i tried to get through this, but your writing needs a lot of work. you really should have this beta read.

Author's Response: Well as I said in my note to you guys, this was a story written because I have two betas who haven't gotten back to me yet. So I was being nice and posting a little quick story to give something for people to read. I did write in my note it was un-beta-ed. I guess I could have put that on every chapter but I didn't think it was necessary. As I said in the note, it will be a while before it gets beta-ed because I have two others working on other stories that are much longer and more intense than this that took me only a day to write up. Sorry.