Chapter 18 – New house, new rules
Once the last of her moving crew had packed up and left Buffy made her way back into the living room. Spike and Dawn were sound asleep, Dawn’s head cradled against his shoulder. She smiled indulgently at the pair before quietly picking up the empty soda cans and pizza boxes. Making quick work of the mess, Buffy set about wiping down the kitchen counters and double checking they had all the supplies for a big breakfast the next morning.
Kneeling down in front of the sleeping pair, Buffy paused before gently tucking a strand of Dawn’s hair behind her ear. Spike must have sensed the movement because he opened his startling blue eyes and smiled softly at her.
“Everyone gone, pet?” he whispered, as to not wake Dawn.
“Yeah. Everyone’s gone, they were all pretty beat after today,” Buffy answered.
“Do you want me to wake nibblet?” Spike looked like he was loathe to do so, casting his gaze down to rest on the sleeping five-year-old in his lap. As if picking up on the discussion, Dawn sighed and snuggled deeper into his arms. Buffy couldn’t help the smile that lit her face at the action.
“Let’s just get her to bed, okay? If she wakes up on the way we’ll make sure she gets ready for bed properly.” Buffy ran her hand lightly through Dawn’s hair before preceding Spike out of the room.
The little girl didn’t stir until Buffy had maneuvered her out of her shoes and jeans and tucked the covers around her small frame. Sleepy blue eyes opened slowly and gazed up at Buffy inquisitively.
“Gone?” she mumbled quietly, eyes drifting shut again since she wasn’t fully awake.
“Yeah, Dawnie. Everyone’s gone,” Buffy replied stroking her dark locks.
“William too?” Her eyes opened again in an attempt to remain awake.
“No, Spike’s still here,” Buffy said indicating the man in question standing behind her.
“Good,” Dawn smiled up at the pair. “G’night,” she added before succumbing to sleep once more.
“’Night, nibbles,” Spike said leaning down past Buffy to brush a soft kiss on her forehead. Buffy followed suit and the couple made their way quietly to the doorway.
“So much for gettin’ her ready, pet,” Spike said as Buffy closed the door, leaving a sliver open to let some light into Dawn’s room.
“Yeah, I guess. But she would have fallen asleep with a toothbrush in her mouth if I’d tried,” Buffy replied, looking up at him. Spike pulled her into his arms, content to hold his girl after a long and trying day.
“I know. She better bloody well stop with this William business soon though, love.” Spike smiled down at Buffy’s sparkling eyes. “Doesn’t make me sound all dangerous-like.”
Buffy smiled widely, “I don’t know. I think William suits you. Maybe I should start calling you Will, too,” she teased, arms reaching up around his neck.
“You’ll only get me mixed up with Red that way,” he chided her. “’Sides you know Spike suits me a whole lot better,” he added grinding his growing erection into her stomach.
Buffy made a contented sound before she pulled him down for a languid kiss. “Maybe I need some convincing… Will,” she said pulling back from him, eyes gleaming mischievously.
Spike grinned wolfishly at her. “Maybe you do at that,” he said bending down and lifting her petite frame into his arms.
“Time to break in the new bedroom, pet?” he asked as he carried her over the threshold. He deposited her on the floor in front of her bed, capturing her lips in a heated kiss before she could reply, seducing her senses with luxurious swipes of his talented tongue. His hands skimmed over her body, slowly making their way to her lower back where he started to knead out the tension gathered there.
Buffy lost her ability to think rationally as Spike’s hands worked their magic on her sore muscles. The day had been long and draining, with too much last minute packing to do. Spike slowly divested her of her shirt and jeans, continuing his soothing massage on each newly exposed piece of flesh revealed. He indicated that she lay down on the bed, allowing him better access to her graceful back. Buffy felt a pang of guilt at the attention he lavished on her, knowing that Spike had worked harder than anyone else and his own muscles had to be screaming in pain.
Spike gently massaged the expanse of her back and shoulders, unclasping her bra when it interrupted his efforts which proved not to be the best way to restrain his desire for her. Her blonde hair was haphazardly arranged around her head like a golden halo, her skin warm and firm beneath his hands, and not for the first time, Spike was amazed at how lucky he was to be allowed to touch this stunning creature.
