You made me laugh some
You made me cry some, too
You sent me off into a world of pain
And made me someone new
You made all kinds of promises
But only some came true
Now I know you need me
More than I need you...
He stared at the road. Behind him lay Sunnyhell, as quiet and sinister as ever. Only now, for him, it was a place filled with pain. It was the place where the demon had finally devoured the man. The place where he had hurt her. He could still see her under him, her face tear-streaked, panicked, trying to fight him off. And it hurt.
It shouldn’t hurt. He knew that dimly. He was a monster, not a man. He shouldn’t care about the horrified look on her face when she realized that this time, he was in dead earnest about forcing her. He shouldn’t burst into tears when he remembered her exclamation: “Ask me again why I could never love you!”
It had never hurt this much before, not even when she practically spat in his face after he’d declared his love for her. Then there had been hope, but now—now there was none. It was all dark, all empty. He was empty.
To think I used to love you
For reasons I don’t know
You polished up my halo
And I dirtied up your soul
I sure had a good time
But we both know I can’t stay
To think I used to love you—
But I’m leavin’ anyway...
Part of him whispered that she should have known. She was the Slayer, for Christ’s sake. She knew that vampires were demons, evil nasty creatures who were incapable of true love.
And that was what hurt, really. She did know. Yet, she’d come to him anyway. Now that he was being forced to realize that she’d always known exactly what he was, he knew that it was that fact that truly hurt. How often had part of him dared to hope that she’d forgotten who he was, that she’d really fallen in love—or at least lust—with him?
You know I’m not perfect
I tried to make you see
Somehow you thought of everything
But you didn’t think about me
Lies and disappointments makes your world go round
It’s too late to save me
So you might as well come down...
And that was the rub. She’d hurt him, she’d abused him, and all the while she’d known exactly what she was doing.
Forced to face that, he knew that he couldn’t stay. He really, truly knew this time that there was no hope. No tomorrow.
He could not be redeemed. When someone finally dusted him, he would burn in a Hell that made the one Peaches had vacationed in look like a sodding paradise. If she hadn’t been able to save him, then he couldn’t be saved. It was as easy as that.
So he hopped on his motorcycle, prepared to leave that little Hell on Earth for good. The damn Slayer could keep the town, and welcome to it. Maybe it’d swallow her up. He had better things to do. See that African bloke, for one, so he could get the bloody chip out.
But right before he left, he paused—looked back—and got off the motorcycle. Something, he didn’t know what, made him vow to come back. Yeah, he thought as he got back on the bike. That would make sense. Return and beat the bloody Slayer to a pulp. That was a good plan.
He would be back. And somehow, he’d be changed enough to make Buffy see exactly what he was.
And with that thought to buoy him through the pain of leaving his one, his only love, he left Sunnyhell.
To think I used to love you
For reason I don’t know
You polished up my halo
And I dirtied up your soul
I sure had a good time
But we both know I can’t stay
To think I used to love you—
But I’m leavin’ anyway...
~*~
A/N: Okay, personally I think this one kinda sucks, but I was listening to the Sweet Home Alabama soundtrack and it just popped into my head. The song is “To Think I Used To Love You” by Uncle Kracker. Feedback is nice, tell me if it’s as bad as I’m thinking it is plz. Thanks!
Author's Chapter Notes:
This is a respost.