Truth In Lies by msbigbad


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Chapter Notes: please review and also read the second chapter entitled "What Do You Want"
Truth in Lies

Part 1: Truth is a Whisper


By: Ms Big Bad

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Art by: MsBigBad
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Disclaimers: I don't own any of the characters used in this story. I'm just using them for entertainment cause I'm an obsessed freak! They belong to UPN,FOX, and the wonderfully talented Joss Wheedon whom I love and adore! The song "Truth is a Whisper" belongs to The Goo Goo Dolls and is used w/o permission.

Summary: This story shows Spike's side of a argument/realization in their complicated realationship.

Note:This is Spike's side of the story. To check out Buffy's side read the sequel to
Truth is a Whisper entitled What Do You Want .

Rating: PG-13 For some language and adult content.

Feedback: Please tell me what you think about both the story.
You can reach me at msbigbad@msn.com or msbigbad17@yahoo.com
-- or join my group at www.groups.yahoo.com/group/bigbadhavens .

Thanks: I want to thank my best friend, Lauren, for giving me the strength to go on writing. She encourages and inspires me everyday, and I love her! Also she gets credit for making me a dedicated watcher of the show!!! So lots of luvs to her! Mwahhh! My other friend Heather for wanting to read all my stupid stuff! Love ya!!! I also want to thank the cast, crew, writers, producers, and everyone else affiliated with the show! Thanks for making it the best damn hour of television ever. Especially James Marsters, which anyone who knows me can tell you that I am beyond obsessed with! He's a great actor, writer, and person!! Last and most defiantly not least I wanna thank you for reading! Especially if you read through all of this crap that I usually don't read!! Lot's of love to ya! Enjoy! Mwahhh!!!


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Truth is a whiper and only a choice
Nobody hears above this noise
It's always a risk when you try and believe
I know there's so much more than me
Yeah I got caught up in the ruse of the world
It's just a promise no one ever keeps
And now it's changing while we sleep
And no one can see
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As she lays here beside me I can see that she's not even really here at all. This is all just her escape from reality. Little lines of worry play across her face sometimes 'an, I just wanna kiss 'em all away. She thinks too much about the future. Wish she'd live right now. Wish she'd be the woman she used to be. Not sayin' I love 'er less. Probably love 'er more. But she used to be so full of life. Now she's empty; dead inside. Miss the fire that used to burn through 'er. That's what I fell in love with.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You know all I am
Feel this moment in you
You know all I am
Can you teach me to believe in something
Sometimes you choke on the smell
Just to breathe
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She pouts in her sleep. She looks as if she's about to cry. Her cheeks are flushed and sweat rolls down her nose. It’s been hours since we stopped making love. I wonder what she's dreaming about. Wonder if it's her mom or maybe it's all the bills that seem to keep piling up. I can still smell the grease from the burger joint she works at. It’s plastered to her skin. Wish I could get 'er outta there. With all she's been through God knows she's deserves better. Wish I could give 'er the world, give 'er a normal life. Deep inside I know she still needs it. That’s something I could never give. Not even my poof of a sire could do that for her. He left. For her.’ Cause he loved 'er. Uhh, I shudder at that thought. Sometimes I just wanna go way. Make it easier for 'er. But then I think: would it be? Sure she wouldn't have an unhealthy sex obsession, but then she would have no one to tell her worries either. Maybe I'm just trying to fool myself into believing she needs me. It’s the other way 'round. Don’t think I could ever go on without 'er now. Still no matter how many times I think about goin', one thing stops me. A voice in my head,(Like I need more bloody hardware up there!) sayin' "Don't be like the others. Don’t leave 'er alone." I don't want her to remember me as just another guy that strolled into her life, got what he wanted, and then left. I wanna be so much more than that. I wanna be the one she loves forever.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rhythm of silence
That beats through your mind
Still you forget what you deny
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She's awake now. I pretend to be asleep. She puts her clothes back on and climbs back to her feet, leaving me under the rug. God, are we ever gonna make it to the bed? She sits on the edge of my weapons chest. I can smell the salt drip from her eyes. Then there is whimpering and sniffles. Should I go to her? She'd probably brush me off.

"What's wrong luv?" I wipe the tears from her face.

"Nothing I just...go away Spike." She turns away.

"I live 'ere." Bugger! Wrong choice of words.

"Right. I’ll go. I don't know why I come here anyway."

She picks up her coat and heads for the door. She’s not leavin that easily. I try to trip her as she walks by. Shoulda remembered those Slayer reflexes. She punches me in the nose.

"Bloody hell!"

Blood pours down my lips and into my mouth. Yum.

"Buffy. Where are you going?"

She pauses at the door. More tears trickle down her cheeks.

"I'm going home. You where wrong Spike. I don't belong with you.
I don't belong in the dark."


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yeah I got caught up in the ruse of the world
It's just a promise no one keeps
And now it's changing while we sleep
And no one can see
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


"She's gone."
*T
**H
***I
****N
*****K
******I
*******N
********G
DING!!!!!!!
REALIZATION

"SODDING HELL! SHE'S GONE!"

"Where are my trousers?"

I run through the graveyard after her.

"Buffy! Oie! Wait luv!"

"Go away! Which part of this do you not understand?"

I turn her around to face me and duck the punches that fly at me. She tries again. I catch her hands and won't let go. I'm gonna find out what's wrong with 'er.

"Buffy, talk to me. What’s wrong."

"What's wrong?" She tries to free her hands. But I hold them in front of me.

"What's wrong is that I’ve got a blood sucking, soulless, demon on me 24/7, that doesn't know what go away or drop deader means!"

"An' you love it!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Who's the one you answer to?
Do you listen when he speaks?
Or is everything for you?
And do you find it hard to sleep?
Or is it easy on your own?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Okay shouldn't have went off to fantasy naked Buffy land. She kicks me in the head making me flip onto my back, hard. On the ground and in other places. She walks away again. I get up and go after her. And I'm somehow back on the ground again with a brassed of Slayer stradlin’ me. Things are looking up. Oh god she's crying again. Suddenly errection has become affection. (God I'm a Bloody Awful Poet!) I can't stand to see her cry. Why won't she just tell me? OW!!Pointy wood pressed against my chest!

"Slayer, what are you doing?"

"Something I should have done a long time ago."

She's serious. Maybe I should let her do it. Maybe that's what's wrong with her. Maybe she's sick of screwing a vampire she cares nothing for.Still I have to know.

"Is, is that why you cry?"

"I don't cry."

"Bollicks, Buffy, I hear you. I can smell your pain a mile away. So don't lie to me. If you're gonna kill me then do it. But, at least tell me if it's me that makes you so sad. Do I hurt you? Are you ashamed of me? What is it? What did I do?"

I don't get my answer instead I get molested.
She ravages my lips. Our tongues dance.

God no one can make me feel the way she does.

She makes me lose myself.

Makes me feel alive again.


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Will you ever find some peace
Before you're gone?
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