Date: 01/19/2014 - 12:45 pm Title: Song To Say Goodbye
Hi My name is 'Max Fing' just want to share my experience with the world on how i got my love back and saved my marriage... I was married for 7years with 2kids and we lived happily until things started getting ugly and we had fights and arguments almost every time... it got worse at a point that she filed for divorce... I tried my best to make her change her mind & stay with me cause i loved her with all my heart and didn't want to loose her but everything just didn't work out... she moved out of the house and still went ahead to file for divorce... I pleaded and tried everything but still nothing worked. The breakthrough came when someone introduced me to this wonderful, great spell caster who eventually helped me out... I have never been a fan of things like this but just decided to try reluctantly cause I was desperate and left with no choice... He did special prayers and used roots and herbs... Within 7 days she called me and was sorry for all the emotional trauma she had cost me, moved back to the house and we continue to live happily, the kids are happy too and we are expecting our third child. I have introduced him to a lot of couples with problems across the world and they have had good news... Just thought I should share my experience cause I strongly believe someone out there need's it... You can email him via eromosalelovespell@outlook.com Don't give up just yet, the different between 'Ordinary' & 'Extra-Ordinary' is the 'Extra' so make extra effort to save your marriage/relationship if it's truly worth it.
Date: 07/27/2013 - 03:16 am Title: Every You Every Me
I have to agree with ScarlettDuck, you need a beta. There's a huge difference in writing in a "voice" or style and just plain bad grammar and bad spelling.
Author's Response:
To be fair I wrote this story when I was 19 (parts of it over 5 years ago) and I am constantly trying to better my writing so I think the tone of your response is unfairly judgemental and harsh. I am currently writing a story and am being very ruthless about grammar mistakes partly because of ScarlettDuck’s comments here. I was adverse to them at first yet they were done I now realise in a constructive way and I am learning from them. However I still stand by some of my comments because I am still keeping the dialogue like normal speech rather than correct speech and my style will remain the same, I’ve just bookmarked the common mistakes in the past stories and checked for them.
I think you should consider what you post to writers before you do. Also if you are suggesting that where I defended my style is bad grammar you obviously didn't understand my comment at all. If you actually sat and read what I wrote to ScarlettDuck I agreed when she picked up on my grammar mistakes in the text when they weren't part of artist license, and that was my point not that all my mistakes weren’t mistakes! I said they were part of my style when they were character dialogue or when I was aware of them and had chosen them for flow or mood of the sentence or description.
I don't want to have a beta, and that's my personal choice not only because of the way I feel about my writing, but also because I don't have any friends who write so if I sent it to anyone I know they would have no clue how to beta! But I just wanted to point out that even if that wasn't the case I don't agree with your review because you obviously haven't thought about it as it is worded quite bluntly (which I don’t find appropriate) and without actually understanding the conversation between me and ScarlettDuck who even themselves I think saw my side of it though they still disagreed with me.
To end I just want to reiterate that I am not against having a beta or that part of your review, that might be a helpful suggestion and if you had suggested it constructively I would have taken it on board (even though as I said it isn’t an option at the moment). I just wanted to make it clear that it’s your tone and reasoning I question here rather than the end point you made. It makes me sad that I get all these wonderful good or bad constructive reviews and people like you spoil the atmosphere.
Date: 07/27/2013 - 03:15 am Title: Every You Every Me
I have to agree with ScarlettDuck, you need a beta. There's a huge difference in writing in a "voice" or style and just plain bad grammar and bad spelling.
[Report This]Date: 07/24/2013 - 12:42 pm Title: Song To Say Goodbye
Hi My name is 'Bruno Rico' just want to share my experience with the world on how i got my love back and saved my marriage... I was married for 7years with 2kids and we lived happily until things started getting ugly and we had fights and arguments almost every time... it got worse at a point that she filed for divorce... I tried my best to make her change her mind & stay with me cause i loved her with all my heart and didn't want to loose her but everything just didn't work out... she moved out of the house and still went ahead to file for divorce... I pleaded and tried everything but still nothing worked. The breakthrough came when someone introduced me to this wonderful, great spell caster who eventually helped me out... I have never been a fan of things like this but just decided to try reluctantly cause I was desperate and left with no choice... He did special prayers and used roots and herbs... Within 7 days she called me and was sorry for all the emotional trauma she had cost me, moved back to the house and we continue to live happily, the kids are happy too and we are expecting our third child. I have introduced him to a lot of couples with problems across the world and they have had good news... Just thought I should share my experience cause I strongly believe someone out there need's it... You can email him via akhidenorlovespell@gmail.com Don't give up just yet, the different between 'Ordinary' & 'Extra-Ordinary' is the 'Extra' so make extra effort to save your marriage/relationship if it's truly worth it.
