Cheesies--check. Mug of O-Neg--check. Remote control--check.

Spike readied himself for yet another thrilling episode of Passions. Snacks and drink in hand, he dropped into his wingback chair, curious to see if Tabitha was finally going to give in to some dark magic. She needs to liven things up a bit--maybe turn them all into pigs, like the witch in that midget movie Dru always used to make me watch...

As he brought his mug to his lips, a resounding crash echoed through the crypt. The blonde vampire jumped up, nearly spilling blood all over himself. “Fuck!”

Then a voice he recognized too well piped up.

“What’s the matter, Spikey? Bit jumpy today?”

“Bloody hell, woman. Didn’t anyone ever teach you to knock? This is my home--I don’t go barging into yours, so what makes you think you have the right to come prancing in here uninvited?” He paused, wiping blood off his chin, and motioned to the TV. “And, you’re interrupting Passions. Whatever it is, it’ll have to wait until my show’s over.” With that said, he turned away from her, sat back in his chair, and wolfed down a handful of cheesies.

Buffy was dumbfounded. He was ignoring her! For a stupid soap opera, at that! She had two options. One, she could kick his TV off its stand and force herself to be the only distraction in the crypt; the trouble with destroying his only form of entertainment was that he wouldn’t be in much of a mood to cooperate--she’d never convince him to go to the meeting.

The second option was to hang around until his stupid show was over. She could actually have fun with that one--she could annoy the hell out of him. That way, maybe he’d give in and listen to her before the end of the show...

Second option it is, then.

“Fine. I’ll wait until your stupid soap is done. You don’t mind if I watch, do you?”

“Whatever, just don’t pester me.”

“Do you have an extra chair?”

“No.”

“How ’bout a stool, or something?”

“No. Sit on the floor.”

“The floor’s cold.”

“Put up with it.”

“How ‘bout a blanket?”

“On the bed.”

“Ugh. A clean one?”

Spike rolled his eyes. “There might be one in the box at the foot of the sarcophagus.” One more word and I rip her throat out...

Buffy decided to give it a break and walked to scrounge for a blanket. She’d only been at it for two minutes and his left right eye was already twitching. This would be so much more fun than kicking his TV in...

She found what looked like an old handmade quilt and spread it out beside his chair. Surprisingly, it was actually a very nice quilt--didn’t have any skulls sewed onto it or anything, like she would have expected; it was just a plain, pinwheel-style quilt. She lay down on her stomach, chin resting on her hands. She figured she’d give it a few more minutes before picking up where she‘d left off.

During a commercial break, Spike glanced down at the Slayer, who had made herself quite comfortable on his old quilt. He had no idea what she was doing at his crypt, but he was certain he wouldn’t like it one bit. At least she’d shut up--if there was one thing that really cheesed him off, it was when people talked to him while he watched TV or a movie. He’d stopped going to the movies with Dru for that reason--she would prattle on endlessly throughout the entire flick, driving him absolutely nuts.

He found himself looking at Buffy’s form, admiring the body of the one person who was his equal in battle. She was petite, but that would be misleading to anyone who didn’t know that she packed a punch that could knock Mike Tyson out. He let his eyes take in her curves, and stopped them at her rear. Mortal enemy or not, she was a hot little number.

Buffy could feel his eyes on her. She looked up and noticed that he was staring at her. After an initial feeling of pride, been a while since someone’s noticed me, Buffy clued in that the one doing the looking was Spike--her mortal enemy and ever annoying one. She knew that she should be disgusted and figured that he deserved a good kick in the nose for not even trying to hide his ogling.

Forcing herself to sound irritated, she asked him “You still watching your show? It’s back on, you know. Unless you wanna turn the TV off and listen to me...”

Busted! “No! I‘m going to watch my show...” He returned his focus to Passions, working hard on ignoring the ass that was still wiggling in the corner of his field of vision.

Ok, time to take out the heavy artillery... In the most juvenile voice she could come up with, Buffy asked. “Who’s that lady?”

“That’s Tabitha.”

“Why’s she doing that?”

“’Cause she’s a witch.”

“Oh.” Buffy paused just long enough to give her ’host’ the impression that her 20 questions were over. “Who’s he?”

Shut up, shut up, shut up... “That’s Timmy...”

“He’s short.” Holding back a snicker, she soldiered on. “Why’s he so short?”

Ok, that’s it... Spike turned his attention to the Slayer. “You know, if you can’t let a bloke watch one fucking TV show in peace, just leave, will you? That or shut the fuck up!”

Buffy gave him a blank look, then frowned at him. “Well! If you don’t know why he’s so short, why don’t you just say so? You don’t have to yell at me!”

Spike was about to get up and break his chair over her head when he noticed the slight twitch at the corner of her mouth. She was playing him, and he actually fell for it. He’d done it so often to others, but he’d never had anyone push his buttons so smoothly.

Inwardly, he smiled. Two can play at this game.

“Lack of sex.”

Buffy’s head shot up. “What?!”

“You asked why he’s so short. It’s because of lack of sex.”

“Shyeah, right. Like that makes sense.”

“Sure it does. Look at yourself, for example. You’re short--when was the last time you got some?” He had to keep his eyes focused on the TV, to avoid breaking out in a wide grin. He could hear her pulse quicken. Touched a nerve, have I?

“What does that have to do with anything? You’re such a pig, Spike.”

“So you’re not denying that you haven’t had any in a while, then, pet?”

“I’m not answering--I’m no longer talking to you.”

His plan successful, Spike sat back and enjoyed the remainder of his show without interruption.

***

He held the remote out, and turned the TV off.

“Ok, Slayer, what brings you to my humble crypt? I doubt you came over just to watch TV and play 20 questions.”

Buffy sat up, and realized that she had also been played. She’d obviously lost, as he got to watch his show in silence.

She stood up and folded the quilt. “Giles sent me over. We have a meeting tonight at the Magic Box and he needs you to be there.”

Spike looked at her, silently wondering if this was some sort of joke, or worse yet, a trap. He raised an eyebrow, and decided to call her bluff. “Sure--I’ll play along. What time does he need me there?”

Snuh? He‘s not even putting up a fight! “Ok, who are you and what have you done with Spike?” Buffy couldn’t believe that the usually belligerent vampire wasn’t even putting up a fuss.

Spike cocked his head to the side. “Come again?”

“Why aren’t you telling me to ‘sod off’ or whatever you’d usually say?” She squinted her eyes at him. “Do you already know what this is about? Is this about something you’ve done?” More to herself, she muttered. “Could be, if the Council’s involved...”

The blonde vampire laughed out loud. “Ha! Isn’t this special--the Council of wankers is involved, and the Slayer doesn’t even know what it’s all about!” Seeing the anger in her eyes, he continued. “No, I don’t know what this is all about. I figure that if ol’ Rupes thinks I’m needed, then I should probably drop by and see what it’s all about. Anyway, this should be more interesting than spending a night playing pool with a bunch of college tossers.”

Handing him the folded quilt, Buffy huffed. “Just be there at eight. And if I ever catch you looking at my butt again, you’ll be finding yourself on the wrong side of a stake.” She stormed off, leaving him alone once again.

Bloody bint, wiggling her arse and then yelling at me for staring at it. I may be a vampire, but I’m still a male. That led him to think of just how long it had been since he’d had some. “Bloody hell...”

Author's Note: Hope you're still enjoying yourselves! I've decided that i'll update this on Mondays and Thursdays--we'll see if I can remember that :)
And please, as always, don't hesitate to feed the author (reviews taste best).