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Author's Chapter Notes:
sorry it's been so long since my last update. I just hit the mother of all dry spells. thank goodness I had so much spuffy to survive on!
Chapter 29

The next morning Spike woke to light streaming into his bedroom window. He frowned wondering why he woke with such a start. Then he heard it again. Someone was outside all but leaning on his door bell. He grabbed his head as he slowly sat up. He reached for the discarded jeans from the night before lying in his doorway and made his way downstairs. He slowly made his way downstairs cursing the sod that would not let up on the doorbell. “I'm coming,” he muttered angrily. He got to his door and he stared at the last person he ever expected to see. 'What the bloody hell', he wonder, as he nervously opened the door. “Now, I must have died and gone to hell.” He said in a awed voice. Buffy bit her bottom lip and took a step back and he felt instantly bad. “Sorry, that came out wrong,” he offered lamely. She continued to stare at him and he suddenly wished he'd stopped to put on a shirt. Can I help you with something?”

Buffy stepped around Spike and walked into his house. “Did you ever know something that you felt you should tell but knew that you couldn't tell? Something possibly important but it wouldn't be appreciated because of the messenger?” She spun around and earnestly looking at Spike continued “Something that was beginning to consume your thoughts making you question and second guess what kind of person you are?

“Umm no, err maybe---I don't know! What the bloody hell are you blathering on about?”Spike stood and waited for her to make sense. He was too hung over for this.

Buffy laid her purse down on his dining room table after she walked deeper in his house. She wore a cranberry top and faded jeans. His mind went back to his dream as the sun highlighted her hair. She'd let it grow out and it looked glorious. “I like your house.” she whispered running her hand over the dark wood. She looked at him again and sighed. “I'm not going back to Cleveland.”

“You are confusing the hell out of me Buffy.” He sighed wearily, “I've had a hard couple of days and I'm just not up to this.” He walked over to her unsure of what was happening. His head was pounding and he just wanted to find a bottle and get back into his bed.

Buffy straightening her back, looked up at him and continued. “I'm staying in Sunnydale. I'm not going back to Cleveland.” She ran her fingers though her hair and then dropped her hands to her side in frustration. “I miss my friends, I miss my mom, I miss California. I just wanted you to know that I won't be going back.” Buffy shrugged. “We're going to have to figure out where we stand. I can't take the idea of you hating me--”

“I don't hate you.”

“I mean I get it. Why you would hate me--”

“I don't hate you.”

“What?”

Spike sighed. “I never hated you, Buffy.” He once again raked his hands through his hair. “You want to come in the kitchen, maybe get some coffee. I mean seriously I need a cup of coffee.” Buffy looked at him and for the first time, smiled. Spike picked up a shirt from a laundry basket on the couch and put it on as he lead her to the rear of the house. Spike walked to the coffeepot and began the process of making the coffee. Buffy stood silently waiting. She wasn't sure what was happening, it was a spur of the moment decision that lead her to his doorstep in the first place. Buffy was definitely playing this morning by ear. She watched him as he reached for the filters and noticed as his eyes came to rest on a half full bottle of tea on the counter.

“It has come to my attention,” he picked up the bottle and staring at it, gentle shook it's contents. “that I may not have dealt with what happened between us.” For a moment Spike smiled sadly . He turned his blue eyes on her. Buffy returned his gaze evenly. Neither spoke for a moment. The coffee pot hiss as the kitchen slowly filled with the aroma of the brew. “I know that I've been a son of a bitch to you, Buffy. And for that I owe you an apology.” Spike leaned against the sink and continued. “At the time, I just decided that it wasn't—that we weren't that big of a thing. And that was a lie. We were a big deal and your betrayal was a big deal. But it shouldn't have ended us.”

Buffy gasped and brought her hands to cover her mouth. She took a small step towards him. Spike dropped his eyes, “We can't go back, Pet,” he said sadly.

Buffy dropped her hands to her sided and said, “No, we can't.”

Spike reached behind him and pulled a cup from the cupboard, he raised an eyebrow towards her and she walked over to sit at the kitchen table. He reached for the second cup and filled them both. After setting the carafe back he carried the two cups to the table and joined her.

Buffy sat and silently watched him. She felt her face flush with ---what? She didn't think he'd ever speak to her again and here they were talking over a cup of coffee. She searched his eyes trying to find what he wanted from her. Once she could understand everything with just one look, but now sadly, he was a stranger to her. “I'm sorry about what happened, but I can't apologize about it every time I see you. I was young and had silly imaginative beliefs about love and relationships. You know the whole 'love conquers all B.S.'” She looked away for a moment. “I won't give up my friendships and I don't want you to either. I just want to be able to be in the same room with you and you not sneer. You say that you don't hate me but my goodness, the way you look at me sometimes.....”She stopped and with shaky hands picked up her cup.

“I was angry—furious actually with you for a long time.” Buffy flinched at his words. “But I was just as angry at myself. Even after Dru---eviscerated me; I still, I still let you in so completely.” Spike suddenly stood up and turned his back to Buffy. After a moment he continued to speak. “I spent nearly six months in the bottom of a bottle after Dru. I made a promise to myself never again” He turned to look at her with haunted eyes. “And then there was you. How could I not fall in with love you, Pet?” he whispered.

“The question now is, where do we go from here?” They both looked to the other for the answer. Suddenly the doorbell rang breaking the tension as they both turned to look to the front of the house.. “Who the hell....” he muttered to himself as he went to open the door. He once again peered out his window and sighing opened the door.

“Hey, Gunn what can I help-” Spike began.

“What the hell did you do to her?” Gunn said as he loomed over the Brit. “She calls me crying, telling me she needs some things moved.” The angry man turned as Buffy made her way quietly in the room. He looked from Spike to Buffy and bit out, “Damn! Didn't take you long at all, Playah'! Baby Girl's been gone what?” He looked down at his watch-, “--twelve hours and you already moving to the next one.” Gunn walked over to Buffy and tapping his chin said, “Let me guess, Buffy? Got it in one.” He muttered to her guilty look.

Quick as lightning, Spike was between Gunn and Buffy. “Whatever is going on between Fred and me has nothing to do with her, mate, and sure as hell don't have anything to do with you.” Spike stared at Gunn until he stepped away from Buffy. “Now, you said that you're here for some of Fred's stuff, well I have a box started upstairs. Why don't you wait outside while I go get it,” Spike said to Gunn as he opened the door. Spike stood and waited for him to leave.

“Maybe I should leave too--,” Buffy began.

“No, you shouldn't, Pet. We still haven't sussed things out.” Spike replied never breaking eye contact with the black man.

“I'll just be in the,” Buffy pointed over her shoulder, “--well, I'll just be in the kitchen. Finishing my coffee,” she finished lamely. Buffy turned and walked quickly out of the room.

After she left, Spike spun towards Gunn pinning the larger man against the door. “If you ever come into my house and insult my guest again, let's just say there'll be a box upstairs with bits of Gunn in it.” Spike released him. After a moment he sighed, “I know I'm a bastard. I get it. But it's not what you think. You know me mate. I didn't do this to hurt anyone. Fred is a special--”

Gunn raised up his hand in disgust, “You know what, save it, man” Gunn straighted his jacket and continued. “I'll tell you what, why don't you finish filling up that box for Fred and I'll be back, when you're not entertaining.”

Spike closed the door and sighing looked to the kitchen. What the hell was he doing?





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