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Author's Chapter Notes:
I’m not sure how much, but let’s just say that a little time has passed from the last chapter. Maybe about a week. Also, that no one besides Joyce knew about Buffy and Spike’s relationship. Well, hope ya’ll like this chapter. Please, don’t kill me!
Chapter 12

Xander walked into Spike’s apartment, again without knocking. He figured Spike couldn’t mind all that much, since he hardly ever locked the door. He went into the living room and again found Spike making out with Harmony on the couch. “Sorry, really need to stop making a habit of this.” They pulled away from each other at that moment. Xander’s jaw dropped when he recognized who the girl was and it wasn’t Harmony. “Buffy?” He said in shock and then a smile formed on his lips. “Well, this is new.” Spike rolled his eyes.

“That’s it; I’m locking that bloody door.” Xander crossed his arms over his chest as the smile remained on his face.

“When exactly did this happen? What happened with Harmony?” He wondered.

“Harmony is history and so are you, mate.” Spike said as he stood up and grabbed Xander’s arm, pulling him over to the front door.

“Alright, I can take a hint.” He stated when they got to the door. Spike then shoved him out. “Can you at least tell me what it’s like to kiss her?” He asked and Spike gave his friend a smile as he closed the door in his face. He sighed and walked back to the living room to see Buffy still on the couch. He gave her a smile.

“Now that the whelp’s gone, let’s get back to what we were doing.” He said as he sat down next to her and then noticed that Buffy was avoiding his gaze. “Hey, what’s wrong?” He asked her with concern and she just shrugged.

“Nothing,” she replied without looking at him.

“Come on, love. I know when something’s bothering you. Is it Xander? He was bound to find out about us eventually. I don’t know why that should matter though. He didn’t have that big of a crush on you. He gets a crush on every bird he comes in contact with, but then it goes away usually within a few days.” Buffy shook her head and finally looked at him.

“It’s not that. You have to promise you won’t get upset.” She said and that made him worried.

“I really don’t like where this is headed, but I promise.” Buffy nodded and took a deep breath before she spoke again.

“I ran into Scott the other day.” Spike tried to remember why that name seemed so familiar and then his eyes grew big when realization hit him.

“Scott? Tommy’s father, Scott?” Buffy nodded again and Spike tried to remain calm. “What did the wanker say?” Buffy sighed and decided to tell him.

“He said he’s back in town for college. He plans on going to UC Sunnydale. I told him about Thomas. I wasn’t planning on it, but I figured he had a right to know. He said he wanted to see him.” That made Spike angry and he stood up.

“He won’t be going anywhere near him. You’re not really considering this, are you?” Buffy shrugged.

“I wasn’t at first, but he seemed so different from the last time I saw him. He didn’t seem upset to find out he had a son. It looked like he really wanted to see him.” She explained.

“I don’t even know how you could let him be around Thomas after what he did to you.” Buffy sighed and stood up also.

“That was a while ago, I’m not one that likes to hold grudges. I think everyone deserves a second chance. I understand that he was drunk and probably didn’t realize what he was doing. You didn’t see him, Spike. He looked like he was really sorry. I know you may not like this, but he is Tommy’s father. If we’re going to be together, you have to accept that.” Spike clenched his fists at his side and tried to stay calm. He knew he had to ask her what he has been thinking, even though he dreaded the answer.

“Do you love him?” Buffy looked away from him for a moment before looking back at his pained expression.

“I used to, but I don’t know anymore.” Spike nodded, but he wasn’t finished.

“Do you love me?” Buffy was surprised that he would ask that.

“Of course I do. How can you even question that?” Spike threw his hands in the air.

“I don’t know, Buffy. Right now you sound like someone that wants to go back to her ex.” Buffy shook her head.

“We were never even together. He was just a friend and I did love him, but everything is so different now. I just don’t know how I can make you understand.” Spike gave a short laugh.

“I think I understand fine.” He said as he walked away from her. He stopped to look at her one more time. “You don’t know how many times I wished that things could be different. I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone; it terrifies me knowing that everything could be taken away. Whenever I’m with you and Thomas, I keep thinking about how different things could be if I was there first. If I was his father. You don’t know how much I want to be his father, Buffy. I love that kid as if he was my own, but I know that I’m not his father. That some other wanker got there first. I know seeing him again was hard for you and I won’t get in the way of whatever you want to do. So, I think I’ll just let you figure it out.” He then walked out of the apartment, closing the door behind him. Buffy watched him go and sat back on the couch. She buried her face in her hands and let the tears fall.





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