Giles’ heart was breaking. He looked at the cold body in front of him. He bent over it and kissed the icy forehead.
“Thank you.” His tears rolled over his cheeks and his body ached of held back sobs and anger. He had to be strong. For her. He pulled back and looked up at Dawn.
“This... This is my fault.” She fell into Xander's warm arms, crying.
“Shh. We’ll take care of each other.” Xander mumbled in her ear, trying to comfort her.
“It’s my fault! It’s my fault!”
“No. Don’t do this to yourself Dawnie. Shh...” Dawn turned in Xanders arms and stuffed her nose into Xanders nice smelling shirt. Giles approached them.
“Xander? It’s time. It’s your turn to say goodbye.”
“Oh. Ok.” He turned Dawn over to Giles’ arms and took a deep breath. He took a few steps and looked down on the peaceful face. He also kissed the ice forehead.
“P- Poor Buffy.” Xander started sobbing when he felt Willows’ hand on his back. He bent over the dead person again and this time he kissed the cold lips. “Thank you.”
When he pulled back he was crying so hard he couldn’t breathe. Willow led him out of the room, into the hallway and sat him down in the nearest chair. A minute later Giles came out and put Dawn down beside Xander.
“Xander? Have you seen her?”
“No. God, I can’t imagine how she’s feeling right now.” Xander slowly shook his head and dried his eye. Buffy must feel so much worse than when Xander had lost Anya in the big battle in Sunnydale.
“She’s probably ovewhelmed with feelings of guilt.” Giles said.
“But it’s not her fault.”
Buffy entered the hallway from another room with sad, slow steps.
“Buffy? Are you sure you can do this?” Giles tried to say the words without choking on them.
“No. But I must see... The body.” Buffy started crying. Giles opened his arms to her but she ignored him. She stared at the door that led into that room... Where the body...She closed her eyes and opened the door. She stepped in just to see Willow kiss a dead and cold hand.
“Willow.”
“Oh Buffy!” Willow hurried to her best friend’s side to support her but Buffy stopped her.
“No. Not now. After.”
“Ok. You want me to leave you alone?”
“Yes please.” Willow left her without another word.
Buffy stared at the dead body. She reached out and touched the not breathing chest. Her hand slid up to the soft, brown curls that surrounded the beautiful face. Buffys own face wrinkled up and she let out a cry of pain.
“Oh my God. This can’t be true!”
Though she never heard him enter the room she knew Giles was there with her, ready to catch her if she fell apart.
“Giles... I...Oh my God, Giles. This is all my fault!” Giles pulled her close in his arms. Buffy broke down and her legs couldn’t carry her any longer. She and Giles suddenly sat on the floor in a tight embrace, crying together.
“Tell me this is a dream. A nightmare. Please Giles... Wake me up!” She pleaded with tears streaming down her cheeks.
“Oh Buffy.” His voice cracked and he hugged her even harder when her body started shaking.
“I can’t do this! I can’t do this anymore! Giles can you...”
“What Buffy? Anything you want.”
“Bring him back. Make him alive again. Please Giles, I know it can be done. I was brought back! He can be living again!”
“Buffy. No. It can’t be done.”
“Kill me then.”
“Wha-what? Buffy, what are you saying?”
“Please Giles! I can’t stand this life! I hate this life. Why is it always filled with so much pain?! Kill me. I can’t go on without... Make him alive again Giles!” She pointed at the dead body.
“I beg you. I don’t wanna live without him. He was my... my all... my life!”
“Buffy, you cannot ask me this. It’s never gonna happen. I will never do it! Stop talking like this Buffy. He’s gone.”
“Oh my God. He’s dead. He’s really dead and it’s all my fault!” Buffy broke down again. Giles caressed her back gently and kissed her hair. His heart was bleeding for her.
“Oh Buffy. That’s it. Cry it all out, love. He’s in a better place now.”
“What did you call me?”
“Buffy?”
“After that.”
“Love? Oh God, Buffy I’m so sorry! I didn’t think of that...I’m so sorry!”
“He...” She swallowed. “He always called me that... It hurts too much to think about Giles.”
“I’m so sorry Buffy.”
“It’s my fault he’s dead!”
