Chapter 3 – If I'm not in love
Sitting in the darkened nightclub the sisters sat facing each other. Buffy was trying to get through her pain while Dawn tried hard to keep her secret from Buffy.
It was Open Mic night and Dawn was impressed that Buffy was going to sing the new song she had finished. When Dawn found it, she had been surprised briefly but urged Buffy to perform it. Reluctantly, Buffy agreed knowing she wouldn't see anyone after this night.
“Hello Buffy”
“Hey Giles. Look I am about to go up stage. Looks like Willow and Xander are here too. Hey guys pull up some chairs and sit with Dawnie. I'll see you guys after” Buffy quickly squeezed her sister's hand and left without hearing any of them responding.
“Um she left kind of quickly. Where's the fire?” Xander joked.
“Funny Xander you know exactly why she doesn't want to talk. She's here to perform and say goodbye. Shut up and sit down” Dawn snapped.
“Dawnie that wasn't nice” Willow shot back.
“I dare say, Dawn what has gotten into you?” Giles reiterated.
“Can it. You all know exactly what you all have done. I don't want to hear it. Buffy's up so shut up” Dawn stated with finality and turned to face the stage but glanced towards the door to see that Spike made it. She smiled. ‘Show time'
The others didn't notice Spike heading towards a darken booth close enough to Dawn and the others but out of plain sight but with a spectacular view of the stage.
“Buona sera, without further ado. Her debut, bella Booffy Summers!”
Applause rang out and as the lights shined on her, she heard faint whistles but paid no mind to it. Her thoughts were only of her love, her vampire, Spike.
Clearing her throat she took the microphone and looked out to the over crowded club and gulped.
“Grazie. Hi, I don't know very much Italian. My song is in English. It means a great deal to me because I lost someone I-I-I love very much. I know he won't ever hear it but now my friend’s and family will know exactly how much he meant to me”
Signaling to the band she sat at the stool in the middle of the stage as the music began tears welled up in her eyes.
If I'm not in love with you
What is this, I'm going through
Tonight
And if my heart is lying then
What should I believe in?
Why do I go crazy?
Every time I think about you, baby
Why else do I want you like I do?
If I'm not in love with you
Brushing a tear back Buffy looked to her sister and smiled. She sang her heart out to him hoping he heard her from beyond. Unknown to Buffy, Spike did hear and tears were streaming down his cheeks.
And if I don't need your touch
Why do I miss you so much?
Tonight
If it's just infatuation then
Why is my heart aching?
To hold you forever
Give a part of me I thought I'd never
Give again to someone I could lose
If I'm not in love with you
Oh why in every fantasy
Do I feel your arms embracing me?
Lovers lost in sweet desire
Oh why in dreams do I surrender?
Like a little baby
Someone help explain this feeling
Someone tell me
If I'm not in love with you
What is this I'm going through?
Tonight
And if my heart is lying then what should I believe in
Why do I go crazy?
Every time I think about you baby
Why else do I want you like I do?
If I'm not in love with you
The club was stunned to silence. Many of the women were dabbing their eyes. Some men were holding their lovers and feeling for the poor girl on stage.
As the applause and cheers rang out they all shouted for an encore. Buffy tried to get off the stage but the manager wasn't having it. Taking her seat the music cued up, and she sang her heart wrenching song to him, to her Spike.
Dawn knew what the song's lyrics were but hearing it had her heart breaking for them. She glared at them when Giles, Xander and Willow finally saw Spike. Spike nodded to her and shot his best evil glare towards her friend’s and Giles. They backed off and slumped into their seats. Dawn got up and made her way towards the stage just behind Spike.
Spike grabbed Dawn's hand and sat directly in front of Buffy who was at her second verse tears running down her golden skin singing her little heart out.
Buffy opened her tear filled eyes and saw her sister beside…Spike.
Choking she looked down at their hands and looked at them both giving her watery smiles. Puzzled she didn't realize she stopped and signaled the musicians to pick up where she left off.
Turning back to the crowd she caught Dawn's mischievous eyes and smiled. Turning to her love she locked eyes with him and sang her song to him. She sang to him, like he was the only one in the club.
