Author's Chapter Notes:
Sorry for the delay - work has been terrible this past week. Thanks to Jess for the quick turn around. Please review!
CHAPTER 37

After our second encounter in the attic, things between Will and I had gone back to normal. I was no longer jumpy around Will during the day or around the twins and I wasn’t trying my best to avoid him anymore. By using the characters of Will’s stories, we were able to separate our two different relationships. Most of the time he was Will, my caring and supportive brother who took care of me and the twins. Then sometimes he would become Spike, a sexual creature who made Buffy’s blood boil.

It was oftentimes too easy to slip into this game. It would simply begin when one of us would call the other by their character name. Will would look at me with desire in the attic at night and say something like “Buffy, you’re beautiful,” and it would start. The soft touches and the gentle kisses would eventually lead to our passionate coupling. The guilt was still there, but it was pushed aside to the back of my head as it was replaced by the comfort I found in Will’s embrace and the acceptance that Will had of me exactly the way I was.

With the twins, we always had to be the brave ones. With grandmother, we always had to be meek and play by her rules. But with each other, we could just be ourselves even if we were using different names some of the time. Will knew everything about me; we shared all of our thoughts, good or bad. This new relationship was bringing us closer on other levels, opening up discussions that we otherwise wouldn’t talk about. Bringing out fears in me that I didn’t even know I had.

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One night after putting the twins to bed, I sat in the bathroom staring at the blood stained toilet paper in my hand. After ten weeks, I had finally gotten my period. This should have been a relief to me, but instead it filled me with a sadness I couldn’t begin to fathom. Quickly disposing of the tissue as if it burned me, I flushed the toilet and immediately jumped into the shower to wash myself. I needed to get my thoughts in order and figure out why I wasn’t as happy as I should be before talking to Will.

After showering, I put in a tampon and put on a pair of loose-fitting cotton underwear. Dressing in one of the long flowing nightgowns I had found in the attic so that I didn’t have to deal with any tight elastic around my aching stomach, I headed upstairs to find Will. He was hunched over at the reading table writing furiously in his notebook. It was the twins’ birthday in a few days and I knew he was working on a couple of new stories for them.

“Spike?” I said softly before coming to stand a few feet in front of him.

His head snapped up from his writing, surprised when he heard the use of his alternative name so early in the night. Usually, our game didn’t begin right away; we always talked about other things that had gone on during the day first. He closed his notebook and focused his attention on me, “Buffy, what’s wrong?” Concern was etched on his face.

“I got my period.” I said quietly, looking down at my bare feet.

“That’s great!” Will said with joy in his voice. “I told you your body was just out of whack.”

“Yeah,” I said unenthusiastically. I could feel tears begin to well up in my eyes.

“Buffy, come here.” Will’s tone was low. “Let me touch you.”

“No!” I said a little louder than I meant to. “I don’t want Spike right now, I want Will.”

It was the first time I had not accepted the game, but if Will was shocked or upset by it, he didn’t show it. He stood up from the chair and came over to me slowly. “Ok, ok. I’m here, it’s me.” He said tenderly rubbing his hands along my arms. “But I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s wrong.” His voice was no longer seductive, but instead laced with worry. I wrapped my arms around his neck and began sobbing. He started rubbing my back and making shushing noises trying to calm my crying. “Bethy, tell me what’s wrong. Does this have something to do with you getting your period? Are you in pain? Is it cramps?” Will asked as he brought me over to sit on his lap on the chair.

Still crying, I nodded my head and nuzzled my face deeper into the nook between his neck and shoulder. Between whimpers, I finally voiced the concerns that had been plaguing me ever since I discovered I got my period. “What if I never get to have a baby because we never get out of here?” I felt Will’s body tense beneath me, but I carried on without thinking what affect my words might be having on him. “I still want a normal life, Will. I want a husband and kids, the house with the white picket fence.” I picked my head up off his shoulder and looked into his eyes through my own blurry vision. “What if I die in here and never get a chance to do all those things a normal woman should? Fall in love, get married, be a mother.”

