Chapter 4- Finally Letting Go

When Angel awoke that evening after what had turned out to be a long and stressful day it was to see a pacing Spike in front of the windowed city scape. His childe was definitely antsy and he knew the feeling, he had felt the same way when he knew Connor was about to enter the world. He knew that sooner or later he was going to have to tell Spike the words that left his gut wrenching and his demon wanting to snarl and rip things apart. He was going to have to tell Spike that for once he was right. It was time to put Buffy behind him, yes he had loved her more than life, and would still die to protect her just now it would be in the name of friendship and not love. Cordelia was his present and every time he thought of the days sitting bedside her, and praying to whatever god or Powers That Be would listen. That he would give up everything to have her look at him and just complain, about anything if she was Cordelia again. He missed her, her smile, her exuberance with life, her absolute continual snarkyness that drove a man insane. Not to mention the charge card bills for clothes, her heart, her friendship and most of all her love not only for him but also for Connor. The picture of her holding Connor for the first time was a memory he knew he would take to whatever afterlife awaited him, and it would be her name not Buffy's that died on his lips for the last time.

Damn, he was brooding this time and in front of Spike too. Wiping the stray tear that had formed in his eye from relishing in Cordy he faked a yawn and got out of bed, throwing on a robe then pouring a cup of blood from the bar opposite the bed.

"Spike."

"Angel." Spike stood before Angel trying to dare to ask Angel another time when Buffy was going to be coming to LA

"I'll go first, if you don't mind." It wasn't as if Angel really cared what Spike thought. He just knew that he was going to have to spit this out quick before he lost either his nerve or his childe made his demon rise in anger like he always had a way of doing.

"Sure." Spike stuck his hands in his duster pocket and leaned against the glass wall, hoping he wouldn't actually fall through the bloody thing, he didn't really feel like falling through mid air right now

"I thought a lot about what you said as you were kicking my ass, very progressive of you if I may say Casper." He loved the dig when he could make Spike's eyes glare at him. "I didn't tell you about Buffy coming because I knew that it would hurt you and make you angry. Maybe depressed enough to take that final leap into hell, we all know that it would be a lot easier on all of us if you would, but I digress. I wanted to hurt you for the ways that you have been with her that I can't and never will be able to."

"You mean like shagging her right and proper." Spike glared at his sire with his evil grin that he saved for just the right dig.

Angel chose not to fall to the remark and kept going with his speech before he lost his temper but good.

"While neither one of us could share that with her again, you're a spook and I have this annoying tendency of going all shiny, happy people and ripping out people's lungs. Let's face it, neither one makes more good relationship material. Damn it what I'm trying to say is I'm sorry Spike I should have told you that she's coming and will be here by tomorrow. You’ll welcome to her, not like you'll get far or anything. However, you can see her and I won't stop you, kind of hard with you walking through walls and all." Angel slammed his glass down and turned to look at an extremely stunned Spike, who for the first time in 100 plus years that he was speechless, which slowly turned into boastful glee.

"I knew that you would come to your senses and see that she is mine. Don't know what she would do with a bloody Ponce like you anyway, besides make you go insane all again, we really don't want you to try and kill the Scoobies yet again after all." Spike was almost comical.

Angel watched as Spike almost bounced off the walls and it was all he could do not to actually vomit the blood now in his system. He couldn't believe that he had actually done it, he had let Buffy go not for the first time but definitely for the last, it was almost too painful to even brood about. Turning around Angel starting stomping toward the bathroom looking forward to a scalding hot shower, when Spike stopped him, not but touch but lack of.

"Thank you, Liam, it means a great deal for me, it's the only nice thing you have ever done for me since you turned me. I know it's not much but thanks all the same." Spike in complete awe-inspiring sense of chivalry stuck out his ghostly hand toward Angel and for once in his whole existence, wether man, vamp or ghost was a man.

Stunned and not quite sure what to make of this Spike, Angel decided to accept the moment for what it was and took a hold of the misty hand and for a moment could actually feel the essence that was his childe and it blew him away with the knowledge that he had never truly known the man that stood in front of him now.

"We'll see what we can do about making you corporeal, I can't make any promises but Wolfram and Hart will be doing everything possible to bring you back. I need to see Cordelia." Angel turned to go back into the bathroom only to immediately turn back.

"Just make sure that you look after her well, she deserves a good life, one I hope you can offer her that I can't. Love her for both of us, William." Turning for the final time he went into the bathroom and to get ready to see the woman, he wished would look upon him again soon.





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