Chapter Five
The next morning, grandmother arrived promptly at nine with the breakfast cart. We all waited anxiously for her to leave because today we were heading up to the attic. She was taking longer than usual to set up the food. Once she finished she looked at us with a mad twinkle in her eye.
“Did you like the scars on your mother’s back? Did you enjoy seeing the punishment I gave her as much as I enjoyed giving it?” She was almost giddy as she rocked on her heels, asking us these cruel questions. “I know your mother told you about the attic. I am allowing you to go up there as a privilege but my rules are still in effect up there. Whenever you think you’ve gotten away with something, I want you to see those marks on Joyce’s back." Her smile grew wider and more maniacal. “And remember, the Lord sees everything.” With those parting words, she left us alone in the room.
I saw William’s jaw tick a few times before he spoke. “She’s a complete nutter. She just likes to rattle our cages. We can’t let her get to us. Come on, let’s eat fast so we can get upstairs.”
We ate our pancakes quickly and then William moved the desk and found the knot in the wall. A small door opened and he fumbled with the string that attached to the naked light bulb, which revealed a long narrow staircase lined with cobwebs. William parted the cobwebs as he began to ascend the staircase with the rest of us following.
What awaited us at the top of the stairs was something we could not have imagined. Mother said it was big, but in reality, it was gigantic, running the entire length of the wing. Huge windows from the floor to the rafters ran along either side of the attic. The roof was so high in some places it looked to be twelve feet tall. There were things everywhere – trunks, wardrobes, furniture, shelves and old toys. Best of all, the sun streamed through the bar-less windows which gave us a feeling of freedom. I could already tell that this place was going to be our sanctuary, just as mother said.
Over the next several weeks, we spent almost all of our time up in the attic, cleaning the space and exploring its treasures. We found four mattresses, which we set about on either side of the room. Two together on the east side under the windows so we could lay in the warmth of the sun and two together on the west side so we could watch the sunset. With the extra furniture we found, we were able to set up a sitting area around the mattresses on the east side.
William was able to improvise a swing set with some rope and boards tied around the attic rafters for Dawn and Connor. He found an old workout bench and barbells, which he decided he could use and placed them at the north end of the attic. Using some old mirrors and shower rods, we were able to make myself a place to keep practicing dancing over by the workbench. William dubbed that area our personal gym.
In the trunks, we found old books on every subject imaginable from gardening to first aid to traveling to sex. We set up a library in the sitting room with all of the books, save the sex ones (William put those in the north part of the attic so the twins wouldn’t get to them, though I suspect where he would have better access) on an old bookshelf we found. There were some art supplies like charcoals, pencils, and sketching pads, which William pilfered for him, while the crayons and craft supplies were brought out for the twins.
Dawn and I spent hours going through the wardrobe finding clothes from various decades that would fit both us and the boys. There were elegant dresses, suits and tuxedos most likely from the balls and parties that mother spoke of being held at Rayne Manor in the past. I found some leotards and wrap-around skirts that I could use for dancing. Dawn found some little girl clothes that were probably my mother’s in a wardrobe that she could wear. There was a long leather duster that I could tell William was itching to try on, though I knew he wouldn’t because he considered himself a sensitive poet, not the neighborhood bad boy. And Connor loved trying on the different hats and made a point to wear a different one each day.
The days went by rather quickly while we explored the attic those first few weeks. Mother was right in that we did find solace in the attic. It was not a prison like the room downstairs but something more of our own. Up in the attic, we weren’t trapped but living in our own little world. Up here we could watch the outside world and feel a part of it. We could see the seasons begin to change from summer to fall and not feel so alone.
************************************
It was a rainy day in mid-October while I practiced at the dance bar that Will had fashioned for me. The twins were making little origami animals with instructions from one of the craft books we found while sitting on the mattresses. Will was in a chair reading a book of poetry over by the twins. Despite my distance and the sound of the rain pounding on the roof, I could hear Dawn’s voice when she started asking questions to William seemingly out of the blue.
“When are we going to see mom again? It’s been almost a month.”
“I’m not sure Dawn. She’s probably been busy trying to win over grandfather again. I know she’ll come when she has time.”
“But it’s almost Halloween. I want to go out trick or treating.” Dawn whined.
“Yeah, I was going to be a pirate this year just like Jack Sparrow.” Connor chimed in making a sword swinging motion with his hand. ‘Pirates of the Caribbean’ had been his favorite movie before we came to Sunnydale. He made William and I take him to the movies to see it at least four times.
