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Chapter 22

Later that evening, during a lull Helen asked Buffy, "so when are you going to thrown that Jason a bone? He seems real nice and he adores you." Helen wiped the counters as Buffy refilled the napkin dispensers.

Buffy felt a chill run up her spine and for moment looked as if she wasn’t going to answer Helen. Buffy picked up her sweater and put it on. She had to admit that on the surface, Jason Miller was a great catch. With his tousled blond hair and cute little glasses, he was the picture of wholesomeness. And whether helping her with her math homework or trying out for the lead in the school production of Our Town, everything seemed to come easy for the soft-spoken man. In all reality he was perfect.

Just not for her.

"I can’t Helen. It’s just not there, you know? No sparkage to speak of at all. You would think that we would be sparking all over the place. Blinding people for miles with the sparkage. I’ve had relationships with and without it and let me tell you," Buffy put down the box of napkins and looked sadly at her co-worker and friend, "sparkage can hurt."

“Then Jason would be prefect. Child, you live like you’re ten years older then me. You go to class, study and come work at this dump. Get out, be young." Helen walked into the kitchen and her voice called from the back room. "One day Jason is going to find himself a nice girl who will notice just how green his eyes are."

"They’re blue," Buffy corrected absently. She snapped her head up and Helen chuckled as she came back out of the back room with pan with silverware in her hands. "N-not that it means anything. I mean, of course I would know the color of his eyes Helen! We’re just friends." Buffy frowned down at the counter top.

Helen wave dismissively at her. "Oh don’t get your panties in a bunch, Buffy. I’m just picking with you. I just wanted you to realize that no matter what or who you left back there in California, you’re still young."

"That was the problem." Buffy whispered as she slid down in her chair.

"Whatcha say?"

"Nothing. I guess my mind is kinda back in California today."

"Well, my mind is in the Bahamas but to each his own I always say." Helen sat down heavily next to Buffy and started wrapping utensils in napkins for the dinner crowd.

"Ppfft, that’s so not it. I have a friend from high school getting married. She asked me to be in the wedding but I just can’t go back. It just making me think of that who I left back in California" She cut her eyes towards Helen. "How can I go to Cordy’s wedding, I didn’t even go back to my aunt’s wedding. I tried, but I just couldn’t."

Helen watched her young co-worker struggle with her emotions. She like Buffy, really liked her; but there was a sadness about her that Helen just couldn’t understand. "Hon, don’t you let anything keep you from doing what you want to do, going where you want to go. Don’t give him that kind of power."

A small sob escaped Buffy and she quickly brought her hand to her mouth. "You don’t understand," she whispered.

"What’s to understand? You want to go back home to see your friends special day and you’re letting something in you past stand in your way." The bell over the door rang and both women stopped and watched the beginnings of the dinner crowd trickle in. "Why don’t you go in the bathroom and get yourself cleaned up. I’ll get everyone started. Buffy turned to head towards the bathroom when Helen placed a gentle hand on her shoulder and whispered. "Think about what I said, Buffy. California is big enough for the both of you."

Buffy headed for the bathroom thinking about Cordelia and Angel’s upcoming wedding. A small part of her never wanted to go home again. But if she was honest with herself, she missed her family, she missed her room, she missed her friends.

And God help her, she missed Spike.

She knew, rationally that she had to move on. Buffy assumed that he had although she hadn’t had the nerve to ask anyone about Spike. It’d been almost three years since she seen him that faithful night. Those last couple of months in Sunnydale were painful for everyone involved. Buffy walked around in a fog, one moment snapping at all her family and friends and another bursting into tears. On more then one occasion her mother tried to talk to her only daughter, but Buffy knew she couldn’t tell her mom anything without telling her everything, so she told her nothing.

