Chapter 3- L.A. or Bust

"So how much do you think dad left us Buffy?" Dawn's evident joy over the trip was beginning to give her a migraine.

"I don't know, all I know is that I don't want the woman he just happened to leave our mother for, get any of it, I don't care if its one measly red cent, it’s rightfully ours." Every time Buffy thought about the situation, all it did was get her angry enough to punch the woman right in the nose.

"Dawn, could you try to relax, or something, we have a really long flight ahead of us and we're barely off the ground." If her sister didn't stop the insanity, she was going to get punched in the nose. It had been hard enough leaving the Scoobies behind, but at least this wasn't for a life or death situation and they would see each other within a week.

"Just another questions, where are we going to stay in LA, have you talked to Angel about it, maybe he would let us stay with him?" Dawn was taking a headset out of her bag and starting flipping through the magazines they had bought for the flight.

"I did and he offered. However, I didn't think that it would be a good idea, so while Angel has his apartment at Wolfram and Hart, we are going to stay at the Hyperion with Fred, Wesley, and Gunn." Buffy leaned her seat back, luckily courtesy of her now hefty salary with the council they were for the first time able to afford first class instead of coach.

"Dawnie, I'm going to try and catch up on some sleep okay." Blessing the dim lights in the cabin Buffy drifted immediately into a slumber. A few minutes later her sister would cover her with a blanket and wish her pleasant dreams that would come true.

Images screamed through her mind, images of her and Spike; their first meeting, working together to get rid of Angel, their magic induced engagement, her waking up chained and his emphatic declaration of love, when her mother got sick and died, the sight of him after Glory's punishment, his body falling from the tower as he tried to rescue Dawn, and the gentleness in his eyes as her held her hands and bandaged them after she had clawed her way from her grave, their first kiss, getting drunk together, their second kiss, their fight that led to an incredible night of making love while a house fell down around their ears, times at the Doublemeat, in his crypt, all the love they made that year and just how badly she had used him until she walked away trying to protect herself. Leading him into Anya's hurting arms, and the horrible scene of when he tried to rape her, they were all meshing in together. Along with finding him after he had regained his soul crazed and out of his mind, trying to get the old Spike back, her Spike, the one that she had longed for every night that he was gone.

She had blamed him a while with the whole rape scenario, but she had been at fault too and that was something it had taken her a long time to realize. If she tried really hard in her sleep, she could still feel his arms around her, protecting her with his very life and giving her everything of him. The last images of her dreams were always their final goodbye. Watching his soul shine in the pure sunlight had been wondrous, she had Known that she loved him when she awoke from his arms with the strength to see the battle through. She would never forget their hands bursting into flames as she touched him one last time. Feeling the very essence of his being, his souls engulfing her in its light and love nor the frightened yet full of love, look in his eyes. Though she had never witnessed it, she always awoke crying for him as his body shattered into minuscule pieces of dust around her.

Awaking with a sob in her throat and tears rolling down her cheeks, Buffy got up silently as too not disturb Dawn, and made her way into the bathroom. She had never told anyone about her dreams or that she had loved Spike with her very soul and always would. His memory was the very thing that got her up each morning and sent her to bed exhausted at night.

Splashing water on her face she tried to compose herself it wouldn't do Dawn any good to see her wrung out, she had hidden it from her for so long. It wasn't getting any easier as the days went by, especially how she always seemed to bring Spike into the subject wherever they went.

There were times like now that she didn't know what she would give to see him alive again, to have his arms around her and the feeling of his cool hands on her skin. Hell she'd even like to have his snarkyness back if it meant that they could be together.

Walking back to her seat she got a soda from the attendant and sat down to read a magazine until she felt she could go to sleep again.





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