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Author's Chapter Notes:
This Chaper is based loosely on a "conversation" with my mom. That is what inspired it!
Joyce had let Spike in. He had told her that he had left something there. She was glad that he had come. She wasn't strong enough to carry her daughter, and she didn't want to wake her. Plus she didn't want Buffy to sleep on the cold floor. Spike had picked Buffy up, and she had instantly cuddled to him. She looked more like her little girl in his arms than the lost lamb she had been on the floor. Joyce had stored that in her memory. Buffy had even mumbled her love for Spike, making Joyce ask herself what was going on.

Joyce settled herself in one of the many guest rooms. She would talk to Buffy in the morning.

-----
The next morning
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Buffy woke up to the wonderful smells of pancakes. It reminded her of when she was younger, and her mother would cook breakfast every morning. She frowned at the painful memory. Getting up she wondered how she got to her bed and who was cooking. She grabbed her bathrobe. She walked to the kitchen.

"Morning Buffy. I hope you don't mind I made some chocolate pancakes. I hope they are still your favorites." Her mother says.

"Mommy? What are you doing here?" Buffy asks and Joyce hears the lost little girl in her voice.

"Honey, somethings bothering you!" She states the obvious "It has been for too long. I want to be close again like we were in L.A. I wanna work things out! So how about we talk about Everything?"

Buffy nodded "After breakfast though." Breakfast was eaten in silence. Buffy was terrified of what her mother was going to think about her when she said everything. They finally completed the meal and then went to sit on the couch. Buffy decided that she would just come out with it.

"What I have to say wont be easy, it wont be nice, but please no matter what do interrupt me! I wont be able to complete everything. Agreed?" Buffy asks.

"Agreed."

"In L.A. I got into a fight with this guy, he had been my friend. Well I though he had been. He was so angry and he had hit me, I wanted to do something, anything. I don't know, I was just mad at everything. I had just found out that we were moving and you guys had just gotten divorced! I lit my friends coat on fire. I was so upset, I threw it and the gym started on fire. It gave me satisfaction. Then we moved.

I always blamed myself for your guys divorce because I started acting out. When we moved I guess I don't know I just didn't like how I was. When I first saw Spike, I thought oh wow this place isn't going to be so bad. I thought he was the hottest thing I had seen ever! Then me and him kind of got together... We had gone to The Bronze and I had a few drinks, not enough to get me completely drunk but enough to get me tipsy. I met him there and we had a one night stand. It was totally stupid but I really liked him!

I took off into the night after he had fallen asleep. He was pissed. He had been my first... It was.. it was the most wonderful thing ever. It was then that I realized how much danger I was in. I liked him too much. SO I...." She trailed off tears falling silently out of her eyes.

"I guess he didn't think I was all that great in bed. He would taunt me. Saying all these terrible things. One day it grew to be too much. So we started the physical parts of our fighting. He always said that it was a dance. We got suspended.

After that Principal Snyder started following us. I was hiding under the bleachers when Faith came. She told me to stop by her house that night. I snuck out. Well, by then I had, had my miscarriage..." Buffy choked out. Her mother gasped and grabbed Buffy and held her tightly. The tears were pouring out of both of their eyes now. "Oh my god Buffy why didn't you tell me?"

"Mom... No interruptions remember? But we weren't... close anymore. Any... anyways. I went to her house. They had a band. Faith wanted to initiate me. I guess she had heard me sing. Spike hadn't said a word. They all heard me sing and I was immediately part of their group. Though the next day Spike kisses me. I was b...broken still from my miscarriage. I had wanted the baby. I had wanted a piece of him. I never told him about it though. When he kissed me I lost it and beat him to a bloody mass. I had been crying. I guess Snyder found us a few minutes later and I got kicked out of school. I made it like I dropped out so you wouldn't be disappointed. Then when you couldn't bare the sight one me anymore I moved in with Faith. Over time Spike forgave me and we got close again." Buffy smiled lost in her thoughts.

"He taught me to play the guitar. Things were great. We played at The Bronze. We were immediately signed on a record label. Things were looking up. That was until Drusilla came along. She sleeps with everyone. She cheats on him, but he wont listen to me anymore. A major riff between us was because of her. She's his 'Dark Princess' and he only believes her.

I had really wished by then that me and you wouldn't fight every time we saw each other I really wanted to tell someone. I have never told anyone any of this really. After we got signed I had alot of money so I moved out of Faith's and into this place. I just wanted to make you proud of me. Well four months ago I met Angel. He's older, richer, and hes normal. I guess he's what I want. I don't love him but he's nice. The day he left to Europe a month ago was the day the tabloids and everyone else found out that I had once slept with Spike. That was the day of my accident. The day I almost died, I had lost control of the car and flipped. He had said he didn't tell anyone, but he was the only other person who knew so he had to. I actually wanted to died. After all that I kept screwing everything up.

