Ohh,....tricky tricky writer....very clever :)

well it was off to a good start, but seeing as this is your first story i'd say your doing a pretty good job... its just that, and pelase dont think im mean, i just want to give some constructive critisism to help you!... but anyway, its just that the plot seems really rushed so far, adn because of that i feel that it's not as realistic as it could be (i know, i know- you're writting about vampires and magic and im telling you to be realistic! lol) anyway, i think if you take your time and pad out the story a little bit, maybe with characters thoughts and more descriptions so everything doesnt seem so abrupt, then i reckon your first foray into writing will turn out to be great!!! sorry if this was mean, and please dont let what i, or anyone else says, discourage you! cant wait to read more :)

Author's Response: I am glad that you gave me some critisism. I need that to get better and write stories that people want to read. I hope you continue to read and review my story.