Spike and Buffy had only just begun to clear away the dishes when Dawn called from California to report her safe arrival, roughly seven minutes after walking through the portal. By the time they finished sorting out the kitchen from breakfast, it was nearly noon. Through the tinted skylights they could see it was a perfect day for an outing -- thick clouds blocking any potential sunshine. Wearing jackets against the chill, and carrying a big black umbrella just in case, Spike and Buffy spent the balance of the day out of doors taking Joy to visit all of her favorite parks and playgrounds.
*******
“She’s been tucked in, read to, had her drink and now I will deliver the extra kiss for Papa,” Buffy announced as she leaned over to place a chaste kiss on Spike’s cheek.
“Thought she’d be completely knackered after swinging on every swing set, sliding on every slide and climbing every bloody jungle gym in London,” Spike responded.
“Yeah, well I think she’s out for the count now,” Buffy sighed as she climbed into bed beside Spike. “But she’s never one to give up without a fight!”
“Takes after her Mum, then,” Spike said, grinning as she snuggled up to his side.
“Maybe so, but I don’t feel like fighting now.”
“S’alright with me, love. Didn’t have fighting in mind.”
Buffy looked thoughtful for a moment and then sat up, “Good, but before we explore what it was you did have in mind, I need to tell you something.”
“Uh oh! Sounds ominous,” Spike said, searching Buffy’s face for signs of trouble. “What did I do?”
“Calm down, Big Bad, you didn’t do anything. I’ve wanted to tell you all day, but I needed to wait until we could be alone.”
“Mmmm, so it’s kinky then, is it?”
Buffy punched Spike in the arm without any real intent to hurt him. “Stop it! Just let me tell you, okay?”
“Alright, it must be bloody important. Go on, then, get on w’it, I’m listening.”
“It’s about what you said about Joy when you tried to tell her we weren't going to California for Halloween,” Buffy began, steeling herself for what she needed to say. “That wasn't Joy's ‘Slayer face.’ I’ve seen the expression you described: the jaw, the fists, and even the tremor. She didn’t get that from me.” Buffy stopped, looked down and when she looked up again her eyes were brimming with tears. She reached her hand out to cup Spike’s cheek and tried to smile. The result was sad but hopeful. “It’s the way you looked when I used to tell you I couldn't love you. It’s the way you looked when I said you were a monster not a man. That you were beneath me.” The tears were falling now and Buffy stopped to wipe them away with the back of her hand. “That’s how you looked when I hurt you because I couldn't admit what I felt. You did the same thing Joy was trying to do, because you loved me so much, you would suck it up and take whatever I dished out. Just like Joy, you pretended you were fine with it.”
“Buffy, stop it! You don’t need to do this. We’ve talked about this…”
“No! You have to let me finish. Please, Spike, I’ve been waiting all day. I need to say this. You need to hear it!”
“I don’t need to hear anything. I know what happened. I was there, remember?”
“I knew you weren't fine, if I'd only been able to admit it to myself. And I wish…I wish I had done what you did today. I wish I had let myself admit I was only hurting you because I was selfish. I was cruel because I knew what you meant to me, but I wouldn’t let on. I was too much of a coward to tell you until it was too late.”
“Buffy, please stop. We've been through this, it's in the past, it's over. I've forgiven you a million times, you know, like you've forgiven me. Remember, sweetheart, I wasn't a saint either! You do remember what I did, don’t you?”
“What you tried to do, you mean, yeah. But I also remember how I tormented you, how I used you. I remember how I lied to you! What you did was nothing compared to that.” Buffy was sobbing now, her body quaking.
Spike scooped her up in his arms and held her as she cried. “Are we done now, darling? Can we stop this now? Can I please just tell you how lucky I feel every day to have you? Do you know I thank the powers-that-be every single bloody day for letting us have this life together? What we went through was like the fire that tempers a steel blade, Buffy. We’re stronger for it. Don’t you see that? I love you and Joy more than anything -- more than blood, more than my unlife. I wouldn’t last a sunrise without you. You know that don’t you?”
“Yeah, I guess I do,” Buffy answered. “I didn’t mean to go all ‘Buffy the snot monster’ on you, I just couldn’t let you think she got all that strength from me, you know. She got it from you.”
“Okay, I got the message. Now can we talk about what I was thinking before I was so rudely interrupted?”
Buffy reached for a tissue and blew her nose loudly. “Only if includes several hours of you letting me show you how much I love you,” she finally answered.
“That’s a deal, then.”
*************
Waking to low, rumbling vibrations, Buffy instinctively pulled a pillow over her head and braced for what she thought must be an earthquake. It was several seconds before she realized the tremors originated not from the movement of tectonic plates but with her mate. “What are you laughing about at this hour?” Buffy whined. “You’re shaking the whole bed. I thought it was an earthquake.”
Spike tried to answer but he was laughing too hard to speak. “What?” Buffy asked again. “What is so funny?”
“An earthquake? This is London, love. No earthquakes here. I guess you can take the girl out of California, but you can’t take the California out of the girl.”
“Very funny! Now what’s with the early morning giggles? And you better tell me quick, or I’ll give you something to laugh about!” Buffy flexed her fingers and leered threateningly at Spike who, despite many years of doing evil as a form of overcompensation, had proven extremely ticklish.
