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Author's Chapter Notes:
Thanks ash, Laura Liz, rosie and cordykitten.

P.S.
I love the show "Roseanne" and "Sex and the City" as well, and sometimes they influence my writing, at least, in this particular fiction. Hope you enjoy.
Spike was well aware of the hot blond eyeing him. He knew exactly what that look meant: sex. He found it quite interesting, actually. Usually, women weren't so bold with him. He kind of liked it. He decided to give her "the look" right back. When he did, she smiled slyly at him before getting up from her seat.

"Excuse me for a moment, everyone. I have to go to the ladies." She said casually. No one really noticed excepted for him. Everyone was engrossed in some story Red was tellin' about... something. Two minutes after she went into the house, Spike exited also. His blood was pumping in anticipation at the idea of her waiting for him in the loo. Unless of course, he read her signals wrong? Nah, he wasn't wrong. The bint definitely wants me. Spike crept up the stairs and slowly opened the bathroom door. The lights were off.

"Hey, luv. You in here- " Spike was suddenly cut off by shock as he was slammed against the bathroom wall.

*************

Lilah had noticed that the bleached duo had left the party. She wasn't sure if she should go see what they were up to and walk in on something she'd never want to witness, or to just wait until they came back and pretend as if nothing at all occurred between them somewhere in her home. She decided that ignorance was much more blissful. Just then, the doorbell rang.

"Oh, I'll get it, sweetheart." She said as she smiled at Wes. Well, at least he seems to be enjoying himself she thought.

"Lilah! We are very much pleased that you have invited us to your humble abode for a free meal and drinks which I can not consume. How are you?" Anya said, all aglow and full of cheerfulness. Giles just nodded his head in greeting.

"I'm fine, Anya. And how are the two of you?" She asked as she stepped aside to let the couple in. The sight of them together was odd, yet endearing as she watched them hold hands. They seemed to be genuinely in love. Hmm, maybe Anya isn't apart of his mid-life crisis after all she thought.

"Hey everyone!" Anya shouted, interrupting Willow's tale of... something incredibly boring. No one knew for sure exactly what it was about, but looked interested for the sake of being nice. Willow quickly covered up her slightly annoyed look with Anya and quickly put on one of her trademark smiles.

"Anya, Giles! Glad you made it! How was your trip?" Wes said enthusiastically, thankful for the reprieve.

"Very sweet. My new car was all smooth sailing." Giles said all smiles. That car made him really happy. Anya's pregnancy could testify to that. Giles walked over to his nephew and gave him a strong pat on the back.

"Happy birthday, Wes. May you have many more and all that rot." Giles said as he handed Wes a medium sized bag.

"Oh, Rupert, we were going to do the presents later when-" Lilah started in protest.

"Oh, bollocks. Everyone should be able to open up one present before all the others, isn't that right, old chap?" Giles said as he took out a cigarette. Anya quickly took it away and put it in her purse.

"Hey, give that back!" Giles yelled.

"God, stop being such an infant. I refuse to let my baby have little black lungs before it even has the chance to be born yet, Rupert." Anya retorted before she sat down with the others. Giles shrugged it off and sat down next to her and said hello to the guests. Then he noticed someone was missing.

"So Wes, is Spike here yet, or is he shaggin' off his willy somewhere?" Giles asked (completely unaware of the inappropriateness of the question in front of “mixed company”) as Wesley covered his face in partial embarrassment at his oddball family.

********

"Hey!" Spike yelled at the silent figure that roughly accosted him.

"Hey yourself. Didn't think you'd come. Then again, I bet someone like you could probably make me come all night. Am I wrong?" Buffy whispered huskily in his ear as she cupped his erection, which seemed to be deflating by each passing second. Her attack and directness put him through a loop, and she was scaring the hell out of Spike Jr.

"What's wrong? You don't seem too happy to feel me." Buffy said in a huff as she pulled herself off of him.

"Nothing- you just, startled me is all." Spike said, willing his erection to come back completely. He was irritated at the situation, yet also terrified. How could he, self proclaimed stud, lose an erection before cumming? This is bloody awful he thought ruefully.

"Ugh, whatever. I don't have time to play games, little man." She said as she began to exit the bathroom.

"Hey wait! Where are you going?"

"Back to the party, cause right now, that dull story that Wilma or whatever was telling seems a helluva lot more interesting then what's obviously not going on between you and me." She said as she stomped off. Spike turned on the bathroom light and splashed water on his face. He looked at his reflection for a moment before looking down and exclaiming," Hey! What the bloody hell is wrong with you!"

