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Author's Chapter Notes:
I know it's been a long wait for this chapter, but I hope some people are still happy to see it finally up :) RL has sucked the big one lately and I'm sure I'll be ranting and raving about it on LJ soon enough... but enough of that. I want to thank my goddess of a beta Mari for being the bestest and most wonderful beta and friend and fixing my silly mistakes. Without her my stories would probably not make sense... *huggles* And thanks for your patience everyone, enjoy the chapter!
Buffy slipped into the requested outfit and safety gear and carried the helmet casually under her arm as she made her way toward the small turnaround point where Spike was waiting for her. Or at least where she expected him to be waiting for her. Although since he was the one who sent the note, Buffy figured there had to be some hope left. Thousands of butterflies batted their wings inside her stomach as she approached the corner and when she heard the low rumble of Spike’s motorcycle, she couldn’t stop feeling slightly nauseous as apprehension swelled inside her.

Buffy stopped right around the corner of the unit just before she could be seen and reclined against the cool stone wall. She took a deep breath to steady her nerves, closing her eyes to block out everything else to concentrate on slowing her fluttering pulse. Even though she was ecstatic that Spike had taken the initiative to speak to her again, she worried that there would be issues left to discuss which were more important than she initially thought.

Buffy loved Spike with all her heart, and if she had been just a college girl, she would have jumped at the opportunity, literally, to be with Spike. But she had Dawn to consider, and that meant she needed someone who was a bit more stable than a twenty-something guy who still worked part-time jobs and lived with his dad.

Buffy opened her eyes and shook off her negative attitude. Today was, hopefully, about starting again with a more realistic outlook.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Spike idly played with his lighter as he stood next to his bike waiting for Buffy to decide whether she was coming or not. Dawn had made a lightning fast appearance with her little friend saying that her sister was on the way about ten minutes earlier. His father’s doing no doubt. But that meant Buffy wouldn’t be too far behind.

Spike was nervous about the upcoming encounter. He’d planned the bike ride out of the city to one of his favorite spots along the coast as a way of establishing neutral ground. Somewhere Buffy could forget about the small details of her daily life with Dawn and maybe where he could have the chance to show her what their future may be like together. He could only hope she would be open enough to listen to him this time.

He straightened up as he saw his lady love come around the corner. She was wearing the adorable black leather jacket he’d requested and looked positively delicious in the tight dark wash jeans that hugged every one of her delectable curves. Her golden hair fell in loose waves around her face, helping to hide some of her nervous demeanor from him.

“’Lo, luv,” Spike greeted her above the idle rumble of the motorcycle. “Ready for that ride?” Buffy nodded nervously and Spike swung his leg over the bike, pulling his helmet over his head. Turning slightly he indicated that Buffy should do the same and settle in behind him, closing all avenue for conversation between them, thus preventing any hope that Buffy could have held over turning around and returning home again.

When Buffy’s arms snaked around his middle and her hands clasped about his waist, Spike kicked the bike into gear and pulled out of the driveway of the apartment complex. He felt Buffy sigh against his back and tried to focus on the road ahead instead of muddling his thoughts with insecurities about what could have caused such a morose action.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Buffy sighed deeply as Spike took off down the road. It felt wonderful to be pressed up against him so tightly, holding on for every twist and bend on the road. She didn’t know where they were heading but that was part of the allure. Leaving her home and responsibilities behind would allow her to focus solely on Spike for the time being.

The ride was stretching into the half-hour mark when Spike pulled off the main coastal road and onto an old dirt track. The tires spun slightly as the motorcycle compensated for the bad driving conditions before Spike slowed down and eased it onto the smoothest part of the track. After another fifteen minutes of bumpy track, Spike eased the bike over to the side of the road and stopped.

Buffy immediately got off the motorcycle, fussing with her helmet to stall for more time before she had to face her maybe-boyfriend. Spike noticed her fussing with the chin strap and came over, tilting her head up to untangle the strap. Buffy stilled as she looked into his blue eyes while he concentrated on pulling off her helmet, shaking out her head and gasping at the way he was staring at her. He had the same awe-struck look as he’d had the first time they’d met and it made her heart clench inside her chest.

