Willow and I lagged behind. As I hoisted the scythe onto my shoulder, she turned to me. “Something doesn’t feel right here. Did you notice how avoidy Angel got about Cordy remembering stuff? What was that all about, you think?” I shrugged and held a finger to my lips. We walked out of the hospital a very good distance behind the others. We waved to them and started the three-block walk to Wolfram and Hart.

When I was sure we were out of vampire hearing range I turned to talk to Willow. “I know something is going on here. Wes is going to give me his diaries. He has still been keeping them after all these years. Once a Watcher, always, right? Maybe it will give us a clue as to what’s been going down here. At least Cordy’s pretty much the same as she was in high school, what with the digging Angel and wanting to go shopping.”

“Good call about Queen C. I’ll just call you the austere of air headedness,” she giggled.

“And you are a visionary of vapidity. We’re just kooky kids who don’t know when to arrest alliterating.” We collapsed against each other in peals of laughter. It was nice to have someone to be silly with. I hadn’t had that opportunity in a long time.

“Buffy! Willow!” Fred’s voice cut through our giggles and we turned to see her running up the darkened sidewalk to us. “I didn’t really want to go shopping and watch Wes and Angel faun over Cordelia.” And so Sarcastithon 3000 continued until we reached the firm. We took the elevator to the floor with Angel’s office. I think it was 30th floor. I kept forgetting.

We walked up the stairs in the lobby and sat down on the little balcony, swinging our feet over the edge. We watched the demons and the lawyers moving about the lobby. I got introspective.

“Hey Wills, do you ever wonder how different our lives would be if we hadn’t listened all the propaganda the Council and Angel fed us and took it for truth? About demons and human-like emotions?” I asked her.

Fred turned to look at me. “What Angel told you? What do you mean?”

I didn’t look at her when I began to talk. “When Willow and I were in high school, both the Watcher’s Council and Angel confirmed that demons have no positive emotions, no feelings like love, happiness, caring for others,” I explained.

Willow went on for me. “We had been led to believe all demons were evil monsters. Humans good, Demons bad. But that isn’t true and we should have seen it. Take Spike for example. His love for Drusilla kept them together for one hundred years. I mean, Buffy used the threat of killing her to stop Spike a bunch of times.”

“It wasn’t just Spike though. Look at Clem. He was one of the sweetest guys I ever met and he was a demon. And Anya. She was a demon when she died to save Andrew.” Another time caught my attention. “Remember when we lived our worst nightmares, Willow? My worst fear at the time was to be turned by a vampire, so a vampire I became. And I felt the bloodlust, but I didn’t kill everyone, anyone. I still had my emotions and my feelings. I still new the difference between right and wrong. Maybe it’s not the same since I wasn’t a real vampire, but I felt like I was one, if that makes sense,” I trailed off. I knew what I meant, even if I didn’t explain it well.

Fred was kind enough to change the subject. “I haven’t had a girl around to talk to in a long time, let alone two. Can I ask you guys some strange girly questions?” she inquired.

“Of course!” Willow exclaimed. “I miss girly talk like Buffy and I used to do.”

“What do you think of Wesley?”

“Well, gee,” I smiled. “I guess some girls might find him attractive…if they have eyes! He’s a major honey, not the tweed wearing prat he was when he was in Sunnydale.”

“Definitely droolworthy,” Willow added.

Fred blushed and changed the subject again. “Buffy, what are some of your favorite memories of Spike, funny or otherwise?” she asked.

Interesting question. I thought for a moment. “Oh, remember the Thanksgiving when we were attacked by the Indian spirits?” I saw Willow about to politically correct me, so I went on without an answer. “And Hus turned into a bear when I stabbed him? Spike was tied to a chair and was hopping around all ‘You made a bear! Undo it! Undo it!’” I tried my hand at Spike’s accent and chuckled at my memory. That was a funny and strange day. “But I think my favorite memory of Spike was this afternoon. I told him I love him before I got in the shower and he repeated it every possible way he could…no wait, that isn’t my favorite. My favorite is when I got out of the shower and came back into the room and he was curled up on the bed sleeping. Have you ever been around Spike when he’s sleeping? He purrs.”

The two girls “Awwwwwd” and then we were interrupted by a familiar voice.

“Buffy!” Shit! Oz. And here was Willow sitting right next to me. He came running up the stairs. I heard Willow’s sharp intake of breath as she saw him. He was carrying a white plastic grocery bag. “I was wondering if you would help me…dye…my…” He trailed of as he reached the top of the stairs and caught sight of his former girlfriend. I hadn’t told her I hung out with Oz. I just didn’t know what to say about it. I knew Oz was still in love with Willow. I had told him to meet me back here and now she was here too and…damn. I think I might be a bad friend.

“Oz,” Willow whispered. “Buffy?”

Oz shifted uncomfortably. “I’ll just wait down there.” He walked slowly down the stairs and sat on the bottom step.

I turned back to Willow. “I ran into him in London. We found some common ground. We both lost the love of our lives.” I looked at her pointedly and continued. “He’s in L.A. for a family reunion and we were going to hang out. Don’t you think you should go talk to him?” I asked her.

“Uh, yeah…” Willow got up and walked down the stairs. She sat down next to her former lover. I watched as they tentatively began to talk.

“God, don’t break his heart, Willow, not again,” I whispered.

Fred turned to face me. “I thought Willow was…gay.”

I smiled at her embarrassment. “I have a theory about Willow’s detour down lesbian lane. See, Tara, her first girlfriend, was special. She was cleansing and soothing, like hot chocolate for the soul. She was a really amazing girl. She saw the good in people when I wasn’t even sure there was any. I think the fact that she was a woman was unimportant. Willow fell in love with her and that was that. It would have been easy for anyone, I think. She really was amazing.”

“Who was?” Spike surprised me when he sat down nest to me. I hadn’t even felt him there, I had been so distracted. He started swinging his feet out over the balcony, kicking like an antsy child.

“Tara.”

“Glinda.” He got a faraway look in his eyes and smiled. “Yeah, she was a bit of alright. First of the Scoobies to really make me feel like I was wanted. Other than Nibblet, of course. It was such a shame she died,” he finished quietly.

I smiled at him. “She really was the best of us all.” I turned back to Fred. “When Tara died, Willow emotionally shut down. Kennedy was the first to approach her romantically after…you know. Between the three of us, I think that’s the only reason they’re together. Oz on the other hand…he hasn’t even dated anyone really since he left Sunnydale. I mean, there was the occasional setup, but he always brought some of us with him. You know, so it could be Big Fun Group Town. He never even let anyone close enough to get to Dateville, let alone romantic Twosome Burg. He’s never gotten over Willow.”





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