Time is never time at all
You can never ever leave without leaving a piece of youth
And our lives are forever changed
We will never be the same
The more you change the less you feel
Buffy and Spike sat across from one another on the dingy cot. The basement smelled of sweat, cigarettes and laundry, nauseating if the two weren’t so distracted. Buffy uneasily evaded Spike’s searching eyes. They probed her and made her feel vulnerable.
Spike waited, as he had waited for what seemed like eternity. And now, they were on the Eve of battle and Buffy wanted to talk. Did it really take the third end of the world to come to terms? Well, a couple more excruciating minutes wouldn’t make a difference.
10 minutes earlier
Buffy tugged lightly at Spike’s leather sleeve, whispering so timid it was scarce loud enough to be defined as a whisper. “I need to talk to you downstairs.”
And now, 10 minutes passed, she was still shifting restless and cross-legged. Spike took her hand in two of his the instant he decided a couple more minutes did make a difference. “Buffy. What is it?” He gently prodded her. His head tilted and he eyes sought further examination of Buffy-Emotion.
Suddenly, Buffy yanked her hand free of Spike’s, and started frantically pacing the room, leaving Spike. She couldn’t look at him, it made it more difficult.
“Spike.” She said, timid, as if testing the feel of his name.
“Look, I don’t know… Anything really. But I know…” She trailed off and abruptly changed the direction of her now frantic pacing.
Believe, believe in me, believe
Believe that life can change
That you’re not stuck in vain
Were not the same, were different tonight
Tonight, so bright
Tonight
“I don’t think I’ve ever been fair to you.” She restarted, fresh.
“Not rightly, no.” Spike cut in briefly.
“Shut up Spike.” The second that sentence left Buffy’s lips she mentally slapped herself.
“Case in point. Anyways… Just don’t interrupt me please? Ok. breathe Buffy. It’s time I do. I’ve always been scared of you. Us. Everything involving you. But you’ve changed, and I’ve changed… And we’ve changed together.” Buffy swallowed hard, desperate to finish what she started. She couldn’t look at Spike yet… She had to finish.
“I don’t think it matters how it started anymore, that’s past. What matters now is that we’re not the same. Everything can be different, is different even now..”
Buffy’s breath was ragged with emotion and racing thoughts. Were those tears? She licked her lips, and found, yes, they were tears. When did that happen? She heard Spike breathing and the cot squeak with Spike’s movement, but it was distant. She was far too lost in her own thoughts to hear anything right now.
And you know you’re never sure
But you’re sure you could be right
If you held yourself up to the light
And the embers never fade in your city by the lake
The place where you were born
“What we have… I don’t know… It’s so different. I don’t know if it’s love, I don’t know if it can be defined… But I know that we should be just that. We. Us.”
Spike wore an indefinable expression. He was stock still, locked onto Buffy, still pacing back and forth, fidgeting.
“We might not, probably won’t make it out of this. It’s time I swallowed my fear. I don’t want to go with any regrets, and … I need you to know. Spike.” She finally looked at him. He was standing now, his eyes unmoving and fixated upon hers. Buffy swallowed hard, and moved towards him. Her hands brushed lightly against Spike’s hands, and she trailed her nails up his cold arms and to his shoulders where she pulled him in for a hug.
Momentarily, Spike was stunned. Upon regaining his senses, his arms found homes on the small of her back and her shoulders. Their faces were buried in the napes of one another’s necks, and they remained there for just how long they didn’t know.
Spike was the first to pull away. He hadn’t spoken a word, and he continued his vow of silence as he eloquently kissed her forehead. Neither one had removed their hands as if they were entranced and rigid with so much emotion the static gaze they shared threatened to entomb them for eternity.
Believe, believe in me, believe
Believe in the resolute urgency of now
And if you believe there’s not a chance tonight
Tonight, so bright
Tonight
‘No regrets.’ They shared the thought as they realized they were kissing. When it happened, and how long ago neither knew. The feeling was lost in-between passion and surrealism. Buffy was the first to take action. Her fingers snaked up his back, and with that Spike responded by lightly raking his fingers down her ribs.
She gently prodded him backwards until they lay on the bed together, never abandoning embrace. Suddenly, the moment caught up with them. They lost their view from the back row seat, and now they sit in the very real, and very raw moment. The kiss is quickened, and hands are in a blind fury ravaging and exploring every inch of body.
Spike’s pants are being unzipped, and Buffy’s bra topples down her arms. In one fluid motion, Spike’s pants are effectively undone, and Buffy’s bra is banished to the floor. Buffy kisses the line of his jaw, down to his collarbone and to his chest, nipping at it as she finds her own pants being removed.
Time passed fluently as they worshipped each other’s bodies. Clothes had long since been forsaken, and Spike is now on top. He speaks for the first time since the beginning. “Are you ready?” He whispers in between kisses in gentle, blunt bites. Buffy nods as her hands found ways to cover his entire back at once. “I love you.” She whispers. “This is love Buffy.”
We’ll crucify the insincere tonight
We’ll make things right, we’ll feel it all tonight
We’ll find a way to offer up the night tonight
The indescribable moments of your life tonight
The impossible is possible tonight
Believe in me as I believe in you, tonight
Author's Chapter Notes:
Review please! I always return the favor.
I was reading Soundtrack for the Night, by Effection, and listening to The Smashing Pumpkins when this came to me, and I really hope it's as beautiful as as it the idea in my head was.
I was reading Soundtrack for the Night, by Effection, and listening to The Smashing Pumpkins when this came to me, and I really hope it's as beautiful as as it the idea in my head was.