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Chapter 4: Sweetest Sin

Hours later, the two lay in bed together. Buffy curled snug against Spike’s side, her leg draped over his hip, keeping him as close as possible.

God, I’ve never felt so alive in my whole entire life. No one has ever made my heart beat so fast and so slow at the same time, just with a single touch. For the first time in a long time I was happy. I attained a natural high by being with him intimately, and there was no way I was coming down.

Spike lay on his side, supporting himself on his elbow. He gently lifted her arm, caressing it and pressing light, open-mouth kisses all the way down the skin.

Buffy let out a little giggle. “What are you doing?” she whispered softly.

Spike lifted off his elbow and ran his other hand over her bare stomach, and around her side to the arch in her back, all the while kissing her neck and collarbone. “I’m studying you…” it came out in a raspy whisper against her neck. “I want to discover every curve, every dimple… every single detail that your body owns…” He brought his head up and gave her a small kiss to the nose.

She scrunched it, a childish smile playing on her lips. “What for?”

“I want to sketch you…if I’m going to do that, pet, I need to learn your body.” He let his fingers draw little patterns on her thigh that was draped over him. “You don’t mind, do you?” a seductive smile curled his lips and he leaned in and dropped silky soft kisses down the column of her throat.

“I’m most definitely not objecting…” it came out in a breathless whisper, as she lolled her head to the side so he could get better access. It was that moment that she knew. She knew that her feelings for him elevated to a new level. Love? She wasn’t sure…but it was something strong, and fiery.

* * * * *
Buffy looked over to her right to see Spike still sleeping. It was three hours ago she discovered her new feelings for him, and a hand full of orgasms later. It was no wonder he was tired. His face was endearing. His cheek pressed against the pillow, one arm splayed above his head, and the other across her waist possessively.

She let a genuine smile grace her lips, as she ran her fingers lightly through his blonde locks. His hair was disheveled from sleep. He looked like a complete saint. So innocent and childlike.

She crawled out from under his arm, and stood taking the sheet with her. Wrapping it around herself, she padded the hardwood flooring, to the window, looking out to the city. The view was amazing at night. The moon practically lit up the sky, along with the bright stars. She opened the screen door quietly and made her way out the balcony. The crisp breeze of the night hit her face, blowing her hair behind her with a soft stream.

She closed her eyes to think about her feelings for Spike. She wanted to tell him so badly how she felt, but the thought of him thinking it was too soon and he wouldn’t feel the same made her heart tighten.

I loved him. I figured it all out. That night changed everything for me. A night that I know I will never forget. When I went out on that balcony, it was like a moment of clarity. An epiphany, I guess you could say. And I knew my decision. Spike was right…it’s not what Angel needs, it’s what I need.

Buffy felt warmth surround her. Spike walked up behind her in just his jeans and enveloped her in his embrace. Holding her tightly around the waist and resting his chin on her shoulder.

“What’s on your mind, luv?” he pressed a kiss to her bare shoulder, nuzzling her.

“I just realized something.” She smiled. “I can’t believe I didn’t notice it sooner.” The last part was mostly directed to herself.

“And what’s that, kitten.” He turned her around in his arms. She wrapped her arms around his waist and tucked her thumbs into the belt loops in the back of his waistband.

She shook her head, with bright eyes, and a soft smile. “I love you.” She noticed the slight nervousness in his eyes and continued. “Baby, I’m not expecting you to say anything back, okay?” she said running her fingers down his chest. “I just needed to let you know. It’s a big deal for me, and I don’t want you to say it unless you really truly mean it.”

At that, he relaxed a little bit, all the tension was gone, but he was still a little nervous about this situation. Meeting her was the best thing that’s ever happened to him. But he wasn’t sure if he could let himself fall in love again. The thought of losing her would make his heart shatter. It was already broken once, and eventually it mended. But it was fragile now-if it broke again…he knew it wouldn’t be as easy to mend as last time…and that wasn’t a picnic.

