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Chapter 27 – Talking It Out


“Hey.”

Pushing away from the tombstone to turn around at the sound of the soft voice, Spike offered the young woman a slight smile. “What are you doing out here, luv?”

“Couldn’t sleep,” Buffy said with a shrug, hugging her arms around her body as she approached him. “I was beginning to think it was your turn to leave town.”

Looking up at the moonlit sky, Spike took a long drag of his cigarette before heaving a deep sigh, watching as the smoke twisted and swirled in the night air before disappearing. Crushing the rest of the cigarette under his heel, he took a deep breath. “Thought about it,” he muttered, avoiding her eyes. Staring straight ahead for a long moment, the tension was too much as he slowly turned to face her. Seeing the distraught look on her face, he narrowed his eyes on her. “Something wrong?”

“No,” she said quickly, shaking her head as she took a deep breath.

“What is it, Buffy?”

“What do you want me to say?” she asked, her voice sounding strained as she wrapped her arms more tightly around herself. “You want me to get a taste of my own medicine? Well, congratulations…it worked.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You obviously want to hurt me…just when I come back into town, you decide it’s time to take off? Or avoid me. Either way…it’s nearly been a week and every time I stop by your crypt, you’re nowhere in sight.”

“Just felt like bein’ alone, pet.”

Staying quiet for a moment as she stood next to him, Buffy closed her eyes, taking deep breaths to try and soothe her nerves, waiting and wishing for him to continue. When he didn’t say anything after a moment, her lips parted in despair as she slowly looked at the ground, battling the tears that were stinging her eyes. “Sorry to bother you,” she whispered, her stomach churning as she turned to walk away.

Swallowing the gasp of surprise when his hand grabbed her arm, Buffy slowly turned to look up at him, seeing his brows furrow in confusion when he saw her watery eyes.

Closing the distance between them, Spike took comfort in the feel of her body comfortably resting against his as his hand tenderly cupped her cheek. Letting his thumb brush along her cheekbone, he relaxed as he watched her close her eyes, leaning into his touch.

“But I don’t want to be alone now,” he whispered, lowering his head until his forehead was touching hers.

“Did you ever love her?”

The soft question stunned them both as they each pulled back to look at the other. “No,” he whispered, shaking his head to confirm his answer. “I never did. Nothing ever happened between us, Buffy…it was always about you.”

“Is that good or bad?” she asked with a slight smile.

“Depends on the timeline,” he answered with a grin. “Right now,” he continued, pulling her a little closer to him. “It’s looking pretty good.” Pausing for a long moment, he took a deep breath as he looked at her. “What about you?”

“What about me?” she repeated.

“Was there anyone…”

“I told you…you’re the only one I’ve ever been with,” she said softly. “That hasn’t changed.”

“So there were no feelings for anyone else?” he asked, hating his insecurities for coming forth as he avoided her eyes.

“No,” she whispered, shaking her head. “I had a few friends, but it was completely feeling-free…on all counts,” she added with a smile.

“Not on all counts,” he muttered.

“What?” she asked, her smile fading as she looked at him in confusion.

“What about your little vampire friend? Got pretty close to him, didn’t you?”

“Spike,” she whispered, shaking her head when she saw his hardened gaze directed at her. “Don’t do this.”

“Don’t do what?” he asked calmly, feeling the suppressed jealousy rising up inside of him. “Don’t point out how stupid you were by going to the hazards of the underworld and giving a vampire a tap to some hot-running blood?”

Taking a step away from him, Buffy crossed her arms over her chest as she stared at him. “And who caused it?” she asked calmly, feeling her emotions reeling out of control. “Who was the first one to bite me? Who sent me craving that feeling of needing the darkness?” she continued, her voice rising as she gestured to his crypt. “Who was the one who fucked me against the wall of that crypt and then tossed me aside like it didn’t mean anything?!” she yelled, feeling her heart racing as all of the old feelings came back. The adoration, the love, the pain, the fear…

The encompassing agony.

