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Buffy was patrolling the cemetery the night after she saw Spike. Every vamp she encountered got beaten to a bloody pulp before she dusted them. She needed to let out some aggression. Why did he have to surprise her like that? Couldn't he have given her some kind of warning that he was back so she didn't have to deal with this in front of everyone she knew? Where was he all this time? Why was Willow with him and why the hell were they holding hands? It just didn't make sense. She knew she should have stayed around long enough to ask questions but her heart hurt too much. She missed him while he was gone but she didn't want him to know that. At least, part of her didn't want him to know. The other part wanted to hold onto him and never let go. Why did everything always have to be so complicated? Why was it that every time she made a decision she always had to consider what her friends would think first?

Buffy's brain was on overload and she suddenly found herself about twenty feet from Spike's crypt. She stared at it from a distance wondering if she should pay him a visit and ask all the questions that needed asking. She jumped when the door to his crypt opened. Oh no. Now she would have to talk to him. But it wasn't Spike that walked out.…. it was Willow. What the hell was going on?

"Willow?"

Buffy started walking toward her and Willow stopped dead in her tracks. She looked at Buffy as if she had been caught with her hand in the cookie jar. That made Buffy nervous. She wondered if something was going on between them after all.

"Oh hi Buffy." Willow looked past her as if making sure no one else was around.

"Willow, what's going on?" Buffy asked.

"What do you mean?" Willow asked even though she knew very well what she meant.

"Well, first, you and Spike walk into the Magic Box together, holding hands no less and then I catch you walking out of his crypt. Are you two involved? Buffy inwardly cringed when she asked that question.

"What? Buffy, you think we....that we...oh my gosh! No! No! A hundred times no! Why would you think that?"

"Well, you guys did seem kind of chummy." She blushed and suddenly felt very stupid.

"Buffy, I wouldn't do that. I know that you guys were sort of …..together and besides in case you've forgotten, I'm kind of gay now."

"I'm sorry." Buffy let out a small giggle. "I feel like such an idiot."

"That's ok. It's totally understandable but I couldn't be with anyone right now. I miss Tara so much and just the thought of being with someone else is just ridiculous to me right now. Besides, Spike would never want to be with me."

"Why not?" Buffy asked.

"Duh! Because he's in love with you silly! Spike was just helping me get through some stuff. He understands the whole being evil thing and we were just trying to help each other out. I guess we both just needed someone to talk to"

"Willow, what do you know about Spike? Where has he been all this time?"

"I'm sorry, Buffy. I can't tell you that. That is something you are gonna have to ask him yourself." Willow put her hand on Buffy's shoulder and gave her an apologetic smile.

"I know. You're right. I was just trying to take the easy way out." Buffy sighed.

"You have to face him sometime Buffy. In fact, he's in his crypt right now." Willow said nodding her head toward the crypt.

Willow gave her a quick hug and walked away. Buffy watched her go with a racing heart and wobbly knees. She stood frozen and scared to death of seeing him again.

"Why am I so nervous?" she said to herself out loud.

She turned around to walk toward his crypt and gasped when she walked right into Spike.

"Hello, luv." He said without a sign of his trademark smirk.

"Spike, you scared me." Buffy said slightly irritated.

"Sorry, luv." Spike remembered when those words used to please him. He would get such a thrill when someone actually admitted that he frightened them especially after having that chip for so long. But that feeling was gone for good now.

"What do you want Spike?" she snapped.

He looked at her with disappointment at her coldness.

"I just....forget it. I never should have come back here."

Spike quickly walked back to his crypt and slammed the door before Buffy could even process what had just happened.

‘Real nice Buffy.’ She thought. ‘I can't just let him walk away from me again. I can't risk him leaving for good this time.’ She walked over to his crypt and paused at the door. She opened the door slowly and found him sitting in his chair with his face in his hands. He looked up at her with tear filled eyes.

"Are you crying?" she asked

"Yeah, what of it?" he wiped the tears off his face and glanced back at her.

"I just don't think I've ever seen you cry before." Buffy said sadly.

"That's because I cried the most after you died. I cried so much I thought I'd run out of tears. But you weren't exactly around to see it now were you?"

Buffy felt a twinge of guilt. No one really ever spoke of how badly Spike had taken her death. She knew he blamed himself for it but his reaction was never talked about by her friends. They purposely avoided it so it must have been bad and she could tell it destroyed him. She knew deep down that taking care of Dawn was probably the only thing that kept him together.

"Buffy, I'm so sorry." He started to cry again. "What I did to you before I left was unforgivable. I never meant to hurt you. That was never my intention. I was just so desperate. I just wanted you to love me so badly. The whole time we were together I became so hopeful. Every time you came to me I kept thinking that maybe there was a chance that you were actually falling in love with me. You have no idea the effect you have on me. I love you so much. I would die for you. I know you could never feel that way about me but I just wanted you to know how sorry I am. Whenever I think about that night I feel sick. I would do anything to take it back but I can't."

Spike felt his tears start to fall again and he heard Buffy sigh. She walked over and sat next to him on the arm of his chair.

"You really scared me that night." She admitted. "I've seen you change so much in the past couple years and it killed me to think that you could hurt me in that way. But I've thought about it a lot and even thought I probably shouldn't, I forgive you. But I need you to forgive me too."

"Forgive you?" he asked. "For what?"

"For using you the way I did. For playing with your mind and for making you expect things that I'm not sure I could ever give."

"I forgive you, pet. I'll always forgive you."

Buffy gave him a gentle smile. She looked into his teary eyes and felt a jolt go through her body from the love she saw in them. The feeling she saw in his eyes was more intense than it had ever been. She reached over and wrapped her arms around him in a warm embrace.

He deeply inhaled her sent and brushed his fingers over her soft hair. He couldn't believe how wonderful it felt to be able to touch her again. She pulled away from him and once again looked into his eyes. She wanted to lean over and kiss him but she resisted. She couldn't do that to him again. She couldn't lead him on. Nothing like that could ever happen again until she fully realized what it was that she felt for him. She stood up and took a few steps toward the door.

"I have to go." She said in almost a whisper. "Dawn is waiting for me. I've got to get home. I wish I could stay longer so I could grill you with questions like, where the hell have you been for the past four months?"

"There is a lot I need to tell you, pet, but I guess it'll have to wait." Spike smoothed his hands through his hair and grabbed the arms of his chair in frustration.

He wanted to tell her everything right now. Get it over with. But how could he tell her something like this? Oh, by the way I went to Africa and got a soul. I did it all for you. Will you love me now? Stupid wanker.

"I'll come by within the next few days. I want to know everything." She said. Like how could you just take off like that and leave me feeling all alone, she thought, but would never dare say it out loud.

She walked toward the door and opened it. She turned her head so she was half facing him.

"I missed you." She said softly, then walked out and closed the door.

To Be Continued……..

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