Chapter 3 – Maybe…


It started off simply enough. She wasn’t even aware of the difference in her feelings until it was quite possibly too late. From the time Buffy was a little girl, Spike was always someone to turn to. A confidant, a person she could trust, but most of all, he was her best friend. It wasn’t until she was a teenager that she realized her feelings were running on the warm and fuzzy side for a vampire. Not that it was entirely unexpected- after all, she had grown up knowing who and what vampires were, and considering she was a child of two vampires, it was expected that she would either be repelled by them or attracted to them.

Of course, when people used the term ‘attracted’, they had meant it in the most innocent of contexts, simply assuming that she would have a built-in ‘Slayer sense’ to accompany the added strength when a vamp was around, despite the fact that she wasn’t a Slayer. They never expected that she would actually be attracted to a vampire.

Then she had opened her eyes and really looked at Spike. The man she considered her protector until she was thirteen. From that point on, the ‘protector’ role was getting a little old. She knew at that age that she was too young for him to take any type of interest in her- she wasn’t an idiot. Buffy also knew that maybe someday she would get a chance. That maybe someday she would be able to crack through the walls that Lucy’s untimely death and unrequited love had built up and maybe…just maybe, she would be able to reach the man inside.

The day of her seventeenth birthday, Buffy had finally allowed some hope to bloom that she could tell Spike how she felt about him. Until he’d shown up that day and tugged on her hair, saying, “Happy birthday, kid.”

That’s all she ever was to him, and that’s all she feared she would ever be. She knew that a man who’d been around for over a century wouldn’t have much in common with a seventeen-year-old girl, but in her young mind, she couldn’t imagine anyone else but herself being more perfect for him.

After all, she was smart, she made him laugh when no one else could even get a smile from him, and it was obvious to anyone that she’d made him feel free to love again. Just not the kind of love she hoped she would receive.

No, Buffy knew that she was nothing more to him than a kid. A responsibility. Or possibly a burden. Spike was strapped to her because of her father and a blood relationship that Angel had called upon when she was a baby. She knew that Spike wouldn’t want her to consider their relationship in that light. She also knew that he would go to any lengths to protect her and that he considered himself to be her family when she had none who were close. And that thought, mixed with all of the others, was more than a little disturbing to her.

Now, sitting on her front porch swing, she was surprised to feel his presence as he approached. She was more in tune with him than anyone she’d ever known and it never ceased to surprise her.

“Hello, Spike,” she said, a soft smile playing on her lips. Never bothering to look up when she felt him come to stand at the edge of the porch, she could feel his eyes on her as he leaned against the railing.

“Evening, pet,” he murmured, crushing his cigarette under the heel of his boot. “Rough day?”

“No,” Buffy replied, finally looking up at him before turning to stare at the stars. “I actually had a pretty good day.”

Spike nodded, walking up the steps to sit down next to her, never noticing when she unconsciously leaned toward him.

“School wasn’t too rough on you, then?” he asked, throwing his arm across the back of the swing.

Buffy suppressed the sigh, wishing that he would throw his arm around her with such ease. Instead she just shrugged. “Could have been worse.”

“Then what’s with the gloom and doom face?”

“No reason,” she murmured.

“Alright then. Ready to go meet this new Slayer?” Spike asked, thinking that she might perk up if he changed the subject.

“I guess,” she replied, standing up.

“What’s the matter, kitten?” he asked, catching her arm before she could step off the porch. “I’ve known you your whole life and this is definitely not one of your usual moods.”

“It’s nothing,” Buffy replied with a smile that was obviously for his benefit. “Really. I just had a stressful day, I guess.”

“Fair enough,” Spike muttered, walking down the steps and matching her strides as they slowly made their way to the Magic Box.

“Who sent you this time?” Buffy asked, breaking the comfortable silence between them.

“What makes you think-”

“Spike,” she replied in a warning tone.

“Willow,” he muttered with a small smile. “Stopped by yesterday and asked if I could make sure you got there okay.” Glancing over at the young woman, Spike tilted his head. “What’s the long face for, pet?”

“What?” Buffy asked, snapping out of her thought. “Oh, um…nothing…it was nothing.”

Spike nodded as they continued toward the shop. Buffy hugged her arms around her body more firmly, wishing that every once in a while, Spike would come and walk with her because he wanted to, not because he felt obligated or because he was doing a favor for someone.

“What do we know about this Slayer?” Spike asked, never seeing the dejected look on Buffy’s face.

“Only what Willow told me last night,” she said with a shrug. “Her name’s Aubrey. She’s nineteen and she’s been the Slayer for three years. Council told her to come Hellmouth-sitting, for some reason or other, and here she is. Why do you want to know?” she asked, glancing over at him for a moment.

“Just figured if this bird is here for the long haul, we should know about her, that’s all,” Spike said with a shrug. Finally noticing the look on Buffy’s face, he reached over and wrapped a friendly arm around her shoulders. “Don’t worry, pet. You know you’ll always be my best girl.”

“Yeah,” Buffy scoffed. “Because my dad would totally kick your ass if I wasn’t.”

Stopping abruptly and turning her to face him, Spike looked deep into her eyes, still amazed at how expressive they seemed to be for a seventeen-year-old. Obviously someone who had seen more than she should have, for her age.

“Is that really what you think?” he asked softly, tilting his head to look at her.

“Isn’t it?” she muttered, looking away and closing her eyes when she felt his finger hook under her chin.

“No,” he said, his brows knit together in worry. “Maybe when you were little, but now I’m here because I want to be.” Seeing the soft smile that graced her features, Spike smiled. “You worked your way in, Goldilocks. You’re family now. Come on,” he said, turning toward the town. “Let’s get there before they send out the search party.”

Buffy felt her heart sink at the implications. Family was good, but she was hoping for something better.




Thanks so much to: Caitie, TammyAsh666, Kimber, Kate, Amanda, Dee, Caatje, Slaymesoftly, ebontier, starhawk, Cordykitten, stace, Alicia, gypsy_jin, Laine, Josephina, BuffyandSpikeForever, samica, dreamgirl4eva, willowmouse, bex makes u fly, Celestria, Spikes Sweety, Tasha & Erin for reviewing!





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