Realizing what she’d just said when she saw the look in his eyes, Buffy ran her hands through her hair, fisting in it as if it would relieve the stress she was going through. They were doing it again. The cycle was starting all over again, and she felt powerless to stop it.

“Damn it!” she screamed, spinning around with a vicious kick and successfully snapping a headstone in half, sending it flying through the cemetery to land with a soft ‘thump’ in the grass.

Watching her in confusion, trying to pull himself together from what she’d just said, Spike tried not to think about what he had put her through.

Turning to face him with pain in her eyes, she took a deep breath, trying to control herself. “Out with it.”

“With what?” he asked softly.

“Let’s just get it all out in the open. What the hell is going on, Spike? I want the truth. I want the truth about everything- you, me…everything.”

“The truth,” he repeated, taking a deep breath. “What do you want to hear, Buffy? That you’ve meant everything to me for so long, I don’t know how I can go on without you?”

“Is it obligation?” she asked softly, trying to keep the accusation out of her tone.

“No,” he replied, shaking his head. “Not to your father, not to you. Just the simple fact that you’re my world.”

Letting go of some of her frustration, Buffy smiled, relieved that they were finally talking. “Simple fact, huh?”

“That’s about right,” he said with an answering smile.

Looking down at the ground for a moment, Buffy took a deep breath, trying to get the nerve to ask the one question she’d wanted to ask for so long. “And Lucy?”

“Is dead,” he said calmly, barely showing any emotion as he said the words. “Has been for nearly two decades.”

“I know you, Spike,” she whispered. “When you love someone, you don’t let go.”

“No,” he murmured, closing the distance between them and tenderly cupping her cheek in his hand. “I don’t.”

Hearing her heart begin to race, he smiled as he tenderly leaned in to brush his lips against hers in a soft kiss before pulling away to press his forehead to hers.

“What else do you want to know?” he asked quietly. “That I’ve wanted you for so long, I don’t remember when there was a time that I didn’t?”

“I’m hoping you can remember a time, considering you’ve known me since…forever,” she replied with a grin, pulling away from him to look in his eyes. “That would be a major ick factor.”

“Point taken,” Spike said with a smile.

Seeing her smile fade as she glanced down at the ground, he tilted his head to study her.

“And Angel?” she whispered.

“Angel asked me to protect you,” he said softly. “But if there wasn’t something there between us, I would have left the protection to Red and Glenda and gone away, whenever I felt like it.”

“What made you stay?” she asked, feeling her breath catch in her throat.

“You know what made me stay,” he whispered, trailing his hand along her arm until he took her hand in his, interlacing their fingers.

“You loved me,” she whispered, remembering him telling her that on numerous occasions. Remembering that her young heart always wished for more. “What makes you stay, now?”

Staring into her eyes for a long moment, Spike gave her a tender smile. “You,” he whispered. “It always comes back to you. I wanted everything for us…I wanted you to be older…to be able to understand what was happening between us…”

“Am I old enough now?” she asked with a slight smile.

“You tell me,” he replied in a soft voice.

“How do you feel about me, Spike?” she whispered. “Really feel about me?”

“You’re not ready to know,” he whispered, giving her a smile when she looked up at him with wide eyes.

Thinking about what he said for a moment, Buffy finally nodded. “Maybe you’re right.”

Cupping her face in his hands, he tenderly kissed her forehead, feeling his heart swell when she clung to his arms, afraid to let him go.

“When you’re ready…I’ll tell you.”

“Fair enough,” she murmured. “What happens now?”

“Thinking it’s time for me to take advantage of that offer you made me,” he replied.

Before Buffy could respond, she gasped when his lips covered hers in a passionate kiss. Clinging to his arms, she felt a thrill rush through her when his hands clutched at her waist, pulling her more forcefully to him as his tongue brushed against hers.

