okay........when i opened this ch. i was continiously saying "don't call wesley. don't call wesley. don't call wesley." and then BAM! there he is and i'm like "oh fuck. aaahhhgggg!" i was like Spike when he threw the phone. oh yeah. then it gets to the kissing. and i about threw up. literally. i screwed up my face, stuck out my tongue, scrolled past it, and got myself something to drink. and then poor William had to see it. i almost wanted to cry with him.

see here's the thing (i'm going off cannon but w/e right? these comment boxes are limitless) i'm the type of reader who falls into the story. if you don't get me by the first ch. i usually lock it up and don't touch it. i'll throw a book when the characters piss me off. i'll cry when they cry (damn Lurlene McDaniels!!). i'll blush and skip when they get embarassed (i seriously can't watch someone embarass them themselves. it's like a sickness). it's like i'm an invisible third person in the story and i'm standing there yelling at them, telling them what to do and not to do. like yelling at the dumb blonde in the movie that goes UP the stairs to get away from the killer. yeah, that's me. so i'm sitting here reading this and i'm feeling everything they're feeling and i'm about wiped out. has a book ever done that to you? just wiped you mentally out? yeah, that's how i'm feeling right now. i want to cry on Spike's shoulder/chest/body part, put Buffy's head through a wall, tear out Harmony's fake ass hair, go shopping and pick up guys with Lorne, and kick Wesley's ass back over to England. you've almost killed me English.


okayyy, now that i've done rambled. i'm going to get another drink and glare at the next chapter. and wonder who Anya's hurting right now.

SORRY FOR RAMBLING! HAD TO LET OFF SOME STEAM!!

Author's Response: Giggles, I like your ramblings, they make me smile and laugh. Indeed I took the btvs kiss from Wes and Cordy to apply it here - with a purpose of course. Yeah, I know, ewwwww. And it tore me up to have William see it as well. And thus the angst begins. THat's awesome you're such a passionate reader, I mean, if I can move you to tears/anger/whatever, then I've done my job as na author. Oh yeah, I've read stories that wiped me out completely, leaving me feel drained and teary and frustrated... it's like a train wreck though - ya can't stop looking, right??? LOL. And to tell you the truth, writing the angsty parts for this story tore me up from the insde out. I was soooooooooooooo depressed and feeling so drained I had a difficult time getting thru it. The only thing that kept me going was seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. No worries on the rant darling, I'm right there with ya and felt the same even though I wrote it. THanks for the fab review darling. Smooches.

Well she Blew it now.What next,cant wait for next chapter.

Author's Response: LOL, indeed she did. I hope you enjoy the next chapter darling. Thanks. Hugs.

Agh! Buffy throwing herself at Wesley is excruciating, and, then, having William see it all, excrucuating to the power of ten! This was another tight chapter, and the tension is palpable. I'm delighted there's another posted already. This heartbroken William is hard to take. Giving up on his dream just to put some distance between them would be a terrible mistake. One I'm sure you're not going to allow him to make, right?

Off to the next chapter.

Author's Response: I know, ewwwww, right??? LOL. No, he won't give up his dream, he just needs time to lick his wounds is all, I promise. THanks for the review sweety. Smoochies.

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Author's Response: LOL, I know, it had to go from bad to worse, but all will get better, I promise. Thanks for the review hon.

I am still reading but I still think Buffy is a bitch. I know it's part of the story, but she is a bitch most of the time.

Author's Response: Oh yes, she's having her ultimate moment here, no two ways about it. Just think of all the groveling she'll have to do, giggles. Thanks for the review hon.

Finally I read this one. And you did a good job - I don´t like her right now. But I do not hate her. ;) I can understand her and I think I would have done the same thing. But I´m looking forward reading the next chapter when they´ll be able to talk to each other. I think this will be time.
And I think Anya is very wise and mature. Waiting until she knows exactly what she wants. I love her and her forthrightness. She is so sweet.
So, I hope you had a nice day till now and we´re going to hear from each other, soon. Smooch.

Author's Response: I'll definetly try to get the story moving along for ya sweety. Things had to get worse before they can better. ANya is a hott huh? I loved her on btvs, she comes in right handy. I'll chat with you soon sweety. Thanks for the review, hugs.

Wow I can't believe Buffy can be so stubborn. He needs the chance to explain himself. A fantastic chapter look forward to the next update xxx

Author's Response: Oh yes, she's no saint in thes fic. SHe's just as capable of screwing up as he is, and of course she'll pay dearly for it too. Thanks for the review darling.

Hi hon, glad to see you back! *raises hand* Let me know about "Her majesty's Guard". I got a new printer yesterday and now I'm able to print out eBooks again. :)

You're right, I'm not too happy about Buffy at the moment. I know she is hurt and why it came from but yet *sigh*. I wonder what Spike is planning now to win her over; the must see her to tell her the truth. If she doesn't want that (like not answering the phone) it's a bit difficult, huh? At last Buffy isn't serious in dating Wesley at the moment, she just wants a distraction.
(I wonder if Wesley is connected in some sense like working for them with William's family...)
Buffy has a date with Wesley now? I wonder if he'll take her to Grisanti's ... Buffy doesn't now that Spike wanted to meet her there. Can't say I'm liking the thought that Buffy wants to sleep with Wesley now. She doesn't hear what her inner voice says nor the dreams she is having of William.
*big sigh* Not meeting at Grisanti's but Spike saw Buffy with Wesley. And now it's him that wants to run. No, this chapter didn't end of a good note. :( I hope Buffy won't go through with sleeping with Wesley because she'll regret it later.
I hope you'll be able to post soon. Thanks for the A/N it made it a bit more bearable.

