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Chapter 3: Taking Risks

Almost a month went by…Buffy still couldn’t tell Spike she had a boyfriend, and she couldn’t tell Angel that she was seeing someone else. She was stuck in a giant hole. The worst part is that she was the one that dug it. Things with Spike just kept getting better. He meet up with her, where ever it was, and they would just hold each other. They didn’t need to talk; just being with each other was enough. He’d whisper sweet nothings in her ear, causing her the shiver. She liked this. She wanted and needed it. And she realized that she had only felt this way with him. She had to tell him…if she wanted to be with him…legitimately…she’d have to tell him the truth.

Buffy sat in between his legs, leaning her back on his front. He had his arms wrapped around her waist, playing with the hem of her shirt. Spike had taken her to a cliff top. She had told him that that’s where she use to go sometimes when she was a kid to get away.

I knew it was going to be hard to do. But it was beating me up inside, lying to him. I knew I was taking a huge risk by doing it. I knew that in the few minutes that I told him, he could slip through my hands, and I would lose that feeling that I’d get every time I was around him…but he needed to know.

“Spike?” Buffy said in a quiet voice, biting her lip.

“Yeah, baby?” he looked down at her, and pulled her hair all to one side of her shoulders, and placed a gentle kiss on her bare shoulder.

“There’s something I have to tell you.” She was extremely nervous. She didn’t want to lose him. She just hoped he wouldn’t get pissed. Spike just waited for her to continue. “I just-I want you to let me explain…and not say anything, because its just gunna make it that much harder to say.” Buffy took a deep breath to calm her nerves. It didn’t help much. “When we met…I-I had a boyfriend.” She couldn’t bring herself to look at him, but she knew what face he had on. It was the one he made when he tensed up his entire body, and narrowed his eyes, with a clenched jaw. She closed her eyes and continued. “I wanted to tell you, but…I really liked you and when you said you wanted to see me again, I couldn’t say no. I was gunna tell you then, but we were having so much fun and…I’m so sorry. I never meant to wait so long to tell you.” She finally turned around in his arms. She noticed the hurt look on his face, and felt horrible. “Spike…I don’t want to be with him anymore, I want to be with you.” She looked deep in his eyes, but it didn’t look like he was going to say anything soon. She then remembered she told him not to say anything. “You can say something now.” Her voice was weak and shaky, obviously panicky about what he was going to say.

Spike closed his eyes and took a deep breath and then let it out before he spoke. “Buffy…” he didn’t even know what to say. He didn’t even know he could speak until he did. “I want to be with you, too.” Buffy let out a sigh of relief that he wasn’t going to leave her. “But I can’t be with you while you’re with him. Knowing that when we end our night, yours is just beginning with him…it pains me.” Spike’s eyes shimmered from the moonlight. Tears were wanting to make themselves known, but he wouldn’t let them.

“I understand what you’re trying to say but…I can’t leave him. He needs me.” Her bottom lip trembled.

“I need you!” he said in a strained voice, soaked with emotion. “Buffy…meeting you at that bar, goes down in the records as the best night of my life. I never even thought I could have this.” He gestured between them. He then started to speak in a softer, gentler tone. “Don’t think about what he needs…what do you need?”

Buffy didn’t have to think about it. She knew what she needed. “You.”

“Well shouldn’t that make this situation a little easier? I need you, you need me…what is it that’s making this so complicated?” he tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear, dragging the back of his hand down her cheek.

“Angel has been through a lot. He’s already hurting, even if he doesn’t show it, he is. If I broke up with him…I’d be adding to it, and he’s counting on me to help him. Angel and me…we’re not even…intimate…like that anymore. I don’t feel that way for him anymore. But he still loves me, and I have to be there for him.” Buffy grabbed his hand and hoped he’d understand. “But I don’t love him…”

Spike just nodded, knowing that even if he was pissed off at her-which he wasn’t-he would never let her go, no matter the circumstance. “Please…just please, promise me that you won’t-” Spike couldn’t let the words lass his lips. It was too hard to say. “I don’t think I’d be able to handle it.” Buffy figured out what he was trying to say. She placed a soft, tender kiss on his lips.

“I promise…I wouldn’t do that to you.” She turned around and resumed her previous position. She cuddled her back into his chest. Spike dropped his chin to rest on her shoulder.

“What kinda nancy boy name is Angel anyway?” he asked with a pang of jealously. Buffy just smiled and shook her head.

* * * * *

Buffy crept through the door later that night. Or should I say early that morning. It was already 4am; she had spent the night out on the cliff with Spike. They weren’t intending to stay that late; they just fell asleep together, and woke up in each other’s arms. Buffy had never woken up in a better way than that morning…no matter how early it was.

Buffy closed the door behind her and was about to walk up the stairs. Then the lights flicked on.

“Buffy? You didn’t come home last night. What happened, you okay?” Angel stepped towards her, obviously sleep deprived, and worried.

Buffy stumbled over her words, scrambling for something to say. “U-uh, W-well, Willow a-and me went-” Angel cut her ramblings short.

“Cut the crap, Buffy. I talked to Willow. She said she had no idea where you were. Xander too. We were all worried. Where were you?” Buffy walked past him, and sat on the couch.