Buffy pulled the short letter from her pocket, wondering if he was going to be there. So much time had past she wondered if he ever thought of her....if he still hated her. Buffy remember running into Spike at the Bronze shortly after graduation. She remember struggling to compose herself as their eyes met across the room, just like in those silly movies her mom and aunt loved to watch on a Saturday night. But unlike the movies, this leading man sneer in loathing at the heroine and turned to leave not just the room but the building. Willow caught the snub and she looked at Buffy with eyes filled with pity. Buffy never went out again. She spent the remainder of her time hiding in her room counting the days till she left California.

It was only fitting that on the morning Buffy left the sky was gray and overcast. It reflected the mood of the occasion perfectly. Joyce, Aunt Jenny, and Dawnie all stood in the airport to see her off. Not much was said that day, even Dawnie felt the tension.



NOW BOARDING, FLIGHT 9138 OHIO AT GATE 9. FLIGHT 9138 AT GATE 9.



"Oh that’s your plane." Joyce stood up and grabbed a carry on. As the small group made their way to the gate Joyce struggled with something to say to comfort her agitated daughter. "Call us when you land," she finally said weakly.


"Buffy!" Helen called, bringing Buffy out of her daydream. She looked over at her co-worker’s haggard face and sighing rushed over to help her.

Later after her shift at the diner, Buffy sat at her desk staring at her open ethics book. "If you’re not going to read that book can you turn off that light?" a pile of clothes said grumpily from the bed across the room. A dark head popped out from under the clothes and frowned at Buffy. "I swear B, you gotta do something with that light. I got Bennington tomorrow morning. You know how he gets if he catches you sleeping in his class," Faith moaned.

Buffy turned to her roommate saying, "huh? Oh. Yeah. Right, I’m sorry. I was just thinking."

"Well, could you possibly think with the lights off." She fell back on her pillow and sighed. Faith turned away from her room mate and pulled the blanket over her head. "I gotta get some sleep." she mumbled from under her covering.

Buffy smiled towards the bed and extinguished the lamp. She made her way to the bathroom and gently closed the door. Buffy turned on the water and after washing her face and brushing her teeth looked at her reflection in the mirror and breathed sadly. "Can I ask you a question? Faith?" She peeked out the bathroom door and watched Faith pulled the blanket higher over her head burrowing deeper in her bed. "I know you’re awake, you scank!" Buffy laughed and tossed a sandal at her new room mate.

Buffy’s original room mate ‘Heather’, didn’t last long. With Heather’s homesickness, her missing her boyfriend Chad, and her major, theater, she drove Buffy crazy. Between the crying in the bathroom and the flouncing around the room, Buffy spent a lot of her free time at the library or the diner. She was relieved when Heather decided it was better for her to study in her hometown. When Faith initially walked into the dorm room Buffy inwardly cringed. Faith looked her up and down and said, "wow, my very own my size Barbie. What did I do to be so lucky?"

Thankfully, things got better.

"Seriously, I need to talk to you." Buffy said turning on the over head light.

Faith sat up in her bed squinting, her raven hair standing on end. She sighed, running her hand across her face. "B, If I give you," she looked at her clock, "five minutes, will you let me go to sleep?"

"And I’ll do your laundry." she added hastily.

"Whites and darks?"

"Of course." Buffy quickly sat on the edge of Faith’s bed. "My friend, Cordy is getting married."
Faith looked at Buffy blankly and then fluffing her pillow started to lay down.

"I got an invitation."

"That’s great. Bring me a piece of cake," she said from under her cover.

"More then likely Spike will be there," she whispered.

Faith sat up suddenly as Buffy slowly looked up from her hands. "Wha- are you planning on going to this one, how are you going to explain this to your family. I mean you blew off your own Aunt’s wedding.

"I know. I know. I wasn’t ready back then, but I think I can do this now. All I know is that I can’t keep hiding from the world up here in Antarctica."

Faith laughing interrupted, "it’s not that cold up here."
All I know is if I was at home I would have been at the beach this afternoon.

"What about Spike?"

"What about him?"

"Can you handle seeing him again?"

"Well I’ll find that out when I go now won’t I?" Buffy said sharply. She sighed and looked at her friend apologetically. "Hey, I’m sorry. But I’m serious. I- I’m going home."





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