Once outside, the two Gods turned towards their new home on the edge of town, not much different than the mansion on Crawford Street, only in much better condition. Bendis considered this just a normal representation of their status, but Zamolxis knew better. And he wasn’t sharing the information until the time came. Oh, but this would be fun, trying to keep one step ahead of everyone, guiding them, but letting them choose their own path, doing most of the work, but letting just enough slip by so that it could still go either way. Yes, Bendis would be furious, vengeful, intrigued, and highly aroused. ‘Eternity just got better!’ he thought smugly.
“Whose idea was it to get that insufferable toy soldier with my Slayer. I don’t recall doing anything of the sort.” Bendis, although more reserved inside the shop, was always upset when people didn’t immediately recognize her as a god personified, even while in disguise. She was sure her Slayer’s senses were better at identifying her Boss, but chalked up the girl’s uneasiness to the massive amounts of mixed signals she must have been getting from her companion. ‘Damn him!’
“Why, don’t you remember? It was your precious pet project Angel…us that convinced her she needed normal.” At this they both snorted in derision “And then she just got it into that fake-blonde-haired head of hers that anything but normal would be ’eeeevil’” he continued complete with air-quotes. “Really, you can’t blame me… much” He grinned unrepentantly.
“But it was your influence on A…”
“No you don’t!” he cut her off, enjoying the flash of anger in her beautiful green eyes. “He was ’souled’ at the time, so supposedly working for your Idiots. So I might have had a little something to do with him as an upstanding member of the Scourge, so I might have showed Drusilla, lovely girl that he made, a few things about Hell on Earth, but the whole brooding thing he had going there was all you – lest we forget, the peekaboo soul! Same as that day he took back. Your Orcs did that, not me!” How he missed arguing with his companion, his everything. ‘Note to self, no more than a century apart next time. Everything’s so dull without her.’
“My Oracles were just doing what was best and you know it. And stop calling them Orcs!” she said, fixing him with a glare that in their normal circumstances would have shaken up wormholes.
‘Oh, she’s very pissed if she calls me on my nickname for her minions. Gods, I love her’
“Mother, my everything, I meant no disrespect,” he said not bothering to hide his winning smirk.
‘He knows how I get when he calls me that. And now I can’t even yell at him. Damn him!’
“Oh, this is interesting,” he said, listening to something only he could hear. “The overgrown ape wants to beat our boy up for info. Hmmm, he might even use a stake this time. Want to go let off some steam, my darling?”
“By all means, lead the way, my love!” Her smile could be only described as cruel.
‘The most beautiful look ever. I’m so proud of her.’ And with that they both disappeared.
The door to the crypt in Restfield Cemetery banged open, letting a stream of deadly, to the undead, sunbeams pour into the interior. Spike barely had time to roll off the sarcophagus in time before he was singed. ‘Bloody afternoon, bloody sun and his bloody prolonged rays!’ Riley rounded the sarcophagus at once and grabbed Spike by the front of his shirt, the veins in his neck pulsating with rage. Adrenaline was a poor substitute for the Initiative drugs he was used to, but still effective against the neutered HST.
“You are going to tell me everything about your weird-looking friends and you are going to tell me now!” he almost bellowed with rage. A person that had undergone heart surgery just a few weeks ago should take it slower, but he was too enraged to care.
“What the bloody hell are you talking about you wanker? You burst a pipe in your brain and start hallucinating?” Maybe taunting an already enraged ex-commando wasn’t the smartest idea ever, but it was satisfying. And apparently the overgrown Cub Scout had some balls in him – or at least pretended – ‘cause all those punghes to the face – not really conductive of a nice chat and all. Now, thanks to the Hall Monitor of Boredom, he had a split lip, broken nose and blackening eye. They would all heal in the space of a few hours once some blood was consumed, wounds to the ego, however, would leave Captain Cardboard smarting for a lot longer.. ‘Bollocks, now he has a stake.’
“Talk,” Riley spat, too angry to articulate even a single syllable more.
“I would if I bloody knew what the buggerin’ hell you’re on about. What bloody friends? Since I started working with you lot, those are a precious few, and none likely to speak up.” ‘Maybe he’ll have a heart attack and I’ll get me a free meal. Bollocks, the Slayer’d stake me for it. Better turn it down a notch. But soon’s I get this chip out.’ His wistful smirk only gained him two more punches to the face with the stake-wielding hand. ‘Glad he’s not on the juice anymore. Hits like a bloody ponce. Still hurts tho’… bugger.’
Of course neither of them noticed their new spectators, busy with their "civilized talk amongst grown men" as they were. Said guests were now betting on the likelihood of Riley actually growing a pair and trying to stake Spike – not that he would succeed should he try – Gods were fickle like that. At the moment the bet was the Falx and a full-body massage versus the bow and, well, a full-body massage. No good bet should be without one!
Alas, just at that moment the Slayer decided to join the party, so all bets were off. ‘Damn her, spoiling all our fun!’ was the foremost thought in both the Gods’ minds.
