Chapter Six - The Bluest Blues
After greetings and hugs all around the sisters were shown to their rooms, two suites that Angel had someone come in and completely redo for their guests, he even billed Wolfram and Hart for everything. The sumptuous bathrooms are what did both girls in. Leaving with smiles from each Angel said goodbye and said that he would be back in the morning about what time their meeting was with Wolfram and Hart's barracudas. Hopefully Spike wouldn't make himself known for a day or two, he didn't know how Buffy or Dawn would take to seeing ghostly Spike wondering around. He needed to get back to the office and see if Fred had made any headway with recorporealizing his wayward childe. For the sake of everyone it wouldn't be soon enough to get Spike out of his hair and his life, at least for a hundred years or so. Hopefully by that time he would have learned some respect for his elders. Though Angel had thought it quite funny when he had learned that it was his childe that had destroyed the Anointed one. He had actually felt pride that Spike had been his childe, though he would not even with immense torture let that slip to anyone. There were some things just better left unsaid, especially those things that would give Spike ideas about thinking he was tougher than his Sire.
The girls set about unpacking their bags, Dawn blasting her headphones with punk rock, and Buffy humming her own tune sitting down on the bed shaking when she realized what she had been humming. It was the song that Spike had sang to her when they were under the spell. Humming as much as she could remember she thought of him and instead of making her feel his loss, she for the first time felt at peace with him being gone. Maybe she needed to finally let him rest in peace, her head told her yes, but her heart just didn't want to believe that he was gone. Maybe his song was just one thing about him that she could treasure in her heart so that during the night she wouldn't feel so alone, and to definitely tune out her sister's awful music. Humming louder, she actually had a smile on her face as she unpacked, and she could feel the tension of the trip gradually leaving from her shoulders.
"You know sweetheart if you hum any louder you might actually have success in drowning out that God awful noise your sister is calling music"
Buffy jumped losing the clothes in her hands as her mouth formed and Oh. Realizing she was being rude she quickly closed her mouth and tried not too looked surprised at the tall green demon in a bright red suit that oddly matched his horns, leaning against her bedroom door.
"We haven't met yet sweetness, so let me introduce myself, I'm Lorne, resident seer and all around green guy. And let me tell you honey there are a lot of things happening and going to happen to you." Lorne beamed. He'd rushed out of the office when he heard Angel's former honey was in town. After hearing about Sunnydale's little musical escapade he wanted to hear this lovely creature's voice, surprising, it was an easier than he had hoped for. He had though he was going to have to pull teeth to get her to whistle a little Dixie. Her choice in music had left a little to be desired, he would have preferred some Aretha or at least a little Judy or Babs. Cause whatever this lady was singing it was bluer than the bluest blues he had ever leant and ear to.
"I've heard of you, but don't you have to get someone to sing before you can read them, how can you know what is going to happen for me when I haven't sang a note." Buffy had heard from Willow that this guy was unbelievable, but for the moment he seemed pretty hokey to her, not to mention blinding and just a little off putting.
"Doesn't have to be the Star Spangle Banner honey, any tune will do, just humming a few bars can do the trick and give me a peek, but don't tell Angel that? While he's not the greatest singer by any measure and has a weakness for Manilow that I will never understand there's something to seeing the big guy squirm? While the tongue may lie, the vocal cords never do and yours honey are full of more emotion than I think you even know how to handle. You've seen and done way too much for a girl your age should ever even have to imagine.
Coming into the room Lorne shut the bedroom door and sat almost regally down in a chair and motioned the opposite one to Buffy. He had heard a lot in her voice just by the humming, now hopefully he could probably get the full story from her pipes, if she cooperated, which he had a feeling she would. They may grumble and groan but eventually they all sang a few bars for him. He was glad when Buffy deposited her bundle of clothes on the bed and came to join him sitting hesitantly at the front of the chair.
Relax precious; you're wound tighter than Angel on a good day. Nothing's going to hurt you and I promise this will be just between you and me, just think of me as you psychic friend." Lorne was happy to get a smile out of the girl with that one.
