At first, Angel felt utterly bad for having these... feelings. He couldn’t seem to help himself, though. If he was stubborn enough (which he could be, most times), he could blame it on the candle light dinner they were having, or the way the flames of the candles placed a warm glow over her face, or how beautiful she could look in a simple black dress, her dimpled smile that warmed his heart, or how he pictured her in his mind’s eye from earlier that day.
The sun’s rays had shone on her just right. She looked like a heavenly being as she walked towards him in the early afternoon. She is an angel He thought. I couldn’t avoid falling in love with her no matter how hard I tried.
He smiled to himself as he finally said it, well, in his head anyway. Admitting it to himself wasn’t nearly as scary as he thought it would be. He knew in his heart that Darla wouldn’t deny him happiness, so he decided he wouldn’t deny it to himself either.
“Angel? Angel. You haven’t been listening to a word I’ve said.” She said, more concerned then cross.
“Cordy-” He started, but stopping himself with a quiet laugh.
“Angel, are you alright? I think you’re laughing, which is something I find to be quite odd for you.” Angel stared at her with his dark, brown, soulful eyes before answering her. He tossed down his cloth napkin onto his plate as he slowly rose from his seat.
“What I find funny Cordy, though strictly in an ironic sort of way, is that I’m happy just because. For awhile there, I didn’t think I’d be happy in this sense ever again. Being here with you... You look so beautiful tonight, and I haven’t even told you.” He said as he walked up to her. She gazed up at him from her seat with wide, shocked eyes.
“Oh, well technically, you still haven’t told me.”
“That’s because I’d rather show you.” As he grasped her hand and pulled her up slowly, he caressed her face with one hand before gently pulling her face towards his. He gave her a tender, yet shallow kiss on the lips. It was utterly sweet. It was refreshing. But it wasn’t enough. Not nearly. Cordelia had been waiting patiently for him to make the first move. Now that he had (though small as it was), it just wasn’t enough. Cordelia wanted more.
Before he was able to pull his head back more then two inches, she pulled him back to her by grasping the back of his head- forcing her demanding tongue in his mouth. Angel, eyes wide open in shock, not only pulled back again, but stepped back as well.
“I’m sorry Cordelia. I didn’t- I mean I- I have to go.” He managed to get out before leaving her apartment. After the initial shock wore off, Cordelia began clearing the dishes from the table. She cleaned the kitchen in a mechanical fashion before going straight to her room and crying herself to sleep.
********
“It’s just, I don’t understand Buffy! I was so... upset. I didn’t even take my makeup off. And you know how horrible clogged pores are for the skin! God what is wrong with me?!” Cordelia sobbed.
“Okay, so maybe you scared him a little bit. But it’s not completely unfixable.”
********
“So you ran cause she kissed you?” Spike asked, still quite confused by it all. Then he realized he was talking to Angel, and it began to all make much sense.
“It’s just, she took me off guard. I’m a slow paced kind of guy, Spike. That was just way too fast.”
“But it was just a bloody kiss!”
********
“But all I did was kiss him. It’s not like I ripped off his clothes and pounced on him.”
“Maybe you should call him?”
********
“You should definitely call her, Angel. Probably broke her lil heart.”
“I know I should. But I’m terrified.”
********
“Do you know how terrifying that would be Buffy? I mean, what if he doesn’t answer? What if he doesn’t pick up cause he knows it’s me?”
“How would he know it was you?”
“Buffy, hello! Get with the friggin’ program. Everyone has caller ID.”
********
“Angel, you should really just calm down. You really like this girl?”
“Yeah.”
“And she obviously is into you. How’s she with Connor?”
“He adores her.”
“Then what are so damned afraid of? She just wanted to make out. That’s more then I’m bloody getting. I say go for it. Take the plunge and what all.”
********
“Cordelia, honestly, what have you got to lose?”
By the time the two blondes convinced the two brunettes to call one another, they inadvertently dialed each other at the same time, making each other get the other’s voice mail.
“It’s busy.” Cordelia said dejectedly before flopping down on her couch.
“Buck up, you. It won’t be busy forever.”
“I know.” Cordelia sniffed. “But it’s just... I think he
could be the one.”
********
“She didn’t answer.” Angel said. He was in full brood mode as he began pacing his office floor.
“Well, are ya busy now?” Angel shook his head no as he continued to pace.
“Then sod the phone. Go talk to her in person. Bring her flowers or something else equally dainty. Women love that.” Spike said as he got up from the plush, leather chair and took out a cigarette.
“Spike, don’t smoke in my office.”
“I’m not smoking it yet, am I? Sides, I gotta go now. Supposed to meet up with Buffy.”
“How’s it going with the two of you?”
“Slow. Strange. But nice. I like her. She and Dawnie have been having a helluva time together.”
“Spike.”
“Yeah?”
“You ever consider practicing what you preach?”
********
“Cordelia, I hope that he is. You’re one of my best friends, and I wish you all the happiness in the world.” Buffy said sincerely, giving Cordelia a hug.
