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Author's Chapter Notes:
sorry it has been a while. But I had a horrible encounter with writers block! But here it is. The next chapter. Tell me what you think. Hope you like it!
Willow sends me another sad smile…she’s really good at that. I stand there - just looking at her. Obviously expecting an answer.

The silence is deafening. It feels as though hours have past but I know logically that it has been only seconds.

Willow finally begins to speak, “Ya…I did.”

That’s it? When has Willow ever been vague? She has never been vague in the whole three days I’ve known her!

I stare at her - I guess I was showing that I expected her to continue.

She doesn’t let me down, “Ya…I knew Dawn. We were friends. I thought you knew that.”

“No - I didn’t. How come I never knew? I knew all of Dawn’s friends; at least I thought I did.”

“Well I’m not exactly with the ‘in’ crowd. It’s not as if she was ashamed. I just felt awkward around her - your - that group.”

“Oh…” I say as I drop my stare down to the photo once more, “She looks happy…”

“She was. She was happy. She seemed to have a knack for living life to its fullest…”

“Ya - she did didn’t she? She was always saying I was too uptight. That I needed to live more. Because before I knew it…life would leave me behind,” I choke up in the middle of my sentence. Dawn lived life the way it deserves - and it was taken from her. I swallow back the sob that had risen in my throat. I take a deep breath and look at Willow.

“She talked about you a lot…” Willow said.

“She did?”

“Ya - it was always ‘Buffy this’ and ‘Buffy that’ - good things though. Like how she thought you were the coolest person ever to exist. And how you always had the best clothes. Of course there was the occasional blaming of being grounded or something - but she really looked up to you.”

“Oh,” It is all I say as I turn around and place the photograph back onto the dresser. I wipe the tear from her face. I smile again as I look at her.

I take another deep breath and turn around. I smile at Willow and try to act like any of that had not happened. I sit down in my previous position and Willow continues working.

As a comfortable silence took over the room, I became lost in my memories of Dawn.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



I jumped and almost screamed when Willow yelled “Ah Ha!”.

We had been sitting in silence for a while now - I didn’t want to distract her from what could be the sound clip that would forever change my life.
“Did you get it?” I asked.

“Yup - I just had to sort through a lot of other levels of audio - but I think I’ve finally got it!”

“Good work - can you play it?”

Willow moved the cursor over to the play button and my heart started racing.

The sound filled the room. You could hear the music, the laughter, but it drifted apart. Only one layer of sound was heard eventually. The room was silent. I swear I could even hear Ms. Rosenburg walking in the living room - her heels echoing across the wooden floor.

Then I heard it.

Willow had done an amazing job. Part of me wished she hadn’t. That there would always be a sense of doubt in my mind. But no. I could clearly hear “Spike - come over here!”

My throat felt like it was collapsing into itself. I could barely breathe. Then there was nothing. MY throat went back to normal size, my breathing normalized.

I am Buffy Summers and I will not be broken by this. So what I only kissed my more-than-possible rapist a few times. It wasn’t like I was actually falling for him.

I could never fall for someone so disgusting. I would have caught on to his repulsive behaviour soon enough. Before things went too far.

But things already had.

I thanked Willow and quickly made a departure - mumbling something about the time. Not surprisingly, she did that same smile again. I sent a thankful glance her way and left without another word.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



I barely remember what happened after I left Willow’s. All I know now that it is a new day.

I have made it the whole day without seeing ‘him’. But it is now fourth period English. No escape plan. Well that’s not true…I am Buffy Summers I always have an escape plan. But I have to save those for real emergencies. Being stuck in a room with your possible rapist? Not an emergency.

I walk directly to my seat in the back. I do not look at anyone. I do not look at him. I take a seat and look straight ahead to the board. Using my peripheral vision, I look at him. He is talking with Angel and sending brief glances my way. The entire class goes on like this.

Once the bell rung I quickly pack up and head for the door. He steps in front of me. I do not make eye contact and I quickly move around him.

I escaped successfully. I make my way to my locker to get my textbook for my next class. But I can feel that something isn’t right. I whip around and there he is. I keep my eye level low - just on his torso. But I can still tell he is staring at me in confusion.
I go to turn the other way and he grabs my arm. I outwardly flinch and pull my arm away from his grasp. I finally make eye contact.

I can clearly see is confusion - his hurt. But I am a stone. I look at him with cold eyes - daring him to try and stop me again. He backs off and I walk away.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



A few days pass - just like that one. Except Spike does not approach me anymore. He does not even look at me in class. Things have returned to the way they were.

I managed to talk with Giles - and arranged shifts that would ensure me not meeting up with Spike. Even if there were a chance of meeting, Spike would stay clear of the shop.

I have currently taken a break from finishing math homework. How I hate parabolas. I’ve gone around doing my nightly routine. I shower, trying to wash the disgust away. It doesn’t work.

I put on my favourite puffy white robe and I walk back down to the living room to finish the evil homework. Who cares about the Domain and Range of functions?

I hear a knocking at the door. Strange. No one ever comes to our door anymore. I walk towards it and look through the blind over the window in the door. It’s Spike.

I gasp and pull back, not sure of what to do.

“I’m not leaving,” he says through the door.

I take a deep breath and turn the knob. “It’s kind of a bad time,” I say to him, pulling my robe closer around my neck.

“Okay. So I should come back when, never? Does never work for you?” he says sarcastically.

I just stare at him. Unsure of what to do.

“What did I do, Buffy? Can you just tell me so that I can apologise or explain?!?” exhaustedly he cries to me.

“Okay. Explain. Explain to me why you were the one with GHB the night of Cordelia Chase’s party when someone drugged and raped me.” There I did it. I flat out asked him.

He looks stunned. “Explanation? Apology?” I adamantly ask.

“You were raped?” he says aloud, almost as if he is trying to process it. He leans forward, towards me, as if he is about to hold me.

I step back and hold up a hand between us, “Okay, don’t! Seriously!”

He stops his advances and just looks at me. Finally he speaks, “What happened to you?”

“You tell me.”

“Wait. Wait a minute, you think -”

I cut him off, “I was told you were the one with the drugs.” I try not to look at the hurt on his face.

“Yeah. I got some when I was in LA with Conner and Angel. We were just gonna have some fun.”

“Fun? Like have sex with unconscious people fun?” I accuse.

“No, fun like go to a rave fun.”

“Oh. Okay. You’ve convinced me. Bygones.”

“What can I do? What can I do to make it better?” He asks so sweetly that I want to let him hold me. But I come to my senses quickly.

I stand up straight, look him directly in the eye, and begin to speak, “I’m going to find out who did this to me and I’m going to make them pay. Even if it was you.”

He stares at me - he’s obviously upset and hurt.

“Sorry. I have to go throw up now,” I say as I shut the door and walk away. Leaving Spike on my porch, staring at the door.





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