Their lovemaking was slow and gentle, taking up the vein of Spike’s earlier ministrations. Their bodies moved together in gentle harmony, eyes holding each other as the first tremors of release started to build in slow anticipation. Buffy came first, hugging Spike tightly to her, a soft sigh the only sound escaping her. Spike closely followed and soon the two lovers lay spent and sated in an intricate embrace.
Buffy luxuriated in the feel of Spike’s strong arms around her, and burrowed further into the warm embrace. She dreaded to think what it would have been like these past few months, especially this day, without him in her life.
“Stay,” she whispered when she felt him stirring to leave.
“Forever, princess,” Spike answered happily pulling her snugly against him.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Spike woke up to the smell of coffee wafting through the open bedroom door. He turned toward the smell to find an excited little girl waiting expectantly for him to notice her. As soon as she saw his eyes open, Dawn launched herself at Spike.
“Good morning, William!” Dawn squealed when Spike grabbed onto her. Her bright blue eyes sparkled with merry mischief which made Spike’s heart warm. He was so relieved that the little one was already adjusting to her new home.
“Mornin’, monkey,” he smiled up at her where she sat perched on his chest.
“Buffy’s making breakfast. A big breakfast,” Dawn smiled widely.
“How big?” Spike asked, playing along. “This big?” he asked, making a small measurement between his thumb and pointer finger.
“No, silly,” Dawn giggled.
“This big?” He opened his arms shoulder-width apart. Another burst of giggles and a shaking head indicated Dawn’s reply.
“This big then?” Spike spread his arms as wide apart as he could. Dawn giggled again and threw herself into his arms joyfully. Dawn gave him a loud, smacking kiss on the cheek before squirming back to the floor.
“Buffy!” Dawn yelled as she backed out of the bedroom, eyes once more sparkling in mischief. “William’s awake!” She called before darting out of the room.
With a groan and an eye roll Spike smiled and buried himself further under the covers. He didn’t enjoy the fact that his nibblet seemed very unwilling to let go of calling him William yet, but he wasn’t fooling anyone. She could call him whatever she wanted and he wouldn’t have a snowball’s chance in hell to pretend he didn’t love her just the same.
“Just gonna have a quick shower, luv,” Spike called out to Buffy and headed off to clean up before breakfast.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Buffy smiled when Dawn came bouncing back into the kitchen after having woken Spike up. She set about finishing up and plating the promised big breakfast, which consisted of eggs, bacon, toast, fruit, and baked beans especially for Spike. Though why anyone would want beans for breakfast was beyond her.
“Is Spike gonna live with us now, Buffy?” Dawn’s innocent question washed Buffy’s good humor away like a bucket of ice water.
“W-What?” she stammered, hoping to delay her answer.
“Is he gonna live here with us? Like a family?” Dawn’s eyes were wide in innocent hope. For the first time Buffy truly realized that she was more like a single mother, at least for the time being, than an older sister.
“I don’t think so, Dawnie. He has his own house with Giles that he has to live at,” Buffy answered cautiously. She hadn’t even thought about how Spike staying over would influence the young girl.
“But you love him, and I love him. Shouldn’t we be a family then? Giles can come too,” Dawn continued, hoping the addition of Spike’s dad into the mix would make the situation clearer to Buffy.
“I know we do, Dawnie.” She made her way over to the child. “But that doesn’t mean Spike’s going to live with us. Or Giles.”
“But that’s what Mommy told me,” Dawn looked up at her sister, distress evident in her eyes. “People, boy and girl people, who love each other, can live together. Then they get married. And then, they have the stork deliver them lots and lots of babies!” she finished with the sparkle returning to her gaze, evidently proud she remembered their mother’s teachings.
“I know that’s what Mommy told you, sweetheart.” Buffy had no idea how to have this talk yet. ‘Definitely time to pick up some parenting books,’ she thought to herself.
“And if you and Spike have babies, I can help!” Dawn clapped her hands in glee, the idea apparently perfect as far as she saw it. She was too excited to remember to call Spike William as she’d been insisting lately.
“I don’t think we’re ready for that, sweetie,” Buffy tried, nervously glancing over her shoulder to see an amused Spike leaning against the doorjamb, fresh from the shower. ‘And my morning is now complete,’ she thought.