“Okay, okay, I’m telling. Put down those tickle fingers!” Buffy obliged and then raised her eyebrows, waiting to be enlightened.
“Remember the ceramic hand print Joy made for us?” Spike began. “Well, now you’ve got two more. Except they’re yours and you’ve imprinted them in the bedroom wall.”
“Huh?” Buffy said as she sat up only to witness Spike once again doubled over with hilarity and gesturing over his head.
“Look,” he said, barely controlling his mirth. “You’ve left your mark.”
Buffy followed Spike’s eyes to the place where their bed abutted the wall. About six inches above the mattress and deeply embossed into the plaster were two handprints.
Buffy carefully placed her hands over the impressions, matching her fingers and palms with the shapes. “Well,” she said with a sigh, “they appear to be my size.”
Spike rolled over, sitting back on his haunches to join her in inspecting the recent addition to the décor. “Do you remember what we were doing when this happened?” he asked.
“Oh yeah, it was memorable alright!” Buffy replied, dropping down to lie on her stomach, she placed her hands over the imprints, pressing back from this position she elevated her hips from the bed. “Ring any bells?”
“Whoa, Buffy,” Spike moaned, his voice suddenly husky. “Unless you are looking for a replay of last night’s most memorable activities, you don’t want to be taking that pose with me in the room.”
Buffy laughed and flipped over to look into his eyes, now dark with lust. “No time for even an instant replay, Fang Boy! Joy will be up by now and it’s probably only a matter of seconds before she demands breakfast.”
“Right then, no replay,” Spike agreed, “But you did give me another idea.” Before Buffy had time to evade him, Spike pinned her to the bed and commenced to tickle. Only her Slayer abilities saved her from a long and merciless attack. Buffy used her powerful legs to flip Spike onto his back and began to return the favor, both of them gasping and laughing so hard they almost missed Joy’s knock on their door.
Knocking was a big issue for Buffy and Spike. Neither one was comfortable with the idea of placing a lock on their door, yet nor were they interested in risking their daughter witnessing some of the amusements that went on when said door was closed. So, as soon as Joy could climb out of her crib, Spike and Buffy had been teaching her that it’s polite to knock before entering. To reinforce the lesson, they knocked on her door, and asked if they could come in, even if the door was open and she had called them. Spike’s vampire hearing was a help. He usually heard Joy approach, even though she might be barefoot on thick carpets. And both vampire and Slayer reflexes and speed had saved them from giving Joy a glimpse of their marital relations on the rare occasion when she had forgotten to knock. When Giselle was available, Spike and Buffy would sometimes arrange for her to bring Joy downstairs for breakfast so they could “sleep in.” Giselle knew sleeping had nothing do with it, but was perfectly unfazed by this aspect of her duties. In Giselle’s absence, however, Buffy and Spike found they had to restrict conjugal activities to the hours when Joy was sound asleep.
When Spike heard the knock he stopped laughing long enough to say, “It’s the Widget!” Buffy barely had time to withdraw her tickle fingers before he was across the room, pants on, and had opened the door. “Good morning, Widget!” he crooned as he swung her up into the air. “Did you have sweet dreams?”
“I don’t know, Papa. I don’t remember,” she answered, a serious look on her face. “I wanted to dream about Hall’ween. Maybe I didn’t because I don’t know what it’s like.”
“Well you’ll know all about it soon enough, Widget,” Spike reminded her. “We leave tomorrow.”
“I know, Papa. I already packed my costume.” Taking advantage of her position sitting on his hip, Joy ran her fingers through Spike’s hair. Like her mother, she liked to see his hair tousled and unruly. “Look Papa, I’m making your hair all curly!”
“I’ll have to take your word for it, Widget, unless you want to take my picture. Remember? No reflection.”
“I know Papa, because you’re a vampire,” Joy said. “It’s too bad you can’t look in the mirror. You’re the handsomest papa at my school. I know because all the mommies look at you.”
Spike smiled, “How do you know that’s why they look at me? Maybe they’re looking because they know I have the prettiest and the smartest girl in the school.”
“That’s silly. You know I’m not as smart as Emily. She can count to 200. I can only count to 100.”
“Hey, you two!” Buffy interjected. “Can we take the question of who is the prettiest and who is the smartest downstairs where we can all have breakfast? I’m hungry!”
“Yeah, Widget, I think your mum is pretty smart too, breakfast sounds good. What do you say?”
“I’m hungry, too. Let’s have breakfast!” Spike set Joy down on the floor and started for the door. “Come on, Widget, you can help me make some tea while Mommy brushes her teeth.”
Joy reached for Spike’s hand and was about to follow him when she stopped suddenly and looked past Buffy where she was sitting up in the bed. “Mommy, what happened to the wall?”
Tbc….
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Author's Chapter Notes:
This is my eighteenth chapter of Spuffy fan fiction, counting both this story and The Triple Fool. Being Jewish, the number 18 means something to me. I thought this was an appropriate time to publicly thank Addie Logan for her tremendous support of my adventures in fan fiction. It's a wonderful thing to find a mentor who selflessly shares her talents and wisdom. Thank you, Addie, you're a good egg.