprocated, which…it wasn’t…was it?”

“No,” she said softly, shaking her head as she bit her lip.

“Besides all that, not just anyone can challenge it. Has to be an older, respected vampire. It’s not like a fledgling can come along and decide he wanted to take you away from me.”

“Him,” she corrected.

“What?”

“Take me away from him,” she said softly. “I don’t belong to you.”

A low growl escaped Spike’s throat, causing Buffy to finally raise her eyes to his, surprised at the hardened gaze she encountered.

“Who is it?” he asked, narrowing his eyes as he tried to erase her words from his mind.

“A guy named Billy Fordham,” she whispered. “Goes by the name Ford.”

Spike’s brows knit together as he tried to place the name, unable to come up with anything.

“Is there sewer access in the building?” he finally asked.

“I think so,” she said softly. “In the basement.”

Without looking at her, he quickly put on his shirt and shoes, grabbing his duster as he walked toward the door.

“Spike!”

Turning around, he tried to keep his expression neutral as she looked at him.

Seeing the nervous way she was wringing her hands together and the way she was biting her lower lip, he tilted his head to look at her, unsure what she was about to say.

“If you kill him…will it hurt me?” Buffy whispered.

Understanding dawned on him as his expression softened. Walking toward her, he tenderly cupped her face in his hands, brushing his lips across her forehead before pulling back to look in her eyes.

“I would never do anything to hurt you, luv,” he whispered, letting his thumb gently caress her cheekbone, smiling when she subtly leaned into his touch. Reluctantly pulling away, Spike turned back to the door. “I’ll be back soon.”





A/N All credit for Ford goes to Allison. I had no idea who should have claimed Buffy and she came up with him. Thanks, sweetie!


Thanks so much to: lynn, Karbear57, Adriana, Sevvy_O, daisy, revello_1620, Brunettepet, spuffette, Cordykitten, demon424, starhawk, Laine, Melissa, Charlene, jenny, Tasha, Charlene, Caitie, Ariel Dawn, Bleh, Franchesca, Elanor, PassionFish, Reciprocity, Josephina, Stephanie, Lala, Kimber, shelly, pj, stace, jenny, Jessica, Crystal Pegasus, Jen, BuffyandSpikeForever, gypsy_jin, Mockerfab4, BuffyRat & Lisa for reviewing!





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