“But maybe William wants to,” Dawn shot a pleading look at her partner in crime. At his sudden inclusion in the conversation he had been content to watch, Spike visibly paled, unsure of how to handle the turn of events.
“That doesn’t matter, pumpkin,” Buffy said firmly, sparing him the need to answer. “It’s not going to happen. And if it does, it will be a long long time from now. And then you’ll be a bratty teenager who won’t want anything to do with her sister,” Buffy finished, tugging lightly on the Dawn’s hair when she pouted.
Spike had looked up sharply when Buffy said she wasn’t having babies with him. Not that he’d considered it, but it wasn’t a preposterous idea as far as he was concerned. But his gaze softened when she added the last part; hope still flaring in him that he’d be her long-haul guy.
“But,” Dawn started, but Buffy sent her a quelling glare which stopped all protests from the little girl. Score one for the Mom-look, Buffy thought to herself.
“No more, Dawnie. Spike’s up so it’s time for breakfast.” Buffy straightened up and moved toward the kitchen to fetch the plates.
Spike joined Dawn at the kitchen table and smiled at Buffy as she set a cup of coffee down in front of him. Dawn happily tucked into her plate as soon as it was set in front of her. Normalcy was established as Buffy sat down to join the two.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
As Buffy was clearing the dishes, insisting that Spike relax with Dawn to watch cartoons, there was a knock at the door. Wiping her hands on a dish rag Buffy went to see who their impromptu visitor was. The opened door revealed a stunning dark-haired woman and a shy little boy with wide green eyes. The woman looked a bit exotic, gypsy perhaps, and had an easy smile while she carried a tray of what appeared to be home-baked muffins.
“Hello,” the woman smiled at Buffy. “My name is Jenny Calendar, and the shy little tyke behind me is Scott. We’re your new neighbors. Or, you are our new neighbors, I suppose.”
“Hi, I’m Buffy,” she replied, smiling at the woman and the young boy.
“We just thought we’d stop by and welcome you. Scotty here said he’d seen a couple with a little girl move in and he wanted to say hello,” Jenny nudged the boy encouragingly toward their new neighbor.
“Well, hello to you too, Scott,” Buffy said with a soft smile as the boy extended his small hand in a formal greeting. “The place is still a mess, and we’ve just finished breakfast, but there’s plenty of coffee and juice if you want to come inside and meet Dawn.”
Buffy moved aside to let the two inside and led the way toward the living room. Dawn had already let curiosity get the better of her and was peeking around the corner.
“Jenny, Scott, this is Dawn and my boyfriend Spike,” Buffy introduced, Dawn eagerly coming forward while Spike took his time getting off the sofa to greet the pair.
“Hi, Scott,” Dawn said, smiling brilliantly. “You like Dora the Explorer?” At Scott’s enthusiastic nod the two positioned themselves in front of the television and settled in to watch the show.
“Spike is an unusual name,” Jenny said as she shook hands while Buffy set about organizing the muffins and coffee.
“’S just a nickname,” Spike replied already charmed by the woman’s straightforwardness. “M’name’s William Giles, but only Da’ an’ the bit call me that.”
“Ah,” Jenny replied, eyebrow arched elegantly. “We didn’t mean to impose; this area doesn’t have a lot of kids around though, so Scotty insisted we go over as soon as possible to meet the mystery girl.”
“No problem at all,” Buffy said, placing fresh cups of coffee on the kitchen table, indicating that Jenny take a seat. “Dawn is a social butterfly already; I’m dreading what she’ll be like as a teenager. So no doubt we would have met at some stage today.”
“Well that’s good. Scotty is a bit shy, but he insisted on this and I couldn’t deny him. How old is Dawn?” Jenny said stealing a glance at the children enraptured by the interactive show.
“She’s five, six this year,” Buffy replied, happy that this was a source of distraction for her sister who may not show it, but was surely feeling a bit off in the new home.
“Scotty’s six going on sixty,” Jenny mused. “He’s too mature for his own good. When is your daughter starting school?” she directed the question at Spike, in order to include him in the conversation.
“Oh, she’s not my daughter,” he replied, shooting a glance at Buffy.