Author's Response: I not only want to file this as 'Spam' I also take personal offence to it as a Wiccan! Love Spells should NEVER be cast in this way without one person's knowledge or to influence their decisions. They should only be cast to improve communication, to bring out the love ALREADY there or to generally send out good vibes. They should never in my opinion be cast by ANYONE who does not already personally know the couple or is part of the couple and therefore does not know the wishes and feelings of BOTH parties, because it against mine and all Wiccan's views to change or influence the will of others. This is HARMFUL and although if this is all true and saved your marriage (which I highly doubt - doubt you are even a real person) the outcome does not justify the means. I not only disagree with you getting in touch with this person, but THEIR own abuse of magick. This is a dangerous thing and I would appreciate you never reviewing my stories with this kind of spam EVER again or I will report you to Pari.
Date: 01/07/2013 - 08:13 am Title: English Summer Rain
I wish he hadn't done the cliche multiple girls on tour, that felt like a backwards slide at the wrong point to me. It was also a little confusing as it said a couple at most and then talked as if there had been multiple - 'she was like all the other girls', 'usually because the guys would egg him on to do it' (huge urrrgh there btw) 'they were nice girls', 'they all came to his bed knowing they wouldn’t see him again', 'he knew most of them came just to say they’d shagged a guy in a band', 'at first he'd longed for one of them to be more meaningful... sometimes it came close', 'he'd tried to feel something with these girls', 'this would be the last girl' - he sounds like a womanising slut, not someone sleeping with a couple of people and I expected a bit more from him than this extreme level of tack at this point after he didn't go there with harmony, just a couple would have worked better imo. Oh well.
Author's Response:
That's a fair point, I do see your view and I am sorry. This is probably my cynical side but I just find that when some people try to move on and realise they can't it doesn't happen over night or even after a few fish in the sea, it takes some people A LOT longer to come to their senses about love especially if they have emotional or psychological issues like Spike has. I didn't intentionally make Spike out to be a slut! Sorry! I just wanted to make him pathetic, and that he was stooping to new lows because he was struggling so much to find happiness with anyone who wasn't Buffy, but in his heart felt Buffy would reject him and so he had no choice but to carry on trying. He is meant to be in a downwards spiral until obviously this moment where he realises he would rather be lonely that carry on with what he is doing. In that scene you aren't meant to like what he is doing because in that moment he is also there, realising the bad FINALLY.
However I disagree the Harmony thing can be used to confuse things, the encounter with Harmony is completely different., but perhaps that is me not making it clear so I'll explain what I was going for. My intention in that Chapter was to show Spike in a moment of emotional breakdown because he WANTS to move on and can't do this physically, on tour he finally makes the step to move on physically and it is this that makes him realise that that is in fact not what he wants because his heart and mind still want Buffy. In a way the Harmony thing was trying to get Buffy out of his system, and the girls on tour was a confused state where he didn't know whether he wanted to meet a girl and settle down or play at being a normal healthy guy not wanting commitment and enjoying casual sex, neither state entered his head during the Harmony thing.
Also sorry for the guys egging him on, don't know exactly why you didn't like this bit! I just thought that was typical lad behaviour when a mate breaks up with someone, but sorry if it made anyone cringe.
[Report This]Date: 01/07/2013 - 03:25 am Title: Space Monkey
Mmmmmmmm. :)
Date: 12/04/2012 - 12:42 am Title: Pure Morning
I'm not taking the piss, and not trying to be a pain, just trying to help. I guess the "she was stood there" thing must be dialectical, because I have read thousands of books and have spoken to many people from hundreds of different parts of the English-speaking world and I have NEVER encountered that syntax before. Apologies. When I first encountered that syntax, I honestly had trouble interpreting it, and as I stumbled over it, it wrecked the rhythm of your writing, and I thought if I had that trouble, then other readers might, and I figured you might want to make your story easier for the average reader to read and comprehend. Apologies if this was not the case -- I honestly was not trying to aggravate you! And I just now encountered the fact that you'd responded to most of my reviews, so I wasn't continuing to pick to be a pain. Thought you were interested, but I will stop. Feel free to delete anything you don't like. Again, was only trying to help.
Best wishes.
Author's Response: I just want to apologise for some of my responses, although I stand by the points I made I want to apologise for any that were overly defensive. I now understand you were trying to help and all your reviews will influence my future writing for the better!
