I don’t even know how we got around to talk about the meening of colors, but once the topic was mentioned, we started to discuss it at length. I’m not quite sure, but I guess it was Xander who asked: “What do you associate with the color red?”
“Pure, hot, uncontrolled and wild sex!” Anya grinned at her fiancé, ignoring his awkwardness and our rolling eyes. “Remember when we we were alone in Giles’ s kitchen and you...”
“Wohoo, An, nobody wants to hear that,” Xander stopped her, giving her a pleading look.
“What about you, Wills?,” he continued quickly before Anya could describe their sex adventure down to the smallest detail.
“Red... For me, it’s the power of magic. The way you can feel it running through your veins... you know that you can make things happen and it just feels so good, as if you were mightier than... I don’t know.” Willow had blushed, noticing that we were staring at her with disapproval. “But of course magic is... it can be dangerous when you lose control... not that I’m talking about myself, I can get along without it, really...” she stammered, trying desperately to make us believe that she had given it up to use magic.
“And you, Buffy?,” Xander asked after an embarrassing minute of silence.
“I don’t know...” I bit my lip while I did my best to keep from looking caught. “The color red... I associate it with fighting. The moment when I kick a demon’s ass and start to feel that I’m about to win. Or when I push the stake through a vampire’s heart and there’s nothing left but dust... it’s pure adrenalin.” I hid my feelings behind a grin, knowing too well that I wasn’t thinking of a fight... at least not in the sense the others were believing.
I thought of Spike, my secret vampire lover, and the moment when I finally broke down and admitted that I wanted him a much as he wanted me. As soon as the pictures of our first night appeared in my mind’s eye, I felt his presence as if he had touched me.
“And what about good ol` Spike?,”, I heard him say, feeling that he was standing right behind me. His voice reminded me of silk, smooth enough to distract any listeners senses, and I was wondering if anybody was noticing the goosebumps on my arms.
Stupid Buffy! I should have known that he was in the Bronze, and although I was avoiding meeting gazes with him, I knew that he looked at me as he grabbed a chair and took a seat next to me.
“Unwanted company, thy name is Spike!” I was sure that he was aware of the sarcasm in Xander’s tone, but as usually he ignored it.
“So... the color red, right?,” he asked, touching my leg under the table for a second or two. I gasped and brought distance between us while I tried to stay calm, which was more difficult than I had hoped. The touch stirred a memory of other touches we had shared... of whispers and caresses and kisses stolen in the dark, and I wanted these memories to stop, but it didn’t work.
“You’re thinking of blood... big surprise!,” Anya said with a bored expression on her face.
“Hey, I’m a vampire, what did you expect? But that’s not the only thing I connect with that color... Red, that’s pure passion...it’s the feeling of being alive, the moment when you figure out that you’re allowed to look into another person’s soul and see and feel everything what is hidden there...”
“To make a long story short: you’re talking about fucking!,” the ex-demon interrupted him, while I swallowed another gasp, wishing that I could escape this situation.
“There’s a difference between fucking and fucking...,” Spike responded. “I mean... you can compare it to music. Everyone is able to press the keys on a piano, but only few can also produce a melody, got it? And the moment when you realize that you’re suitable for... somebody... that you’re getting to accomplish a melody, that’s what I combine with red.” Although he didn’t look at me, I knew what he was trying to say, and I felt a strange mixture of anger and excitement.
“Spike, just leave it, okay!” Xander looked disgusted as if he had a bitter and poisonous taste in is mouth he wanted to spit out. “I don’t wanna imagining you fu-... urgh, playing on a piano!”
I let out a sound that was more laugh than snort, though it was composed of both. When I finally dared to look at Spike, I could read in his eyes that this topic wasn’t finished yet, and I knew that no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t escape him.
*~*~*~*~*
“So... what do you really associate with the color red?,” he whispered, running his hands down my sides to my hips. He kissed my collarbones, then moved his lips over my chest, leaving a hot, burning trace on my skin.
I buried my hands in his silky hair, unable to produce anything except for little breathy sounds.
“Wanna know what I’m thinking of...?,” he asked, while his hands squeezed my breasts until I started to moan.
He lowered his mouth to my nipples, wrapping his lips around it, knowing that he was driving me mad with his kissing, sucking and licking.
“Red... that’s the second I saw your dead body lying on the cold ground... your blood-covered face and the emptiness in your beautiful eyes... Red is my heart that you’ve ripped out when you said that you’d never love me... Red is the dull feeling in my insides when you told me that you`ve been in heaven... Red is my wish to be a better man, someone who diserves you... and red is my fear of losing you. God, Buffy... please don’t leave me...”
There were tears in his eyes as he pleaded with me, spilling the words too wild, too fast to follow.
“Red... is the way you touch me,”, I hear myself suddenly utter, unable to hold back the words.
“Red is the fire you have lit in me... Red is my longing to have you around all the time... Red is my attempt to despise you... and red is the lie I’m living.”
For a second I closed my eyes, listening to my own wild heartbeat.
Spike pressed his mouth on my lips, and I felt the salty taste of tears on my tongue. I didn’t know if they were his or mine, but it didn’t make any difference.
I knew that these words were my way to tell him that I love him.
And he knew it too.
END
Author's Chapter Notes:
Not a native speaker. BTW: If anyone is willing to beta my writing, please contact me!