“Right, shall we?” Spike asked, averting his gaze after she took his hand. Carrying a bag with him that she hadn’t noticed before, he led her down a small forest path out towards the sparkling ocean. Buffy’s breath caught in her throat when she took in the view for the first time.

“It’s absolutely stunning,” Buffy said breathless as she looked at the glittering ocean. They were standing on top of a grassy ridge which plummeted straight into the churning sea below. A small path seemed to lead down to the water on the right, ending on a small secluded beach down below. The sun shone brightly in a cloudless blue sky and the water seemed to wink happily up at her as the waves danced onto the cliffs and sand below.

“Yeah, it is,” Spike’s voice drew Buffy’s gaze to meet his, and the shiver that ran up her spine when she met his intense stare had her suspicious that he wasn’t talking about the scenery. Shaking his head as if to clear it, Spike pulled a blanket out of the saddle bag he’d been carrying and spread it over the grass.

“C’mon, pet,” Spike said as he sat on the blanket and extended a hand up to her. “Sit down and enjoy the view for a while.”

Buffy took his hand and sank to her knees beside him, shrugging out of her leather jacket as the sun warmed her skin enough without the added bulk. Spike mimicked her actions and slipped off his own leather jacket, followed by his boots and socks.

“For added freedom,” he said with a wink when she raised a skeptical eyebrow at him. His warm, rich laugh seemed to fill the air around her when she followed his example and pulled off her own boots and socks, sighing happily, as she stretched her bare feet out in front of her.

They sat silent for long moments, neither wanting to break the quiet peace that had settled between them. But as the warm afternoon sun cooled slightly and the early evening breeze lifted the curls off Buffy’s back, Spike turned towards her and smiled sadly.

“So where to we go from here, pet?” Spike looked deeply into her eyes, emotions evident in the depths of his azure gaze.

“I don’t know,” Buffy sighed, sitting straighter and looking out to the endless ocean. “I’ve felt so lost without you this week and it terrifies me.”

“Terrifies you?” Spike asked.

“Yeah,” Buffy looked over at him, his beautiful features a mask of concern. “I can’t afford to rely on you like that. We’ve already been over this.”

“No, luv, we haven’t,” Spike said evenly. He knew the hardest thing for him today, aside from the possibility of losing Buffy forever, would be keeping his temper and impatience in check. “Why don’ you explain it to me?”

“I have to take care of Dawn by myself. I can’t rely on you or anyone else to do that for me. She is my responsibility now; I can’t just go out and do whatever I want whenever I want anymore. And if I do start relying on other people, what happens the day they leave? How am I supposed to cope with that?” Buffy’s voice quieted as she asked the last question, her eyes still fixed on the blue water.

“You don’t know that they will, love,” Spike said as he straightened, leaning forward to watch the play of emotions over Buffy’s expressive features.

“Everyone leaves me,” she whispered, eyes downcast.

“I don’t,” Spike said, cupping her chin and forcing her to meet his eyes. “I don’t leave, Buffy.”

“You don’t know that,” Buffy replied, a mournful faraway look darkening her eyes. “Mom said she’d never leave and she did. I’m not blaming her for dying, but you don’t know what’ll happen in the future. You can’t.”

Spike held her gaze; Buffy’s eyes had lit up in determination to prove her point. He wasn’t sure he had an argument for her. What she said was true, if a little extreme.

“And you haven’t even told me about your plans for the future, Spike,” Buffy continued after a short silence. “You don’t even seem to have any desire to get a proper job. You’re so smart and you’re stuck working as a security guard, living with your dad.” Buffy shifted her gaze away from Spike’s intense blue eyes. She didn’t want to sound like a brat, but she and Dawn needed stability in their future, and Spike wouldn’t exactly reassure anyone with his stellar career plans.

To her surprise, Spike was smiling widely at her when she finally gathered up the courage to glance back at him.

“I was only doin’ that part time, Goldilocks,” he said with a grin. “I’m startin’ at your uni in the fall, workin’ in the English department. I’ve got a position teachin’ 18th Century lit and Shakespeare.”

