A/N's: Just a little chapter today, but I wanted to get it out of the way before that action starts.

***

Spike finished showering and dressed before heading downstairs. As he walked into the front room, he saw everyone was sitting in various places.
Xander stood up straight away as he spotted Spike.

“Well, what have you got to say for yourself?” Xander snarled.

“Fuck off.” Spike answered casually before looking towards Buffy.

“Excuse me?” Xander spluttered.

“I said fuck off. I can right it down for you, if you like.” Spike answered just as casually.

Dawn and Buffy stifled a giggle as Xander’s face went bright red.

“Don’t you have some explaining to do?” Xander demanded. He stomped over to Buffy and pulled her hair out of the way.

Spike rolled his eyes.

“No, I don’t. You want to know why, because, whatever happens between me and Buffy is none of your damn business. Come to think of it, whatever Buffy decides to do with anyone is none of your damn business, you little opinionated arsehole. Now you explain something to me. You are the most useless wanker of this group, yet, you’re the fucking loudest. What’s that about?” Spike spat before walking in to the kitchen.

Willow did the Xander fallout while Buffy followed Spike into the kitchen.

“That was a bit harsh. True, but harsh.” Buffy commented softly.

“Yeah, well, I’m sick of this shit.” Spike busied himself with looking in the fridge. He pulled out a packet of blood and poured it into a mug. Buffy knew that he wasn’t just talking about Xander, and she felt a small tendril of fear in her stomach.

“Slayer, we need to talk.” Spike spoke without turning to look at her.

Buffy winced, first at the use of her title and at the line that she had fed him before the bad news.

“What’s up?” Buffy forced her voice to sound upbeat, although she was sure that Spike could hear her racing heartbeat anyway.

“After tonight, the club I mean, I’m done.” Spike still hadn’t turned to look at her, willing himself not to cave when he did.

“What do you mean, you’re done?” Buffy questioned, by the sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach, she knew what he meant but she needed to be clear on this.

“I’m done, leaving.” Spike clarified.

“But I thought….” Buffy mumbled and Spike interrupted her.

“You thought what? That I love you? That I said I’d never leave? You’re right on both counts. I love you more than I have ever loved anything, alive or dead. But I’m not a fucking masochist Buffy, well not anymore.” Spike heaved a big unneeded sigh and finally looked at her.

“I watched from the wings while Angelus took Dru from me. I was stuck in that sodding wheel chair and I was useless. I stood back and watched the woman I love leave me. I can’t do it again. Not when you’re not leaving me for another man, god I could maybe understand that.” Spike let out a ragged humourless laugh. The microwave pinged and he turned back to it.

“You don’t have to do this Spike.” Buffy tried to keep the panic from her voice.

Spike turned to face her again, his eyes staring.

“You make it sound like I’m doing this for you, believe me I’m not. This is for me, I’m gonna go see if I can do something with the rest of my unlife, something other than be a pathetic fool in love.” Spikes voice was harsh as he ground out the last words.

Buffy stared, despair clawing at her. She blinked away the tears.

“You’re really going to leave?” she whispered.

“Give me a reason to stay.” Spike whispered back before downing his blood, dumping the mug in the sink before heading back to the front room.

Buffy stood alone in the kitchen trying to make sense of what had just happened. Her body and heart were screaming to go in that room and jump the vampire waiting there but her mind was trying to reason that this was for the best, loving someone else with such intensity would only lead to heartache, desolation and more than likely death.

Wiping her eyes carefully she pulled herself together and followed into the front room. She cleared her throat to gather everyone’s attention before starting.

“Here’s how we’re going to do this.” Buffy sat in an unoccupied chair before going over previous details and clearing up any new ones.

Dawn sat and stared at her sister and then at Spike. She felt her heart give a little tug, something bad had obviously happened.


tbc....





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