Chapter 8:
The silence seemed to go on forever, neither Spike nor Buffy having the courage to look at the other. Dru had been gone for a few minutes, the second she had shut the door, she’d tiptoed into Spike’s room and pressed her ear against the wall to eavesdrop.
“Look Buffy-”
“Spike I-” They both started at the same time, meeting each other’s gaze they laughed.
“It’s ok, you go first,” Buffy smiled gently. Spike walked further into the room and sat on the edge of her bed.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, Buffy remained silent. “I was angry yesterday-,”
“That’s an understatement.” Buffy whispered under her breath, not meaning for Spike to hear it.
“I’m trying to explain myself and you-,” he threw his hands up. “Can you not make smart ass comments? Please? Just for 5 minutes?” Spike sighed, running a hand through his blonde locks, already getting frustrated.
“Sorry,” Buffy meekly replied. “Please, continue.”
“I just wanted to say I’m sorry. Yesterday…” he paused. “This whole week even, has been an emotional roller coaster and ‘m torn in all these different places, luv.” Spike looked up, meeting her gaze. “I don’t know what I’m doing anymore.” Looking down again he fiddled with her blanket. “I don’t know who I am, who I’m supposed to be.”
“Spike-”
“No, let m’ finish,” Spike said, meeting her eyes. “You were my friend for as long as I can remember, Summers,” he smiled sadly. “And I threw that all away for a chance with new friends. A chance to be somebody. Somebody people would like, somebody people wanted t-,” Spike reached out tentatively for her hand.
“I liked you,” she whispered softly.
“Hey! Look at me.”
Slowly, Buffy lift her tear filled eyes to meet his blue orbs. Spike gave her hand a reassuring squeeze before he began to speak.
“These last few weeks, pet, I-” he laced their fingers together. “You’re all I bloody think about.” He heard Buffy’s deep intake of air and continued. “All I dream about.”
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“I swear on our mother’s grave, William Randal Giles, if you don’t tell her you love her, I’m going to come in there and beat the bleeding hell out of you,” Dru huffed, pressing her ear against the wooden surface of the wall again.
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“You‘re in my gut…my throat.” He met her gaze and raised his free hand to ghost the outline to her face. “I’m drowning in you, Summers. I’m drowning and God help me I lo-” he was cut off by her saddened whisper.
“Please, don‘t say it,” she rushed out as a tear slid down her face. Spike put a hand under her chin and forced her to meet his gaze.
“I. Love. You,” he punctuated each word, slowly wiping away the stray tears that fell.
“W-why?” She looked up. “Why now? Why this year, this holiday? Why!?” Her tears fell more freely as her anger boiled up inside. Who did he think he was? He was just going to tell her he loved her and think that it was going to erase that last 4 years of hell she’d been put through by him and his friends? Friends he’d chosen over her. “You can’t just expect me to drop everyone because you suddenly think you’re in love with me!” Buffy growled out, her emotions getting the better of her. “You haven't spoken to me in years… YEARS !!! And now...now after spending 2 weeks with me you love me?!” Her eyes were welling up with tears. “Is this some sick joke you and your pals decided to play out so you could all get some laughs.” Buffy stood and walked away from him, arms crossing over her chest. Spike had yet to say anything.
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“Well that’s not exactly going how I thought it was going to.” Dru sighed, once again pressing her ear to the wood.
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“Pet, I‘m not asking you for anything,” Spike finally said as he stood and made his way over to where Buffy was standing. “When I say I love you,” he smiled, “it’s not because I want you, or because I can’t have you.” Reaching up slowly, he tucked a stray hair behind her ear. “It has nothing to do with me. I love what you are. What you do. How you try.” Tears were forming in Buffy’s eyes. “I’ve seen you kindness, pet, and your strength. I’ve seen the best and the worst of you.” Buffy let out a laugh as he wiped away yet another tear from her face. “And I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are,” Spike whispered his face leaning closer to hers. “You’re the one, Buffy,” he whispered, ghosting a hand down her hair.
“I don’t want to be the one,” she whispered, avoiding his gaze.
“Yes, you do!” they heard Dru yell through the wall, in Spike’s room. Buffy let out a tear filled laugh, right before Spike’s lips descended onto hers.
The kiss was slow, Spike’s hand snaking around her waist while the other moved to cup the back of her head, his fingers laced in her hair. She could feel Spike’s tongue against her lips and with a sigh she opened her mouth and gave him access. Their tongues battled together, as Buffy’s hands rested on Spike’s waist. They could hear Dru squealing and clapping her hands from Spike’s room and when breathing became an issue, Buffy leant back and let out a laugh.
“It’s about god damn time!” Dru smiled, jumping up and down. “Wooo!” She giggled.
“Buffy I-”
“Spike. I can’t just jump into something with you.” Spikes face fell. “If you love me, like you say you do,” Buffy whispered, “prove it to me.” She looked up at him. “When we get back to Sunnydale- prove it to me.” She stepped back, not trusting herself within arms reach of him. “I-I don’t want too get in to deep, If-,” she looked away. “I don’t want to put my heart out there, only to have it broken again.” She met his gaze. “I don’t think I could do it again.”
“I’ll never hurt you again, luv,” Spike said, walking towards her bedroom door.
“I hope, for your sake, that you’re right.” She whispered before shutting the door behind him.
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By pixiecorn at 2008-09
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By pixiecorn at 2008-09Author's Chapter Notes:
Thank you sooooo much to Lauriel…. You’re an amazing Beta… hehe *big hugs*…. ALSO a massive HUGE thank you to everyone who reviewed on the last chapter *smiles*…: Heidi, JO, cordykitten, Ivy, Fallinfaery, Spikes_slayer08 and Pam S
Chapter End Notes:
*sigh*... i'm getting so many different types of reviews here.... some want more angst and some want some spuffy action..... sooo why not have a little bit of both:)
i hope you liked the chapter hehe:)
and oooo is there going to be some interesting things to come *mwahahaha*
i hope you liked the chapter hehe:)
and oooo is there going to be some interesting things to come *mwahahaha*