“But we’re gonna have to have the ‘Cordy Pity Party’ some other time. I gotta go meet Spike now.” She said as she stood up, casually swinging her black purse over shoulder.
“Oh right. Leave me for the bleached stud.”
“Hey, you’ve got other best friends you can call.”
“Yeah, well, I’m sure they’re busy doing their boyfriends now.”
“Too bad we all can’t be so lucky.” Buffy muttered to herself. Cordelia still heard the remark.
“So you haven’t been Spiked yet?”
“I’m guessing tactful isn’t apart of your vocabulary, right?”
“Buffy-”
“Nah. Not yet.”
“So what are you waiting for? I mean, I know why I’m not getting any, but-”
“It’s not that simple.”
“Why is it so complicated?”
“I don’t know Cordelia. All I know is that it always is.”
********
Spike couldn’t help but wonder why he hadn’t put the moves on Buffy yet. Somehow, after getting to know her, she became different from the other women he was used to. She became an actual person as opposed to some snatch. Besides Willow, Anya and Lilah, he didn’t really view women more than that. Of course, it wasn’t always like that. But after getting burned that one time, Spike refused to touch the fire again. For Spike, once had been enough.
“Hey. Sorry I was late. There was a situation.” Buffy hurriedly explained as she sat down. The pair decided to meet later that day at the Espresso Pump.
“I’m guessing it was the Cordelia- Angel debacle?” He asked rhetorically.
“Yeah. Had to do damage control. So, it is just a myth that guys don’t gossip and talk about their feelings, huh?” She said with a sly grin.
“There was absolutely no gossip nor talk of feelings whatsoever involved. Just the facts. We’re too manly for that , luv. Well, at least I am.” He said with a waggle of his eyebrows, folding his hands behind his head as he leaned back in his chair.
“Well, your friend obviously wasn’t. He totally freaked. Why’d he run out on Cordelia?”
“Your friend probably traumatized him. He hasn’t had a date in ages, and hasn’t gotten laid in longer than that. He’s just cautious, is all.”
“Unlike you?”
“Hey, if I’m livin’, I’m givin’. Giving all that I can give.” He said jokingly.
“But not lately, right? I mean, not since we’ve been dating?” She asked hesitantly. She could feel the uneasiness creep upon her, and it disturbed her greatly.
“No, actually, I haven’t. It’s... sort of a new thing for me.”
“Celibacy?”
“Yeah. Excluding Dru, of course.”
“Dawn’s mother.” He tilted his head and folded his arms over his stomach, not acknowledging nor denying her statement.
“So... when do you suppose it’ll be the right time for us?”
“No better time then the present, luv.” He said as he leaned forward, watching her reaction very carefully. Her eyes grew wide and she gulped.
“You mean, like now?” She said sotto voce, a hint of fear in her voice.
“Not now as in right now. But today.” He said in a low voice.
“Yeah. Alright. Fine with me.” She said, attempting to remain calm.
“You wanna leave now?”
“Okay.” She said all too quickly in a somewhat high pitched voice. But she got up, and he followed. He tried to catch up as she walked briskly towards her car before stopping abruptly and turning towards him. They nearly collided.
“Oh, sorry.”
“S’alright.”
“Are we going to your place or mine?” She asked sheepishly.
“Whatever makes you comfortable.” Buffy thought she would have the upper hand at her place. Her place, her rules.
“My place. We can go to my place.”
“Right then.”
Oh, god. Oh god... Her mind kept repeating to her. Why am I so damned nervous? “It’s just sex.” She accidentally said aloud.
“What?” He asked, not sure he heard her right.
“Nothing. I’ll meet you there.”
“1630, right?”
“Yeah.” With one last glance at him, she got in her car and drove off.
********
Spike was quite shocked by the day’s turn of events.
“Many thanks to Angel and his namby pamby ways.” He said to himself as he parked in the condominium parking lot. The only time he’d been to Buffy’s place was a few times when he’d dropped her off at the front door. Though she’d seen his house many a time, he had never actually been inside of her place. Now, his first time there was also going to be his first time with her. He just knew this wasn’t going to be the average lay. He had fantasized about it many a time, and every time (though different clothes, location, or position), it turned out to be amazing and monumental. One time, he even imagined they brought the house down- literally. Now, he was going to get the real thing.
Though he’d never admit it aloud, he felt a little nervous. Looking confident as ever, he entered the building, counted the floors silently as he rode the elevator, and swaggered down the hallway to her door- number 1630. He knocked on the door, and had one of his trademark grins firmly in place as she opened the door.
“ ‘Ello, pet.”
“Come in Spike.” She said as she stepped aside. Dammit! She thought to herself. She hadn’t had enough time to- to... prepare! Yeah, that was it. She didn’t have time to prepare for his arrival, and she wasn’t sure what to do exactly. So she decided to give him a tour of her humble abode. It absolutely was not a stall tactic.