Spike was so lightheaded he buckled only to have Dawn help him into his chair. Not once did he look away from Buffy singing to him, and he knew it was for him.
‘She really meant it. She is in love with me' Spike was in heaven.
Spike couldn't take it any longer and rushed to the stage. He shrugged off those attempting to get him off the stage. When she finished singing, he crushed Buffy to him and held onto her for dear life or in his case un-life.
Trembling he looked down into her watery green eyes he asked her desperately, “Buffy luv, do you mean it?”
A hushed silenced crowd looked on with growing anticipation.
Trembling just as much as he was she said with love shinning in her eyes, “With all my heart, Spike. I have been in love with you for what seems like forever. I'm lost without you.”
In a small voice, she looked down at them joined in an embrace and looked back up and added in a small voice, “Are you really here?”
“Oh, Buffy luv. I'm really here thanks to the Niblet for finding me. I'll never leave you again. You'll have to bloody dust me to get me to leave.”
As their foreheads came together he whispered, “Say it again, Buffy”
She looked directly into his eyes and untangled her arms from around him and cupped his face in her palms. With all the love in her heart, she looked into his cerulean blue eyes and declared, “I love you so much, Spike. Love you so bloody much”
Chuckling at her use of his slang he crushed her lips to his. He was mindless of the fact he was kissing her on stage in a roomful of people. It felt like it was only the two of them. He kissed her with all the love he had in him; he was still very much consumed with for her.
He now knew that she loved him just as much because they both had tears coursing down their faces as they kissed. He felt how much she loved him and his heart was soaring. He was finally loved back just as much as he loved.
When breathing became an issue for her he pulled them reluctantly apart gasping. Buffy loved that he only seemed to breathe for her and clung to him praying he didn't disappear on her.
“Scusilo, we need the stage” The manager interrupted Buffy and Spike engrossed in each other.
Spike picked up Buffy as the crowd cheered. Buffy clung to his neck never taking her eyes from him as they both thanked the manager. Spike jumped down from the stage and glanced towards Dawn and spoke briefly.
“Niblet, Buffy and I need a few hours. Don't be too late. Need to discuss something with both of you. Say around 11?” Dawn nodded happily.
“Right then, see you later.” Crushing Buffy closer to him, he added, “Thank you Niblet. You have no idea how much this means to me” Choking back the tears he heard Buffy tell him no more tears.
“Right, see you then Nib,” He stalked off with Buffy in his arms.
Buffy yelled back over Spike's shoulder, “Don't forget Dawnie! Back at 11!”
Spike stopped and looked at Buffy's watcher and her friends. Buffy looked at him questionably and then at her friends and Giles.
“What's going on?” Buffy narrowed her eyes looking back and forth between her love, Spike and back to her friend’s and Giles.
“Watcher got something to say?” Spike snarled but held tightly to Buffy.
Giles stuttered out, “N-N-No carry on”
Xander looked at them in disgust and tried to snap out angrily but Willow covered his mouth. With her hands over his mouth, he looked at her angrily but Willow looked at him and said to him harshly, “You see this face Xan?” At his nod she continued.
“Resolve face, Xan. Enough is enough. I'm tired of this and Dawn is right. It's not up to us what makes Buffy happy” Turning to Buffy with tears in her eyes she fought for the right words to say to Buffy.
“Buffy, I'm so sorry. I found out last month about Spike, but these two poopy heads convinced me from telling you. I’m so sorry Buffy” Willow dissolved into tears.
Buffy looked at Spike who reluctantly set her down on the floor. She warily made her way to her long time friend but glared at Xander to try and interrupt or cause a scene. Both Giles and Xander backed away with their hearts heavy.
“Wills, look at me”
Willow lifted her head and looked at Buffy with tears streaming down her face. Buffy's heart broke for her best friend. Buffy could understand how Willow must have felt being in the middle of this mess. Buffy embraced her and let her best friend cry her heart out for hurting her.
She really thought she should be angry but looking at Spike, she knew that they all placed Willow in a tough situation. Letting go of Willow after she had calmed a bit it suddenly occurred to her the whole story wasn't being told.