Swallowing her moan of pleasure, Spike didn’t make any move to push her further, wanting her to familiarize herself with just being with him without any sexual pressure. Moving his lips over hers for a long minute, Spike slowly broke the kiss, pulling away to see her wide eyes.

Smiling at the unfamiliar look, he tilted his head to look at her, taking comfort in the fact that she looked like the girl he once knew. The innocent expression on her face reminded him of easier times.

“Guess that was more undertones than overtones,” she said with a smile, giggling when he looked at her in confusion. “I just mean there was no pressure…thank you.”

“Never wanted you to feel pressured,” he said softly, his eyes becoming worried as he looked at her.

“I know,” she murmured. “And I didn’t. The first time was just…rushed.”

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “Wanted to give you a night you deserved, not…”

“Hey,” she said softly, reaching up to brush her fingertips over his cheek when he avoided her gaze. Waiting until he made eye contact with her again before continuing, “It was just surprising…and a little brutal. Perfect for us,” she finished with a grin, seeing a smile pull at the corners of his lips as he looked downward. “I don’t regret it.”

Raising his eyes to hers once again, he felt relief when he saw the truth behind her statement before focusing on what she’d said. “Us?”

Opening her mouth to respond, Buffy took a deep breath when she heard the soft ring of his cell phone. “Wonder who that is,” she said, rolling her eyes. “Only one person I know has such perfect timing.”

Reaching into his pocket, he flipped open the phone. “What?”

Listening to the one-sided conversation, Buffy smiled as she watched Spike talk to her father.

“Yes, she’s here…no, she’s fine…not sure, said she was staying for a little while…no, I don’t know why- wanted to see her family and friends, I s’pose…of course she’s not with me- you do have clocks in L.A., don’t you, Peaches? It’s three in the morning…don’t worry, your little princess is all tucked away, safe and sound in her beddy-bye,” he said, slipping a hand beneath the hem of Buffy’s shirt and letting his fingertips run along the flat muscles of her stomach, never letting them travel any higher, simply relishing the fact that she was with him- reassuring himself that she was actually there. “Well, if you don’t believe me, I could always go check on her. It’s kind of late, though…may have to stay over there.”

Hearing Angel yelling through the phone, Buffy had to bite her lip to keep from laughing.

“Only joking, you git, relax…she’s fine…uh, yeah…yeah, she’s mentioned you and Cordelia…no, I don’t think she’s seeing anyone…well, she hasn’t mentioned it…no worries, you’re still the number one man in her life…yeah…alright.”

Flipping the phone closed, he looked at Buffy, seeing her nervous expression.

“What’s wrong?”

“He’s starting to suspect something?”

“It’s Angel, pet. He’d have to walk in on us together before he put two and two together and came up with a moderately correct number.”

Shaking her head as she smiled, Buffy sighed. “I guess I better go,” she murmured.

“I can walk you.”

“No,” she said, shaking her head. “It’s okay. I kind of feel like walking alone.”

“This is the Hellmouth, Buffy.”

“And I grew up on it, Spike,” she reminded him with a smile. “I’m ten minutes away- I’ll be fine.”

“If you’re sure…”

Stepping forward and pressing her lips to his in a tender kiss, she pulled back after a moment that was too short for either of them. “I’m sure…but thanks.”

Walking away, Buffy barely made it a few feet before she was turning to face him again. “And Spike…Angel’s important to me,” she said, seeing him nod in understanding. “But he’s never been the number one man in my life.”





Thanks so much to: Bloodshedbaby, Ariel Dawn, Kimber, Melissa, spuffette, Franchesca, Stephanie, pj, stace, Scarlet, Cordykitten, shelly, Jessica, starhawk, gypsy_jin, Panta_Rei, Amanda, Caitie, BrunettePet, phantomwriter, Crystal Pegasus, melissa g, daisy & BuffyandSpikeForever for reviewing!





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