********

Buffy fled down the stairs as fast as she could. Fuck! That never happened before! How could she possibly make a guy lose an erection? What the hell was wrong with her? The only thing that that little scene did was bring up past uglies of how she wasn't good enough. Stupid Parker. Stupid bleached idiot. Maybe Lilah was wrong. Maybe that Spike guy really was gay.

When she got to the table, she was introduced to some chick named Anya and the infamous Giles. Gee, what a stellar guest list she thought ruefully. Where the hell was Faith? She desperately needed to get her mind off of her current misfortune.

"Hey, did anything happen between you and the hottie?" Cordelia whispered to her.

"Nuh uh. I never kiss and tell." She whispered back before taking a large gulp of her drink. As the raspberry Smirnoff burned her throat, she began to feel much, much better. Just then, the doorbell rang once again. By then, Lilah had dropped the facade of false cheerfulness, muttered an "oh, hell" and went to answer the door. As Lilah left, Spike entered. He tried to glance at Buffy, but she quickly turned her head and took another large gulp of her vodka, ignoring Cordelia's subtle protest of slowing down a bit.

"Spike, dear lord are you sick?" His father questioned.

"Yea, you look really flushed. If you are sick, could please sit further away, ya know, from me?" Anya asked.

"I'm fine, really. Just, a little warm is all." He responded noncommittally. Angel, Wes and Xander eyed him warily. They knew that something utterly terrible had happened in the last ten minutes.

Just then, the duo following behind Lilah interrupted them from their concerned thoughts.

"Everyone, this is Robin Wood and- " Lilah started.

"Harris, is that you? Hey, it's me, Faith!" She exclaimed. Xander felt the sudden urge to pass out just then. Instead he looked at his loving wife and smiled tryingly at her confused expression.
Xander was completely thunderstruck. Just the thought of sitting there with his first love, his wife, his Willow while his first screw was right across from them, Xander felt his body break out into one of those anxiety sweats while his right eye twitched every time he heard her name. He desperately hoped no one would notice.

"Wow Xander, Red. You two got hitched, huh?" Faith asked casually as she glanced at Willow's ring.

"Yep. Right after high school. We have a son, Jesse." Willow replied.

"Well congrats and all that. Really. But how'd you manage to make him commit? I've got a lotta trouble with this one over here." Faith said as she smiled happily at Robin.

"Well, he didn’t come like that, ya know. It took time. Men are like government bonds—they take an incredible amount of time to mature." Willow said thoughtfully, getting a chuckle out of all of the ladies.

*******
Soon after, everyone more or less broke off into their own private conversations.

"Well, Wes. Do you like it?" Giles asked enthusiastically as Wes eyed the glass ball.

"Is it some type of orb?" Wes asked cautiously.

"Bloody hell. It's a new age paperweight. I thought a businessman like you would appreciate it." Giles said irritably.

"Yes. We put much thought behind this gift. We got a great deal from Thesula Inc. They specialize in stuff like this." Anya added.

"I do appreciate it. Very much. Thank you." Wes said with a trying smile. God, only a couple of hours left of unbelievable, social torment. Wes thought.

*******
"Hey, you're awfully quiet. Uh, Angel right?" Cordy asked.

"Oh, uh, just not much for the talking." Angel said, not really looking at her.

"Yeah. I noticed. You're treating everyone like we've all got a bad case of B.O." She said jokingly.

"No, no. I just... I'm not much of a people person lately. It's nothing personal." Angel replied, finally looking at her.

"Bad break up?" She asked, genuinely curious.

"No, not- my wife died." He surprisingly blurted out.

"Oh, god. I'm so sorry. I didn't-"

"It's okay. It was some time ago. It's just... I miss her, ya know?"

"Yeah. Not personally, but I understand where you're coming from. A few years back, I lost a close friend of mine, Doyle. The pain never completely goes away."

"I suppose it will one day. It's just that, all of the little things around you are like a constant reminder."

"I don't mean to be um, coming on too strongly or anything. But I was wondering if you liked to go out sometime? It's just… you seem like an interesting person to get to know." Angel thought about it, but wasn't really sure it'd be worth the trouble. But, if she passed "the test," then he figured why not.

"Well sure. How bout we go out to the park or something? You could meet my son." He said, watching her reaction closely. She looked a little shocked, but not disgusted or put off in the least.

"Sure! That sounds nice. What's his name?"

"Connor. His name is Connor." Angel was truly stunned. Usually when he mentioned his son, a woman would go running for the hills, which he didn't mind. But maybe Cordelia would be different.

*******

"Hey Xander. How's it hangin'?" Faith asked coyly, eyeing his crotch. She waited until he was alone by the cooler.

"Hah!" He replied with a surprised yelp. "Long time, no see. Not that I want to see, ya know, 'things' again." He said, using his hands for emphasis.