Buffy was dumbfounded and she was sure she could have been accused of trying to catch flies with her mouth with as wide open as it was right now. He’d never mentioned anything about teaching before. Sure, she knew he was planning on finishing his doctorate here in the States, but she didn’t realize he’d planned as far as he had. Before she had a chance to ask him anything, Spike continued,

“I jus’ wanted to make sure it all came through before I said anythin’ to you about it. They were a bit unsure when I applied seein’ as I wasn’t a full professor yet, but with my looks and accent, it didn’t take long for them to change their minds,” he said with a wicked grin, causing Buffy to smile. “I found out a couple of weeks ago, but I didn’ have a chance to tell you, luv. An’ the only reason I’m still livin’ with Da is cause it’s close to you an’ he’s been such a hermit since Mum passed that I thought he’d need all the help he could get.”

“Oh,” Buffy replied softly when Spike finished. “I-I never knew…”

“I know you didn’t,” Spike smiled softly at her, brushing his fingertips along her cheek softly. “But you didn’ give me much of a chance to explain myself either.”

Buffy blushed and looked down at her hands. She knew she had basically thrown him out without any opportunity to explain himself. She had pushed him away to protect herself without knowing all of the facts which made her more of a blonde than just the highlights her stylist put in her hair. She felt the familiar burn start behind her eyes as the tears started to build.

“I’m just so afraid of losing you. Of losing someone else I love,” Buffy said quietly, tears falling softly down her cheeks.

“I know, love. But pushing me out of your life is not so different from me leavin’ you. You know better than anyone that nothin’ in life is certain,” Spike cupped her face in his hands, brushing her tears away with his thumbs. “I could die tomorrow, yes. But so could you. Or Dawn.”

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” Tears fell again from her green eyes.

“No. But it’s the truth. I could die tomorrow or I could live to be a hundred. All I know is that I want to spend every day I have left with you and Dawn. I can’t breathe without you, Buffy,” he leaned his forehead against hers and closed his eyes, holding his breath as he waited for her to respond.

“I love you so much. I’m just scared, Spike,” Buffy whispered, lips a breath away from touching his. She sounded like a lost little girl with the world on her shoulders and it tore at his heart because he knew how true the comparison was.

“I know. But I love you Buffy, with everything I am. You’re in my blood, my soul. I can’t give you any guarantees beyond that. There are no guarantees in life. But I can promise you that I’ll love you for as long as I walk this earth.” Spike gazed into her eyes, his own blue ones dark with emotion. Buffy felt warmth spread from the pit of her stomach all the way to the tips of her fingers.

“What if you’re paralyzed?” Buffy asked, mischief dancing in her eyes.

“Then as long as I breathe,” Spike smiled, knowing he’d finally gotten through to her.

“What if you become a vampire? They don’t breathe, do they?” Buffy grinned.

“Then ‘til the day I dust,” Spike pulled her closer against his body, wrapping her in his arms.

“What– ” he cut Buffy off with a deep kiss. His lips moved slowly and sensually over Buffy’s, infusing each movement with his love for her. Buffy responded slowly, wrapping her arms around him, drowning in his kiss. They pulled away panting, a faint blush staining Buffy’s cheeks.

“Whatever comes, whatever happens, Buffy,” Spike whispered holding her gaze. “I’ll be here, with you, with Dawn. Always.”

Buffy struggled weakly against giving in to the happiness that was growing to the point of bursting in her chest, but one look into Spike’s glittering gaze made her last shred of doubt fall away. She smiled lovingly up at him and leaned in for a soft kiss.

“Okay, but you better live to be a hundred, mister,” Buffy squeezed him tightly, content to stay put forever.

Spike chuckled softly, pulling her as close as he could, feeling a sense of peace finally settle within him. He finally had the girl of his dreams. He had a kid sister and a place that finally felt like the home he’d always hoped for but hadn’t expected to ever find. He would never let this go. As Buffy met Spike’s lips with her own, the last vestiges of doubt in both their minds fell away.

Buffy sighed and rested her head against Spike’s shoulder, enjoying the last rays of light emanating from the setting sun. The sunset felt oddly poetic. It represented the end of her old fears, doubts and old life, allowing her to enjoy the new dawn that lay ahead.


Chapter End Notes:
Oh, and this was essentially the last chapter of the story. Just an epilogue left to go. Let me know what you think!



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