“She’s my sister,” Buffy added quickly at Jenny’s speculative look. “Our parents passed away. My mother most recently to a brain tumor, my father died when Dawn was still a baby. I was old enough to take guardianship, so here we are. Starting fresh.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that, sweetheart,” Jenny reached across to grasp Buffy’s hand in sympathy. “What a tragic story. I just assumed you were a young family. I never imagined…”
Buffy blushed, looking down at the table, glancing up at Spike when she felt him squeeze her thigh in reassurance.
“’S okay, Jenny. Buffy here is takin’ great care of her sis’ and me an’ my Da are doin’ our best to help these two lovely ladies out.”
“Well you can count on me putting my foot in my big ol’ mouth. If you ever need anything at all, don’t hesitate to drop around. We’ve got plenty of time and will help you as well, Buffy.” Jenny smiled reassuringly.
“Please, don’t worry about it. When it comes to foot-in-mouthism I could have a PhD,” Buffy smiled. “It’s been tough, but we needed a fresh start, and we’ve certainly had great help and believe me we won’t hesitate to ask for more,” Buffy looked over at Spike in thanks.
“I have to ask, Spike,” Jenny hid her smile at the young couple, attempting to change the subject. Maybe it wouldn’t be too long before Dawn had some young company around the house. “Are you related to Rupert?”
“Yeah, that’s my Da,” Spike said, scarred eyebrow raised in an unspoken question.
“I know him. Great store with a wonderful occult section. I’m a frequent customer, you see,” Jenny explained, a faint blush staining her cheeks.
“Ah, well, Da’s got his interests, I suppose.” Spike sent Buffy a knowing look as he took in the woman’s countenance. His dad had mentioned a beautiful woman who frequented the store on more than one occasion.
The conversation flowed easily between the three adults after the initial awkwardness and Buffy found herself smiling and at ease with her new neighbor. Jenny was a single mother; Scott’s father had walked out on her when she announced her pregnancy. Jenny revealed that she hadn’t expected him to stay, but she wouldn’t have given up the chance to become a mother, regardless of the lack of help. When Buffy had commented on how juvenile the action seemed, Jenny had laughed and agreed, but hoped that Scotty would meet his father one day. Jenny worked part-time at the local high school and was considering a full-time position now that Scott had started attending full-time as well.
Dawn and Scott got along amazingly well and when the two youngsters practically begged Jenny to let them play at Scotty’s house with his new toys, Buffy readily agreed. Dawn could always use new friends, especially ones who understood the hardships of single-parenthood. The Calendar’s and Dawn said their goodbyes and promised Buffy that Dawn would come home safely when she was ready. After reminding her sister to be polite and listen to what Jenny said, the trio was off, leaving Buffy and Spike alone.
“So, pet,” Spike said, snaking his arms around her waist as soon as the door closed. “What shall we do all by our lonesome? Maybe get some practice in,” he mumbled as he suggestively moved his hips against hers.
“Practice?” Buffy asked, distracted by the way Spike was caressing her neck with soft, open-mouthed kisses.
“You know.” He smiled rakishly as Buffy put two and two together. Realization set in and she pushed against his chest.
“Spike, we have to talk,” Buffy said, pulling out of his arms. Spike felt cold fear tug at his heart as he noticed Buffy’s guarded gaze.
“What’s wrong, love?” he asked following her when she moved into the living room.
“I’m a single mother,” Buffy blurted, unable to decide how to get the ball rolling. Wringing her hands she looked over at Spike, carefully keeping her distance, she had to keep her thoughts together for this conversation.
“No, you’re takin’ care of your sis, pet,” he replied carefully wondering where her line of thinking was leading.
“Well, yes, I know. But it’s like I’m a single mother,” Buffy continued. “Dawn is only five. She barely knew Dad, and Mom was always saying that she couldn’t date until Dawn was old enough to understand or if it was serious enough.”
“I’m not sure I’m following you, pet,” Spike said cautiously, inwardly dreading what Buffy meant with all this.
“What Dawn asked me today… asked you too... I hadn’t thought of that,” Buffy tried.
“About us havin’ little Buffys?” Spike attempted a bit of humor.