Rae x
[Report This]Date: 12/03/2012 - 11:58 am Title: Song To Say Goodbye
Beautiful letter.
A note:
"…him,Giles and his mother had gone twice a year." S/b "…he, Giles…
Author's Response: Choice!
[Report This]Date: 12/03/2012 - 11:52 am Title: I Know
Oh, the emotions and angst and development are really good.
Notes:
"had ran outside" s/b "had run outside"
"Spike was stood there," s/b "Spike was standing there"
"And me and Riley didn't come here together" s/b "…Riley and I…"
"We were barely stood next to each other" s/b "…barely standing…"
"franticly" s/b "frantically"
Author's Response: Firstly "And me and Riley" also "barely stood" is speech so thats obviously a choice! I agree you might not have identified it in other areas, but come on! Thats so obviously a choice because thats how an average girl Buffy's age would talk! The others are errors I can understand, but this is the first time I've thought you were taking the P out of me!
[Report This]Date: 12/03/2012 - 11:38 am Title: Taste In Men
A few things here, including:
"I could easily pretend Riley and me could work," s/b "Riley and I."
Love how you are having Buffy process, and love the Faith stuff and the Riley stuff here.
Author's Response: Again, speech. See above! Glad you like the Riley/Faith additions!
[Report This]Date: 12/03/2012 - 11:22 am Title: Without You I'm Nothing
"she wanted him too" should be "wanted him to"
"This was Willow, who she’d know since she was 12," s/b "This was Willow, whom she’d known since she was 12,"
[Report This]Date: 12/03/2012 - 11:14 am Title: In The Cold Light Of Morning
Notes
some small ones, plus:
couldn't "bear" the thought, not bare
"drawers" not draws
[Report This]Date: 12/03/2012 - 10:54 am Title: Space Monkey
Hot, hot, hot!
Still seeing minor issues along the way, but either things I've mentioned before or super nitpicky.
[Report This]Date: 12/03/2012 - 10:37 am Title: Because I Want You
So, so, so beautiful, so sexy, so hot.
A few things, among them, should have to "rein" himself in, not "reign," and it's "throes" of passion or orgasm, not "throws."
[Report This]Date: 12/03/2012 - 10:26 am Title: One Of A Kind
So hot!
Still a few issues, among them you say "baited breath" whenit should be "bated breath."
[Report This]Date: 12/03/2012 - 10:18 am Title: Special K
Some mistakes still showing up, like in this chap you have Buffy starting some sentences with "me." (Shouldn't begin sentences with me, her him or us.)
Some other errors this chap and previous.
Author's Response: I should if thats the way my character speaks!
[Report This]Date: 12/03/2012 - 10:02 am Title: Post Blue
Steamy, great tension!
A few issues in this chap and the previous, mostly that I still think you are better off using "laying" all the times you've used "laid."
[Report This]Date: 12/03/2012 - 09:53 am Title: 36 Degrees
Such a hot little chapter!
Few notes:
think all four times you use the word "laid" you'd be better with "laying." Lay/lie are tricky verbs with tricky and crossing conjugations... always have to look them up myself.
Also, you say she "got passed him" but it should be "past." And you should hyphenate "stomach-flippng" but didn't, and you shouldn't hyphenate "in between." Think there were a few other minor points, too.
[Report This]Date: 12/03/2012 - 09:40 am Title: Come Home
A few tiny notes on this page, but really tiny. Lemme know if you want me to point 'em out.
(Another great chap, btw!)
[Report This]Date: 12/03/2012 - 09:31 am Title: Drag
K, great chapter, btw.
Couple things to fix:
"Buffy smiled relieved someone else was going to sort her out;"
Should be "Buffy smiled, relieved..."
And then, I notice that any time you have a quoted sentence that ends "he said" or "she asked" or whatever, that you end the quoted sentence with a period before the end quote mark, when in that case the quoted sentence should end with a comma before the end quote mark, and then the "he said."
For example:
“Well you’re the one who came to a club,{there should be a space after this comma}underage,{space}got too drunk and couldn’t look after her friend,{space}and had no idea what to do when said friend got rat-arsed.{should be comma, not period}” he threw back at her.
“She’s fine now.{,}” Buffy said,narrowing her eyes at him as if to say ‘{this single quote mark should be a regular ", even though it's a thought}back off,{space}it wasn’t my fault.’{"}
“Yeah.{,}” said Faith from behind them on the sofa. She was leant {leaning} forwards {forward} holding her head.
