“We look like the Bobbsey Twins,” Buffy said, as she sat next to Spike on the edge of the bed. Like Spike, she was wearing a black T-shirt and jeans.
“The who?” Spike asked.
“The Bobbsey Twins," Buffy repeated. "I have no idea who they are either. My mom would always say Dawn and I looked like them when we wore matching outfits.”
“You and Dawn wore matching outfits?” Spike asked, looking incredulous.
“Well, not really, I guess. I mean, all those memories are fake. But they still seem real.”
“Yeah, I even have memories of Dawn before she existed. But I don’t remember her when she was young enough to be caught dead in the same clothes as you!”
Buffy laughed. “Wow, those monks did a pretty thorough job didn’t they?” she said, glad she and Spike had something to talk about. Now that they were both dressed, and he had taken the edge off his hunger, she felt unaccountably self-conscious.
“So your mum used to say you two were like these twins?” he asked, turning slightly to look at Buffy.
“Yeah, at least that’s how I remember it,” Buffy replied, a little sadness in her voice.
Spike looked into her eyes and saw the traces of care and worry written there. “It's hard on you that your mum is sick, isn't it?” he asked.
Buffy returned his gaze, suddenly feeling less awkward. “Yes, I just feel so...helpless, I guess.”
Spike reached out to place his hand over hers, where it rested on her knee. “Me too,” he said. “Joyce is a right fine lady. She has always been kind to me. I miss our talks, and the hot chocolate, of course.” The sensation of his cool hand on hers sent a thrilling jolt right through her, but Buffy sat very still, not moving her hand, her eyes still fixed on his. She really didn’t know where this was going, yet she knew she didn’t want to blow it again. Doing a lot of nothing seemed like the safest course of action, at least for the moment.
They sat in silence for a couple of beats, then, at precisely the same moment, they both started to speak.
“Spike,” she began just as he said, “Buffy.”
They both laughed. “You go first,” he said.
“No, no, please, you go ahead,” she replied.
“All right then,” he said. “Now, if what I’m about to say sounds less than spontaneous, well, it is. I’ve been mulling this speech over for quite a long time. I just never thought I’d ever get the chance to deliver it to its intended audience.” Spike raised his eyebrows as if asking permission to go on. Buffy smiled an encouraging, if slightly nervous, smile and nodded for him to continue.
“You need to know that you’re not just any chit to me, Buffy,” he began. “I’ve been paying more than just the ordinary attention to you for some time. Really listening to what you say – and sometimes what you don’t say – and noticing what you do and how you do it and whom you do it with,” Spike stopped again. “Bollocks! I really should have practiced this more. It’s coming out all wrong. I sound like a bloody stalker.” Spike turned to face Buffy squarely, taking both her hands in his and looking deep into her eyes. “I swear I haven’t been stalking you. It’s different to that. I just want you to be safe, you know?” Buffy nodded again, conscious that Spike had yet to get to the point, she demurred to speak, afraid it would just take him longer to get to whatever it was he was trying to say. He breathed an audible sigh of relief and forged on.
“I know a bit of your history with men: a vampire who turned on you the morning after, a human who did much the same – though admittedly that wanker Parker didn’t kill anyone as a result – and then there’s Farm Boy, who may be wholesome, but he’s none too exciting.” At this point, Spike, still holding Buffy’s hands, grew even more serious. “I think …no, I know you can do better than that, Buffy. I know because, if you give me the chance, I’m going to make absolutely sure you never have to wonder if you are desirable, never have to settle for being less than completely satisfied, and never question that you are worthy of respect, admiration and...” his voice trailed off as looked at the floor for a moment. When he lifted his eyes to lock with hers again they seemed to overflow with emotion. “If you give me the chance, that is. I’m not going to presume anything, Buffy. I wasn’t raised a Victorian gentleman for nothing. It’s all still in here,” he said, pointing to his chest. “I’ve still got the manners and the diffidence of a right ponce, deep down. Admittedly, it’s been buried deep under the skin of a truly evil vampire. But as impulsive as you’ve known me to be, you won’t recognize the bloke who’s going to engineer the most romantic seduction this century has ever seen. You may think that I’m impatient, but this is one project I intend to draw out until neither one of us can stand it a moment longer,” he said, his voice now husky with desire. “But only if you let me, Buffy.” He dropped her hands then and leaned back against the bedpost.
Buffy chewed her lip, eyes big as saucers, as she processed Spike’s proclamation. There he is again, she thought, the man behind the demon -- so earnest, so eloquent, so dead on sexy!
“So, you really didn’t just want to call me Buffy then,” she said, her voice nearly a whisper.
“No, love, but saying your name, over and over and over again, does enter into many of my fantasies,” he replied, leaning forward again, the tip of his tongue just visible as he drew it along the bottom of his front teeth. “So I figured it was a good place to start.”
Buffy laughed. “Good, for a minute there I thought you’d done something with the real Spike. Now I can be sure it’s really you.”
He was close to her again, so close she could smell the blend of tobacco, leather and whiskey that was so distinctly his, and he was looking at her with a fierce intensity.
“W-w- what?” Buffy stammered, suddenly nervous.
“Well, love, I know I rambled a bit,” Spike said, his smile gone. “But there was a question hidden amongst the prose. What’s your answer? Will you give me the chance?”
Buffy suddenly felt dizzy. Her mouth went dry and it was almost painful to swallow. Here it was, at last, the very issue she’d assiduously avoided thinking about while barreling headlong into a collision with her own mixed emotions. Was she a vampire slayer or a vampire lover? Both a vampire slayer and a vampire lover? As usual, Buffy didn’t want to face the difficult choice. But she didn’t want to run away either. That would mean leaving unexplored all the promise she had felt in Spike’s kiss. Meanwhile, he was still waiting.
“I think I’d like a little more time to think about it,” she finally replied.
Spike blinked, his jaw clenched as disbelief registered in his expression. “Please, pet,” he said, his voice dripping with sarcasm, “take all the time you need.” Turning away, he fought to hide the disappointment and hurt. “But don’t assume I’ll still be here if you decide to come back,” he continued, his tone flat and controlled. “I may just clear out.”
“Come back?” Buffy said to his back. “I wasn’t planning on leaving. I thought maybe we could just…you know…sort of…consider the situation.”
Spike whipped around to look at her, perplexed. “So you’re not saying no, but you’re not saying yes either? What, exactly, am I supposed to do now?”
Buffy smiled at Spike’s obvious confusion. “You’ve given a really great sales pitch, Mr. Bloody,” she said crossing her arms across her chest and trying her best to look like a discerning shopper. “But I’m the sort of customer who likes to try before she buys. Otherwise I don’t know if I’m really getting everything that’s been advertised.”
Spike cocked his head to one side, a sly smile curving his lips. “So, you’re talking about a test drive then?”
Buffy thought for a moment before she said, “Yeah, something like that!”
Tbc….
A/N: Addie Logan created the beautiful banner that now graces each chapter. Many thanks for all the reviews. I love hearing from readers! Please take a moment to visit http://spuffyawards.jaded-paradise.net/vote.php where you can vote for your favorites among the nominated Spuffy fan fiction. This story has been nominated in three categories: Best General Romance, Best Spike Characterization and Best Buffy Characterization. Voting ends September 16, so don’t delay.