“No Buffy. It’s NOT you fault. He did this. He’s the one who insisted on becoming a human again.”
“Because of me! He got shanshued because of me. He wanted to give me...what I deserved. And now he’s dead. It’s all because of me Giles!” Buffy suddenly stood up and looked down at the body again.
“How could you leave me? How can you leave me alone like this again? Please come back. I’ll take better care of you. Just come back...please...” Buffy bent over the body and hugged him. “Please come back. I love you so much!”
Giles cried over the heartbreaking scene of Buffy crying and leaning over her lost lover.
“Buffy...” He put a hand on her back to show her he was there.
“Get out Giles. Leave me alone with him.” Giles didn’t find anything else to say.
“Ok. We all love you Buffy. We’ll be here for you.”
“Thank you. I love you too.” She gave him a quick glance and then looked at her dead husband. Giles got to his feet and left her alone.
Outside Xander and Willow sat in a tight embrace.
“Where’s Dawn?” Giles asked with a thick voice.
“We put her to bed. We had to give her a sleeping pill. She feels so guilty.”
“Well, that's understandable.”
“But why? It wasn’t her fault.”
“I know. But she was the one he saved. If he hadn’t jumped in front of her, she would’ve been the one taking the bullet through her chest. He saved her.”
“God. What an ending. First he’s a vampire then he gets to be human again and live with the woman he loved for so long and then he gets shot in a bankrobbery and dies... How’s Buffy dealing with it?”
“How do you think? She totally broke down. She’s falling apart. “ Giles felt the tears fall down his face again. “She asked me to...”
“To what?” Willow whispered.
“To bring him back to life. But I told her that I couldn’t.”
“Good. He died of the hands of man. He can’t be saved.”
“I know. Then she asked me to... kill her instead.”
“What?!” Xander almost shouted.
“Oh my god.” Willow wiped her sleeve over her eyes and sobbed.
Giles looked like he was in physical pain.
“I just don’t know what to do! I wish there were a way for me to ease her pain. She loved him so much. He was her life. Her love. Her everything.”
They all looked at each other when they heard Buffy yell at the dead body again. Giles took off his glasses and tried to dry his eyes. “It’s killing me! Willow, is there a spell to ease her pain in some way?”
“There is. But I can’t do it. I’m not allowed to use that kind of magic anymore.”
“God. We can’t just sit her listening to Buffys’... We have to do something!”
“Like what? What can we possibly do? She lost her biggest love Giles. They only had a year together. They had only been married for three months. I think we just have to let her...mourn. She will need a long time coping with the fact that... he’s dead.”
The three of them started crying at Xander’s last words. After that, they sat in silence for about fourty minutes before Willow found the courage to speak.
“It’s quiet.”
“Yeah. Maybe she finally accepted it.” Xander tried.
“Maybe she fell asleep?” Willow countered.
“Should we look in there? I mean, to see if she’s okay?”
“Maybe? Or maybe we should wait some more?”
“Nah. I think we should make sure now. I don’t like this sound of silence.”
“Yes. Who should...”
“Giles. You’re her watcher. You check on her. We’ll be right behind you.”
“Alright. But if she’s somehow fell asleep we won’t wake her up. Is that clear?” Xander and Willow both nodded.
Giles stood and took a deep breath before he opened the door.
“Buffy?” He asked carefully, in case she was...
Giles lost his breath and fell to his knees at the sight of Buffy's blood floating out of her wrists. She layed on top of her dead lover and as bizarre as it may sound, she had a soft smile on her face. Her eyes were closed and she... she looked happy.
For Giles, everything happened in slow motion from that point. He could hear Willow and Xander screaming when they entered the room. He saw Xander shaking Buffy's lifeless body. He could hear him screaming her name. Willow had fainted and lay across the floor, her feet in a puddle of the sticky blood. Xander fell to his knees just like Giles, having difficulties in breathing. Giles looked at Buffy’s face again. He was sure now. She was happy.
And Giles was sure that when Buffy had crossed over to the other side, Spike had been there to welcome her...
The End
Author's Chapter Notes:
Short story that takes place a year+ after "Chosen". Spike didn't die in the battle against The First.