Author's Response: Hi sweety. I'll certainly let you know once HMG is complete. I'm rather excited about the prospect of epublishing for the first time. I know, bitchy bad Buffy rears her head and makes incredably stupid decisions. But yeah, she's not serious in anyway about Wesley, he's merely a distraction. Nope, Wesley is not connected in any way to Spike or his family.... he's the random idiot I chose for her to date, lol. Sorry for such an angsty chappy, but as always, its part of a bigger plan. Thanks so much for the review sweety, I'm glad to be back. Hugs you tight.

So glad to hear you are doing better. Wow, What a TON of stuff happening all at once in your life! I'm amazed (and very pleased) that you found time to update and post. I was feeling all sad cause Jolynn is too busy with end of year school stuff to post right now so I was at loose ends reading wise so when I saw a TE update.... well, I was THRILLED! And I don't HATE Buffy in this, but I do think she's totally wrong to take the word of Harmony over the word of a man she's grown to love, even if she's still frightened by how intense her emotions for William are. I know it'll all work out, but she's so stubborn! And to wind up in the arms of another man (and can I just say a big EWWW that it's Wesley - nothing against Wesley -- especially when he joined the angel crew and got all sexy-tough looking -- but I just have NEVER matched Buffy and Wesley up in my mind so it kinda squiggs me out with the grouping and kissage and all!)..... oh yeah, I remember I was saying something about Buffy in the arms of another man so soon after Spike/William.... And if William wasn't so hurt by all that has transpired, he would probably realize it's an attempt to forget him and is purely a rebound thing -- perhaps Lorne will be able to talk to some sense into him and between Lorne and Anya they can get these two damaged souls to talk it all out and come clean with each other! I know Spike has been totally secretive about so much, but Buffy has also been hiding things from him as well, just not quite as "questionable" as what Spike has been hiding - or rather avoiding most of the truth. Buffy has been hiding her true feelings and thoughts to protect herself. Spike has worked hard to bring out the sexy, spit fire he's in love with and if Buffy is again left to her own devices she's gonna be so bored in not time!

Well, it's 1:35AM and I'm rambling again when I should be sleeping. Sweetie, thanks again, SO MUCH, for taking time to write and post! It's made my weekend. I hope and pray that everything smooths out for you and that you continue to feel better. I have to agree with Jolynn though, that you write very funny and sexy stuff while on meds.... obviously muse is taking more than his fair share! Take care. Much love and good thoughts going out to you and muse! Oh, how's the home office shaping up? Hugs!

Author's Response: Thanks for understanding sweety. Life is slowly but surely settling down and thank god the school year is almost over, lol. Buffy's definetely not making very good choices here but she'll pay for it when the time comes. LMAO, I like Wesley, but as far as pairing him with Buffy, that's a huge ewwww in my book too. It's also the reason why I chose him though, b/c it's unlikley in any scenario, they just don't have the 'it' to even imagine it happening. They're both messing up bad here to be sure and neither realizes it they're so caught up in the moment and their own distorted view of things. Such is the way of angst. LMAO, me on pain meds is sooooo not a good time for me to write. It makes for well, interesting things, hee hee. OMG, I am soooooo in love with my loft-office space. I still need some more things to fill it, but I got the desk and of course the chaise lounge - the essentials and the muse is most happy . I'll have to remind myself to take piccies and post to my LJ. Take care sweety and thanks so much for the review, I loved it and the way you explained and understood things. You're dead on in your perception. Hugs you tight.

AIUGHHHHGUGHHH!!!! nooo buffy noooo!!!!!!! oh god, please stop her. lol. i feel so bad for spike ='( think i might've shed a tear. okay fine, TEARS. more more MORE please. i can't sleep not knowing what will happen next.

Author's Response: Frustrating little bint, isn't she? But she's going off gut reaction - not exactly a thinker here and selfish to boot. Not to worry though, things will iron themselves out in a fashion to where she'll know she messed up too. Thanks for the review darling.

Rebounds are bad, but they happen-- and they're hecka easy to find yourself in. Hopefully she takes Anya's advice to heart and tries to swallow her pride! :) Looking forward to more.

Author's Response: Yes, rebounds happen all the time in the real world. They're not the best of choices, but it happens a lot. Buffy will definetely be feeling some proper guilt when the times comes, that's for sure. Thanks for the review darling. Huggles.

NOOOOOOO!!! the whole chapter i kept saying, "NO BUFFY!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING???" I know it's all for the greater good but i completely agree with buffy's inner bitch. BUFFY IS A BITCH!!!!!!!!! i know she's just reacting to what little she knows about spike and his life but...damn girl! she's not an innocent in this either and for her to try and get over him so soon with another guy makes me question her a bit. hell, i'd probably do the same thing but this is so not about me. lol. great job loved it soooooo much.

so glad ur feeling better. i was starting to think that you had forgotten about us. take it easy.

Author's Response: I could never forget about you sweety. It's just been a helluva time for me here with all the changes taking place. Hee hee, yup, Buffy is making some very bad choices and feeling justified to boot. Sighs... that's angst for ya though and she'll be doing her share of groveling when it comes time for it too. I didn't want to paint her as a victim here though. A lot of fics, not all, I've read has Spike as the bad guy, doing stupid things. That's why I wanted something where they're both to blame in their own way and acting like real people would - despite the unlikely plot, lol. Thanks so much for the review sweety. Hugs you tight.