Author's Response: Yeah I do this on purpose. If you read my other fics (Supernatural ones) on Fanfic, you'll see I don't always do this. It depends on the mood of the piece, its all about how it reads to me as a piece of art. So thats style. That won't change. I do appreciate you going to all this trouble, but unfortunetly I just don't think you understand my writing, there is a disconnect!
[Report This]Date: 12/03/2012 - 09:12 am Title: Pure Morning
Hi, I just came back to this story to refresh my memory before delving into Protege Moi, and saw your request for specific errors. I only skimmed this page, and I noticed a couple, the biggest of which was:
"Her and Spike had always had a weird relationship."
That should be "She and Spike..."
There was also a minor whom/whom issue, but that's just incredibly nitpicky... I'll continue skimming the story and I'll let you know if I see more. (Feel free to delete any of these critical reviews if you don't like them or don't agree, I won't be offended. I think you are a great writer and I do still love the story, I'm just a wannabe editor and total word nitpicker! If you want me to read more carefully instead of just skimming, lemme know! )
Author's Response: Its not that I disagree with them, you are perfectly right in your own way! Its just when i asked you for examples I wasn't looking for a beta, if I wanted a beta I can have one. I meant I wanted to understand if you were coming from a place of actual mistakes that I'd overlooked (maybe 5% or 10% that you've pointed out), or if it was an English/American language issue (which I know now its not!) or if it was simply a style issue, because I do know that I throw the rule book out on purpose! Everyone else seems to get and appreciate that, but I am aware I do it, so I wondered if that was your issue and it seems it is. Thats fine if you can still read and enjoy, but obviously you don't get me as a writer. Thats fine too! I appreciate all this time you've taken, but again you misunderstood me. I just wanted one or two example so that I knew which of those 3 reasons you had! I understood your problem after reading about 3 of your reviews so you really didn't need to bother with every Chapter I'm not interested in a beta! I'm terribly terribly sorry I wasn't clear! Thanx for all the reviews, we're just very different people! (Thats what makes the world go round!)
[Report This]Date: 08/29/2012 - 05:03 am Title: Every You Every Me
A lovely story ... several typos/grammar/vocab problems; a stringent editing and this could be truly great!
Author's Response: Can you give me some examples? Sorry, but I do spend a great amount of time editing...I know there are a few things I've missed, but I definitely don't see several things so I'm a bit confused :/ do you think maybe you're confusing my purposeful writing style/english spelling with accidental mistakes? Thank you for the review and please let me know.
[Report This]Date: 07/02/2012 - 05:23 am Title: Every You Every Me
The only thing I learn about this fic is this Spike is a selfish that cant love to anyone. Very good write but honest I hate this spike and Im spuffy so disappoint me so much
[Report This]Date: 07/02/2012 - 05:13 am Title: I Do
Spike doesnt change anything, he dont must sleep with anyone else after Buffy, he doesnt change he did what ever he wanted in London and then back for be with her. Is not like that he doesnt deserve be with her or be forgive
Author's Response: Sorry I'm having problems understanding the review so apologies if I get anything wrong but what I think you're trying to say is that Spike doesn't change because he sleeps with girls in England...well I'm sorry if you feel that but I disagree...Spike has taken a long time to realise he wants to be with Buffy because as with a lot of relationships that are worth it things have been hard to face up to...however he DID change because he went back for Buffy ( when in the past he would have run away) he told her he knew she had a right to see who she wanted and be who she wanted (when in the past he would have been jealous and would have told her what to do or given brotherly advice) and he saw that his past actions were awful but faced up to them by talking about them, asking Buffy how they made her feel and not hiding from them or moping over them he did the adult thing and admitted his failings...I know he slept with other girls, but thats what SOME people do...when I was younger I couldn't have the person I wanted so I went to others, and yeah eventually I saw it was useless but SOME people are idiots like me and Spike...thats where the similarity ends because my guy wasn't worth going back to, but Buffy was so Spike swallowed his pride and tried to make it right even if it meant she rejected them...it was brave and I tried to show that the Spike I was writing would have left her alone after she heard him out if thats what she wanted, he just wanted to make it right in the end and her taking him back was a bonus...sorry for the rant...if you still don't agree thats fine! But I thought I should explain the character if my writing wasn't enough to get my ideas across...hope you give another of my stories ago! But then again I always go for similar Spike-a-types!
[Report This]Date: 08/02/2011 - 06:11 pm Title: Every You Every Me
Good story... that's a huge cliffhanger...
Author's Response: Sequel uploaded no longer a cliffy!
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