“Wait a minute, how did you come back Spike?” Buffy turned towards her love.
“I don't know Buffy. That Liz Taylor jewel lit me up as bright as the sun and then the next thing I know I'm in Angel's office, and I'm a bleedin’ ghost. Then I receive some mail and somehow like magic I have my soddin’ body back.”
Chuckling nervously he shifted his legs and added, “The office went off their bleedin’ gourds and next thing, I'm jumping Harmony who happens to have blood pouring from her eyes” At Buffy's scowl, he scratched the back of his neck and mustered the rest up.
“Right, the office was bloody barmy, and I beat Angel over a cup that happened to be Mountain Dew. Wanker. All on account of a prophecy about a vamp with a soul turning human. Since there are two vamps with souls well it seemed to cause a minor problem. I didn't give a soddin’ rat’s arse about the prophecy, and well I just hung around.
I tried to find where you were but the soddin’ poof told me that you had moved on.” Spike looked back up at her and saw her eyes flaming. His nose twitched and he hoped she didn’t go for his nose
“Oh bollocks”
“Spikey?” Buffy sweetly asked through barely clenched teeth.
Gulping he looked at her with wide fearful eyes, “Yes Buffy, luv.”
“Oh baby I'm not angry with you. Yeah I am upset you would believe that I moved on but didn't fight for me. Didn't fight for your love for me, but I understand now. You've been at Angel's office? Spike, honey since when?”
Nervously, he braced himself for the blow and answered her, “19 days after Sunnydale collapsed. Buffy, I tried to come to you. I did but I couldn't, and well it got hard to hear him everyday tell me you moved on”
Placing a loving caress to his cheek and giving him a chaste kiss to his lips she reassured him.
“Spike” When he still hesitated she used a different tactic.
“William” This caught his attention, and she had to hold back from jumping into his arms at his sad forlorn look.
“Spike, William baby, trust me it's not you I'm upset with. Angel will get what is coming to him, but I need to find out how it is that the three of you knew about Spike but Dawn, and I didn't” Buffy stated jarringly with refrained anger.
Dawn strode over to them angrily and spat out, “You and me both,” She looked at both the male counterparts of the Scoobies and knew it was centered on them. She looked at Willow apologetically.
“Buffy I forbid this! HE .IS. A. VAMPIRE” Giles declared in a hushed patronizing voice.
Completely disregarding his comment to forbid her to do what she wanted with her life, she looked towards her Spike.
With a surprisingly show of mocking shock, she locked eyes with Spike and scoffed, “No? Really, Spike did you know this?” Buffy batted her eyelashes and pouted.
Spike gathered his duster around him and whimpered. ‘Dirty pool Slayer' however, he was grinning madly at her performance.
Mocking back he looked wide-eyed and jumped looking frantically around. “What?! No bloody way! I'm a soddin’ vampire, eh?” He was enjoying himself and by the looks of it so were the girls. Not just Buffy. Willow and Dawn were desperately holding in the laughter.
Xander was turning purple with rage, and he tried to talk but apparently his mouth was moving but no words would come out. He looked at Willow angrily, but she pointed to her face telling him one thing only, resolve face. Buffy caught on to this and was highly curious.
“Wills now that we figured out what we already know, and that I know Spike is a vampire. What's with Xander? He looks like he’s all constipate-y” Buffy was delighted at least one of her friends remained on the goodness of her happiness.
Spike had eased up behind her and wrapped his arms around her while she snuggled into his chest. At the same time they both internally smiled and thought ‘this is heaven’
The entire time Willow had been honing her skills that Tara had once taught her. Sadly remembering her little witch lover, she blinked back the tears and focused her center again. What she saw in the auras surrounding Buffy, Spike, and Dawn was breathtaking.
“Oh Goddess! You three are beautiful” Willow braced herself against the table, but it was Spike who came to her aid to keep her upright.
“Red, you ok?” Spike looked at her with concern.