“I went up to the cliff. I was thinking about some things…I must have fallen asleep up there. I’m fine.” She replied calmly. She was telling the truth. She did go up to the cliff, and she was thinking…about the sexy blonde holding her. But that part didn’t need to be mentioned.

Angel didn’t buy it, but he accepted her answer with a nod. “It’s just…I come home from work, you’re not here. I wait up for you to come home…and you don’t. I got kinda freaked…I thought something might have happened to you.” Angel had fear in his eyes. The same kind of fear she saw a long time ago when Connor died. Buffy features softened.

She stood up and walked over to Angel embracing him in a hug. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. Next time I plan to be MIA, I’ll let you know.” She said the last part jokingly with a laugh. Angel let out a short laugh, and pulled out of the hug.

“I’m sorry…it’s just after Connor…I’m a little protective of the people I love.” Buffy gave him a small smile.

After I heard that, I wanted to die. I mean, he was so good to me and this is how I treat him? I felt horrible…I’d have to tell him sooner or later. Sooner would have been better. But I couldn’t stand to see him get hurt, so I was aiming for later. It would still be hard but I’d have more time to figure things out. Being around Angel got weirder and even more uncomfortable. God, I felt like Spike was my boyfriend and I was cheating on him with Angel. But leave it to Buffy Summers to walk her self into the ‘Land of Mayhem’.

“I know. I’m gunna head up to bed, okay? I’m still pretty tired.” Buffy gave him a chaste kiss on the cheek and headed upstairs. She wasn’t tired, not at all. She just couldn’t stand to hear Angel bare his heart to her, knowing that she couldn’t say it back. She lay in the bed, curled up in a ball, and closed her eyes. She wished Spike were there, holding her. Dragging his fingers down the arch of her back to sooth her; kissing her tenderly, and whispering sweet nothings in her ear.

She was happy that her father decided to spend a little time with Angel in L.A tomorrow for a week or so. Hank had always liked him, and since Angel’s parents were in New York, Hank treated him like his own son. That would give her and Spike some time alone. Time to not sneak around. Buffy let herself fall asleep that thought still in her head.

* * * * *

That afternoon, Buffy hurriedly got ready. She was going to surprise Spike at his apartment. He had no idea that Angel was out of town. Buffy slipped on her favorite, dark red dress. It was short, falling just under her ass, and fitting to all her curves. It was low cut, showing of her cleavage. It wasn’t too dressy, which is what she liked about it. Buffy wore her hair down, in soft curls. One side of her hair was pinned to her head, pulling her hair away from her face. She stared at herself in the mirror on last time, before grabbing her purse and heading out the door.

* * * * *

Spike sat on his couch flipping through the channels, and leaving it on ‘Passions’. He didn’t like to admit it to anyone, but he got reeled in one afternoon during the summer when nothing was on. It just kinda stuck. He took a sip of his beer, thinking about Buffy and how she’s probably all cuddly with- the knock on the door broke his thoughts. He got up and put his beer down, then went to answer the door.

He swung it open eyes still on the TV before turning to Buffy.

She stood there, leaning her weight on one hip, lengthening her other one to her side. “Hey baby.” Spike just stood there looking her over. She looked gorgeous. “Well, are you just gunna stand here and ogle me, or are you going to let me in…so you can ogle me?” she said with a small smirk. Spike finally moved out of the way to let her in. Buffy dropped her purse on table by the door.

Spike finally found his voice and spoke up. “What are you doing here, not that I mind or anything cause I don’t, it’s just-I thought you might be with Angel.” Spike rambled nervously.

“Nope! Him and my dad went to L.A. for a couple of weeks. So…I thought we could get some time alone…I don’t have to hurry home…” Buffy slowly and seductively started walking towards him. “We could…do things…that may take…” she took another step, bringing her dangerously close to him. “A lot of time.” She whispered in his ear, and he nearly died at the thought of it. She stepped back slightly to look at him. “We have all this-” Buffy paused. “Passions?” she finished questionably, with a raised brow.

“Huh?” he mumbled, swallowing hard. Buffy walked passed him and pointed at the TV.

“You watch ‘Passions’?” she asked turning back to him. He looked a little embarrassed.

“Um, I was flipping through the channels and-oh sod it! Yeah I watch ‘Passions’. Looks like you found the softer side of Spike. Didn’t know I had one, did you?” Buffy smiled and walked back to him.

“I always knew.” She kissed him on the lips briefly. “I just didn’t know ‘Passions’ was your weakness.” She answered with a smile.

“Mmm…Passion’s not my weakness, love.” He wrapped his arms around her waist.

“Oh? Then what is you’re weakness?” she asked teasingly. He lifted her in the air, and she took the opportunity to wrap her legs around his waist.

“Take a wild guess.” He whispered in her ear. His voice was deep and hoarse. It sounded damn sexy.

“Hmm…” Buffy pretended to think. “’Days of Our Lives’?” Buffy then quickly added. “If you say yes, I’ll beat you.” A look of warning crossed her face.

“Got no problem with that.” He then kissed her hard, and passionately. Buffy’s hands flew to cup his face. One of his hands was holding her back and the other one, holding her ass.

Buffy grabbed him by the hair on the back of his head, and pulled him off her lips. “Bedroom?” slightly out of breath.


Spike didn’t answer he just obliged. He took her into the room, and slammed the door shut with his foot.

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