“I don’t think you’ll be able to go trick or treating. Mom won’t be able to get you out of the house. You’ll just have to wait until next year.”
“That’s not fair. I’ll want to be something else next year. I want to be a pirate this year!” Connor demanded.
“Connor, you’re just going to have to be patient. Mom will come to us when she can.”
“I don’t want to be patient. She said she would come see us every week. She hasn’t been back since that first time.” Dawn countered and she was right.
Since the night where mom bared us her whip marks, she had not been back to visit us. With getting the attic together, I hadn’t noticed, but now that Dawn had mentioned it, I realized it had been weeks since mother had visited. I wondered if William had already known or if Dawn’s declaration had taken him by surprise as well.
“Dawnie, remember what mom said. We have to stick together in this. She hasn’t come to us because the time hasn’t been right. Whatever her reasons for not coming, they’re good ones and she’s thinking of us. She’s doing what she thinks is best for us all.” William said.
Despite his words, I could hear the slight waiver in his voice from the seeds of doubt in his mind. His tremor answered my earlier question, he just realized as I had that mom hadn’t been around for that long. I decided to help him out since his head was most likely spinning with questions as well.
“Hey guys, what are you making?” Coming upon them and hoping to distract the twins, I grabbed a book off the shelf and took a seat next to Dawn. William’s eyes met mine for just a moment and I saw the grateful look he gave me for getting him out of what might have been a sticky situation.
Connor held up his piece of paper, “I’m trying to make a giraffe but I think it looks more like a swan.” He pouted and his lower lip protruded in the same manner all of ours did when we pouted. My dad could never resist the pouting lip from any of his children and we all learned to use it to our advantage.
“Well, you’re not done yet. Once it’s finished, I bet you’ll have the perfect giraffe. If not, I think you’ll still have a pretty good swan.” I opened the book on my lap and realized that I grabbed a book of names. Not quite the distraction I had hoped for, but it would have to do. I looked at William and started to flip the pages to W. “Hmm, interesting.”
“What?” Will asked.
“Did you know that William means resolute guardian?” I flashed him a thousand watt smile. “I think it’s appropriate for you.” He flashed one of his own back to me.
“What does mine mean?” Dawn asked. Thankfully, the conversation of mother was now forgotten. The distraction had worked.
“Don’t be stupid.” Connor said. “It means daybreak. Just like the word. What’s mine mean?”
“Don’t be mean to your sister.” Will chastised Connor.
“Well, let’s see. Connor means wolf-lover.”
Dawn started to giggle. “Wolf-lover. That’s funny. My name is much better.” Connor let out a tiny pfft.
“Let’s see what your name means, shall we?” William reached over and grabbed the book out of my hands. “Elizabeth – god’s oath.” He raised an eyebrow and his annoying trademark smirk graced his lips. “Well, isn’t this interesting. A popular nickname for Elizabeth is Buffy.”
“Buffy? Now that’s a funny name.” Connor blurted out and then both he and Dawn burst into giggles. I looked over to William and saw that he too was laughing with a glint in his eye.
“Well, it’s a good thing my name isn’t Buffy then, isn’t it?” I glared at Will then stood up. My work there was done. “I’m going to take a bath. I’m all sweaty from dancing.”
“Ok, Buffy, we’ll see you in a bit.” Dawn said through stifled laughter.
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The attic wasn’t the only haven I had found at Rayne Manor. Almost every day, I would steal away for some time alone in the bathtub. It was one of those old claw-foot tubs that were huge enough to fit your entire body. I would put some bubble bath in and set the water temperature as hot as my body would allow. Usually, I would put on some relaxing music which varied depending on my mood. Sometimes it was classical, Mozart or Bach; sometimes it was New Age, Enya or Enigma; and sometimes it was just soulful pop, Dido or Sara McLaughlin.
Today, it was Depeche Mode, one from William’s collection. I popped ‘Violator’ into the CD player and peeled my damp dance clothes off my body. The water was already running at hot and I poured the vanilla scented bubble bath into the tub. Once the bubbles began to take good form and the water was high enough to cover my body, I shut off the water and climbed in.