I may be your blood but we aren't family. You have Dawnie! Your perfect daughter. Someone to be proud of! The one whose going to graduate. The one who does no wrong. The one to brag about to your garden friends. I'm a black sheep. So go home mom back to Giles and Dawnie. Go home have your wedding and FORGET ME!"

Joyce looked at her daughter she looked so broken. Her heart broke with all the heart wracking sobs, and grief, she wanted to help her daughter. She wished Buffy hadn't had to go through this at such a young age.

"Oh Buffy. My sweet daughter. You are my family! I want things right with us. I want us to be close again. I am PROUD of you! Nothing will ever change that. I want you to be okay. I cant believe you've been through so much! Will you please see a psychologist? You need to talk to someone. TO get help. So that you'll feel better. I know that I cant promise that things will be great instantly but they will start to work out!" Joyce pleaded.

"OK Mommy." Her daughter said. "Mommy can I come stay with you?" she asked softly.

"Of course. My house is your house. Now as I wanted to ask you and get a happy mood out of you. Do you want to... would you want to be my maid of honor?" Joyce asked nervously.

"Really?" Buffy asked hopefully.

"Yes, that's why I called yesterday, but someone hung up on me!"

It all seemed like a life time ago. But Buffy could tell that things would get better between her mother and her.

------

Buffy had told Willow that she was going to stay with her mom for awhile, and Willow had told Buffy it was about time.

-----

When Dawnie had seen her she had launched herself at Buffy glad to see her sister again. Giles had welcomed Buffy, they had always been close. That was a month ago. Her mother and her were alot closer. Doing many many things together. They went out to lunch everyday. When Buffy had moved back to her own apartment, she went and had dinner every other day at her moms. They were planning her wedding stuff. Although the band had practice and stuff, they hadn't had any major events until today. It had been two months since their last concert. Buffy was excited but very nervous. The band had a new song they were going to play.

Her mother, Giles, Dawnie, Willow, and of course Xander and Anya were back stage. The concert was in L.A. She was getting nervous, by the time had come. She stepped up to the microphone.

Life is a metaphor
For meaningless pain.
Life is a pain
in which we hate.
Something we have no control over
Something to make us restless.
Love is something we seek
Grinding our feelings to dust
Clenching our teeth giving into lust
Never once to be just
to be with me...

--------

Buffy was on the right track with her life. She had been more into life and everyone around her had noticed. Her therapy sessions had helped. She actually liked going knowing they were helping her.

"Wow B, that song was wow! So deep. You always know how to make someone feel the music." Faith Patted her back. Buffy hadn't seen Angel but she didn't care. She wanted to break up with him anyways. Her therapist Dr. McClay or Tara made her realize that he was bringing her down.

"Buffy can we talk?" Spike asked.

"Um okay, I guess." She said.

"So luv, what have you been up to?" He asked.

"Nothing much just hanging. I guess you could say. What's this about Spike?"

"Buffy, Drusilla says she wants to tell you about Angel. How's hes been sleeping with Darla. Darla's one of Dru's friends. She just wanted you to know." Spike says walking off. It gave Buffy the perfect reason to break up with him.

-----

Buffy had called Angel telling him to come over. She got every single thing he had ever given her and put it into a box. When he got there she thrust the box in his hands. He smiled until he saw what it was and she told him that she never wanted to see him or his 'girlfriend' and to leave her alone. She told him to go to hell. He left and she felt better. Her life was on track again. Only was it?

-----

She had the flu, and her mom made her come stay with her until she was better. Not that Buffy minded. Her mom made her chicken noodle soup, and tea. Her friends brought over movies, and they would lounge around watching them, even allowing Dawnie to join them. Her mom was babying her, and she secretly was loving the attention. Dawnie would even come in to her room and read to her, just to spend time together. Although something at the back of her head kept trying to tell her something was wrong.

"Mom, I'm scared!" Buffy whispered to her mother.

"Why?" Her mother asked panicking.

"I haven't had my period in two months!"

"Oh Buffy! I am bringing you to the doctors!"

-----

The doctors had confirmed her suspicions, that she didn't have the flu, but she was in fact two months pregnant. Although she didn't know who the father was. She hadn't had sex with anyone since she was fifteen. And her mind was trying to process all the information. Now she had to tell her mother. She walked out to the waiting room. Walking over to her mother.
"Mommy... I'm... Pregnant!"

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I end the chapter with this. I know I know its weird but hey it was fun! This is loosely based on a recent argument with my mom and me! REVIEW, REVIEW, AND REVIEW please!

I have been nominated at Burst into Flame Fanfic awards check it out http://awards.burstintoflame.com/nominees.html





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