"Hey, chill. I take it Wills doesn't know bout our one time tryst, huh?" She said with a grin.

"No. No she doesn't know. In fact, I was actually planning on her knowing in, oh say... Never."

"Yeah. I get it. It's not like I'd bring something like that up anyway at random. Besides, my man is here. I promise to not be scandalous. Well, with you anyway." She said as she looked fondly at Robin, who was currently talking animatedly with Willow about schools or something.

"Thanks. But, it was nice seeing you again. Even better with the clothes." He said with a small smile.

"You too, Harris. See ya around."

*******

Spike watched as Lilah and Buffy talked on, and he found himself mesmerized by the feisty blond. He felt like such a wanker earlier, and finally he couldn't take it anymore. He just had to talk to her again.

"Uh, Lilah, Buffy. Look, um, I was wonderin' if we could go out on what some people would call a 'date,' but I'd just like to think of as two people going out to eat dinner with conversation, that's not too personal in a well lit environment and shaking hands the most, possible contact. What do you think?" Spike asked, totally nervous and (gasps) fidgety. Well, you can take the ponce out of his nancy boy clothing, but...

"Gee... eating, talking, and shaking hands. Sorry, but I'm already involved with Lilah." Buffy said jokingly. Lilah just looked back and forth between the two.

"Well, Buffy, darling, it's totally alright with me if you see other people." Lilah joined in. Spike pinched the bridge of his nose as if trying to stave off an intense migraine.

"S'okay. I understand." He said as he began to back away.

"Wait, Spike. I was just joking around. I'd like to go out with you and do that whole 'talking' thing of which you speak." Buffy said with a warm smile. She was curious about him and wanted to see what made him tick. Or maybe it was just the alcohol working on her brain. She usually wasn't one of giving second chances. Either way, it was a done deal.

*********

As the night progressed and the liquor continued to flow, everyone's inhibitions loosened up. Particularly Buffy’s. As the old saying goes, "loose lips sink ships."
"So, uh, Willow? How's this, uh, married life?" Buffy asked, her words slightly slurred.

"Oh, ya know. The usual married life?" Willow said, uncertain as to what exactly the drunken woman meant.

"Aww, come on! You're one of those house wives, right?" Willow shifted uncomfortably in her chair and glanced around at everyone, who had all eyes on Buffy.

"I mean, you watch his kid, wash his shorts, and clean his house, right?"

"I- I um… yes I do watch our kid, wash our clothes and clean our home. Why?" Buffy slammed her hand down on the table as if the answer was the most obvious thing in the world.

"What about sex?" Buffy asked simply.

"Hey-" Xander started.

"What about it, exactly?" Willow said, getting a little ticked off at her personal question.

"Well, do you take a class? I mean, I'm sure that after awhile that the military position can get quite boring. Gotta keep hubby interested, don't we?" She with a giggle.

"Hey now, just a minute- " Spike started.

"Come on, B. Light up. Better yet, go home and sleep it off." Faith added.

"Oh, god." Cordelia said more to herself than anyone else.

"Oh, shut up, Faith. You know it's true." Buffy said. Xander resumed his nervous twitch, not sure what to say to it all. Then the first thing that came to mind didn't seem so bad.

"Hey, are sex life is fan-fucking-tastic, thank you very much. Maybe if you didn't drink so much, yours wouldn't pass you by so quickly." Xander said. Willow got up and walked quickly to the bathroom. She'd never been so humiliated!

"Yea right. Like those seven minutes you give to her like, what? Once a week is any good. God, that woman needs a stick out of her ass and a dick in her coochie, pronto! Maybe next time she won't be so damned boring." Buffy said off handedly.

"You can be the queen of bitches sometimes." Cordelia said as she stood up. Everyone else was stunned into silence.

"Oh, thank you sweetie!" Buffy said while smiling, thinking the statement a compliment. Cordelia grabbed her arm and dragged Buffy to her feet.

"Come on, you've worn out the welcome for both us. Thanks Lilah, for inviting us. Angel, call me!" She said cheerfully as she walked Buffy out the door. As they left, you could hear Buffy's whiny complaints of not wanting to go.

"Say, that Buffy's a barrel of laughs, isn't she?" Anya commented as she sipped her soda.

"Well, at least the entire evening wasn't a total loss. Angel and Spike are going out on dates, which is no small feat. I mean, that was the whole point of this major disaster. Wes? Wes?" Lilah said as she tapped his shoulder. But all he did was groan in protest of the horrible turn of events.

"Well, you know what they say: 'Tomorrow's another day.'" Giles said as he rose his glass up in an imaginary toast. Anya gave him a look of irritation before questioning him.

"What idiot said that? Of course tomorrow's another day."





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