"What did you see?” Buffy spoke hesitantly, hoping for the best and not yet another apocalypse that she was going to have to avert, she really wanted that part of her life done and over with. She tried to relax but all she seemed able to do was wring her hands and stare at her feet in anticipation.
"Well I saw a little bit with the song you were humming, but why don't you try to relax, take some deep breaths and sing the song for me. I think it is one song that I am going to have to hear to fully get my receptors going."
Buffy relaxed as much as she could, taking deep breaths and willing frazzled nerves to calm down. It took her a few minutes and became easier when she closed her eyes and envisioned that night and Spike singing to her his feelings for her and the fact that she never would let him in. She hoped that whenever he was he would hear her singing his song and it would hopefully bring him some peace.
I died so many years ago, and you can make me feel like it isn't so
Why you come to be with me I think I finally know
You're scared, ashamed of what you feel
And you can't tell the ones you love, you know they couldn't deal
But whisper in a dead man's ear, that doesn't make it real
That's great, but I don't wanna play
Cause, being with you touches me more than I can say
And since I'm only dead to you I'm saying stay away
And let me rest in peace
Let me rest in peace, let me get some sleep
Let me take my love and bury it, in a hole six foot deep
I can lay my body down, but I can't find my sweet release
So let me rest in peace
She sang full force with as much emotion as she could bear, not realizing that tears were streaming down her face. Buffy sang so he would hear her, and know some how that she loved him, would die still loving him.
You know, you've got a willing slave
And you just love to play the thought that you might misbehave
And til' you do I'm telling you, stop visiting my grave
And let me rest in peace
I know I should go, but I follow you like a man possessed
There's a traitor here beneath my breast
And it hurts me more than you've ever guessed
If my heart could beat it would break my chest
But I can see you're unimpressed
So leave me be and let me rest in peace
Let me get some sleep
Let me take my love and bury it in a hole six foot deep
I can lay my body down, but I can't find my sweet release
So let me rest in peace
Why won't you let me rest in peace?
Now that it was over, all the pent up emotion flooded the gates and Buffy started sobbing, hard body shaking tears. With her arms wrapped around herself she rocked back and forth and for the first time since his death she cried only for him, her best friend, her lover, and the man she knew she didn't want to live without. If she thought it would bring him back she would dive head first into hell and fight to bring him back to her, or she would die trying. She needed him, needed him to be snarky and tell her the truth when she didn't want to hear it, needed his arms around her, shutting out everything in the world but them, his tenderness, his strength, his heart. She's take Spike back whatever his form, chipped, soul or none, vampire or not. Buffy wanted Spike, the man, Nothing else mattered.
Lorne stared not knowing what to do, for the first time in his life he was speechless, the love outpouring from this girl was encompassing him, along with such grief and despair that it threatened to overwhelm even him. Never had a vision been this powerful and for it to be about Spike had him completely floored. The vamp had mentioned being involved with the slayer, but no one had ever said anything to this degree. He could see them together, and he saw Spike's death through Buffy and it sent a punch straight to his gut. To tell her that he was still wondering around in ghost form would probably send her over the edge the poor thing. The Powers had messed up on this one, couldn't they have known what a force these two would be, that together they were unstoppable force. But knowing the Powers that's why the hands of fate and turned this way.
He did see them back together eventually, but he wasn't sure when or if it was even going to be in this lifetime for Buffy. Lorne had the strongest feeling that the Powers that had given him his sight were trying to block all of the images from coming through and that got him madder than a Pylean wart beast. There had to be ways to get these two crazy kids back together, because he didn't want to even think about the vision that would happen if they didn't. There was only so much this young lady was going to take. Before she just gave up, and then no one was going to be able to save her. Heaven and the Powers help them if Spike decided to take it upon himself to let her know that he was still around. It was bad enough that he kept getting sucked into oblivion, seeing her and not being able to be with her might just make him give up the fight, sinking for good. That would be a bad thing. Lorne had to get to Angel and fast, let him know what was going on, he didn't want to break the lady's confidences but it didn't look like he was going to have a choice in this one.
"So what did, you see, what apocalypse is it going to be this time." Buffy had finally gotten a grip on herself and was wiping her eyes childlike on the back of her shirt sleeve. Her eyes and chest hurt and right now the nightmares of sleep were actually looking like a welcome reprieve.