“I’m gunna leave Angel.” She turned her gaze to his chest, and the patterns her fingers were making. Her words were quiet, but they rang like a big fat gong in his head. Those were words he wanted to hear for so long now. His face lit up when she looked back up at him and saw the sincerity in her eyes. “You were so right. I have to think about the things I need-not him.” She sucked in a deep breath. “And that’s you. I need you.” Tears were already falling from her eyes, silently.

Spike kissed away her tears and looked down at her. “You have no idea how long I’ve waited for you to say that.” She pulled her into a hug, keeping her snug against his bare chest. After a while he pulled away. “There’s something you should know, pet.” He pulled her over to the cushion-clad lawn chair.
He sat down along with her and took her hand in his. “Buffy…when I was in L.A., there was this girl. We were sixteen, and we cherished each other more than anything. We were practically inseparable.” Buffy didn’t like where this was going, but she forced herself to keep it together. She ducked her head and waited for him to continue. “We were utterly and completely in love.” Buffy felt her throat close.

Okay, okay…this is killing me! Why are you telling me this?

“She left, Buffy. She left me, she left L.A., and she left the country. Her dad made her move to Europe with him. We cried for weeks before she left. Her dad practically had to drag her out of my house and into the car. I was broken…so broken that I wouldn’t let myself get that close to someone again.”

Buffy took in a ragged breath, feeling unwanted tears built up behind her eyes. “Then I met you and-and that changed everything.” He caressed her cheek with the back of his hand. “I made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t let myself fall in love again because that pain was too much to handle.”

Buffy couldn’t help but feel unwanted, and not worthy of him. Tears fell from her eyes, as she swallowed the lump in her throat. God I should have never said anything!! Couldn’t he tell you this earlier!?!?Goddamn, Spike this info would have been good to know before I bare my heart and soul to you!!! Stupid British man!

“But…”

Ooh! 'But'! But is good...right?

“I want to love you…it’s just gunna take some time okay, luv. It was hard to go through, I just don’t want to get hurt like that again.”

Buffy scooted closer to Spike and held his large hand between her two tiny ones. She took in a deep breath to calm her nerves. “I’m not going anywhere.” Her voice was faint but heartfelt. A watery smile formed on her lips. “You’re stuck with me.”

They shared a short laugh, and then stood just staring at each other for a moment.

Buffy opened up the sheet, baring her naked self to him. But it wasn’t at all sexual. He walked into her open arms, and she wrapped her arms around him, engulfing them both in the wine-colored silk sheet. They melted into each other…blending in so well, neither knew where each other ended and the other began.

“I’ve never told anyone that before, I never could.” He mumbled into her hair. Buffy felt a few tears hit her cool shoulder, warming her.

Buffy knew it must have been hard for him. She had never loved someone like this before him, so she wouldn’t know. But the thought of him leaving made her want to break down a cry.
* * * * *

The next morning Buffy was lying in bed tangled in the sheets, and waiting for Spike to get out of the shower.
She thought about the night before and how special it was. After they held each other on the balcony, they went back inside and lay down, only to do the same thing. It was a comforting embrace, not meant to be anything more than platonic. Right now, wasn’t the time to be physical with each other.

She was brought out of her thoughts by the phone ringing. She reached onto the nightstand and answered it. “Hello?” with a genuinely happy smile on her face.

“Buffy? Oh my God!! Where the Hell have you been? I came to the house and no one was there, a-and then I called your mom and she said that she didn’t know an-” a extremely concerned voice rambled on the other end.

“Willow…chill out. I’m fine!” Damn right I’m fine!! Never been better!

“Oh okay…but that doesn’t tell me where you are!”
Buffy didn’t even hear Spike turn off the shower and walk out of the bathroom.

“Buffy…I’m done in the shower if you want to use it.” Spike walked out with his towel riding low on his waist, water droplets still on his chest, running down the definition of his muscles. He used another towel to rub his wet hair into curly, tousled locks.

“Buffy!!” Willow repeated louder.

“Huh? What? Oh. What?” Damn Spike…and his distracting body!

“I said who was that?”

Buffy put her hand over the phone, and winced at the fact she heard Spike ‘Oh shit’ she mouthed before removing her hand. “Oh. Um…”


A/N: ooooh cliffhanger...hehehe don't hate me :D





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