“Wow. I need to talk to you three later about what I just saw. It can wait. I heard something about Dawnie needing to be home at 11. That gives you three hours. So scoot.” She pushed them towards the door ignorant of their protesting about what she meant.
“Resolve face.” Pointing to her face, she demanded, “Get going. I will take Dawnie out and the two nitwits can drown in their sorrows” Willow pushed them out the door and shut it behind her.
Willow walked towards Dawn giving her a big hug while apologizing. Dawn shook her head knowing very well what this did to Willow but forgave her anyway.
“Dawnie, how about you and I leave these two to drown in this mess?” Winking at Dawn, she added, “Too bad Angel isn't here. He could have sulked with them”
Willow waved her hand and heard Xander explode in anger.
“Not this time Xander. I have complete control of my magic, but what you were about to say and do is wrong. Don't give me that look. When you get back to the hotel, I won't be there.”
Turning to the two men who once meant so much to her she stated with finality, “I can’t understand why you would place me in this position…But I let you. What’s done is done.
I am sad it has come to this but I am with Dawn, Buffy and Spike on this. What you all led me to believe is just wrong. Dawn is right. You should all be ashamed because I am. I have a lot to make up for and I will.” Shaking her head she started to head off when Dawn placed a hand to her arm and genuinely smiled at her.
“Come on Dawnie, help me pack and lets find something to do in the meantime” Willow walked off and hooked her arm with Dawn's and shut the door.
Xander and Giles slumped in their seats and motioned for the waiter to bring the alcohol and to keep it coming.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Buffy and Spike were surprised by Willow's take charge attitude, but now they were alone and Buffy felt her heart soar and her stomach a flutter.
“So, pet I don't think I have properly said hello,” He pulled her to him and looked deep into her big green eyes.
“I love you Buffy Anne Summers. There hasn't been a day that I haven't thought about you. I'm sorry for being such a git” He placed a kiss to her nose and ran his fingers lightly down the sides of her face.
“Oh Spike, William I love you too. Wasn't it you who once told me you weren't much of a thinker, and that you made a lot of wrong bloody calls? Hmm?” Buffy whispered against his lips.
“I reckon.” Spike mumbled.
Buffy smacked his arm lightly. “Oi, Buffy.” He grinned at her infectious smile. Pulling her close he kissed her cheek and then the other he looked at her and casually added.
“I seem to recall that I also told you that you are the only one, I am sure about.” Propping them up against the tree outside her building, he kissed down her neck and enticed a moan from her.
“That I love what you are” kiss “What you do” kiss “How you try” kiss, “I have seen your strength and your kindness” kissing down her neck “That I have seen you at your best and worst” tucking her hair behind her ear, he looked into her eyes and finished, “I understand with perfect clarity what you are. You're a hell of a woman. You're the one, Buffy”
He pulled her tighter to him and kissed her breathless. Gasping for air she looked at him tears streaming down her face smiled up at him.
“I want to be the one” Smirking, she knew what she once said but this…This should have been what she said.
Pulling her to him he trembled with his desire for her. He pressed his forehead to hers and closed his eyes with the tremendous emotion he was feeling.
“Come on Spike. Oh you have some splainy to do. Why can't I feel you? I want to feel my vampire” Buffy blushed hotly at her double innuendo.
Where her snarky Spike would have leered at her innuendo, the Spike before her struggled with his emotions.
“Pet, when Dawn called, I was bloody shocked. Clem helped me out so I could surprise you. Dawn ordered me to be bloody invisible. Love, your sister can be downright manipulating when she wants to” Shuddering Spike muttered, “She is one bloody scary chit”
Buffy laughed and nodded her head in agreement. Spike looked at her in awe and ran his fingers through her hair.
“Buffy luv, it's really good to hear you laugh again, but if you believe I'm letting you do that ritual you're out of your bloody mind!”
“HEY!” Buffy slapped him on his arm but with barely any strength behind it.
“Spike I was doing that ritual to go to you and now… Now you're here. Can we go upstairs now? I want my favorite vampire smoochies!” Buffy let go of him and ran into her apartment building with Spike chasing after her.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Chapter End Notes:
April your help has been phenomenal! Thanks so much you're the best!