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Author's Chapter Notes:
Thanks to jeanie, aoife, Nika, seraiza, rosie, SarahandJamesFanatic, smlcspike, cordykitten, and fallen_angel. Wow- I’m so sorry you guys. I hadn’t realized that it’s been since friggin October since I updated. RL was holding Muse hostage on this fic, and some other things I’ve been trying to finish. Well, at least she ain’t dead. Hopefully, someone will still find this interesting enough to read and review. Also, I responded to all reviews from the last chapter in its review section

Oh, and yea, I’ve thought long and hard about it, and yes, Eve is in fact Spike’s biological daughter. Blue eyes are the recessive gene, and brown is the dominant. Drusilla has brown eyes, and I wanted her to look very different from Dawn. Imagine a young Hayden Panettiere—like in “Remember the Titans,” but just a smidgen younger. And with glasses.
“I said she’s yours, Will.” He sat there, quietly, face scrunched up in confusion and shock. Maybe a bit of anger, but she couldn’t tell precisely. She took a deep breath, nervously, tucking her hair behind her ears. But she had to march on like a brave, little soldier, didn’t she? She had to explain to him.

“I found out two months after you left.”

“No, you left.” He said in a low, angry tone. “You left, not the other way around.” He reiterated softly, shaking his head slightly.

“I know. I only meant when you left town— a month and a half after I left you…” She said softly, that sounded soothing. And yet… it didn’t soothe him, or his nerves.

“I wavered between feeling depressed and angry when I found out. I still wasn’t ready. But I suppose, there’s no real way to plan for parenthood.”

“Yea?” He asked sarcastically. “Well you could have started by actually wanting and loving your child.” He said derisively. She was at a total loss for words after that. He was right, of course. What else could she say? Simply… nothing.

*****
He wanted to hurt her. He wanted her to feel every nuance of pain, and be in agony in every cell of her body. She nearly ruined him; broke him down; made him weak. The only reason he recovered so quickly was because of Dawn; his own personal ray of sunlight in a sea of darkness. And yet… there was Eve. He looked up at her, swinging on the suspended tire with Dawn, opposite of each other.

She was smaller than Dawn at that age. Bloody hell, Dawn was at that age last year… They’re only a little over a year apart. She had long, wavy blonde hair that curled on the ends. The sight of her hair took him back to a place in the recesses of his mind. He could see her— his mother, sitting at her vanity, brushing the long strands that were the color of a golden wheat field, smiling at him from her reflection. Eve had that same hair. Brown eyes like Dru, though… He couldn’t get a good look at her from such a distance, but he tried to re-visualize her face, and thought that she could potentially have his nose. And she wore glasses. Spike felt his throat constrict, and was overcome by dry mouth. I have two daughters..

“I wanted to give her away.”

“You would.” She continued on as if he hadn’t said anything.

“I didn’t want to see her after I gave birth, but my mother forced me to. She said that I had to own up to the choices I made in my life, and I’m so glad that she did. I can’t imagine my life without her.”

“And yet you left Dawn with no problem.”

“I knew she’d be safe with you. I’ve felt terrible about leaving her for years.”

“Really? And how do you think she’s gonna feel once she realizes that it wasn’t that mommy didn’t want kids, but mommy didn’t want her? What do you think that’ll do to her?” Drusilla sat there, lips drawn tight as she watched her girls on the tire swing as well. “And why come back with all of this now? You sure didn’t do it for Dawn’s benefit.”

“Enough, William.” She said, looking at him with hurt in her eyes. “I understand that you’re angry with me—”

“Anger doesn’t even begin to—”

“And that’s fine. But don’t you dare presume to know how I feel about all of this. And I did come back a few years ago, but I saw that Dawn was happy, and that she didn’t need me.”

“And she still doesn’t, by the way.”

“But Eve needs her. Think what you must about me, but please, don’t deny her Dawn. Or you. You’re her family too, and she just wants to know you…” She pleaded. Spike turned his head, and looked at the golden hair girl once more.

“I still want a blood test.” He mumbled, even though he knew she was most certainly his.

“Alright.” She replied softly. Spike rose from the bench slowly, and walked towards his girls. He swallowed a bit as his gaze focused in on the younger one. He stopped at the monkey bars, leaning casually against the pole, craving a cigarette and resisting the urge. He watched the two of them together, laughing, and wondered what the hell he was going to do.

