Chapter 2
Roaming the streets Buffy started to question her existence. Everything without her would’ve turned out well. And who knows maybe her parents would still be together.
She let out a long sigh, she was never good at anything, not even self-pity.
As she crossed the street she hasn’t even bothered to look at the coming cars, she just walked in that trance like motion. Luckily…or perhaps unluckily for her, there weren’t any cars on the quiet suburban road.
She walked to the only place that was her asylum, well apart from her bedroom… the Bronze. She rarely showed up there nowadays. She hated being reminded of the life that she had or could’ve had if she was a bit nicer. She had to learn that the hard way.
“Oh well, what’s done is done” Her mind commented as she strode inside. She remembered how her and her friends would go out every Friday night after school and have a blast. Yes, the good old days.
She pulled up a stool and sat down by the bar. Glancing around she saw Cordelia, Willow, Oz and Xander laughing. A bitter smile spread across her lips. She was the one who cast Cordelia out of the ‘cool’ group, but by the looks of it she wasn’t complaining anymore. It’s funny how fast things could change.
Buffy turned around and faced the bartender. As sad and pathetic as it sounded, Tony was the only person she could talk to. He was actually very found of the girl. At only 17 she’s been through so much, while many would’ve had a breakdown, Buffy lived with struggle every single day.
He poured coke into her glass and added a bit of scotch, she smiled at him as he passed her the illegal drink. Tonight she just wanted to drown in her sorrows. Even though she stopped caring a long time ago what Devon did, it still hurt. In the past year she watched the people that she held dear to her heart walk out of her life, and there wasn’t a thing she could do about it. It was always too little, too late.
She honestly didn’t know how she’d live without her mom. Some days she just wanted to kill herself and be done with it. But suicidal thoughts only lasted a few minutes. After all God brought her into this world for a reason, but honestly she couldn’t see it…. unless it was pain and suffering.
From the corner of her eye she saw a figure dressed in all black sit next to her. She slightly turned her head to look at the man. He gave her a weak smile, and she returned it, but her eyes remained still and emotionless. She turned to face the bar once again and stared into her drink as if she was looking into the crystal ball trying to find the answers.
She could feel his eyes on her, scanning her up and down. She decided to ignore it. It’s been a while since a guy ever gave her any attention, probably because she constantly smelled like French fries. She chuckled at her conclusion and took another sip.
She could hear girly laughs in the background. Just then she noticed blonde girl walking to the bar…Harmony. Buffy always hated the stupid bitch. Ever since she found out about Buffy’s problems she started making fun of it in the most blunt ways.
“Oh, Buffy! Haven’t seen you in a while” She said with a fake sweet smile.
“Yeh” Buffy replied dryly and turned back to her drink.
“Tell me sweetie, is your mother dead yet?” She asked with curiosity.
“No” Buffy stated and had to push back the anger that was rising in her.
“Oh, well I hope you’ll let us know when she is, I’m sure me and the girls would join you at the service” Harmony said just after ordering a cappuccino
“Harmony, get lost” Buffy barked at the blonde.
“Gosh, I almost forgot, how unpleasant you really are. Oh and don’t worry I was just kidding about the whole showing up at the funeral thing. I’d rather be boiled alive” She said with a giggle and walked away.
Buffy’s grip on the glass tightened until the sides of the glass couldn’t hold out against the pressure and burst into many pieces, digging into her skin.
Generally Buffy was against self-harm, but these days pain was the only thing that made her feel alive. She opened up her palm and looked at the pieces of sharp glass stuck in her gentle skin. She let the blood flow freely, while Tony ran to her with a towel. Instead of stopping the bleeding she smashed her palm against the bar’s wooden top, letting the sharp bits dig into her skin even deeper. She smiled in satisfaction.
Looking over at the platinum blonde guy, he gave her a somewhat knowing look.
“You know pain is not the answer” He said and nodded towards her bleeding palm. He couldn’t help but lick his lips.
“I know, but it helps” She replied.
“I’m Spike by the way,” He said, and just as he did he wondered why the hell he did that. She was only going to serve as a late night snack.
“Buffy” She stated blankly.
“I should get going” She said as she got up from the stool and left a 10 dollar note on the bench.
Spike watched her get up, but he wasn’t about to let his low calorie meal walk out.
He walked out a few seconds after her, following her step. She slowly turned around and faced him. She knew that nothing good could come out of a random person following her from the bar, yet she still stood her ground.
“What do you want?” She questioned.
“A decent meal” He said with a smirk.
“Yeah, well don’t we all…. the diner is down the road from here” She said and was about to walk off, when she felt his strong grip on her jaw.
“See, I don’t think you quite understood me…” He said as he vamped out and then added. “You would make a good snack”
Buffy just stared blankly at him. He himself was actually getting bored, he liked his prey screaming, kicking and running for their lives…. well not this one.
“Okay” She stated emotionlessly. The bint was totally off her bird. He was about to bite her…but then he saw the look in her eyes. They were blank, no fear, no nothing. Just her emerald eyes shining in the moonlight. He slowly pulled away, his human visage back in place and took a step back.
“You got a death wish, luv?” He asked, his voice calm and smooth. Her head nodded, answering his question.
“You know what it’s like watching someone you love slip away from you day by day…and there ain’t a damn thing you can do about it? Do you know what it feels like knowing that it’s you against the world when they’re gone…do you have any…” She said her voice breaking and turning into a soft sob as tears rolled down her cheeks.
Spike didn’t know what to do. He really did know what it’s like going through all those things. That’s what it was like for him in the last decade, watching Drusilla die and he couldn’t do anything about it. The desire for a decent meal went out the window as he wrapped his arms around Buffy’s body and patting her back, helping her let it all out.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Thanx to everyone who posted a review, and those who took time to read the story, the second chapter is up. Personally i couldn't decide which way i wanted the story to turn out, so instead of piking one or two, i'll just do a separate story, it's gonna be titled 'Wishful thinking' n i'll post it shortly.