‘Do you eat, sleep, do you breathe me anymore?
Do you sleep, do you count sheep anymore?
Do you sleep anymore?
Do you take plight on my tongue like lead?
Do you fall gracefully into bed anymore?
I saw you as you walked across my room.
You looked out the window, you looked at the moon.
And you sat on the corner of my bed, and
You smoked with the ghost in the back of my head.’

‘Do you sleep’
Lisa Loeb

“So, how are we feeling?” Dr. Jacobsen came bustling into the room oblivious to me turning bright red and Spike intently staring at me. When he was busying himself with checking Spike’s bandages, I excused myself to the hallway. I told him. I had done what I came here to do. It wasn’t lost on me, though, that he hadn’t returned my sentiment. I was to late. I knew it. But at least he knew. I covered my face in my hands and slid down the wall at my back until I was sitting on the ground. A few minutes later, that’s how Fred and Wesley found me.

Wesley was carrying a black duffle bag and a small red cooler. He set down his baggage on the floor and kneeled down next to me. “Are you okay?” he asked softly.

“I’ll be fine,” I said, lowering my hands. “I just think it might have been a mistake to come barging in here. I mean, I probably don’t even fit in his life, now. What did I think was gonna happen? I’d tell him I love him, and then what? Everything gets all rainbows and puppies with a side of smooches? Like after everything that has happened between us, we could just be together and be happy? I’m such a fool. Why did I think it would change anything? It’s not like saying it erased all the times I told him he was a monster and I could never love him.” I took a deep shaky breath and looked at the duffle bag and the cooler. ”What’s in those?” I asked gesturing to them and very obviously changing the subject. They were kind enough to let it go.

Fred knelt down and opened the cooler. “This was all the blood in Spike’s refrigerator. I didn’t think you would want to go find him any tonight. It’s not like butchers are open at this hour anyway.”

Wesley unzipped the duffel bag. “I grabbed him his usual black ensemble and I also brought him these.” He pulled out a pair of black silky men’s pajamas. “I thought these would be easier than jeans while he’s trying to get his motor skills back. I thought buttons and zippers might be to difficult.”

I stared at the garments in disbelief. “Are these his?”

Wesley blushed and looked down at the floor. “Um…No… they’re mine. Fred and I thought I was the closest to Spike’s size. And even if I wasn’t, it’s not like he’s borrow Angel’s clothes.”

“No kidding. He’s go naked first,” I snorted. “Thanks. You guys are really thoughtful. This is incredible.” I noticed then a dark figure standing above us, staring down at our impromptu powwow on the floor. “Angel.”

“How’s he doin’?” he asked quietly.

“He’s doing good. The doctor’s in there now. You can go in there if you want,” I said.

He nodded and entered the room as the doctor left. “Miss Summers?”

We all stood and I turned to the surgeon. “Yes?”

He smiled kindly at me. “If you’re ready, I’ll show you all the different painkillers and things you need to know. I think your friend’s ready to go home.”

I started to follow the doctor over to the nurse’s station when Wesley touched my arm. “I’ll go help Spike get dressed. Angel can assist me. Fred can help you with the medicine, and when we’re all done here, we’ll drive you back to your hotel.”

I was touched. It was like having much more understanding versions of my own friends here. I just couldn’t see Xander or Giles helping a hospital gown clad Spike into his clothes. “Thank you. Both of you.” I let the obvious appreciation color my face. How would I have done any of this without these two?

Fred and I stood through the doctor’s long oration of the medication that would keep the worst of Spike’s pain at bay. When he had finished, he walked away to check on the rest of his wards. Fred held all the different bottles he had given us. We waited for Wesley and the others to emerge from the room and tell us we were ready to go. Fred looked at me carefully and then said softly, “You aren’t a fool.”

“Huh?” I asked. Her statement had caught me off guard.

“You aren’t a fool. For coming here. You flew halfway around the world to give your heart to the man you love. I mean, you didn’t even know if he returned your feelings, but you came in and told him anyway. That isn’t foolish. It’s brave. It’s courageous! I mean, I spend most of my day in a building with the man I have feelings for, and I can drop little hints, but I can’t just tell him. I’m too afraid,” she said.

I raised an eyebrow at her. “Wesley?” I mean, the sparks had been pretty obvious, and he wasn’t exactly the tweed suit Watcher wannabe he had been when he came to Sunnydale. He was quite the honey now. Not that I had noticed.

A bright blush colored Fred’s cheeks, but before I could question her further, the door to Spike’s room opened and the three men inside emerged. Spike was wearing the black silky pajamas with his duster over the top and his leather boots. He and Angel were arguing.

“For the last soddin’ time, I am not riding out of this building in a wheelchair. Think I want you callin’ me roller boy or sit and spin? I think I’ll bloody pass.”

Angel smirked at him. “Now, would I call you that?”

“My God, you really are a wanker, aren’t you?”

I shook my head. These two would argue till the end of time. One of these days, they might even kill each other. I wondered fleetingly if they had ever been friends at all, but as I watched them continue to bait each other, I decided it was an absolute impossibility. They had probably always done this. I was about to break up the fight, when my cell phone started to ring.
I hadn’t even remembered it was in my pocket. Lucky I hadn’t broken it in the fight, really. “Who would be calling me now?” I wondered aloud as we all started walking down the hall to the elevator. I grabbed the phone out of my pants and looked at the number. ‘Bout damn time he called. I had been calling him every day before I left and all I could get was his voicemail. I flipped the phone open and put it to my ear. “Yeah?”

A soft baritone voice came over the line. “So, where we goin’ to dinner tonight. I’m feelin’ Chinese.”





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