"No apocalypse honey, at least none I can see that involve you. I do sense the grief, does anyone else know how much you loved him, how much you miss him?" Lorne knew that she carried it all alone that not even her sister knew the depth of her feelings for Spike.
"No, they knew I was with him once, and that I used him and he left. However, they don't know that I loved him that I still do, or that its hell to go through every day without him." Buffy couldn't believe she was opening up to this green demon like she had never done with her sister let alone any of her friends. There was something calming, comforting to her about it, Lorne kind of reminded her of Clem, except Lorne's being green and not having skin hanging off him in curtains, but they definitely had the same friendly air.
"Well, honey I know that you have one person who it would do a lot of good to hear the words you just said to me, because she's feeling a lot like you. The others are your friends, but to her Spike was her best friend and he treated her like a brother, she misses him just as much as you do. She's been more vocal because she hasn't the friends to look down on her, not that she would care. She loved him and always will and she's proud of that, not saying that you're not proud. However, it's time to let your friends know what makes you happy and that there's nothing they can say about it because its your life not theirs." Lorne put his hand over hers and gave her a friendly squeeze.
"Take the time while you are here to bond with Dawn, I think it will do you both some good. Share your stories of him in remembrance and love, it will help both of you heal, not only your hearts but also your relationship with each other as sisters. Dawn needs to know that she still has you and that's something she doesn't feel a whole lot, she's still trying to get over your death in some aspects. She is always afraid that she'll still lose you and not have anyone since Spike is gone too."
Buffy had no idea that her sister had been going through things; she always seemed so upbeat and ready for anything. Guess Dawn had learned from her how to put on a good act for everybody so that they didn't really see what was going on. Lorne was right this trip was not just about Dad dying. It was time for sisters to spend some quality bonding time together, and hey since in LA might as well go back to London with some hip fashions and hours spent at the mall and the beach. It looked like Dawn might actually get to use most of those clothes she had brought with her.
"I think you're right. I've been caught up so much in Spike's being gone, that I haven't taken a lot of Dawn's feelings into it. It’s been hard with the nightmares and dreams that I never thought that maybe she was having some of her own. I knew they were close and its time for us to share our memories of him so that we don't have to hide anything from each other anymore. I can't do it alone anymore, and I don't want her to feel like she's going to be. I retired from being a slayer so that she would never have to lose me, its time to reinforce that for her. I plan on being around long enough to beat her with my cane and to chase her with my walker." Buffy was feeling better and was even able to crack a smile that lit her whole face.
"Well that's wonderful to hear. I'm going to skedaddle out of here and let you get some sleep that jet lag can be a bear and I know you're probably dying on using that wonderful Jacuzzi in your bathtub. Enjoy your stay in our lovely smog-filled city and I'll see you and your sister around later. Get some rest sweetie." Lorne patted her shoulder and left closing the door gently behind him.
Forgetting her unpacking for the moment Buffy decided to go see her sister and come up with some arrangements as far as activities for the next few days.
Looking into her sister's room after her knock didn't get and answer she found her sister's unpacking done and her sister asleep on the bed, her picture of Spike beside her on the night stand. Walking over to it she picked the frame up and really looked at it for the first time. It had been taken after Buffy had died and had probably been taken by Anya since she doubted anyone else would have taken a picture of the two together. They were both curled up on the sofa asleep, Dawn's head tucked into Spike's arm and her head on his chest. Someone had draped a blanket over them, probably Anya again. Knowing that the ex demon had been so thoughtful to her sister made Buffy pray that her friend was also at peace. It still amazed her that Anya had died saving Andrew; it just showed that no one really knew her at all. Who knew maybe she and Spike were together keeping each other company while also driving each other insane, just the thought, made Buffy smile and she placed the photo back in its place? She smoothed her sister's hair back from her head and kissed her on the cheek pulling the blanket up over her, knowing that she would die all over to protect her. With a heart lighter than it had been in months, if not years she made her way back to her room. Like her sister, curled up in bed and fell into a dreamless and extremely restful sleep, the first real one she had seen since being called at fifteen.
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