I saw a flash of pain flicker in Will’s eyes, but I didn’t have time to analyze it as he closed them before letting out a breath. “I’m not letting you die in here, Elizabeth. We are getting out of this godforsaken place if I have to tunnel our way out with my bare fingers. Do you hear me?” Will shook me to emphasize his point. “We’re getting out no matter what I have to do.” I nodded my head believing his conviction as he brought his hand up to my tear stained cheek. “The other stuff, to get married, to have a family…” He removed his hand from my cheek and looked down to the floor. Softly, he continued, “I can’t guarantee that stuff, Bethy, but you’re pretty easy to love. I know from first hand experience.” When he looked up at me, his eyes were swirling with so many different emotions I didn’t know what to think. I felt better at his words, but was he talking as William or as Spike? Did it matter either way? “You’re an amazing woman, Beth; strong, passionate, loyal. Any guy would be crazy not to want those things with you.”

He looked down again quickly after his affirmation as an awkward silence began to settle between us. Wisely, he changed the subject and put some distance between us. Lifting me off his lap, he got up to stand, but placed me gently back in the chair. He began to pace in front of me. “Listen, after the twins’ birthday, we’ll work on the first part of the new plan. We’ve been watching Adam for a few weeks now so we have his habits pretty much down. We’ll need to work on your pick-pocketing skills because you’re going to have to be the one to grab the key and put it back. We’re getting out, Beth, I promise you.” He knelt down in front of me and looked me in the eye. “Do you believe me?”

“Yes, Will.” I nodded. He had reassured me and I wanted to return the gesture. “I believe you. I know you’ll get us out.” I smiled slightly at him trying to change the heavy mood around us. “Besides, with me helping you, we couldn’t possibly screw up, what with me being perfect and all.” I put on my best 3000-watt smile. “We make a pretty good team, right?”

“The best, baby, and you know it.” He smiled right back at me in the same charming manner sending a shiver through my body. “Come on. Want to help me with the twins’ stories?” He grabbed two notebooks off the table and stretched out on his stomach on the mattresses.

He patted the space next to him and I came willingly to lie down next to him. “What have you got so far?”

“I’m almost done, they’re pretty good. Connor’s is about the origin of how he became a werewolf and I have him turning all furry in it, like he wanted. It’s a little dark for a nine-year old so I made Dawn’s funny. One of her spells goes wonky and everyone forgets who they are. Spike doesn’t know he’s a vampire, Buffy doesn’t know she’s a slayer and Dawn doesn’t know she can do magic.”

“Is she going to turn Connor into a rat like she wanted?”

“Of course, that’s how she figures out she can do magic, but she’ll turn him back once the spell is broken. Don’t want to keep him that way forever.” He handed me one of the notebooks to read. “Here, this one is Connor’s. Read it and let me know if I should change anything, edits, stuff like that.”

“Ok.” I said turning to the first page of Connor’s story. Will was furiously scribbling next to me again as I stopped about a minute into reading to watch him. “Will?” I said.

“Yeah?” He turned to look at me at the question in my voice.

“Thanks.” I gave him a shy smile. “You always know how to make me feel better.”

“You’re welcome, but you don’t need to thank me. I’m your brother; it’s my job to make you feel better.” He leaned over to give me a chaste peck on the cheek. “Now get back to the story. It’s got to be done soon. The twins’ birthday is coming up fast.”

“You think we’ll see mom?” I asked. I knew the answer, but I wanted to see if he still thought she wouldn’t show up.

“No, I don’t think she’s coming. She’s probably busy with wedding plans and other stuff.”

“What other stuff? Trying to get us out of here?”

“Elizabeth, does it matter?” Will’s blue eyes pleaded with me. “I said I’d get us out no matter what mom is doing. Now get back to the story.”

It pissed me off that I still could not get him to say a bad word about her, which made me believe he had not given up on mother completely. He still had some weird sense of loyalty to her, still had faith in her. Although I was frustrated with him, I let it go and turned back to reading.





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