“No, about you living here.” Buffy threw her hands in the air out of frustration. “About us being a family. Getting married. I’m not ready for that.”
“Neither am I,” Spike replied, watching her pace across the floor. “Haven’t you ever thought about it though?”
Spike’s question halted her mid-step. “No,” she replied and saw the hurt look cross Spike’s features.
“I mean, I haven’t had time,” she moved toward him. “I love you, but I hardly have my own life in order. And now I’m responsible for Dawn’s life, too. I can’t even think about us like that yet.”
“Why not?” Spike asked. He caught Buffy’s pleading glance. “I get it, pet. You’ve got a lot on your plate right now. But it doesn’t mean you have to stop thinking about where this is goin’. You even said ‘not for a long time’ instead of an outright no to Bit.”
Buffy was devastated. She hardly remembered what she’d said to Dawn that morning. She had been so busy trying to figure out the right thing to say that she just blurted out whatever came up. All she knew was that it wasn’t fair to Dawn or to Spike to keep this relationship going if it had a chance of not working. And Spike deserved someone who could always put him first.
“I just don’t know what to do, Spike,” Buffy pleaded with him, finally finding her voice.
“’S not that hard, we just keep goin’ like we have,” Spike replied, holding her gaze steadily.
“But it’s not so simple. It is hard. Dawn loves you, what happens when you get tired of playing Dad and find someone else who doesn’t have truckloads of baggage like me?”
Spike had been able to remain somewhat calm up until that part, then he became furious, not at Buffy per se, but at her notion that he would ever throw her and Dawn away for something or someone easier. Hadn’t he proved to her that she was it for him? That all he ever wanted was to spend every moment with them? Dawn had quickly become his world and Buffy the whole soddin’ universe, and here she was throwing it all back at him.
“I love you and I love Dawn. I knew what I was getting’ into from the very beginning, if you care to recall I met Dawn before I met you,” Spike said, eyes flashing with hurt and anger.
“I know, but—” Buffy tried again before Spike cut her off.
“No buts, Buffy,” he said as he grasped her upper arms, forcing her to hold his gaze. “I. Love. You. And the bit. I don’t walk away from what I love. I didn’t leave Dru for years of her runnin’ around behind my back. Dawn isn’t baggage. I’ll keep seein’ Dawn even if you kick me to the curb tomorrow.”
Buffy held her breath, desperately wishing she could believe what Spike was telling her. But he was young and deserved much more than a ready made family full of responsibilities. Dawn was her cross to bear.
“You deserve more than this, Spike,” Buffy said finally. She had to look down as tears gathered in her eyes and threatened to fall.
“I can’t believe you’re even sayin’ this. I have more than I deserve with you and nibs,” Spike tried to get her to look at him again, but to no avail. Buffy pulled out of his arms and faced away from him.
“I don’t believe you,” Buffy said quietly.
“Then you don’t love me like you say you do,” Spike didn’t mean the words to come out as sharply as they did, but he was frustrated. “You have to believe me, pet.”
The desperate plea in his tone was almost enough to make Buffy turn around and beg for forgiveness. But she steeled herself against it. This was for the best. Maybe once he had some time to think he would realize that she wasn’t worth it.
“I can’t,” Buffy finally said. “Just go, please, Spike. I can’t do this anymore.”
“Is that what you really want, love?” Spike asked quietly, watching Buffy’s shoulders shake. But if this was what she needed, or wanted, then he would go. She never said he couldn’t come back. She still hadn’t said it was over; at least he had a spark of hope left. He hoped that Buffy was just overwhelmed with the events of the last few days, not that he wasn’t upset that she didn’t want to confide in him as he would have liked, but maybe a few days to settle in would do them both good.
Buffy nodded and kept her eyes closed as Spike moved behind her and made his way out the door. When she heard the soft click of the closing door, she allowed herself to finally give in to the tears she’d been holding back so desperately.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
I know, I'm amazed that I'm updating too. I figured that since I've basically have the story written to the end in my head, that I would have it finished by now... But life has gotten in the way as it does. Anyhoo, new chapter up. This one's angsty,but knowing me it won't last too long :) Thanks to Dusty273 for betaing as always, and being full of endless support. *huggles* So enjoy everyone who's still following this, and let me know what you think!