I stretched out my legs and closed my eyes. My muscles were aching from their workout earlier and the hot water felt like heaven on my body. Slowly, I ran my hands over my silken skin. I let the music take over in my mind and imagined that I was back in high school getting ready for a date with Parker. He’d be taking me to dinner and then dancing tonight at The Bronze, the local club. I’d look gorgeous in a black leather skirt that went to mid-thigh and one of my favorite halter tops. The red one I thought, the one with all the laces in the back so I could feel his fingers run along my skin while we danced close.
At fifteen, I was still a virgin but that didn’t mean I was completely innocent. Parker was a year older than me and we had definitely done some heavy groping during our serious make-out sessions. I loved the way he kissed me. I loved the way he made my body tingle with the touch of his fingers. I loved the power I felt when I did something that made him moan. The next song came on and I got lost in the lyrics and my imagination.
Let me take you on a trip
Around the world and back
And you won't have to move
You just sit still
I lifted one leg straight out of the water and ran both my hands from the ankle slowly down over my calf and back up. I lowered my leg back under the water and rubbed my foot up along my other calf to my knee. This slow movement caused my thighs to rub together, creating a wonderful friction that went straight to my center.
Now let your mind do the walking
And let my body do the talking
Let me show you the world in my eyes
My hands disappeared under the water and began languorous strokes on my stomach. They moved to the music up to my breasts and my nipples pebbled under my touch.
I'll take you to the highest mountain
To the depths of the deepest sea
We won't need a map, believe me
As one hand ran circles around a nipple, my other hand traveled south to take care of the pressure building between my legs. A knock on the door startled me out of my fantasy. My eyes snapped open and water splashed over the tub when I jerked my hands off of my body. William poked his head in.
“Elizabeth, I’m sorry for interrupting you, but I need to talk to you.” He entered the bathroom and closed the door behind him. My cheeks were flushed and I was breathing heavy from what I was just doing. I hoped Will thought it was because he scared me, as he walked further into the bathroom. “You pilfered one of my CD’s I hear. Hand me the cloth, I’ll wash your back.”
I grabbed the cloth and handed it to him. Still breathing heavy though he didn’t seem to notice, I hugged my knees to my chest and leaned forward. He squeezed some bath gel on the cloth and began washing my back.
Now let my body do the moving
And let my hands do the soothing
Let me show you the world in my eyes
That's all there is
Nothing more than you can feel now
That's all there is
Will ran his cloth-covered hand up and down my back in silence while he gathered his thoughts. The music in the background played and my body was still humming. I closed my eyes and for a moment my fantasy returned. Suddenly, I was swaying in the club wearing my red halter and Parker’s fingers lightly ran over my skin. When Will’s hand went lower under the water, the sensations became too much.
That's all there is
Nothing more than you can touch now
That's all there is
Let me show you the world in my eyes
A shiver ran through my body as the music and his touch overwhelmed my senses. My mouth parted and my tongue darted out to lick my lips. As an unfettered sigh escaped me, the silence was broken.
“I hadn’t even realized that mom had been away for so long. We’ve been spending so much time getting the attic in shape I hadn’t even noticed.” Will began, oblivious to the situation I was in. “We need to keep the twins lives as normal as possible. I want to do something for Halloween.”
“What do you want to do?” I asked. As the conversation shifted to the twins, the tension in the air around me lifted, as William became my brother again.
“I don’t know, but I think we should try to get costumes for them and we need to add a lot of chocolate to the shopping list but we have to make sure Adam doesn’t let the twins know about it. Since we can’t go out, maybe we can do a haunted house or something in the attic”
“What about ghost stories? We can dress up and eat chocolate and you can tell some stories to scare the pants off of the twins. They’d probably love that.”
“Yeah, that’s not a bad idea. You work on the food and I’ll work on the stories. Maybe we can find costumes in the attic or you can get Adam to buy something. If Connor wants to be a pirate this year, I’m going to make sure he is one.”
“Resolute guardian, you are. You’re sweet William. You’re so protective of us all. We’ll do it and they will remember this as the best Halloween they’ve ever had despite being stuck here.” I reached up and took his hand. He gave mine a light squeeze. “Do you think we’ll see mom before Halloween? She has to know this is an important time for Dawn and Connor.”
“I’m sure we’ll see her soon Elizabeth. She’s probably making headway with Ethan and just doesn’t want to spoil it. I know she’ll come. She loves us and she won’t stay away much longer.” William was not only protective of his siblings. His love for mother was unwavering despite the doubts the rest of us had. “Get back to your bath. Adam will be coming soon with dinner.” With that, he was gone.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Thanks to all who have reviewed and Jess, my beta!!