*****

She knew that he was watching her—she could feel his eyes on her. She wanted to look at him too, but was too scared of what she would see. He probably hated her mommy, and he probably hated her too. She felt this… wave of sadness overcome her for a moment. Sure, Lindsay was nice… but he wasn’t her dad. She looked up at Dawn, smiling at her as they twirled up and around on the tire swing.

“Dawn? Do you think Dad likes me?” Dawn’s brow scrunched up in confusion at the question.

“Do I think my Dad likes you? Why wouldn’t he?”

“I dunno. But I’m sure he likes you way better. You’re probably his favorite, but that makes sense, I guess.”

“His favorite? What are you talking about?”

“Between the two of us.”

“Why would he want to choose between the two of us? That doesn’t make any sense.”

“Dawn, he’s my Daddy too. But I’m scared cause he doesn’t know me.” Dawn grew silent, and turned her head to look at her father, supposedly their father. Sticking her long legs through the hole of the tire and touching the ground, she stopped it from swinging before bending down, coming out from underneath it, ignoring the fact that Eve nearly fell off of it backwards. She approached her dad with determination, and a bit of fear as she saw the look of concern on his face at Eve’s near fall.

“Dad, is… Is it true?” She asked, arms folded and not looking directly at him.

“Is what true, kitten?”

“Are you… Are you Eve’s… Is Eve your daughter too?” Spike exhaled as he looked at his daughter—his oldest daughter.

“Yea, Bit. She… does she look like me to you?” Dawn looked at him with his infuriating head tilt and felt rage. And hurt.

“I wanna go home. I don’t feel good.” She said, not looking at him again.

“Dawn, I know that you feel—”

“I said I don’t feel good. I want to go home now.” Well, Spike certainly wasn’t expecting that.

“You sure?” Dawn squeezed her arms a bit tighter around herself.

“Take me home now, please.”

“Alright. Just give us a sec, yea?” He said before walking towards Eve, watching as she cautiously climbed off of the tire swing. Dawn felt something constrict in her chest as her dad walked away from her. She swallowed back the lump in her throat and headed towards her mother.

“Dawnie, what’s wrong?” Dawn was so upset, she didn’t even bother to correct Drusilla when she called her the pet name only reserved for close friends and family—particularly her dad.

“Nothing. I’m just… just ready to go home, is all.” She said solemnly, wanting sanctuary.

*****

“Say uh, listen pet. Dawn’s not feeling very well, so I’m going to take her home.”

“She seemed fine a few minutes ago.” The girl mumbled, not looking at him. He put his finger underneath her chin, and gently prodded her head upwards so that she was looking at him.

“Just give her time. And I want you to know that you’re welcome to come over anytime—as much as you like. I want to get to know you, Eve.”

“You do?” She asked skeptically, her dark brown eyes staring at him.

“Of course, luv. Only sorry we couldn’t… that I wasn’t there before.” She smiled brightly at him before wrapping her arms around his torso.

“Just as long as you’re here now.” She said with content, until she remembered that Dawn may hate her.

*****

Spike was almost certain that the tension in the car on the way home was tangible. Dawn, in her attempt to avoid talking to him, turned the radio on to some god awful pop station, cranked up some Hillary Duff, and sat turned away from in the passenger seat, staring listlessly out the window. Spike looked over at her, and slowly turned the music down.

“Dawn, sweetheart. Are you okay?” He asked softly

“I’m fine.” She grumbled, still not looking at him.

“You’re clearly not. Tell me what’s wrong.” She turned and looked at him, tears in her eyes.

“Eve’s your daughter too?” She asked, hurt and sadness in her voice.

“Well… I didn’t know, Dawnie. Not till today.”

“Do you like her more than me?” She crossed her arms across her chest, looking at the road.

“Dawn, you know that’s an unfair question. I don’t even know her. But when I do get to know her, I'll like you both equally, but as individuals. I love you both just the same.” Dawn looked horrified at that.

“You love her? As in now? How did that happen? You just said you didn’t even know her. How am I supposed to compete with that?”

“Dawn, it isn’t a competition, okay? It’s just… As a parent, knowing that she’s mine as well, I can’t help but love her. I don’t think I’m explaining this right. It’s complicated.”

“Then how come mo—Drusilla didn’t ‘just love’ me? Not that I care or anything, cause I so don’t.” Spike swallowed, focusing on his driving.

“Like I said, it’s complicated, pet.” He reiterated softly. How in the blue hell was he supposed to answer all of these questions without sounding like a wanker? Was such a thing even possible?





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