“And um... here’s my bedroom.” She said sheepishly. He took in the light crème colors, vanity with large mirror, and then the bed- the king sized, circular bed with pale, satin sheets. It was so neat and pristine.
Gonna change that soon enough. He thought to himself.
“It’s nice, luv.”
“Yeah, well...” She trailed off as she began unconsciously wringing her hands nervously. She stopped all her movements as he walked towards her and lightly grasped her hips. He lightly began caressing her sides, feeling her shiver under his touch.
“This doesn’t make you nervous, does it?” He asked in a low voice, keeping his eyes on hers. She all of sudden had an indignant look on her face.
“Pfft. No.” She said as stepped back and yanked off her top. She then grabbed his face and began kissing him ferociously, unbuttoning his shirt and ripping it off of him as she did. She cupped his growing erection when she stopped kissing him, giving him a playful squeeze.
“Come on, let’s get these shoes off.” She said as she bent down to unzip her boots, tossing them to the side. He watched her hungrily as he did the same. As soon as he tossed the second to the side, she was on him like a tiger on its prey, pushing him towards and on the bed. She straddled his thighs, unbuckling his belt and slowly pulling it from the pants loops. He tilted his head to the side with his mouth slightly open, keeping his eyes on her face. Buffy slowed down as she watched him watching her. That whole feeling of nervousness began creeping upon her again, but she ignored it. She persisted on and slowly unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans as she felt his hands unclasp her bra. He took his time as he moved the straps down her arms and off her body.
“Gorgeous.” He murmured, dipping his head and tasting one of the rosy buds. Buffy grasped his head to her as she let out a sigh. He looked up at her as he stood up while holding her. He turned them around and laid her gently on the bed. She watched, mesmerized as he slid his pants down and off, his member jutting straight out from his body. He looked amazingly sexy. The way he looked at her excited her, but also highly unnerved her.
He got back on the bed, kneeling before her. He dragged the tips of his fingers across her ankles, up her calves, past her knees, and down her thighs. He fingered the edge of her lacy panties before griping the hem and pulling them off her with leisure. He took an unabashed whiff of them before pitching them over the edge.
“Smells wonderful. Bet you taste wonderful too.” He said as he spread her legs open and dipped his head down to her. He licked her outer lips with his tongue flattened before spreading them a little with his fingers. Then he stiffened his tongue and stroked her clit in a circular motion. He placed his free hand on her belly as she writhed and moaned before him. He suckled on the bundle of nerves gently as her voice grew louder.
Buffy grabbed at the wrought iron headboard as her first wave of pleasure hit her. She involuntarily arched her body as her eyes closed. She gasped as she came. She felt him hovering above her. When she opened her eyes, she saw his blue ones looking at her.
“Spike?”
“Buffy?”
“I kinda lied earlier.”
“Bout what?”
“About you- making me nervous.”
“Oh. We don’t have to-”
“No, it’s just... doesn’t it just feel like this time will be different from any other time? Like things are gonna change?” He caressed her face and kissed her before answering.
“Promise?” He asked in a mere whisper. He found that he was actually hoping that it would be different this time. She was different. She was... special. She leaned up and kissed him deeply. She felt relieved that he seemed somewhat nervous about it all too. He grasped his shaft and teased her entrance as he continued to kiss her. She moaned into his mouth as he pushed deep inside of her.
A wave of clarity suddenly hit her. Never before had she felt so touched before. He made her feel. She had never felt a passion quite like this before, if ever. She grasped his shoulders tightly as he pulled out and pushed as far as he could go inside of her. He stopped moving as he pulled his head back to look at her. He pulled nearly all the way out before pushing all of the way back in.
Her mouth was deliciously open. He traced her lips before she took his index finger into her mouth, sucking on it lightly. His movements began to quicken in earnest as she sucked harder on his finger eagerly. He moved his hips in a circular motion when she bit down on him, and began stroking her core harder. She wrapped her smooth, tan legs around him, encouraging him to go faster.
“God, Buffy.” He moaned. He felt her walls tightening around him. He laid his head on her shoulder as he began pumping away in earnest. She dug her nails into his back as she felt the uncontrollable explosion encroaching upon her. She screamed his name when she felt her release, he following soon after.
Spike turned them over so that they were on their sides. Buffy still had her eyes shut, waiting for her breathing to return to normal. Spike became worried because she wouldn’t look at him.
“Pet?” He asked, his hand gently moving her hair from
her face.
“That was... wow.” She said quietly, eyes still closed. “I’ve never felt...”
“But you’re okay?” She opened her eyes and smiled at him.
“Spike, in all honesty, I’ve never been better.”
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Thanks to rosie, carri (yea, it’s not gonna be that easy eventually…), Steph, fallen_angel (I kinda stole that from Harriet the Spy, but hey, it’s still Michelle Trachtenberg), cordykitten (it was fine, and thanks ;), and Margaret.