Chapter Eight.- Empty Arms

The dreams were upon her again, but this time they were different. She could feel Spike with her as if he was holding her. It was the same feeling she had when she had felt his soul. It was as if he was touching her, stroking her hair and cheek, whispering his words of love in her ear, telling her to be strong that he wouldn’t let her give up now after all they had worked for. When she felt him bend down and softly kiss her brow she opened her sleep filled eyes and he was there beside her. Hope and joy filled her overtaking her mind of rational thought and she sat up in bed ready to fling herself in his arms and make him promise to never leave her again, unless they were both going together.

No one was there. Looking all around the room she saw nothing. Buffy’s heart clenched with just as much pain as it had with joy, it had just been a dream. But how, when her gut was telling her that Spike had been there, she was as sure of his presence as she was of her own heart pounding in her chest. Twin tears slid down her cheeks as she looked out into the room moonlight making her glow in the darkness. Hoping with everything that she still had inside she spoke to the quiet room, for the first time in what seemed like forever, praying to whatever Powers looked upon her and had dealt her such a cruel hand in life.

“Please, bring him back to me, I need him, he’s my best friend. It’s so hard without him, even worse than when mom died. I don’t know how much longer I can hang on without him?” Pulling her knees up to her chest she cried praying that he would come back for her, she was so alone, she was tired of being alone. She wanted to be strong for him, but she just didn’t have the fight in her anymore, it left when he died, there was nothing left to fight for anymore.

Spike watched her hidden in a corner of the room so as she would not see him. He watched her and his heart broke, he would give anything to be able to go to her and comfort her. Yet, his heart also overran with jubilation, she did love him, she had been telling the truth and he hadn’t believed. Cursing himself for being such a dumbass he watched her and longed to be next to her again, but he couldn’t risk it, he couldn’t hurt her again. What surprised him was that she had sensed him; she knew he had been there.

There was a definite change in this Buffy he could sense it, she wasn’t the same anymore and the way she was rocking and crying he would bet his duster that she was on a very slippery edge. Dammit to hell, was he the spook the only one that could sense that the Slayer was getting close to losing it, there had to be a way to get help? He couldn’t sit back and watched as she did this to herself. He had to get help and if it meant having to ask Angel’s crew then he would do it, coming here tonight had definitely not been one of his smartest moves and he ached to hold the woman that had curled up and fallen asleep tears drying on her skin and pain pounding in her heart. There had to be a way of getting it so that she wasn’t alone for too long a period at a time. He watched and waited as her breathing became sleep induced and knew that she was finally in a deep enough sleep that he could back out through the room without her sensing him, he had to get help and he had to get it know, damn his sorry assed pride, because he had figured out long ago that whenever it came to Buffy there was nothing he would not do for her, if it meant spending the rest of eternity in hell and knowing that she was okay then he would do it, but he was damned no pun intended if he was going to sit back and watch her wither away if not killing herself before someone in this live version of hell caught on.





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