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Chapter 6

Buffy got up from the bed avoiding Spikes eyes and began to look for her clothes.

“Buffy, sit down. What are you doing?” Spike asked.

“I need my clothes, where the hell are my clothes!” Buffy finally found her underwear and slipped them on.

“What do you need clothes for? I thought we were going to talk.” Spike didn’t really want to bring up the talk again but she was making him nervous.

Buffy finally remembered that the majority of her clothing was on the upper level of the crypt. She spied one of Spikes trademark black shirts and slipped it on. She avoided his gaze again and focused on buttoning the shirt.

“My, don’t you look sexy in my shirt, the way it brushes the tops of your thighs…” Spike smirked and Buffy sighed and sat down on the corner of the bed. She swung a knee up on to the bed and turned to face the music.

“Spike, tonight was amazing.” Buffy began

“I thought so to, kitten.” Spike practically purred and Buffy wanted to scream, this was going to be hard enough as it was.

“But that’s all it was, tonight.” Buffy explained softly.

“What do you mean?” Spike asked, quickly sitting up. Then he stood up and grabbed his jeans and slipped them on, he searched the floor for a shirt for himself.

“Spike what are you doing?” Buffy asked.

“The same as you slayer, getting dressed, for some reason I don’t want to be naked while you break up with me.” Spike snapped.

“I’m not breaking up with you…” Buffy started but the vampire cut her off.

“No. what your doing is worse. Your not even going to give us a chance.” He slumped back to the bed.

“Spike I’m sorry but I can’t do this, this thing with me and you, I shouldn’t have let it go so far.” Buffy felt like the biggest bitch on the planet as she saw the emotions that rippled across Spikes face. The last was anger.

“If you are going to spill some rot about me vampire you slayer, so help me I will rip off your arm and beat you to death with the soggy end! I know you have feelings for me, damn it.” Spike shouted.

“You done?” Buffy asked, and then continued. “Do you want to hear what I’ve got to say?” Buffy hadn’t planned on explaining but it was the least she could do.

“Your right, I do have feelings for Spike. That’s the problem right there. If I didn’t have feelings for you then maybe I could do a casual thing with you but I think we’re both past that.” Buffy sighed and pushed her hair back out of her face.

“I can’t let the feelings I have for you get any more intense Spike, the feelings I have already are so intense I feel like there going to consume me. My body aches for you when I’m near you. I feel like I will go insane if you don’t touch me.” Buffy whispered.

“I don’t see what the problem is. Luv, it’s normal to feel that way.” Spike wanted to dance in glee; she felt the same way he did!

“It’s not normal! Spike I would quite happily ignore my family, friends, patrolling and the rest of my life if it meant I could be locked in a room with you for the rest of my life. It’s not normal.” Buffy ranted. Spike chose to keep quiet sensing that she wasn’t done yet.

“I haven’t felt this intense since Angel.” She heard him growl and rolled her eye’s.

“Oh get over it, I’m not comparing you two. What I’m saying is that I loved him so much, the kind of abandoned love that you can only feel when you’re sixteen and it’s your first love.” Buffy took a deep breath and continued.

“And what happened? He lost his soul, tormented me and my friends and killed Giles girlfriend. Then I killed him, I looked into his soulful eyes and ran a sword through him and sent him to hell.” Buffy wiped a tear from her face and held out a hand to stop Spike who was moving to comfort her.

“I’m not done yet. Losing Angel nearly destroyed me, when he died and when he left me. I felt like I was dying. Then I found out that Dawn wasn’t really my sister but I loved her anyway, because she was more than that. And what happened? Giles told me that I had to let her die if I wanted to save the world. Dying and being brought back. I can’t go through all this again Spike. Not with you.” Buffy looked up at him.

“Buffy I love you. I’m not going to leave you, pet and you know I love Dawn.” Spike did go to her this time. He wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tight to his chest.

Buffy pushed away from him and wiped the tears that were falling.

“Can you promise me that Spike? Can you promise me you will never leave? That you won’t turn evil again and kill my friends or Dawn? Can you promise me that I won’t have to choose between the world and you? Or that I’ll never have to kill you?” Buffy didn’t even try to wipe the tears away anymore. Her emotions were overloading.

Spike sat and looked at her, he could promise her those things but he knew that she wouldn’t believe him. He wanted to scream in frustration.

“So what, you’re not going to even give this a chance? You’re just going to pretend that nothing is different, that you don’t have these feelings?” Spike demanded. He knew he sounded desperate but he didn’t know what else to do. She had been in his arms earlier, within his grasp and now she was gone. Spike watched her pull herself together.

“That’s exactly what I’m going to do Spike. If I didn’t feel like I would lose myself in you, that if I knew I wouldn’t fall like I know I would then maybe it would be different but it’s not something I can afford to find out. Dawn needs me, and I can’t go through it again.” Buffy stood up and walked towards the ladder; she climbed them and never looked back.

Spike sat for a moment, stunned. He had lost her. Nothing in this world could make her forget the pain that had surrounded her. He thought back to what she had said. That she was afraid he would consume her. That she would happily forget everything just to be with him. A tear rolled down the vampires face. What could he say? He felt the same way.

Buffy stumbled through the graveyard, tears blinding her way.


tbc.......





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