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Chapter 25 – When Things Go Wrong


Walking into the crypt, Buffy could immediately feel Spike’s presence radiating around her. His signature was practically burned into her. So familiar that she would be able to tell if he was the vampire who was close to her, before she would be able to tell if it was her own father.

Slowly making her way to the ladder, she descended to the lower level, turning around when her feet made contact with the ground.

Tilting her head to study Spike, she frowned, wondering if he even knew she was there.

Sitting on his bed, wearing nothing but a pair of black jeans with the sheets tangled around his body, Buffy took in his appearance. The sculpted muscles of his chest, one leg propped up at an angle as his elbow rested on his knee, staring at the burning cigarette he was holding, but never actually bringing it to his lips. She watched his unfocused eyes as he ran his hand through his hair, sending it into even more disarray.

“Do you want me to go?” she finally asked when he still didn’t acknowledge her presence.

“No,” he said, shaking his head, his eyes never making contact with hers.

Gingerly sitting on the edge of the bed, she reached out to take his hand in hers, surprised when he pulled away from her.

“Spike…”

“Don’t touch me, Buffy. You shouldn’t have come.”

“What?” she asked in disbelief. “I just …you were the one who asked me here.”

“You’ll just get hurt,” he whispered, shaking his head. “Anyone I get close to dies.”

“That’s not true,” she said, shaking her head. “It’s happened twice, Spike. Two Slayers. And you know why? Because they’re Slayers! It’s their destiny, and you know that. Nothing has happened to Willow or Tara or anyone else you care about.”

“It shouldn’t have been her…should have been me,” he mumbled, looking down with watery eyes.

“Were you in love with her, Spike?” Buffy asked, watching as he raised his eyes to hers.

“You know I wasn’t…just wish that…”

“Stop blaming yourself!” she said in exasperation.

“You think you know what’s going on?” he asked, finally looking over at her. Seeing the yellow sparks flashing in his eyes, Buffy prepared for the explosion that she knew was coming. He’d have to let it out eventually, and she could see the anger and confusion in his eyes that needed an outlet. “You don’t have a clue about anything around here. You’ve been off living it up, and you don’t give a damn about what happens here. You don’t even know me!” he yelled in frustration, jumping up from the bed and throwing the cigarette onto the floor. “Not anymore.”

“Yes, I do,” Buffy countered in a dangerous tone as she stood up and took a step toward him. “Your favorite color is black. You like playing pool. Your favorite things to eat are those onion blossom thingies and spicy buffalo wings. You like the Ramones and the Sex Pistols. You prefer staying in the shadows and watching rather than actually risk getting out there and living. It doesn’t matter how long I’ll live- you’ll always think of me as a kid or as Angel’s daughter. And no matter what you say or what you think that you want or wanted from me, you’re scared to death of taking a chance on someone who wanted to take a chance with you.” Taking a challenging step closer to him, Buffy crossed her arms over her chest, masking the hurt that welled up as all of the old feelings poured out. “Am I close?” she asked in a low voice.

Clenching his jaw as he looked down at her, Spike narrowed his eyes. “And you think you’re any better?” he growled. “A girl who finally gets what she wants and throws it back because it’s not on her terms? A girl who’s too scared to actually admit what she’s feeling, when the opportunity presents itself?”

“I’m not doing this,” Buffy said, turning around and walking toward the ladder. “I’m not going to rehash past mistakes until we both feel worse about ourselves. Maybe you’re right. Maybe I shouldn’t have come.”

Climbing up the first few steps of the ladder, Buffy gasped when she felt his strong arms wrap around her waist and pull her back to the ground. His arms still tightly banded around her, Spike carried her over to the bed. Sitting down and depositing her on his lap as he clung to her with his full strength, Buffy could feel the tension in his arms. Hearing his whispered apology, she didn’t dare to move, even as her body protested his strength that was threatening to crack some of her ribs. Not wanting to risk pulling away from him, she took a deep breath when she felt his quiet sobs shaking his body.

Clinging to Buffy, Spike felt the tears rolling down his cheeks. He hated himself for showing this weakness. And he hated himself even more for the fact that he wasn’t crying entirely for Aubrey’s death. He was crying for the simple fact that she was here…she was in his arms, and he’d missed her more than he’d cared to admit.

Loosening his hold after several long moments, Buffy breathed a little easier as she turned in his arms, cradling his head to her chest while he continued to let the tears spill over. Feeling her hands running through his hair, Spike slowly pulled away, looking up into her eyes.

Seeing her soft smile when her fingertips ran over his cheeks, brushing away the remaining tears, Spike didn’t let himself think as he gently tugged her downward until her lips met his in a tender kiss.

Buffy felt like she was drowning from the simple caress of his lips against hers. “Spike,” she murmured against him, feeling her breath catch in her throat when he flipped her over, easily pinning her in place between his body and the mattress.

Her stomach clenched in anticipation as his hands wandered along her body, barely caressing her curves and leaving her aching for more. Buffy trembled when he slowly broke away from her, trailing kisses along her neck until she was practically arching beneath him, craving what he was offering.

Wrapping his arm around her body, Spike pulled her more securely to him, grinding his growing erection against her as he kissed her again.

“I need you,” he whispered against her lips.

Buffy’s eyes flew open when she realized what was happening. “No,” she said softly, pushing herself away from him, trying to disentangle herself from his strong hold.

“I need you, so much,” he said softly, pulling her closer to him as he ignored her mild protest.

“We’re not doing this, Spike.”

“What?” he asked in confusion, pulling back to look at her.

“I’m not going to be your substitute for her.”

“Buffy-”

“I can be there for you as a friend, but that’s all. There’s nothing else. I’ve moved on,” she said unconvincingly. “I’m not going to jump when you say how high just because I happen to be second best and I might be a woman who’s sharing your bed tonight.”

“But I want to be with you.”

“Since when?” she asked in disbelief, pushing him away and climbing to her feet. “The only time you ever wanted me was when I was there to scratch an itch.”

“That’s not true,” he growled.

“Isn’t it? Everything you’ve tried to drill into my head is because ‘you’re too young’ or because ‘you’re Angel’s daughter’, so what makes today any different?”

“I made a mistake.”

“You’ve made a mistake?” she replied sarcastically. “I’m shocked. And when did you realize this?” she asked, crossing her arms over her chest as she looked at him.

“The minute I realized that you were gone. The very second that I thought I’d lost you forever. Buffy, I lo-”

“Don’t!” she cried, holding up her hand in warning, feeling panic rise within her as she tried to stop the lies from coming from his lips. “Don’t say it.”

Practically running for the ladder, Buffy stopped and took a breath when she realized what she was doing. Slowly turning to face him again, she tried to keep her chin from trembling as her emotions seemed to weigh her down. She wouldn’t do this. She wouldn’t be the one to run away…not again. She might need to get away from him before something happened that they both might regret, but she refused to run.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I shouldn’t have let it get that far and…I’ll see you later tonight. I’m…I’m sorry.”

Watching with pain-filled eyes as she climbed the ladder, Spike felt the tears burn his eyes when he heard the slam of the crypt door closing behind her. Slowly taking an unneeded breath to get his emotions under control, he blinked the tears away. “Me, too.”



Thanks so much to: spuffette, Kar, Ariel Dawn, daisy, Sevvy_O, Franchesca, shelly, blondiebear, Cordykitten, Kimber, Amanda, Reciprocity, stace, Stephanie, Caitie, Jessica, BuffyandSpikeForever, melissa g, Crystal Pegasus, pj, Panta_Rei, & gypsy_jin for reviewing!





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