“Riley, what are you doing?” Buffy was still in a foul mood and seeing the scene before her wasn’t helping any. Shooting them both the “look of death” and crossing her arms over her chest she started tapping a foot.
‘She looks like a bloody banshee. God, but she’s beautiful.’
“Come to rescue him now? Dracula and Angel weren’t enough, were they? You want him too?” Riley had the pleasure of seeing Spike bloody the side of the sarcophagus when he pushed him away face-first into the hard concrete.
“Are y…”She cut herself off from the rest of what she was going to say. The part that was supposed to play the good little girlfriend was being pushed further down by the pissed off Slayer and that could only lead to badness. ‘Calm down. This is good old reliable Riley, your boyfriend. He’s just upset about the operation.’ ‘Shyeah, but he’s just begging for me to kick some sense into him! Who does he think he is challenging my decisions as a Slayer?’ “Look, can we not talk about this now and here? Those Gods or whatever asked for him and Giles and Anya say it’s not smart to take them on before we know more.” ‘I can be sensible Buffy. Really, I can!’
“And you listen to them? Is this how you do your job? Letting the bad guys walk away to not… what? Hurt their feelings? And since when do you listen to that idiot Anya of all people? No wonder that Council fired you and Giles.” A red haze of hate and loathing was over Riley’s eyes preventing him from noticing the dangerous glint in his girlfriend’s eyes.
“Listen, I need everyone ready and on the same side tonight. After the meeting we’ll talk, but now I need you to calm down, take a cold shower and meet me at the Magic Box when it’s time for everyone to be there. Got it?” The deadly cold voice worked its wonders on the enraged soldier better than a bucket of ice. He had never heard Buffy talk like that to him, so it was mostly fright and shock that made him nod his head once and storm out of the hated crypt. Maybe what Graham had said earlier about the Initiative being there for him if he needed them wasn’t such a bad idea after all.
While Buffy was still looking at the spot where her boyfriend had been just seconds before, Spike got up for his sprawled position on the floor and lit up a smoke. The sight of the domestic squabble had warmed his undead heart and he was looking smug.
“So, what is it that I’ve been manhandled for?” Now that got the Slayer’s attention back on him. Too bad her eyes were shooting daggers.
“What do you know about a couple of Gods that think my town is some kind of vacation spot?” she spat at him while moving closer, with murder in her eyes. Just because they needed him didn’t mean she would change her way of treating him.
“Gods, eh? Can’t say I know any personal-like. Did your church attendance drop so much the big boys decided to show and take you over a knee?” He got a slightly glazed look at that. Now that was a visual!
“Shut up, Spike!” She followed her instruction with a punch to the nose that sent his cigarette flying.
“Bloody hell, Slayer! Easy on the nose! Your overgrown Cub Scout did enough damage to it. And anyway I thought you wanted info. How’s a bloke supposed to impart his knowledge while shutting up?”
“Whatever. What do you know?”
“Nothing, you bint! But if some Gods did take notice of yours truly do you think I’d be thrilled? Haven’t been to mass in over a century. Well, if you don’t count that time me and Dru…” he trailed off at the increasingly murderous look thrown at him by the clearly volatile little bundle of Slayer powers armed with a stake. ‘Discretion is the better part of valor and all that rot.’ “Look, I don’t know anything useful on the subject. Hell, I don’t even rightly know what the subject is.”
“If I find out you’re lying…”
“You’ll stake me good and proper. I know the drill, luv.”
“Just get over to the Magic Box.”
“Haven’t heard you say the magic word, pet,” he leered at her.
“Stake plus Spike equals dust if you don’t?”
“Fine. Can’t figure out how a woman like Joyce raised someone like you,” he grumbled under his unneeded breath. “Just got to sort myself out a bit, yeah? Repeated punching tends to get a bloke hungry.”
“Gross, Spike.” And with that she left, banging the door behind her.
Spike went to the fridge, grabbed a couple of bags of blood and downed them without pausing for air, had he needed any air to begin with. Just as he was about done with the second bag, the trap door to the lower level opened and Harmony raised her head from the hole.
“Blondie Bear, are they all gone yet?”
Rolling his eyes, Spike finished with his blood “Yeah, they’ve buggered off. Now you just stay here and out of sight and I’ll be back later.” And without waiting for a reply he went by her and into the sewers heading for the Magic Box.
“Now can we go test these bodies?” Bendis was getting a bit upset that they hadn’t gotten to finish their bet.
“Whatever my lady wishes!” and with that they were gone again, not that anyone noticed or anything – them being invisible and all…
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Thank Tanit that she spent the night before her birthday slaving over what I wrote in order for me to be able to bring you this. I hope it's worth her time and effort.
Chapter End Notes:
If you haven't figured it out yet, there will be severe bashings of characters, one of the prime targets being Riley. Sugestions as to how far to take things, as well as on any other subject, are always welcome.